Heya, a friend had some spare tickets for Magical Mirai from the overseas lottery and was kind enough to let me have them. The name on the ticket, credit card used etc, obviously doesn’t match my name or credit card, as my friend bought it in his name.
I’ve never been to a Magical Mirai before, and I’ve heard all sorts of different information about foreign tickets being transferable. Some people say there’s ID/credit card checks, some people say there aren’t ID checks…maybe it’s a stupid question, but I just wanted to double check if anybody knows me using these gifted tickets will be a problem?
I know Pia is the official way those in Japan can transfer tickets to each other, but there doesn’t seem to be any information about people buying overseas tickets for each other, which is why I ask.
I’ll be picking the tickets up physically through Seven Eleven once I’m in Japan, and my friend will also be at the concert venue, if that’s also relevant
Thanks so much!

I have been trying for the last five years to reach extreme minimalism. The benefits have been widely discussed however few offer practical ways to achieve it. I decided to start a discussion on it, sharing ideas and to make it easy to follow we start from the opposite. Not from what we have but how we would start if we had absolutely nothing.
Imagine yourselves absolutely naked in the middle of nowhere, a barren landscape on neutral temperature. You can snap your fingers and instantly get/equip what you need. How would you start?
According to the hierarchy of needs, we humans need shelter water and food to cover our absolute immediate needs.
First snap of fingers we get a pair of underwear. At least a pair for now. Let's get to work. We need shelter. There are many options to choose from. Mobile home or conventional. And small enough to clean. For mobility we pick a small trailer truck which these things: a single mattress on a plank and on the other side of the trailer a shower booth with a toilet bowl next to it. Next to the mattress there is a small kitchen sink with 80 cm countertop. Below the countertop there is a minibar fridge and next to it a built-in air-fryer. Under the plank of the mattress there is a single long (1.8 m.) drawer which splits in 2 compartments. One side -the longer one- is our cloth capsule wardrobe which we filled with basic clothing: 2 short T-shirts, 2 long T-shirt (all plain - neutral color), 2 shirts 4 underwear, 4 socks (2 short - 2 long) 1 pair of sneakers, 1 pair of bluejeans, one chico pants and one jacket. The smaller compartment has utensils (2 sporks 2 plates 2 knives with teeth, 2 stainless steel mugs, one for you one for a potential guest) The trailer does not have laundry machine the clothes are so few they can be washed by hand and dry in the sun.
The paragraph above is our base. It keeps us safe, rested, fed and watered. (Under the sink there is a small filter so we can drink the water.) In case we need to travel outside of the country we put everything in a 20-30 liter backpack and we are ready. In case we don't want the mobile home at all and we can rent accommodation, just take the clothes on the backpack and ready to move.
On technology: Our smartphone is enough nowadays to pay almost for everything even contactless payments. Just in case, an extra debit card would do the trick to withdraw cash if required especially when travelling abroad. The phone can also keep notes so no need for pens and notebooks. Either a light 15'' inch laptop or an ipad with a wireless palm keyboard can cover longer sessions of work that require more comfort on screen size and typing. Phones have good cameras for photos, if this is an actual hobby perhaps a small high resolution camera could be added. One charger and a power bank must be included here. Either on phone or laptop/ipad we can have online access to any book or news we may want to read no need for bulky book carrying.
Documentation: ID, Passport, driver's license should be enough to go almost anywhere. Authorizations, tax paperwork, credentials such as degrees or certifications can be mostly stored and verified online (thank you camera scanner) however this differs from country to country and from institution to institution so check what can be equally valid online as is in paper.
Tools and pharmaceuticals: Considering we have little, no tools are required. If something breaks down we replace it. Pharmaceuticals, if required, must be enough to last until next pharmacy is in range and our online prescription should allow us to buy more. Just in case meds should be bought only when required.
And pretty much that's it. Some basic clothes and basic technology on a backpack is all we need to live and create space for experiences not revolving around stuff. As Plinius the Elder said: ''Romans love to spend so much on shiny colorful marbles, statues and paintings...However when a fire breaks out they weep, not only for the unique treasures they lost but for the fortunes they spent to buy them.'' This goes not only to the hoarders, maximalists and over-consumers but to these minimalists who spend on few but very expensive items. (I am looking at you, Burberry coat and latest Mac ''minimalist'') Frugal, extreme minimalism with easy to replace stuff is the answer to fully detach oneself from material possessions and live life without the materialistic stress.
Please feel free to add ideas or anything you think it is absolutely essential but missing from the list.
PS: Nobody starts with absolutely nothing how to reduce the existing material possessions? Depending on item use one of these steps in that order: Either Sell, Donate, Abandon (leave it outside of a trash bin on a plastic bag for someone to pick it up) Recycle, or throw it straight to the trash. Online search is enough to gauge the value of almost anything. (Marketplace, Craigslist, buy-sell social media groups etc or even find the price of your item as new from an online shop and sell it 30-50% cheaper)

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Last update 1st June 2023

I'm playing SC on an i7 9700f + GTX 1660 + 32GB Ram + 2 1TB ssd drives on Windows 11. I'm playing at 1080p limited to 60 fps (my monitors refresh rate) and consistently get in the low 30's fps wise with an occasional significant dip in physics intensive situations and the cities. All settings on high except clouds which are at medium and the game plays pretty smooth for me.
As an owner of older hardware, I've been told this is pretty good. So I thought I'd share many of the numerous steps I've taken to get the game where it is for me to hopefully help any players with lower spec machines like mine. This will also be an opportunity for me to hear from others with more knowledge or experience on what I may have done wrong or could be doing better
A list of stuff I've done to improve performance in SC (as comprehensive as I could make it, but I may have forgotten some steps):

WINDOWS SPECIFIC

1. Disabled Full Screen optimization and run SC as Admin (Properties panel, Compatibility tab)
   
2. Used Reg Edit to set SC to High Priority
   
3. Whitelisted SC in your PC's antivirus
   
4. Tried playing with Game Mode on and off (Some have reported degraded performance with it on, but I haven't noticed an appreciable difference either way)
   
5. Disabled Windows Game Bar (different from Game Mode)
   
6. Moved my Page File to my second SSD and set it to 1.5x my Ram (48GB)
   
7. Used Empty Standby List to clear the Standby List on my RAM and set it to run automatically at startup
   
8. Used Winaero Tweaker to turn off Windows ad tracking and any unused features (don't need touchscreen controller if you don't have a touchscreen)
   
9. Used Chris Titus Tech Windows 10/11 Toolbox to enable Ultimate Power Performance Plan and to trim even more fat off of Windows
   
10. Used MSI Utility (not Afterburner, this is different) and made sure my Graphics card had the MSI box checked. Some people change the interrupt priority to high as well, but I've heard that can make the game significantly more unstable)
    
11. Used TCP Optimizer to boost my internet performance since SC's performance is heavily impacted by the health of ones internet connection (I have to use WiFi to connect online and average between 85 to 100 ping)
    
12. I ended up adding an AiO cooler to my rig even though my hardware doesn't technically need it and it made a world of difference (But I live in the Deserts of Arizona, USA)
    
13. Used MSI afterburner's auto overclock feature to run a mild, stable overclock (others have reported serious issues between SC and Afterburner. I personally haven't had any though, YMMV)
    
14. Used Riva Tuner Statistics (comes with Afterburner) to frame limit SC to my moniters refresh rate (60Hz/60fps)
    
15. Turned off Core Isolation in the Windows Security settings (this does leave ones device more vulnerable to malicious software however)
    

Something I didn't do because my CPU is older Gen is to turn off E-Cores in my CPU. My CPU doesn't have E-Cores
The other thing I didn't do (because the BIOS on my HP branded proprietary motherboard is hot garbage) is to doublecheck that my RAM is running at its rated clock speed (it isn't and can't)

NVIDIA SPECIFIC

1. Used DDUninstaller to remove my old NVIDIA drivers and reinstalled using NVCleanstall to remove unneeded bloat and tracking software in the drivers
   
2. Used the NVIDIA Profile Inspector (not Control Panel, different utility again) to change NVIDIA Predefined Ansel Usage to Disallow
   
3. Forced off all GSYNC features since my monitor doesn't support it and turned on all rBAR features even though it isn't unsupported on my card (improves fps anyways for some reason)
   
4. Disabled MPO (Multiplane Overlay) using Reg Edit (NVIDIA suggests doing this for their cards and even provides a script file on their website to do it for you and NVCleanstall can do it as well)
   

NVIDIA Control Panel Settings

Image Scaling OFF
Ambient Occlusion OFF
Anisotropic Filtering OFF
Antialiasing (all) OFF
Background Application Max Frame Rate OFF
CUDA - GPUs ALL
DSR (all) OFF
Low Latency Mode Ultra
Max Frame Rate OFF
MFAA OFF
OpenGL GDI Compatibility Auto
Power Management Mode Prefer Max Performance
Preferred Refresh Rate Highest Available
Shader Cache Size 10GB
Texture Filtering - Anisotropic On
Texture Filtering - Negative LOD Allow
Texture Filtering - Quality Performance
Texture Filtering - Trilinear Opt On
Threaded Optimization On
Triple Buffering On
Vertical Sync Fast
Vulkan/OpenGL Auto
I've also placed a user config file in my SC folder with commands I've found in various YouTube videos. I know that some of them either never worked as intended or no longer work, but I'm not sure which ones. So I elected to just leave them in

USER.cfg file

;Default Settings here
; Custom USER.cfg – This is a command in needed to Unlock the Console to accept Commands
Con_Restricted = 0
r_VSync = 0
r_FullscreenWindow = 1
r_BorderlessWindow = 1
;Optional Settings if you have issues
r_MotionBlur = 0
r_ssdo = 1
r_Sharpening = 1.0
r_OpticsBloom = 0
;Shader Config
q_ShaderDecal = 3
q_ShaderFX = 1
q_ShaderGeneral = 3
q_ShaderGlass = 2
q_ShaderHDR = 0
q_ShaderParticle = 2
q_ShaderPostProcess = 1
q_ShaderShadow = 3
q_ShaderSky = 2
q_ShaderWater = 1
r_enable_full_gpu_sync = 0
r_Gen12 = 2
R_displayinfo = 1
sys_spec = 4
;Below set value 1024 x GPU GB
r_TexturesStreamPoolSize = 6144
;Below set value 512 x GPU GB
r_ShadowsPoolSize = 3072
e_ShadowsPoolSize = 3072
e_ShadowsMaxTexRes = 128
e_ShadowsReScale = 40
e_GsmCache = 0
r_AntialiasingMode = 1
r_TexMaxAnisotropy = 16
r_TexMinAnisotropy = 16
r_Sharpening = 0.4
i_Mouse_Accel = 0.0
i_Mouse_Smooth = 0.0
r_DepthOfField = 0
r_ShadowBlur = 0
g_radialBlur = 0
r_HDRBrightLevel = 0
r_HDRBloomRatio = 0
r_ChromaticAberration = 0
r_ssao = 0
r_SilhouettePOM = 0
r_SSReflections = 0
r_ColorGrading = 1
EXPERIMENTAL SETTINGS
r_TesselationTriangleSize = 10
r_TesselationPreTesselateOnGPU = 1
e_Tesselation = 1
e_LodRatio = 10
r_MultiThreaded = 1
ai_NavigationSystemMT = 1
e_ParticlesThread = 1
gfx_loadtimethread = 1
;Below set Value CPU Cores x 2
p_num_threads = 16
sys_job_system_enable = 1
sys_main_CPU = 1
sys_physics_CPU = 2
sys_streaming_CPU = 4
r_FourierShadowsPoolSize = 1024
​
I know that's a lot, but it really made a significant difference in improving my SC experience. Hopefully it helps someone else as well. And like I said in the beginning, if you have any hints or suggestions on how I can improve things even further, please chime in
Fly fast, fly high fellow Citizens
o7

Please comment before PM.
Scam Warning: Stay vigilant! There are unscrupulous individuals operating in the subreddit who might attempt to mimic my username. Always confirm the identity of the user you're trading with to ensure you're dealing with the genuine account and NOT trading with sayknn.
Scam Warning: Stay vigilant! There are unscrupulous individuals operating in the subreddit who might attempt to mimic my username. Always confirm the identity of the user you're trading with to ensure you're dealing with the genuine account and NOT trading with sayknn.

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The gift cards I'm looking for with their rates:

Card	Crypto Rate1 (Ł)	Cashapp & Paypal F&F	Paypal G&S Rate
Amazon US (receipt preferred)	66%-70%	75%	75%
Best Buy	55%	55%	60%
Target	55%	60%	60%
Walmart	55%	60%	60%
Apple/iTunes US	45%-55%	50%	55%
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Starbucks	40%	45%	45%
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​
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MODDED CONSOLE ACCOUNTS (OLD AND NEW GEN) ALSO FOR SALE

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ALL UNLOCKS (INCLUDING CRIMINAL ENTERPRISE UNLOCKS, LOS SANTOS DRUG WARS CONTENT, LS CAR MEET UNLOCKS, RESEARCH AND ETC.)
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Lost my wallet (why bikers chain their wallets, oops) and a week later I get a call from "Matt." He claims to work at my credit union, and said there was unusual activity on my card. Knowing my card was lost, I give him my info. Oops.
I call the CU, nope, no Matt works there. They check my account. Seems someone tried first to take out $1000. Then $700. Then $500. This triggers something with the CU, whoever it is was trying to extract diminishing amounts. (I don't keep a lot in checking, most of it is in savings I can transfer, so lol)
They didn't get any money because after the third try my account shuts down, whew. Got a new card, and a new wallet.
So last week, I get a call from a Very Authoritative Man. He tells me there's been unusual activity on my card. In Torrance, CA. At a Walmart.
Well, this time I'm familiar with the scam, so I laugh and say, "Know what? I'm not gonna worry about it" and hang up. Checked my CU balances, no activity.
Moral is, don't use the same scam on me twice. Been there, done that, know the grift now. I sure would like my python skin wallet back, though. I had to replace EVERYTHING and it was most annoying.

millywyco.com is the place to get the things!
Cash App, Venmo, Apple Pay, Google Pay, Bitcoin and Amazon Gift Cards (US ONLY). Cash by mail also accepted :)
***PLEASE NOTE*** We cannot ship active spores to CA, ID or GA but boy howdy laws are a changin'! Shouldn't be long at all.
***PLEASE NOTE*** All cultivation inquiries or any mention of cultivation of active species will result in a block, cancelled order, and invalid for any refunds or exchanges. Spores are for microscopy use only.
Welcome back, mega masters of the mush collective!
Before we get into the gooooods, I wanted to address a recurring issue we've been having for a couple weeks now with duplicate orders. For some unknown reason, some of you are submitting an order just fine as usual, however, sometimes my website is kicking out an error after clicking "submit" to place your order. EVEN THOUGH IT LOOKS LIKE YOUR ORDER HAS NOT GONE THROUGH, IT HAS! Check your email to confirm your order has been placed before placing a duplicate order please! If you refresh or go back and place another order, it's still fine and you can checkout as usual, I just have to go through and manually cancel those duplicates. I submitted yet another ticket with Wordpress today to try and get this resolved, as my past attempts have not been resolved. So sorry for the hassle friendos!
On a positive note, APPLE PAY is back as a method of payment! Still working on the traditional credit/debit service and shouldn't be long!
On perhaps an even better positive note, we're nearing order #20,000 over here! What!?!?! All this still seems surreal. I had no idea when all this started that I would reach so many people all over the world, but my heart still feels the same as it did on day one. Thank you everyone who has shown support over the years and allowed me to live up to my true calling and ultimate dream of spreading happiness, kindness and healing. I feel like every day is a true blessing, each month somehow tops the last in some way, and I am incredibly grateful for this opportunity. Y'all rock so hard!
I suppose we haven't actually hit 20k yet, since some duplicate orders recently had to be canceled, but 19.8k or whatever the actual number is is close enough and still an accomplishment, so I'll count it! Plus you want a chance at some free stuffs, right? We will likely hit number 20,000 today or tomorrow, and if that lucky duck is you, here's what we're looking at:
Everything.
I mean, I'd like to keep the house, car and my pet reindeer Ned, but order 20,000 is in for a lifetime treat:
23qt. Pressure Cooker
50 different cubensis syringes
10 different exotic syringes
20 swab packs (you choose!)
5 spore prints (you choose!)
And whether you are into gourmet cultivation or not, you'll also snag the following:
20 gourmet liquid cultures
20 pre-poured agar plates w/parafilm
10 lbs of the finest perfectly hydrated and sterilized grains (10lb total split however you want! ex: 5-2lb bags, etc)
Two 5lb bags of substrate
If you really REALLY aren't into the gourmets, of course I won't force it on ya. We can work out some kind of substitution but I strongly encourage expanding your knowledge and growing some actual food!
Aaaaand because I'm a fun gi, order #19999 and #20001 will score a surprise box similar to the ones I've given away in the past month or so. You don't know what's in it yet because I don't know what's in it yet. Each care pack is a bit different, and I usually feel out what to include as I'm packing it up (and somehow it's usually just what is needed on the other end. Thanks universe!). I don't think I've seen any pics or reviews of the ones I've already sent out, but I can say the receivers are very pleased :) Which also reminds me I have not updated rewards points for those reviews in a couple weeks gah!! I'll get on that tomorrow, my b!
As promised last week, this was an exotic heavy restock week! Fresh from the printing press, we have a FULL stock of Azurescens, Ps. Cyanescens, Gymnopilus Luteofolius, Gymnopilus Spectabilis (Laughing Gym), Natalensis, Ovoids, Subaeruginosa, Tampanensis and Zapotecorum! All are available in both syringes and swabs and shouldn't run out any time soon!
New(ish) to the cubensis library this week, I'm pleased to report that S. African Transkei is back in full force! We're in the final testing stages of a few other cubes that \should** be ready by next week too!
Enjoy this last day of May my friends! LOVE yourself, spread alllll the kindness and call yo momma! Mush Love <3
CREDIT/DEBIT card payments: we're working on a fix for this, again with no certain ETA. But I know that's a popular and easy payment method, so all hands are on deck with this issue! In the meantime, if you'd still like to pay with a card, try this unenthusiastic workaround:
Purchase an Amazon e-gift card from THIS LINK. Enter [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected]) as the recipient, add your order number to the memo line and badda bing badda bang, it's sent straight to me. If you're anti-Amazon, I get it. Please keep that mentality. Credit/debit will be back ASAP!
It's ALWAYS now forever. It's NEVER not now. BE HERE NOW! You have no choice...
***I love trades!**\* Trades are the best! If you're an artist or have a specialty of your own and would like to work out a trade for some genetics, please let me know! I've never ever turned down a trade and my lab is full of art, messages and nick knacks from this fantastic community. Diabetic supplies needed and accepted too :) Get in here!
Need to talk? Need a friend? Need to vent? I'm here, let's chat! Always in Love <3
PLACING AN ORDER:
All orders must be placed on the website to receive order confirmation and tracking emails. I have several coupon codes to fit most packages, but if you have a large order or need a custom coupon code, please email me, and I'll take care of you :) You may mix-n-match swabs, spore syringes, and liquid cultures (exotics and "special" swab packs excluded)
The most common order, and the best deal is with coupon code 5PACK, which is for 5 cubensis spore syringes, swabs, or gourmet liquid cultures for $30, including shipping! Coupon code 10PACK is $60 for 10 cubensis or gourmet varieties. Use coupon code 2PACK for 2/$20, or if you need any exotics with your 5-pack, you can use coupon code NEEDMORE for 5 cubes and 1 exotic for $40. NEEDMORE2 for 5 cubes and 2 exotics for $50, and so on :)
NEW EXOTIC COUPON CODES:
TWOSpicy - 2 for $25 Exotic syringes and swab packs
FOURSpicy - 4 for $40 Exotic syringes and swab packs
***PLEASE NOTE*** We cannot ship active spores to CA, ID or GA
***PLEASE NOTE*** All cultivation inquiries or any mention of cultivation of active species will result in a block, cancelled order, and invalid for any refunds or exchanges. Spores are for microscopy use only.
LIST OF AVAILABLE VARIETIES (list accurate at 17:00 on 5/31/23, but will change as varieties sell out):
CUBENSIS SPORE SYRINGES AND SWABS AND SOMETIMES PRINTS:
Acadian Coast
Alacabenzi
Avery's Albino (SWABS ONLY)
B+
Blue Magnolia Rust
Blue Meanie
Burma
Cambodian Gold
Columbian Rust
Costa Rican
Creeper
Ecuador
Elephant Gate
Fiji
Ghost
Golden Mammoth
Golden Teacher
Hillbilly
Huautla
Iquitos
Koh Samui
Leucistic Cambodian
Lizard King
Malabar
Mars
Matapanas
Mazatapec
Mexi-Cub
Namuang
Orissa India
Penis Envy #6
PES Amazon
PES Hawaiian
PF Classic
PF Redspore
Phobos (swabs only)
Puerto Rican
Red Boy
Rusty Whyte
S. African Transkei
S. American
Subcubensis
Tasmanian
Texas Yellow Cap
Tidalwave
Treasure Coast
Xico
Z-Strain
EXOTIC SPORE SYRINGES AND SWABS:
Gymnopilus Luteofolius (Yellow Gilled Gymnopilus)
Gymnopilus Spectabilis (Laughing Gym)
Pan Cam Jam
Ps. Allenii
Ps. Azurescens
Ps. Galindoi ATL7
Ps. Natalensis
Ps. Ovoideocystidiata
Ps. Semilanceata (Liberty Cap)
Ps. Subaeruginosa
Ps. Tampanensis (Pollock)
Ps. Zapotecorum
GOURMET LIQUID CULTURES:
Agarikon
Artist's Conk
Bear's Head
Beefsteak
Bitter Oyster (Bioluminescent!) < Black Pearl Oyster
Black PoplaPioppino
Blue Oyster
Branched Oyster
Chaga
Chestnut
Chicken of the Woods
Coral Tooth
Cordyceps Militaris
Enoki
Florida Oyster
Golden Brown Beech
Ghost Fungus
Honey Mushroom
Jack-O-Lantern
Lions Mane
Nameko
Pathfinder Oyster
Pearl Oyster
Pestalotiopsis Microspora (Plastic munchin' non-fruitin' machine! Or is it?? We need our finest on this)
Pink Oyster
Red Reishi
Shaggy Mane
Shiitake
Sordid Blewit
Sporeless Oyster
Tarragon Oyster
Tiger Sawgill
True Morel
Turkey Tail
Veiled Oyster
White Elm
***PLEASE NOTE*** We cannot ship active spores to CA, ID or GA
***PLEASE NOTE*** All cultivation inquiries or any mention of cultivation of active species will result in a block, cancelled order, and invalid for any refunds or exchanges. Spores are for microscopy use only.

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Hi! I’m a 22 year old submissive female, seeking Dominant female for role play.
I play as myself, in first person. I’m 5’ 2” 85 pounds (I’m really petite) B-cup, size 5 feet, long dark blonde hair and brown eyes.
Don’t just send a replay to the starter, say hi and let’s discuss plots and kinks, then we can jump in. Here are some starter plots/scenarios that I’m interested in playing…
The pickup: I’m walking back from the beach on a hot summer evening. The hot wind blowing my hair as I walk along the desolate back road away from the beach. Walking in nothing more that a little white bikini, the soles of my barefeet stained black from walking barefoot on the asphalt, “Damn it’s really hot” I continue to walk down the long, deserted road…
This plot could go a lot of ways, I’m pretty willing, submissive and naive, so I don’t really like anything forced. Maybe you target me because of the way I look, maybe you like feet abs target me because I’m barefoot. Definitely lots of possibilities. Maybe you’re gonna keep me all to yourself, locking me up in your basement or secret dungeon. We can work out a scenario
The farm: I’m coming to your farm in the Deep South, it’s a hot, humid, moonless night. I already know this isn’t a ‘normal’ farm and I’m not ordinary farm help. I already know what’s in store for me. Under the cover of darkness, I make my way from the town deep into the countryside. Bringing nothing with me as instructed, I make my way to your farm in nothing but the little black bikini you sent me prior to this arrangement. I spot the farmhouse and make my way towards the porch light, “that’s the farm” my barefeet kicking up dust as I walk up the dust road…
Another fun plot I like. I love dirty places so a farm is awesome. Maybe I had seen your ad online about being kept and used for breast milking, maybe you’re just looking for a girl to keep her ankles and wrists in those old rusty slave shackles you don’t have keys for, maybe you’re just sadistic and you’re going to use and torture me. Let’s work out the details!
Meeting online: Meeting a partner online is the norm nowadays, I found your posting about looking for a girl, which was very appealing to me and too good to pass up. After some email exchange, you offer to take me…permanently. I excitedly accept and being the trip to your destination. Walking to the address, wearing a white tank top, no bra, a short black skirt, white panties and barefoot, I walk towards the door “this is it, no turning back now” I say to myself as I ring the doorbell…
This is really open ended. Did you offer to keep me in your dungeon? Maybe you have an asylum where I’m going to be kept, so many different ideas here.
The road/camping trip: We’ve been planning this for a long time, a summer trip. I’m excited and can’t wait for you to get home. I’m waiting around in my white bikini, already packed for the trip with my shall bag. Considering how long the trip is, I packed very little. “I can wait until she gets home” I say eagerly awaiting you…
This is more a non bdsm related plot but we can definitely include it! Maybe we card going camping deep in the woods, or by a lake, maybe tent camping in the rolling hills and we have to hike in. Let’s figure out an awesome trip!
The BDSM resort: Being the kinky girl I am, I naturally stumbled onto a kinky resort. I eagerly book a month long excursion into my ultimate desires. I arrive and check in. Off the lobby is the holding room. A grey, bare room with a locker and bench, I close the door and open my locker. Inside the locker is a pair of handcuffs and ankle cuffs, the chain in just long enough for me to walk. I place all my belongings and clothing in the locker and close it “I should be out in a month” I say to myself, knowing there is no turning back. I sit on the floor and lock the cuffs around my ankles, followed by cuffing my hands behind my back, following instructions, I wait on the timer for my host to enter, little did I know, I’d be here much longer than a month…
So much fun. What a vacation! But what’s in store for me? Did I sign up for multiple things, where I would be kept and how? Maybe I signed up to be kept in one place and one kind of restraint/position the whole time? How did I end up there longer? Maybe as punishment for something, violating the rules of a session, a computer glitch? Let’s come up with something together!
My kinks are, but not limited to: Bondage, Cuffs, Shackles, Mummification, Stocks/pillory, Straightjackets, Chastity, Bastinado, Tickling, Plugs, Gags, Oral, Anal, Vibrators, Dildos, Hoods, Blindfolds, Pee/scat, Barefeet (I love going barefoot and getting my feet dirty, I’m a regular barefooter) Foot worship (barefeet) sensory depravation, hoods, blindfolds, branding, tattoo, name calling, dirty talk, impact play, dirty/musk, verbal humiliation, Long term/permanent chastity, Long term/permanent bondage, Long term/permanent captivity/imprisonment, Predicament bondage, Kidnapping, Isolation, Being kept as a captive/prisoner, Stuck fetish (eg, having my feet stuck in mud, clay, tar, cement, quicksand, glue, etc)
Hard limits: Footwear (I stay barefoot), animals, drugs, broken bones, males,
Places I like to be kept: Dungeon, Basement, Garage, Farm, Old prison, Old asylum
I’m sure I left things out, so if you don’t see a particular kink or you have questions, please ask.
Only looking to roleplay with females, trans or futa as long as it’s not focused on a certain body part and it doesn’t go right to that.
All characters are 18+
I use Reddit chat
Kik: barefootslavegirl01
Discord: barefoot👣slavegirl#2957

FOR STEAM, ROCKSTAR, AND EPIC LAUNCHER VERSION OF GTA ONLINE PC

MODDED CONSOLE ACCOUNTS (OLD AND NEW GEN) ALSO FOR SALE

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RESET MENTAL STATE
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°$10 PACKAGE°

RP=ANY RANK (1-8000)
GTA $= 5 BILLION
ALL UNLOCKS (INCLUDING CRIMINAL ENTERPRISE UNLOCKS, LOS SANTOS DRUG WARS CONTENT, LS CAR MEET UNLOCKS, RESEARCH AND ETC.)
MAX STATS
CLEAR REPORTS AND BAD SPORTS
RESET MENTAL STATE
EDIT K/D STATS

°$20 PACKAGE°

RP=ANY RANK (1-8000)
GTA $= UNLIMITED MONEY SUBSCRIPTION (FREE MONEY RE-MOD NO LIMITS,5 BILLION AS INITIAL MONEY)
ALL UNLOCKS (INCLUDING CRIMINAL ENTERPRISE UNLOCKS, LOS SANTOS DRUG WARS CONTENT, LS CAR MEET UNLOCKS, RESEARCH AND ETC.)
MAX STATS CLEAR REPORTS AND BAD SPORTS
RESET MENTAL STATE
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°$35 PRE-MODDED GTA ACCOUNT FOR PC° (INCLUDES BASE GAME + MOD)

RP=ANY RANK (1-8000)
GTA $= UNLIMITED MONEY SUBSCRIPTION (FREE MONEY RE-MOD NO LIMITS,5 BILLION AS INITIAL MONEY)
ALL UNLOCKS (INCLUDING CRIMINAL ENTERPRISE UNLOCKS, LOS SANTOS DRUG WARS CONTENT, LS CAR MEET UNLOCKS, RESEARCH AND ETC.)
MAX STATS CLEAR REPORTS AND BAD SPORTS
RESET MENTAL STATE
EDIT K/D STATS

°$80 PRE-MODDED GTA ACCOUNT FOR CONSOLE (OLD AND NEW GEN)°

RP=1000+
GTA $= 5 BILLION
MODDED UNLOCKS
MODDED STATS

°$100 PRE-MODDED GTA ACCOUNT FOR CONSOLE (OLD AND NEW GEN)°

RP=1000+
GTA $= 8 BILLION
MODDED UNLOCKS
MODDED STATS
MODDED OUTFITS
FAST RUN

NOTE:

*ALL UNLOCKS INCLUDE:
BUNKER RESEARCH, FIGURES AND CARDS, FAST RUN, OFFICE AND BIKER DECOR, ALL OUTFITS, VEHICLES, TATTOOS, LSC UPGRADES, LS CAR MEET UNLOCKS, ARENA WAR UNLOCKS, PARACHUTES, WEAPONS, HAIRSTYLES, NIGHTCLUB POPULARITY, CRIMINAL ENTERPRISE UNLOCKS, LOS SANTOS DRUG WARS CONTENT, AND ACHIEVEMENTS
*UNLIMITED MONEY SUBSCRIPTION = FREE MONEY RE-MOD WHENEVER WITHOUT LIMIT
*I USE A PAID MOD MENU, NO NEED TO WORRY ABOUT BAN WAVES

TO AVAIL, YOU CAN SEND ME A MESSAGE ON REDDIT (u/KageKyoshin), SEND ME A DM ON TIKTOK (GTAONLINEMODSERVICE), OR JOIN THE DISCORD SERVER LINK BELOW

NEW DISCORD SERVER FOR RECOVERY SERVICE: https://discord.gg/4N2dqX8vYv

CHECK BUY CHANNEL OF THE DISCORD SERVER

✓LINK TO MY OWN SUBREDDIT WHERE YOU CAN SEE REVIEWS/VOUCHES OF MY CUSTOMERS✓

GTAOnlineModService
https://www.reddit.com/GTAOnlineModService/comments/ghne46/vouches/
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I USE DISCORD SCREEN SHARE SO CUSTOMERS CAN SEE ME MOD THEIR ACCOUNTS LIVE

ENABLE STEAM GUARD OR 2-FACTOR AUTHENTICATION FOR ACCOUNT SECURITY

HOW THE RECOVERY SERVICE IS DONE
I USE A DIFFERENT MENU NOW, THE VIDEO IS OUTDATED
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xwy7cRV4Fqc

FOR STEAM, ROCKSTAR, AND EPIC LAUNCHER VERSION OF GTA ONLINE PC

MODDED CONSOLE ACCOUNTS (OLD AND NEW GEN) ALSO FOR SALE

PACKAGES:

°$5 PACKAGE°

RP=ANY RANK (1-8000)
GTA $= 2 BILLION
ALL UNLOCKS (INCLUDING CRIMINAL ENTERPRISE UNLOCKS, LOS SANTOS DRUG WARS CONTENT, LS CAR MEET UNLOCKS, RESEARCH AND ETC.)
MAX STATS
CLEAR REPORTS AND BAD SPORTS
RESET MENTAL STATE
EDIT K/D STATS

°$10 PACKAGE°

RP=ANY RANK (1-8000)
GTA $= 5 BILLION
ALL UNLOCKS (INCLUDING CRIMINAL ENTERPRISE UNLOCKS, LOS SANTOS DRUG WARS CONTENT, LS CAR MEET UNLOCKS, RESEARCH AND ETC.)
MAX STATS
CLEAR REPORTS AND BAD SPORTS
RESET MENTAL STATE
EDIT K/D STATS

°$20 PACKAGE°

RP=ANY RANK (1-8000)
GTA $= UNLIMITED MONEY SUBSCRIPTION (FREE MONEY RE-MOD NO LIMITS,5 BILLION AS INITIAL MONEY)
ALL UNLOCKS (INCLUDING CRIMINAL ENTERPRISE UNLOCKS, LOS SANTOS DRUG WARS CONTENT, LS CAR MEET UNLOCKS, RESEARCH AND ETC.)
MAX STATS CLEAR REPORTS AND BAD SPORTS
RESET MENTAL STATE
EDIT K/D STATS

°$35 PRE-MODDED GTA ACCOUNT FOR PC° (INCLUDES BASE GAME + MOD)

RP=ANY RANK (1-8000)
GTA $= UNLIMITED MONEY SUBSCRIPTION (FREE MONEY RE-MOD NO LIMITS,5 BILLION AS INITIAL MONEY)
ALL UNLOCKS (INCLUDING CRIMINAL ENTERPRISE UNLOCKS, LOS SANTOS DRUG WARS CONTENT, LS CAR MEET UNLOCKS, RESEARCH AND ETC.)
MAX STATS CLEAR REPORTS AND BAD SPORTS
RESET MENTAL STATE
EDIT K/D STATS

°$80 PRE-MODDED GTA ACCOUNT FOR CONSOLE (OLD AND NEW GEN)°

RP=1000+
GTA $= 5 BILLION
MODDED UNLOCKS
MODDED STATS

°$100 PRE-MODDED GTA ACCOUNT FOR CONSOLE (OLD AND NEW GEN)°

RP=1000+
GTA $= 8 BILLION
MODDED UNLOCKS
MODDED STATS
MODDED OUTFITS
FAST RUN

NOTE:

*ALL UNLOCKS INCLUDE:
BUNKER RESEARCH, FIGURES AND CARDS, FAST RUN, OFFICE AND BIKER DECOR, ALL OUTFITS, VEHICLES, TATTOOS, LSC UPGRADES, LS CAR MEET UNLOCKS, ARENA WAR UNLOCKS, PARACHUTES, WEAPONS, HAIRSTYLES, NIGHTCLUB POPULARITY, CRIMINAL ENTERPRISE UNLOCKS, LOS SANTOS DRUG WARS CONTENT, AND ACHIEVEMENTS
*UNLIMITED MONEY SUBSCRIPTION = FREE MONEY RE-MOD WHENEVER WITHOUT LIMIT
*I USE A PAID MOD MENU, NO NEED TO WORRY ABOUT BAN WAVES

TO AVAIL, YOU CAN SEND ME A MESSAGE ON REDDIT (u/KageKyoshin), SEND ME A DM ON TIKTOK (GTAONLINEMODSERVICE), OR JOIN THE DISCORD SERVER LINK BELOW

NEW DISCORD SERVER FOR RECOVERY SERVICE: https://discord.gg/4N2dqX8vYv

CHECK BUY CHANNEL OF THE DISCORD SERVER

✓LINK TO MY OWN SUBREDDIT WHERE YOU CAN SEE REVIEWS/VOUCHES OF MY CUSTOMERS✓

GTAOnlineModService
https://www.reddit.com/GTAOnlineModService/comments/ghne46/vouches/
https://discord.gg/4N2dqX8vYv <-- CHECK VOUCHES CHANNEL FOR LATEST REVIEWS

I USE DISCORD SCREEN SHARE SO CUSTOMERS CAN SEE ME MOD THEIR ACCOUNTS LIVE

ENABLE STEAM GUARD OR 2-FACTOR AUTHENTICATION FOR ACCOUNT SECURITY

HOW THE RECOVERY SERVICE IS DONE
I USE A DIFFERENT MENU NOW, THE VIDEO IS OUTDATED
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xwy7cRV4Fqc

First off, I am the Michelangelo of Menards, master of megaracks, secret engineer of sky-high sanctuaries. My pièce de résistance? A top-tier, high altitude mancave, secretly nestled behind an imposing barricade of 60+ gallon water heaters in the plumbing aisle. I'm talking three stories up, folks, where even the keenest-eyed GM would struggle to spot anything amiss.
The single camera standing sentinel at the end of the aisle, you ask? Well, let's just say it was gifted a liberal coating of vaseline a while back. The lens hasn't seen clearly in years. In case anybody questions, the tale of an adventurous pigeon that routinely graces our store with its presence is my standing alibi.
My fortress is a hidden treasure, an oasis in a desert of faux discontinued SKUs. It's outfitted with a PRD-sanctioned special-ordered couch and queen bed, perfect for those mid-shift power naps. For sustenance and comfort, I've got a pink stickered microwave, mini fridge, air conditioner, sink, and a toilet – all expertly "borrowed" from a back haul or compactor and restored to full functionality. For those cozy winter nights, there's an electric fireplace, and the floor's adorned with a plush rug snagged from Ray's List. The one concession to opulence? – a flat screen TV I bought at full-price, for all my entertainment needs.
Of course, even the craftiest TM can't just disappear off the face of Menards. I still have my wits about me to maintain an illusion of diligent work. I answer calls on the radio with practiced ease, ensuring my presence is felt, if not seen. Carefully timed descents to the ground level for a quick PRD snack haul, a cardboard run here and there, some small talk with my pals in Building Materials, and a round of checks at my precious GC farm are all part of my routine. My garden's a true gem - fruits, vegetables, and a few 'herbs' that make life just a bit more interesting.
Despite the precariousness of my situation, I've managed to maintain this delicate balance for months. As far as anyone's concerned, I'm the hardest working TM Menards has ever seen. The one hiccup in this perfect setup came in the form of our eagle-eyed plumbing DM. But even he fell to my powers of persuasion and now serves as my unwitting guardian angel. It's no surprise a man who works with pipes appreciates a little green incentive to ensure he keeps things running smooth and leak-free. As I recline in my fortress, planning my next grand project - perhaps a shower - I can't help but marvel at the good life here at Menards. Who says work can't be comfortable?
So, dear GMs, and esteemed members of GO, enjoy this exclusive peek into the extraordinary lives of your TMs – this story is my salute to you. After all, it's not every day you find out your employees have a better living room at work than you do at home. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a fort to attend to and some crops in the GC to water. Happy hunting!

Continued from Pt. 1.
WARNING: This story contains depictions of non-consensual sex and gun violence.
---------------------------------
Lyle found himself on foot, the valise at his side, the night air crisp and noisy. He realized he was ravenous. No surprise there, he hadn’t had anything to eat or drink in twenty-six hours. The late evening traffic was brisk around the campus, and as he passed a roving pack of students Lyle realized it was Thursday night. Thirsty Thursdays.
In keeping with ancient tradition, the majority of undergraduates avoided Friday morning classes at all costs, preferring to begin their weekend revels on Thursday nights. Lyle followed his feet. He imagined power emanating from the briefcase at his side, thrumming up his arm. He felt, for perhaps the first time in a life of shrinking uncertainty, boundless.
And it felt extraordinary.
Somewhere inside of him a notion was forming that he did not dare articulate. But he followed his feet. The easy ebb and flow of walk signals, the pleasantly cool night air, the passing chatter, even the occasional car-horn—which in the past had never failed to startle him, jittery as he was—seemed buoyant and agreeable. The night was his. He realized he was sloping gently downhill, as he followed his feet. He realized he knew exactly where he was going. He found himself before O’Flaherty’s Pub, with its sandwich-board blaring LADIES NIGHT 1/2 WELL DRINKS -- TRUST ME YOU CAN DANCE in electric pink loops. It felt only natural to step beneath the awning, swing wide the knotted mahogany door, and enter the din.
The ham-hock manning security—probably a redshirt lineman in his off-season—turned toward Lyle on autopilot, one hand reaching out as a question formed on his lips, lemme see some ID. Lyle made no attempt to reach for his wallet because he knew the inevitable would happen when the bouncer took in his face, which he did a half second later. A tiny beat of recognition flickered and was gone, and the bouncer turned away. No need to card the old dude. Good luck navigating the vicissitudes of adult life, you Mongoloid, Lyle thought. The jag off had a Black & Mild tucked up behind one ear, Lyle felt an insane urge to snatch it off his head and break it in half. He did not do well with the pretend authority of chunky, dead-eyed adolescents.
But I’m not here for him.
Lyle wove his way into the evening crush with the delicate, shuffling little steps he always used in crowds. By fits and starts he made his way deeper, deeper, winding toward the back bar, the one with the full-length mirror. That was her favorite. O’Flaherty’s had a Crosley jukebox, wood-paneled and coin-operated, reaching for vintage but stuffed to the gills with Bluetooth and wi-fi and digital memory and whatever else. A woman’s voice was booming out of it, an empty pop ballad gussied up by her big, operatic sound. Lyle tried to think of the singer’s name, but couldn’t. He squeezed into a narrow gap at the back bar.
Darby was flirting as she mixed a rum-and-coke for a gawky, dough-faced kid in a flat-cap and a Harrington jacket. On the few occasions he had come out on Darby missions, Lyle had stayed well back from the bar, waiting for drink service at one of the small cafe tables lining the billiard room. But tonight, he wasn’t here to watch.
Darby handed off the drink and caught sight of Lyle. He winced—he could read the surprise, even discomfort, on her face. But she was tending bar, and she was quick on her feet, and she rearranged her expression into a smile. She held up a finger—one sec—to which Lyle nodded, as she took flat-cap’s (father’s) Amex back to the register and opened up a tab.
Lyle enjoyed watching her walk. Enjoyed looking at her from the back, or in profile. He usually saw her face, in class, big brown doe eyes and very pale, freckled skin. A shade away from clear, he had heard her joke once, to James, as she had invited him to touch the roadmap of blue veins on her inner arm. That had enraged Lyle—the sudden, unwelcome image of James with those long creamy legs locked over his waist, his long, slow thrusts.
Because he restrained himself from ogling her in class, it was a pleasure to come to O’Flaherty’s during her shifts and watch her as she worked. Darby was not the first of what Lyle thought of as his “favorites”. Every year or two there was a fresh, irresistible young thing, for him to think about, alone, late at night. One of the unspoken perks of professordom was the constant influx of eye-candy, of short skirts and long legs and high asses and pert young tits. In his mind’s eye it was an endless profusion of imagined aureoles, of wondering about their panties—boy-briefs or frilly little whatsits or g-strings or none at all—and even if Lyle never slept with them there was an intense eroticism in holding power over these girls he could never have bedded in his own college years. In pushing that term paper over the failing line and waiting, deliciously waiting, for them to come to his office hour and plead. Only Darby’s work was reasonably competent, so even that grimy thrill was denied him.
Darby finished up with the register and came over, the pale of her neck stark against her tight black t-shirt. O’FLAHERTY’S was printed on it in green, the name stretched to accommodate her bust. Her hair frazzled at the temples; she’d been working hard.
Just a little dirty, that’s how I like you, he thought.
“Dr. L! We missed you today, thought maybe you caught the gunk. You all right?” Darby beamed her big smile at him, a gift of the gods (and of immaculate orthodontics).
“I’m fine, Darby, thanks. Just a communication mix-up. I’m sorry you all waited.”
She kept smiling, seemed to be waiting for more. He didn’t give it to her.
“Well—can I get you anything?”
Lyle hesitated, trying to think of a manly drink, something urbane and—professorial.
“Scotch-rocks. A double.”
Darby continued to stare at him, expectantly. “Any… particular poison, or-?”
Lyle glanced up, made a show of studying the bottles arrayed behind her. He knew nothing about scotch. Stupid. He settled on Johnnie Walker Black, and Darby poured his drink.
Lyle realized his heart was racing. Darby set the drink in front of him and he downed half of it in one swallow. He managed to keep his face neutral as the liquor seared his throat.
“This is a—little bit of a departure, for you, huh?” Darby indicated the scotch.
“What?”
She must have known he heard her but she raised her voice anyway. The music had changed to a British pop group with a lot of electronic undertones, trying to sound haunting.
“The scotch,” she said. “Don’t you always order lemon drop martinis? When you come in?”
Busted. Two bright red circles appeared high on his cheeks.
“You know, it, it depends,” he replied. “Depends on my mood. And you—you make a hell of a lemon drop martini, here.”
Fucking idiot, he thought. They make the same Goddamn lemon drop martini as everybody else and she knows it.
Darby was smooth, though. Graceful. She rolled right past it. “I wondered why you never came over and said hi.”
“Well I don’t want to, you know, be a bother. You’re working. It’s always busy. And I’ve been coming here for years, off and on. You get used to seeing students out on the town. I try to give them their space.”
“Oh.” Her smile reappeared. “Well I’m glad you came over. Let me know if I can get you anything else?” She was already angling away.
“How was class today?” Lyle didn’t want to let her go. She glanced down the bar, she had customers waiting.
“It was great, really great,” she hurried her answer. She was giving him the brush-off. “James did great. He’s an awesome teacher. Awesome guy.”
“You know, I’d been meaning to ask you, about James…” Lyle leaned in, conspiratorially. Darby’s smile was faltering, but courtesy won out and she leaned in to hear.
“Are you fucking him?”
Darby recoiled, as though he had spit on her.
“What?”
“Do you laugh at me, when you do it? When you fuck, do you laugh at the scabby, horn-dog professor?”
Darby’s breath hitched in her chest, she looked like she was about to cry. She took a step back. She looked down the bar, and then past him—toward the door.
Bouncer, he thought. She’s looking for the bouncer.
“I think you need to—” she began.
Then Lyle said the Word. The alien Word, meant to be moaned, easy as pie, really, when you thought about it, how the sounds flowed together. The Word that meant libido.
Darby froze. Her pupils flickered, Lyle saw, they constricted down to pinpricks, and then dilated as wide as they could go, swallowing the puppy-dog brown of her irises. Her face went slack. That wide, expensive smile vanished, and her mouth hung slightly open.
“Moisten your lips, Darby,” he said.
Her tongue slid out, pink and supple, and she obeyed.
Oh, my God, she OBEYED.
Lyle’s penis twitched in his pants, he realized he was painfully erect, his balls aching. He realized he had been, had been since—since I said the Word—since he had her and a cruel, savage sense of triumph shook him, he felt his pulse hammering in his veins, he felt like standing up on the bar and—
ROARING I want to ROAR at this dewy twat and all her imbecilic peers—
But instead, he took his cock firmly in his hand, through the cheap fabric of his Ross trousers, squeezed himself, and said—
“What are we going to do with you, Darby?”
#
Lyle fucked her in the alleyway behind O’Flaherty’s. That meant hurrying more than he liked, the dumpster provided cover but the blocks surrounding the campus were too well policed. It was all right, though. Now that he was armed with the libido-Word, the next time could be more leisurely.
He took her in. All of her. The small, surprisingly dark nipples, nothing like he’d imagined. The fine, black hairs on the nape of her neck, the peach fuzz of her freckled low back, her inner thighs. Her panties were white briefs with green stitching, they were covered with tiny frogs. He tugged them down, and nuzzled her there. He left hickeys, on her ass, her mons. Her smooth, exquisite young cunt.
Lyle took her from behind and saw the groggy confusion in her dilated eyes, the amazement—and through that the pleasure, the unsuspected, unwanted, violating pleasure that jolted moans out of her.
Lyle sucked her neck, bit it, hard enough to sting. She gave a tiny mewl as she came, and her spasm triggered him also. Lyle buried himself to the hilt in her, finished in her, and felt—
Like a king. Like a GOD.
They stayed there as the minutes stretched out, panting, still joined. He savored her, until his own tumescence vanished, and he slipped out. Lyle patted her derriere.
“Get dressed and get back to work, Darby,” he said. “We don’t want you to get in trouble.”
She jerked her head, drunkenly, from side to side, as though she were trying to shake water out of her ears. Lyle breathed deep, in through his nose, the fine scents of the city. Fried food nearby, probably the Thai joint catty-corner to the pub. He stood and admired, as Darby tugged her frog-panties back up those long pale legs.
“I’ll see you in class.”
Darby stared blankly at him as he took up his suitcase, turned, and strode into the night.
#
When Lyle opened his eyes the next morning, he was only mildly surprised to discover that he felt no guilt at all. The sun streamed in, the world was up and running, coffee was calling, and by God he felt fine.
He sat up in bed, stretched. He glanced at the alarm clock, that hateful sentinel, now toothless—10:27AM. The mattress was bare, beneath him. He’d never washed the sheets. Puddled on the floor were yesterday’s clothes. He resisted the urge to tidy them up. Later. He padded to the bathroom and went about his ablutions, brushed his teeth, took out his shaving kit. He had used the sleep-Word on himself again, last night. After.
After! He let the memories wash over him. Her smell: the tang of sweat, bar-odors, the undercurrent of peach soap. The taste of her! And then the feast, afterward. He had followed his nose to Great Elephant Thai, wolfed down a plate of kai thot, fried to a crisp and dripping oil. It may have been the finest meal of his life.
And he had had such dreams! Dreams of Darby, and of favorites past. Dreams of fucking and of wealth and of slights avenged and of respectful, deferential looks, dreams of voices falling silent when he entered a room, of every eye on him. A song lyric drifted into his head, something from his childhood, a favorite of his father’s one long summer, repeated ad nauseam on the fourteen-hour drive down to Savannah.
“Twenty years a’crawlin’… were bottled up in Tommy… he wasn’t holding nothin’ back, he let ‘em have it all…” Lyle sang, full voice, into the morning. A stupid grin spread over his face, as he wicked away the last patch of Barbasol, the careful spot right over his Adam’s apple, and rinsed his razor. He took a long look at Mirror-Lyle, looked into his eyes. He almost always avoided a close examination of his reflection, force of habit, but today he was a new man, and he wanted to take that man’s measure.
“Everyone… considered him… THE COWARD OOOF… the COUNTYYYY…”
Something else surfaced, then, in his memory, something that cranked the wattage down on his smile. He didn’t get all of it, just a glimpse, like a dorsal fin rising above the water. He had dreamed of more than power and sex. There had been something else. Lyle had a vague red recollection of tangled depths and faceless figures. His mind offered up a fleeting image of a crumbling stone structure, of keening wind and squat pillars; and of a great broken vault overhead, through which could be seen a blasted sky.
Lyle charged his phone as he brewed up a fresh pot. It had run out of juice somewhere during yesterday’s festivities, and when it finally powered up again it began to vibrate against the Formica tabletop in his dining nook. He ignored the first two pulses, but the phone insistently continued, not with the regular rhythm of an incoming call, but rather the inconsistent bursts of message notifications trickling in from the cloud. He tapped the touchscreen, and saw he had seven missed calls: one from a colleague, yesterday; and six from James, each one with a voicemail attached. The most recent of these had come just twenty minutes ago.
Lyle sipped on his coffee as he retrieved the briefcase from beneath his bed. He sat at his dinette and removed the fascicle, easily finding the rigid page. He opened it, and this time the new Word was waiting for him below the first, long entry: the entry corresponding to the letter “A” itself. This Word was angry, Ks and Zs, a hornet-word, serpent-word. Lyle looked to the white space, where the definition would arise. He pricked his forefinger with the tip of a steak knife and squeezed out two droplets of blood.
der zorn
Lyle sipped. Lyle thought. Greek, then Latin, now German. Was it moving forward in time? He wondered again about those first shapes he had seen, in the library. The more he tried to remember the more he doubted they had been in Greek. Something older, maybe. Phoenician syllabary? He would likely never know. But the Words were changing. The book was changing.
And there was this: both of the—spells, they’re spells, let’s cut the shit—both of the Words it had given him so far had been…
“Intuitive,” he said finally. “Useful. Like it knew.”
Lyle took down the last foil sleeve of blueberry Pop Tarts from his cupboard. Pauper’s breakfast, he thought, but not for much longer. He searched through his contacts until he found the number for the Chancellor’s office. He thumbed the little blue phone icon beside it.
#
Lyle had just started boxing up his things when James burst into his office, perfectly symmetrical face distorted by fury, his generous features made ugly. Ah, the righteousness of youth. James took in the dense sheaf of Staples boxes, waiting to be folded; took in the bare walls, the stacked diplomas and photographs.
“What the fuck is this?” he demanded.
“Emergency leave,” Lyle answered with a dismissive wave. “I’ve had a family crisis. I’m afraid I have to attend to it. Professor Chole will be taking over my workload for the remainder of the semester, I’m sure she’ll be in touch—"
“What did you do to Darby? What the fuck did you do?” James spoke with the husky, quaking tone of pure adrenaline. He was just barely restraining himself from lunging across the desk, Lyle realized. He took the younger man in with bemused calm. He let the moment stretch out.
“Therese called me,” James continued, the words throttling out of him. “Darby’s roommate. She came home last night, she has—bruises, all over her, little, little bites—she won’t speak, she just sits there and cries, but she said your name. It’s the only thing she said. What did you do to her, Lyle? Did you rape her?”
“Dr. Hereford,” Lyle replied.
James craned forward. “What?”
“You don’t get to call me Lyle.”
Lower, now, almost a whisper: “Tell me what you did to her.”
“I made her come,” Lyle said. “And she fucking loved it.”
James did lunge then, he screamed and he leapt across the desk, coming down on Lyle in a tangle of thrashing limbs and rabbit punches, the two of them toppling Lyle’s chair, compressing awkwardly into the tight space between desk and wall. James kicked hard off of the gray metal drawers, managing to end up on top. His hands found Lyle’s throat and began to squeeze. Lyle felt himself constricting, felt the energy draining out of him, pinned, as he lost oxygen. He noticed the curds of spittle at the corners of James’s snarling mouth. He started to see spots in the periphery of his vision, and as he slapped ineffectually at James’s face he thought am I going to die here—?
Lyle dug down for the last of his strength. The Word chose me. This wasn’t the end. Couldn’t be the end. He extended his leg as far as it would go, and used the distance to drive his knee, hard, into James’s crotch. A grunting exhale was propelled out of the younger man. Lyle pulled back to do it again; James squeezed his thighs together to block, and when he did, he compromised his balance. He took one hand off Lyle’s throat and thrust out his arm to catch himself as be began to roll, allowing Lyle to draw in a long, ragged breath.
Then Lyle spoke the Word.
The der zorn-Word.
The word that meant anger, that meant rage, that meant WRATH.
#
“Son. Son, you’re bleeding, let me—let me help you, come on. Son, it’s gonna be okay, come on, now— “
The campus policeman approaches James like a dog that might be rabid, that slow hunched posture with arms wide, except for the policeman it’s only one arm because his right hand is flush up against his service weapon and his thumb snaps the little thumbsnap and it’s a very small noise but it’s so loud in James’s head and he shakes it, his head, does James, from side to side, in herks and jerks, like a dog that might be rabid, now, like there’s water in his ears and he’s trying to shake it out, is James, and the policeman is coming on and speaking in clear precise syllables that explode behind James’s temples, clusterbomb-words, and the cop is speaking but he’s hearing another voice, is James, and it’s Lyle’s voice, it’s Dr. L’s voice, not Lyle never Lyle, and Dr. L’s voice is saying snakebit you’re snakebit she fucking LOVED it and James touches his own face now and it must be true because there’s blood on his face and when he blinks his blink is heavy and liquid like he just dropped Visine in there but the thing is but only but except it’s blood and he’s bleeding from the eyes, is James, and now the policeman is right on top of him saying “son what happened can you hear me respond if you can hear me” and James hears the exploding words all right and he blinks and blood oozes from the corners of his eyes and the cop is changing now, in the blood, his face is BOILING and now it’s Darby’s face on the policeman and she opens her mouth and her head cranes back and she’s ruined inside OH FUCK SHE’S RUINED INSIDE SHOT HERSELF SHE SHOT HERSELF SHE’S SHOT and now it’s DR L IT’S DR L SCREAMING SNAKEBIT SNAKEBIT SNAKEBIT—
James rears back and head-butts the campus cop as hard as he can, the smooth acne-less center of James’s forehead connecting with the soft cartilage of the policeman’s nose. A sick crunch echoes in the lobby of the Humanities building, a young woman close enough to hear it vomits on the floor, it is the first puking incident of the day but not the last.
The cop recoils with a sick moan, in his surprise clapping his hands to his shattered nose; in that moment James bellows, an awful inarticulate animal sound of hate, and yanks the policeman’s service piece free of his holster.
The handful of rubbernecking students freeze as James shoots the policeman in the face.
The policeman’s name is (was) Lou, the students know, and he is (was) genial and well-liked. A silent second passes in the lobby, and then the screaming begins.
James dips down and pulls two spare clips out of Lou’s belt. He pockets them. When James looks up, he doesn’t see fleeing students.
He sees Dr. L.
A gaggle of Dr. L’s. A school, a clutch, a murder. He sees laughing Dr. L’s running in every direction, diving behind furniture, breaking for the street or hurtling into the stairwells. One Dr. L dives behind the reception desk. James starts after him on wooden legs.
When he reaches the desk, there is Dr. L beneath it, a cell phone in his hand, cackling. James shoots him in the stomach. Dr. L keeps right on laughing, howling with it now, whatever it is must be hilarious, a real knee-slapper, then James remembers its him, Dr. L is laughing at him so James shoots him again, shoots him so he’ll stop but there are so many more—
#
Lyle Hereford, Ph.D., rested his browning forearms on the wrought iron railing of his third-floor balcony. He looked out over the Gulf of Mexico. The breeze was warm and gentle, suffusing, but it no longer calmed him. He took no notice of it. He was lost, as he was always now lost, in thought.
The one, lone thought.
It had taken a little less than two weeks for James’s horrific shooting spree to drop out of the news. The demands for GUN CONTROL NOW (or, conversely, for guns in every classroom) receded and were shelved for the next go-round. Politicians took to the field and unfurled their heraldry for the usual pro-forma skirmishes. Then, mercifully, a Cabinet official fucked somebody he really shouldn’t have and the national discourse (such as it was) barreled off, like a dog chasing a ball that its owner had only pretended to throw. As to why a handsome, popular, well-adjusted student should suddenly snap and murder sixteen of his fellows? The theories ranged from medically reasonable (an inoperable tumor which could not be verified via autopsy, as James’s brains had been removed by the responding tactical unit); to the paranoiac (James had been the subject of a Manchurian Candidate-style CIA/NSA/Acronym-of-your-choice experiment gone horribly wrong); to the Occult (the Devil made him do it).
Lyle had enjoyed that last one.
What Lyle had not enjoyed was that some of the conspiracy theorists, and even some of the legitimate press, had mentioned him by name. He had disappeared, after all, on an auspicious and chaotic day, to manage a crisis no one could verify involving a family no one could find. It had not been difficult to remain ahead of any enterprising investigators, though. Not with the Words.
And there had been so many more Words. Words in French and Finnish and Russian and Spanish and Mandarin. Words that meant envy and silence and fear and blindness and, perhaps the most potent yet, a Word that meant stupid. Lyle had employed that one against a statie who pulled him over as he crossed the Louisiana line, coming through Vicksburg. The guy had been six-two, maybe two-twenty, with sharp, curious eyes sunk deep in his skull. Lyle hadn’t liked the way he had looked at him, so he used the Word. Now the statie—Edmonds was his name, Trooper Edmonds—was six-two, two-twenty of drooling simpleton, probably staring at a wall somewhere in the nearest brain injury ward and driving the resident neurologists absolutely bugshit.
By the time Lyle made it to a quiet, lazy town on the Cajun Riviera and decided to set a spell, he had traded in his Acura for a Beemer and was carrying close to a hundred and twelve thousand dollars in cash. He had also acquired a 9mm Ruger and a shotgun with a pistol grip (the dealer had called it a snake charmer just before Lyle killed him).
None of that matters now, though.
All that mattered was the Word. Which, he had come to realize, was the last Word.
Because the book was alive, of course, had always been alive, Lyle knew that. Hadn’t let himself come right out and say it, but he knew. It had slept, maybe, possibly, until he woke it, with his touch, with his blood, but if it slept, it woke up thirsty. The book was always ready with the next Word, the next thing he would need. The book was collaborating with him. It was dancing with him, and at first he had thought he was the one leading, but now he knew better.
Lyle felt it. Felt it—pulling on him. All the time. Felt it in the room behind him, pulling, knew that he would go back in, sooner or later, go back in, and open the book, the book that has been leading him. Knew that he would open its hundreds of pages, because it was longer now, because it had grown, because it was three inches thick and the front plating had vanished and it wasn’t pretending to be a dictionary anymore.
He knew that he would open it and on every single page, centered, would be a single Word, the last Word, the Word that he will say, that he must say, sooner or later, and under it swirling in blood, blood that must be the book’s own, the final explication, the final command, the final meaning, and God, oh God, Lyle was afraid, because the last Word was
DOOR

(This hypothetical spawned from a comment I made on a post by u/SnooLemons8053. This whole thing’s essentially a more in-depth version of that. So, uh, enjoy! -V)
———
I saw some concept art recently that depicted a colder, more cynical version of the Khan Doorman we know today… and I couldn’t help but think that it could be a premonition for his future character development. Personally, I think he’s gonna go from a cowardly, emotional door-loving daughter-abandoner, to a cold, badass gunslingin’ leader.
From the meek drone who won’t even pick up a gun to save his own kids life, to a man who’ll shoot first and ask questions later…
Hypothetical Time!!
Okay, so, I think there’d be a breaking point for him, one where he’d finally snap into reality, n’ realize that in order to become the man his daughter needs (and his wife needed), he’s gotta be made of sterner stuff (metaphorically speaking… or he could just reprogram himself, idk).
During the course of a season he’d go through the process of overcoming his fears, staring death in the face, and pulling the frickin’ trigger of that sick pistol he’s got there (in the art). He would force himself into combat to protect his daughter, n’ to finally do right by her, nearly getting himself killed in the process. Receiving that nasty scar from the concept art for his trouble, as a parting gift from death. From this turning point on, the constant death and murder all around might begin to desensitize him, and he develops an unhealthy cynicism towards it all.
Into the next arc there’d be a bit where he becomes almost too jaded *and Uzi openly worries about him. Where he’s so far gone that he doesn’t really care about any of the things that he used to. He becomes cold and distant, not even caring about *doors anymore and merely mimicking some of the things he used to say or do out of a sense of normality. A shadow of his former self. A marionette with its strings fraying, ready to fall apart. The only thing keeping his head above water being his daughter, the last thing he truly cares about.
This would definitely effect Uzi, as she would gain the proper protector she so desperately needed him to be, with the ultimate downside of losing that loving, caring dad that she had taken for granted her entire life.
Overtime Uzi would try her best to drag her father out from this depressive state, bringing up old memories, and reminiscing about all the stuff they used to do together, only for him to disregard it all. For example; She could bring up some random time where he showed her how a specific door worked, however he’d just shrug it off, reminding her that she didn’t smile once that day, and apologizing for wasting her time. Oh man, that would hurt. It would kill her inside watching the man who raised her seemingly wither away and die before her digital eyes, all the while very real death n’ destruction reigns around her, threatening her every move. Though, with the help of her friends, she’d mature and grow as the story progresses, learning to handle it all better each and every day. Never flawlessly, but as well as she can.
All leading up to some point down the line, where we’d essentially have the opposite situation of what’s currently presented; A more stable Uzi trying to drag her jaded, unstable father from the darkness of a world that’s persistently out to kill him and the one thing that he still holds dear. She’d try so hard, willing to give anything to get some semblance of her old dad back. The one who smiled, laughed, played cards, obsessed over doors, all that jazz.
In the end, everything could all culminate in a heart-to-heart with his daughter, where they’d both reach their emotional limits, break down, and ultimately heal some long-standing mental wounds together. And through this, Mr. Doorman could finally achieve a perfect balance. A strong n’ stoic protector, and an emotionally available father. The Perfect Dad, with the perfect ‘stache. The man his family needs.
End Hypothetical
All that said, even if I’m wrong about literally everything stated above, one thing I’d put money on, is that at some point… Khan Doorman is going to die. I think he sacrifices himself in a total 180 of the scene where he abandons Uzi and leaves her to die at the hands of N, presenting his growth as a man, and as a father to his only child. Redeeming himself in the eyes of his daughter, his wife, and most importantly, himself. I think it’d be the perfect conclusion to his story, even if this specific hypothetical storyline may (definitely) be off. Either way, I just don’t see him making it to the finish line, and that’s okay. Where a Khan’s story ends, Uzi’s truly begins.

I ordered the buy one get extra premium sandwich for a $1 in the app reward offer. I order two baconators and then a $5 biggie meal. So total charged was $15.92. So when I get my food back it's the biggie meal and one baconator. And then look at my receipt, and they charge me for the discounted baconator at 1 dollar and shows the discount(-6.95) for a total of $7.22. It says 'MBL PUW total'. 7.22. Then they subtract that from the 15.92 paid credit card charge from app, and then it says 'Change 8.70'.
It takes two days for the credit card to go from pending to paid, and I end up being charged the full $15.92. So it looks like they pocketed the $8.70.
I went to complain when this immediately happened and the manager gaslighted me saying nothing was wrong and got PO'd when he showed me after a few minutes that I was only paid for $7.22. I later looked at the Wendy's app, and found where you can check previous orders, and I ordered correctly. So they changed it between ordering from app to pickup, so it balances their books but pocket the extra 8.70.
​
This was the Wendy's in Fremont california on Mowry restaurant #00004627
mobile order 9030017
5:49 PM May 29th
This is my complaint. I'm not going to restaurant and hassle for the refund, I did that immediately after it happened. But I'm offended they stole $8.70 directly from my pocket. So they get no sympathy. I'm guessing this could happen to anyone who uses the Wendy's app, so check your items.
Links to receipt from store and my original order from app.
https://postimg.cc/FktCQ0Cf
https://postimg.cc/3ykH8C19

Are you 15-17 years old? Researchers at Teachers College, Columbia University are seeking adolescents (ages 15-17 years) in the greater New York City area (NY, NJ, PA, CT) to participate in an online, paid, confidential study aimed at understanding how different patterns of thoughts and feelings might be related to teen mental health. We ask teens about both positive and negative experiences they may have had—including some questions that may feel like they apply to them and some that do not. There are questions related to specific topics (e.g., self-harm/suicide), but teens don’t need to have had direct experiences with those topics personally to participate as we are recruiting adolescents with diverse backgrounds, including some who have had thoughts of hurting themselves and some who have never had these thoughts. Adolescent participation involves an initial 70-90 min Zoom meeting, 2-week daily surveys using a mobile phone app, and a shorter follow-up Zoom meeting.
Eligible participants will be compensated up to $110 at the end of study participation. Parent/guardian consent is required. Parents/guardians also have the option to fill out brief surveys for a $10 gift card. This is a federally-funded study approved by Teachers College, Columbia University (IRB protocol #21-279) that has been successfully run over the past year with local teens.
If interested, please fill out your information using this link: https://tccolumbia.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV\_0252JS5pyIkKWZU or call (212) 678-8215 or email [email protected].

Researchers at Teachers College, Columbia University are seeking adolescents (ages 15-17 years) in the greater New York City area (NY, NJ, PA, CT) to participate in an online, paid, confidential study aimed at understanding how different patterns of thoughts and feelings might be related to teen mental health. We ask teens about both positive and negative experiences they may have had—including some questions that may feel like they apply to them and some that do not. There are questions related to specific topics (e.g., self-harm/suicide), but teens don’t need to have had direct experiences with those topics personally to participate as we are recruiting adolescents with diverse backgrounds, including some who have had thoughts of hurting themselves and some who have never had these thoughts. Adolescent participation involves an initial 70-90 min Zoom meeting, 2-week daily surveys using a mobile phone app, and a shorter follow-up Zoom meeting. Eligible participants will be compensated up to $110 at the end of study participation. Parent/guardian consent is required. Parents/guardians also have the option to fill out brief surveys for a $10 gift card. This is a federally-funded study approved by Teachers College, Columbia University (IRB protocol #21-279) that has been successfully run over the past year with local teens.
​
If interested, please fill out your information using this link: https://tccolumbia.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV\_0252JS5pyIkKWZU or call (212) 678-8215 or email [email protected].

Last Thursday I made a post where I showed the unlabeled timelines of each Documental season, and wrote that I planning to release all my data showing the entire breakdown of every card given in the first 10 seasons (and the shelved S8).
That time has come.
Reddit posts are limited to 40k characters, so I can't fit all the seasons in one post. However, I was planning to cap off the data post with a post reviewing every season, where I'd divide Documental into three eras (1-4, 5-7, shelved 8 - 10) and try to rank them. Instead, I'll combine the timeline, data, and review into three posts, one for each era. The reviews will go in a comment to save space.
Welcome to the Classic Era (alternatively, the Cookie-Fujimoto Era) of Documental. Introduction and methodology in the comments to save space.
ドキュメンタル。。。スタート！

Season 1

U! S! A!
Documental Season 1 Card Timeline
Winner: None (three-way tie, unofficial winner Anthony)

Contestant	Duo Name	Catchphrase*	Points**	Final Rank
Miyagawa Daisuke (宮川大輔)	(solo)	１、２を争うゲラ (Quick To Laugh)	N/A	7th (Tie)

​

Time	Card	Primary Culprit(s)	Secondary Culprit(s)	Description	Category
5:20:25	Yellow	(self), Jimmy		Thwaps Jimmy with a rubber band in his bald spot. Twists the rubber band around his mouth immediately after, he claims he was "trying to make a funny face" but Matsumoto says he was using it to hold back a laugh and "that's wrong".	Boke, Self-Destruct
3:31:49	Orange	kukky		kukky comes out with the Tenga Egg on his head that he inflates.	Immediate, Absurd
2:59:31	Red	kukky, Fujimoto	(self)	["Double elimination"]: Fujimoto initiates cleaning Daisuke's ass of the toilet paper, the killing blow comes when kukky comes and sprays something (perfume)? Both Daisuke and Saito get reds.	Coup de grace, Absurd, Lost Endurance

​

Ohchi Yosuke (大地洋輔)	Dienoji (ダイノジ)	エアギター世界王者 (Air Guitar World Champion)	N/A	9th

​

5:47:52	Yellow	Jimmy		"Yoshimoto's Al Capone": Ohchi is laughing pretty much throughout the group's conversation about Hachimitsu's shirt (and Fujimoto's "giant wife", per Kubota) but Jimmy coming out with his "mother and child" lamb gets him to laugh, chided for hiding behind cigarette.	Boke, Absurd, Passive, Warning
5:26:26	Safe!	Anthony		Examined during the Saito orange, Ohchi accused of laughing but holding it in during Anthony's "move" which consists of him squeezing his head through the opponent's arm and saying Hello.	Absurd
4:28:33	Red	kukky		Laughs at kukky's joke about his jacket hood being full of tofu, specifically just the joke and the word "tofu", as he even reinacts it "It's soaked in sweat." "Yeah, it's wet." "That's not sweat. There's tofu in there.". He explains that kukky uses tofu as a joke for everything.	Immediate, Boke, ???, Personal, Unfunny

​

Kubota Kazunobu (久保田和靖)	"Torosa-mon" [sic.] (とろサーモン)	サイコパス的な。。。(Psychopathic...)	N/A	Survived*** (would have placed 2nd on points)

​

1:06:33	Yellow	Anthony		Loses the rock-paper-scissors against Fujimon and has to look at the photo of Anthony's dad (same photo where he blends into background that Kawahara laughs at) first. His voice trembles with a laugh.	Traditional, Strict

​

Fujimoto Toshifumi (藤本敏史)	"Fujiwara" (FUJIWARA)	嫁への依存心でハングリーになれるか？ (Can He Be Hungry Dependent On His Wife?)	N/A	4th

​

5:33:48	Yellow	Jimmy, Daisuke		["They calm me"]: Jimmy and Daisuke line up to play rock-paper-scissors, Daisuke tells Jimmy to put the sheep away and he says they calm them, then Jimmy bursts into laughter. Saito and Fujimoto also caught smiling (albeit Fujimoto smiles in a way that he will always do in the later seasons).	Strict, Warning
2:14:53	Orange	Anthony		A talk starting from Fujimon not needing 10M, name a comedian still popular in their 50s, Ishizuka... Anthony mentions "But I heard that when he does those gourmet reports, he leaves a lot of food." and Fujimoto goes "Hmph!".	Strict, Personal
18:50	Red	Kawahara, (self)		Kawahara goes out with his boxing glove punch strainer dip routine. Fujimoto joins in taking the strainer, and Kawahara hits him in the face with the boxing glove at the end. Fujimoto laughs. "When you get punched that much, you can't help but laugh. I thought, 'What the hell am I doing?'".	Rolling, Absurd, Coup de grace

​

kukky (くっきー)	"Yaseibakuden" (野性爆弾)	ドリ客 (Can-ghter)	N/A	5th

​

4:34:08	Yellow	Hachimitsu		Laughs at Hachimitsu's black-and-yellow lucha libre mask. Contemporary with Ohchi's orange for laughing throughout. No time given, so I'm going off of the 4:33:18 seen when Ohchi's laughs minus 50 seconds of broadcast time to the start.	Traditional
4:07:16	Orange	Daisuke		["Analympics"]: Daisuke demonstrates the game he used to play in dressing rooms: Analympics, strips underwear and shows anus very fast. Kukky laughs because he had toilet paper crumbs left ("looked like termites"), Hachimitsu and Saito also examined, Saito marked safe but other two get orange.	Vulgar, Immediate, Unexpected
2:19:00	Red	Kubota		Kubota performs an unfunny version of Pikotaro. "B... oo... boobs!" It's not even remotely funny, so kukky laughs. Time not shown so going off starting time.	Unfunny

​

Saito Tsukasa (斎藤司)	"Trendy Angel" (トレンディエンジェル)	ハケごときで (His Baldness Is Lame)	N/A	7th (Tie)

​

5:33:48	Yellow	Jimmy, Daisuke		Jimmy and Daisuke line up to play rock-paper-scissors, Daisuke tells Jimmy to put the sheep away and he says they calm them, then he bursts into laughter. Saito and Fujimoto also caught smiling.	Boke
5:26:26	Orange	Jimmy		"First orange": After Jimmy gives him his hair, he goes to wash his head. Jimmy "makes a funny face" and Saito laughs. The group insists Jimmy was laughing and hiding his face in the sink but Matsumoto doesn't check up on it. Ohchi also examined and not carded. Since Saito was attacking he gets an orange, which is explained as the last step before red.	Boke
4:07:16	Safe!	Daisuke		["Analympics"]	Vulgar, Immediate

​

Kawahara Katsumi (川原克己	"Tenjikunezumi" (天竺鼠)	板尾創路の系譜 (The "Itsuji Itao Type")	N/A	Survived*** (would have placed 3rd on points)

​

2:09:52	Yellow	(self)		"That's quite manly of you...": Nobody's ever seen Kawahara laugh, so he decides to show them. He hides his face and uncovers it to indeed reveal him laughing. "I thought he wouldn't make a face at all. But he gave us a full on laugh. It was so unlike him.". His goal was that everybody would laugh in response. Fujimoto does laugh, but after the siren.	!!!
1:12:11	Orange	Anthony		Laughs at Anthony's second photo of his American dad Viktor (a night photo where his dad is barely visible due to his dark skin color).	Traditional

​

Hachimitsu Jiro (ハチミツ二郎)	"Tokyo Dynamite" (東京ダイナマイト)	地肩が強い (Mr. Highly Proficient)	N/A	6th

​

5:59:17	Safe!	(self)		["First siren on Documental"]: pretty much everyone is laughing, but specifically Jiro's smile as he introduces himself to Jimmy and Jimmy's "stretched mouth" after Kawahara introduces himself as "Kyojin from All Hanshin" get called out.	Lost Concentration, Fun
5:00:25	Yellow	Jimmy		Jimmy eats the bun with the wasabi clearly on it, there's still one more, Hachimitsu laughs as he says "It should be okay...".	Lost Concentration
4:07:16	Orange	Daisuke		["Analympics"]	Vulgar, Immediate
2:50:51	Red	Fujimon	(self)	Earlier on, as Hachimitsu shows off the lucha libre masks, he stands on a chair and breaks it, and Ohchi swings a broken part of the chair around like a tonfa. Later, Kawahara is doing a running joke where he takes credit for other things, and replicated Ohchi's joke. Hachimitsu remarks that he made that and Fujimon says "You didn't make it". They repeat this exchange and Hachimitsu smiles. Fujimoto is stunned as Hachimitsu smiled at the simplest possible tsukkomi response: "What else should I say? You didn't make it." In the interview after, Hachimitsu talks about how he lost his focus, and couldn't understand why Fujimoto was so persistent about something so trivial, as "When you think about it, I made that prop".	Tsukkomi, Lost Concentration

​

Anthony (アントニー	"Matenrou" (マテンロウ)	毛色が違う (A Horse of a Different Color)	N/A	Survived*** (would have placed 1st on points)

​

3:21:16	Yellow	(self)	kukky	Anthony puts on kukky's Tenga Egg and enjoys it, saying "This is fun" but smiling as he does.	Lost Concentration, Fun
1:16:37	Orange	(self)		Laughs "like at a normal dinner" while showing Fujimon his kindergarten photo.	Lost Concentration, Fun

​

Jimmy Onishi (ジミー大西)	(solo)	化物 (Monster)	N/A	10th

​

5:59:17	Safe!	Kawahara		["First siren on documental"]	Traditional
5:33:48	Yellow	(self), Daisuke		["They calm me"]	Boke
5:26:26	Safe!	(self)		["First orange"]	Boke
4:56:08	Red	Fujimon	(self)	Hachimitsu says Fujimon is close to laughing and Fujimon complains about Jimmy: "But he keeps drinking!" (after they agreed using bottles to hide a laugh is a foul). Jimmy laughs and gets mad at Fujimon, saying he was only drinking because the wasabi was still hot and he kept tricking Jimmy into laughing.	???

FINAL WORDS:

Anthony: You act like you're the best, but you're hopeless. ([小僧?]一番出来る感じ出して、なんてないっす。）
Kubota: Hm?
(silence)

Season 2

The legendary 657 seconds. A true fight to the death. This is Documental.
Documental Season 2 Card Timeline
Winner: Kotouge (2 remaining, won 3-0 on points)

Contestant	Duo Name	Catchphrase*	Points	Final Rank	Likelihood To Win**
Yoshimura Takashi (吉村崇)	Heisei Nobushikobushi (平成ノブシコブシ)	破天荒芸人 (The Wild Cannon Comedian)	1	3rd	5th

​

Time	Card	Primary Culprit(s)	Secondary Culprit(s)	Description	Category
4:28:29	Yellow	Jimmy		["Reshuffled"]: Jimmy gets his balls sucked in the vaccuum and reacts to the pain: "Look at my balls, they've been reshuffled (互い違い)". Matsumoto says everyone could be called out but Yoshimura and Tsuda were clear outs, giving everyone a yellow as a coincidence. The two assert that at first they had no idea what Jimmy meant, but his balls had indeed moved "not just up and down, there was a lateral transfer too".	Boke, Verbal, Vulgar, Physical
20:25	Orange	Fujimoto		As Fujimoto undresses, Joyman falls out. Turns out Fujimoto had stuck Joyman inside his underwear, and it even stuck to his butt for a moment.	Unexpected, Trap
10:56	Red	Kotouge		Kotouge spits water onto the photo of Tsuda's mother and yells "old hag!". Almost all of it richochets onto Yoshimura.	Unexpected, Physical

​

Miyagawa Daisuke (宮川大輔)	(solo)	楽屋での密室芸 (The Closed-Door Backstage Artist)	0	10th	2nd

​

5:28:02	Safe!	Jimmy		["Yam-jelly"]: Jimmy "quits priesthood" and strips, uncovering his smelly yam-jelly dick (konnyaku) covering. Himura laughs, says Daisuke laughed as he looks down but Matsumoto rules it as after the red siren.	Absurd, Boke
5:20:39	Yellow	Jimmy, Himura, (self)		["Atsui/Itai"]: Daisuke shoots a rubber band at Jimmy's ass, Jimmy responds with "Atsui!" (It's hot!). Himura starts to tsukkomi Jimmy saying that's not right, he should say "Itai!" (It hurts!) instead. Miyagawa all along is holding it in, eventually hissing out a laugh (Matsumoto-san! Matsumoto-san!), and says Himura was laughing too but Matsumoto says the cameras didn't catch Himura.	Boke, Lost Endurance
4:17:38	Red	Jimmy, (self)		Jimmy washes his head and is soaking wet, Daisuke offers Jimmy a towel, Jimmy says No thanks, Daisuke chuckles as he responds "Why? It's just..." (... a towel.). Asked why he laughed he repeats this story over and over. He was just talking with Jimmy as he normally would and lost his concentration.	???, Boke, Lost concentration

​

Oshima Miyuki (大島美幸)	Morisantyu (森三中)	女芸人登場 (The First Female Competitor)	1	8th	9th

​

5:42:01	Yellow	(self)		Hands her panties to Jimmy, then they get examined by the group: "Do you play baseball in them or something?".	Self-destruct
4:58:21	Orange	Kotouge, Kojima	Fujimon	As the group rags on Kojima being unfunny with his wooden drum, Fujimon points out there's a "wooden drum right next to him" (Kotouge) and Kojima gets spurred to play him. Kojima thwacks Kotouge on the head with his mallet a bit too hard and Kotouge reacts in pain.	Physical
3:29:16	Red	(self), Jimmy		"A poorly written mystery:" Oshima makes Jimmy ramen. He eats it and complains it's sweet. "You put sugar in it, didn't you? Oshimaaa!" She can't hold it in. After the red card she reveals she made Jimmy's ramen half-filled with orange juice - Jimmy's still angry as she leaves.	Self-destruct, Boke, Trap

​

Himura Yuki (日村勇紀)	Bananaman (バナナマン)	笑いの有段者 (The Black Belt Comedian)	0	5th

​

5:28:02	Yellow	Jimmy		["Yam-jelly"]	Absurd, Boke, Passive
5:20:39	Safe	Jimmy, (self), Daisuke		["Atsui/Itai"]	Boke, Passive
2:01:01	Orange	Kotouge	(self), Fujimoto, Yoshimura, Saito	Fujimoto starts a sketch with his screaming mouth mask. Yoshimura joins in with his beer liker cap mask. Saito comes in with the titty cap as if it was really funny, and that turns off the pressure. Then Kotouge comes out with absolutely nothing (he wanted to join, but they already ended), and Himura laughs as he realizes Kotouge doesn't have anything.	Passive, Unexpected
1:27:56	Red	Kotouge		Kotouge does Akira 100% while getting his balls slurped by the vaccuum. On the suggestion that he do it standing on the tray, he slips and impales himself on the trunk behind him. Himura laughs when he sees the bruise that Kotouge has from it.	Physical, Passive

​

Kojima Kazuya (児嶋一哉)	Unjash (アンジャッシュ）	木偶の坊 (The Dunce)	0	9th	7th

​

4:37:54	Yellow	Jimmy, Yoshimura		["Under the konnyaku"]: Jimmy brings in the vaccuum cleaner, Yoshimura says "What if we try under the konnyaku?" and sucks up his genitals, Jimmy reacts in pain as expected. Matsumoto comes for Kojima but group says Kotouge was who they all saw, both get yellows.	Physical
4:08:07	Orange	Kotouge		Kotouge comes out wearing a chainmail helmet and proclaims "If you hit me (again), it wouldn't hurt at all". Kojima hits him again and it hurts - it didn't work at all. Matsumoto checks to see whether to give an orange (warning) or another yellow (which would mean a red), but gives him orange because he was attacking.	Physical, Rolling
3:46:45	Red	Fujimon, Kotouge	Saito	"An incredible stutter": Saito attempts a titty gag but nobody laughs and the group around the porthole point out that's all he's been trying. Kotouge gives an "unclear stutter" as he says "You only brought titties to thish sh-show..." ("お前今日、おっぱいしか（？？？）じゃない、この番組。。。” and Fujimon reacts with a "Hm?". Discussion as to whether it counts as Kotouge's point, Kojima says he laughed at Fujimon's "Hm?" reaction. Saito says he set it up but Matsumoto says it wasn't even remotely funny.	Tsukkomi, Unexpected

​

Fujimoto Toshifumi (藤本敏史)	Fujiwara (FUJIWARA）	ムードメーカー (The Moodmaker)	4	4th	6th

​

4:42:40	Yellow	Tsuda		Tsuda brings in the photo of his mom at 14 hula hooping, tells the story of her bad-smelling farts, and reveals that she was a javelin thrower. The group locks on to Fujimon and makes him look at the photo. "Textbook comedy".	Traditional
59:52	Orange	(self)	Saito	"Are 200 watts funny?": trying to do his nose hair remover and heating it up in the microwave, it isn't working. Fujimon insists it will work. Saito: Doesn't that say 200 watts? Fujimon: It only has 200 watts. Saito: 500 watts before. Fujimon: Well, this won't work... it's broken. He chuckles casually while saying that last phrase for some reason. After the card, the group repeats 200 watts to try to make Fujimoto laugh.	???, Lost Concentration
16:16	Red	Yoshimura		"Revenge of the Joyman": During the seltzer-chug challenge, Yoshimura puts Joyman on the bottom of the water bottle, getting revenge for his own orange from Fujimon.	Traditional

​

Saito Shinji (斉藤慎二)	Jungle Pocket (ジャングルポケット）	唯一無二の個性 (A Unique Character)	0	2nd (Survived, lost on points)	10th

​

4:49:37	Yellow	Jimmy		During Kojima's skit, the microwave beeps. What did you heat? Jimmy answers Strawberry candy (earlier, during Fujimon's "Cat's Eye, Dog Nose... add one more" associated word exchange with Kotouge, Jimmy answered with the complete non-sequitur Strawberry Candy). The group thought Jimmy laughed but Saito is called out for suspiciously eating bread right after that statement.	Absurd, Boke

​

Tsuda Atsuhiro (津田篤宏	Daian (ダイアン)	ナニワが抜けてない (He Still Reeks Of Old-Style Osaka)	1	6th	8th

​

4:28:29	Yellow	Jimmy		["Reshuffled"]	Boke, Verbal, Vulgar, Physical
4:00:37	Orange	(Yoshimura or Fujimon, whoever brought Joyman and laid the trap)		As Tsuda shows the picture of his silver-capped-tooth mother, he turns around and sees a trap: somebody placed Joyman's Takagi on the hula hoop. He goes "Heh!" and Matsumoto lets him off with a "any mistake and you're done, this orange card is virtually a yellow"***.	Trap, Strict
3:01:00	Red	(self), Fujimon		Laughs throughout his Masayuki Suzuki impression (Chigau, chiiii-gau, sou jya na-iii...), final laugh after Fujimon's "See you in Yoyogi" (5 o' clo...).	Self-destruct, Tsukkomi

​

Kotouge Eiji (小峠英二)	Viking (バイきんぐ)	怒り芸 (The Anger Artist)	3	1st (Survived, won on points)	4th

​

4:37:54	Yellow	Jimmy, Yoshimura		["Under the konnyaku"]	Physical, Boke
1:13:24	Orange	Fujimon	Saito	Saito tries inhaling the helium that he brought but it doesn't work for him. Fujimon shows him how it's done and says "Hello". Kotouge has a slight smirk, the group defends him (We don't want to see him expelled just for that...) and he gets an orange.	Strict, Traditional

​

Jimmy Onishi (ジミー大西)	(solo)	異星からの贈り物 (A Gift From Outer Space)	9	7th	3rd

​

5:56:42	Orange***	(self)		Laughs casually as he's distributing his "crackers for friendship".	Lost Concentration
5:42:01	Yellow***	Oshima		Oshima hands her panties to Jimmy, then they get examined by the group: "Do you play baseball in them or something?". Oshima laughs but Jimmy gets caught too.	Traditional
3:21:27	Red	Fujimon		Fujimoto randomly does the Ice Bucket Challenge (after Saito spits on Kotouge's head to wash off his "hair").	Unexpected, Absurd, Immediate

FINAL WORDS:
What will we do? Thirty seconds... time for one more. It has to be... (rubber chicken sque-eak).
(Followed after final bell by 'Wait wait wait, please..." "It's over").

Season 3

Squeee... squeee squeee squeee... (Toos! Haah!)
Documental Season 3 Card Timeline
Winner: Yamamoto (2 remaining, won 1-0 on points)

Contestant	Duo Name	Catchphrase	Points	Final Rank
Kendo Kobayashi (ケンドーコバヤシ)	(solo)	無冠の嘘帝王 (An Emperor Without A Crown) / 不惑のTHEエロス (A Merciless Pervert)	2	4th

​

Time	Card	Primary Culprit(s)	Secondary Culprit(s)	Description	Category
3:40:40	Yellow	Kasuga		["Kasuga after the bell"]: They look at Kasuga's dick during the bell, but immediately after: "Can you show us again?". Kendo looks down but RG goes "bu-bu". Matsumoto comes for Kendo first "but what's the story with RG?". No time given but after the bell is 3h4040s, so I'll go with that.	Physical, Vulgar, Joins in
3:31:36	Orange	Kasuga, Goto		["Curry rice"]: Immediately after Kendo's previous card, Goto asks to try putting the curry rice in there. Kasuga does and it comes at slowly - the speed at which it's served makes him laugh, but Kasuga is said to be smiling during it as well, though I don't see it.	Physical, Vulgar
1:25:45	Red	kukky (zombie)	Date (zombie)	["Teddy Bear-chan enters"]: Date as the daddy brings out kukky's Teddy Bear-chan for the first time. Kasuga and Kendo get reds.	Absurd, Immediate, Routine

​

Goto Terumoto (後藤輝基)	Footballhour (フットボールアワー)	ツッコミスナイパー: "Comedy Sniper"	2	7th

​

5:01:01	Yellow	kukky		Laughs at kukky's "ghost photo" of Master Daisuke, particularly the green head one - "you have no respect for these veterans, it's downright rude".	Traditional, Absurd, Coup de grace, Prepared, Prop
3:47:48	Orange	(self), Iwahashi, Kasuga		"A remarkable coincidence": Kasuga shows off his pubic area and Goto calls his skin smooth (tsuru-tsuru: つるつる), and Iwahashi says "Brings back memories, right?" as he at the same time was making a paper crane (tsuru: 鶴). Goto laughs all-out but he's spared, as "I have never seen such a coincidence in my life.".	???, !!!, Unexpected
2:46:35	Red	Kendo, (self)		Kendo comes out as Yuriko Koike. Goto asks him: "Are you moving the markets to Toyosu?" the response: "Not anymore. Changed it again. Jakuzure." Goto laughs at the response: "Why would you build a fish market there?".	Impersonation, Quip

​

Akiyama Ryuji (秋山竜次)	Robert (ロバート)	千のキャラを持つ男: "The Man of a Thousand Characters"	1	5th

​

3:41:23	Yellow	Kasuga, (self)	Goto, Kendo	Kasuga shows off his privates and his impressive foreskin as Goto eats a sausage. "How can you eat while seeing that?" Goto is tasked to eat while face-to-face with Kasuga's foreskin. Kendo sits down next to him. Akiyama jumps in too but laughs - "I don't usually laugh at things like that. But his foreskin was even more impressive than I imagined". Matsmoto only gives him a yellow as "He jumped into that by himself. I take such efforts into consideration.".	Jumps In, Vulgar, Physical
3:22:47	Orange	Kasuga, Goto		Kasuga puts the mini eel bento eraser out of his foreskin. "Almost all of you were laughing. But if we go down there, there will be no end. So the guy who stood out the most is out. Akiyama." Akiyama: "I held on the whole time, but then he started clenching his body. Nobody guessed it wouldn't come out. Then he tried to push it out with while whole body, and an eel bento popped out.".	Vulgar, Physical
1:39:46	Red	Yamamoto	Kendo	During Kendo's conversation with Yamamoto about why the latter "went away", Yamamoto reveals he's been sucking on Iwahashi's pills from before, still, without chewing. 1h41m09s shown earlier. Final time.	Traditional, Unexpected

​

Kinoshita Takayuki (木下隆行)	TKO (TKO)	本気芝居入道 (True Bald Actor)	0	[2nd (Survived, lost on points)

​

2:15:21	Yellow	Iwahashi, (self)		Makes Iwahashi play his "Can do it or Can't do it?" game. The first card is Chomi from Chomi-Choko and Iwahashi insists he could "do her".	Counter, Boke
44:37	Orange	Akiyama (zombie), Kendo (zombie)		"The sweat laugh": One of the most memorable endurance trials in Documental history, the sweat laugh. Akiyama and Kendo's VIP service routine, where Akiyama is a Chinese masseuse who massages Kendo with oil and continuously offers 30-minute extensions, lymph node massages, and the "Double Dip Course", involving massaging his groin. Kendo says he's "about to blow", and Akiyama says he has to finish himself in the shower. You can hear Kendo shower in the changing room as Akiyama sings something in Chinese. All along, Kinoshita is sitting there trying to endure without laughing, to the point where he has a physical reaction and sweat pours down his face. After Akiyama starts singing, he breaks and laughs out loud.	Passive, Explosive, Lost Endurance, Vulgar, Routine

​

Kasuga Toshiaki (春日俊彰)	Audrey (オードリー)	奇怪なる節約魔獣 (A Bizarre Thrifty Monster)	6	3rd

​

3:31:36	Yellow	Kasuga, Goto		["Curry rice"]	Self-destruct, Strict
2:39:28	Orange	Akiyama		Akiyama comes out with the panty mask and the penis enlarger stretching device he got from a magazine he writes for.	Vulgar, Prepared, Prop, Absurd, Immediate
1:25:45	Red	kukky (zombie)	Date (zombie)	["Teddy Bear-chan enters"]	Absurd, Immediate, Routine

​

kukky (くっきー)	Yaseibakudan (野性爆弾)	綱渡り放送コード (Walking The Tightrope Of The Broadcast Laws) / 正真正銘最終兵器 (The Ultimate Weapon)	4	10th

​

5:15:39	Yellow	Goto	Yamamoto, Kasuga, Kinoshita	The massage tappers brought by Kinoshita keep getting held by Yamamoto after Kasuga's sixpad performance. Eventually they try it on a shirtless Goto holding the "guitar" (violin), and Cookie laughs after he joins in a bit saying "bi-bi-bi".	Join in, Absurd
4:05:07	Red	Goto	(self)	Earlier Cookie gave Goto the pull tab with the mini sushi eraser (that Goto brought). Goto returned the favor by giving a pull tab with a mini curry inside. Cookie laughs full-on and gets a red.	Trap

​

RG	Razor Ramon (レイザーラモン)	進撃のあるあるシンガー (The Attack of the Observational Humor Singer) / 日本のアイアンハート (The Iron Heart of Japan)	0	8th

​

4:36:45	Yellow	(self), Cookie		RG writes UFO backwards on his forehead accidentally (because he did it in a mirror), Cookie asks "Why is ON written on your forehead" (note that UFO backwards (O=	U) sort of looks like ON).
4:34:34	Orange	Kendo?, (self)	Yamamoto	Immediately after RG's previous card, they get watermelon rinds to eat, and somebody (sounds like Kendo?) asks "Can you eat like Shimura?". RG smiles	Lost Concentration
3:40:40	Red	Kasuga		["Kasuga after the bell"]:They look at Kasuga's dick during the bell, but immediately after: "Can you show us again?". Kendo looks down but RG goes "bu-bu". Matsumoto comes for Kendo first "but what's the story with RG?". No time given but after the bell is 3h4040s, so I'll go with that.	Physical, Vulgar, Passive

​

Date Mikio (伊達みきお)	Sandwichman (サンドウィッチマン)	金髪ブタおしゃべり野郎 (Blond Chatty Pig)	0	9th

​

4:57:27	Orange	kukky		Laughs at kukky's "ghost photo" of Master Daisuke, particularly a shrunken head one. Given an orange because he laughs out loud (after saying "I can't take this" - Master Daisuke's head gets smaller and smaller).	Prop, Lost Endurance, Explosive
3:54:33	Red	(self), Kinoshita		Who broke Kinoshita's mirror. Date - you are a girl. Proof - show us your breasts. He shows his stomach - one level higher. Date smiles twice - once while showing one breast, the second time for the other. All I did was show a nipple and go "hmmph".	Self-destruct, ???, Strict

​

Iwahashi Yoshimasa (岩橋良昌)	Plus Minus (プラス・マイナス)	やってはいけない症候群 (Compulsive Behavior)	1	6th

​

4:36:45	Safe	RG, Cookie		RG writes UFO backwards on his forehead accidentally (because he did it in a mirror), Cookie asks "Why is ON written on your forehead"?. Iwahashi not carded but Matsumoto accuses him of using his condition as an excuse.	Warning
2:35:07	Orange	Kendo	(self), Yamamoto	Laughed in the middle of a normal conversation: Iwahashi says he needs to shave the side of his head but his wife can't do it. Kendo: "You have a wife?" Iwahashi: "I have a wife. And two kids." Kendo: "She must be crazy.". Iwahashi laughs because he was so relieved Yamamoto took the razor that he relaxed like in a salon.	Lost Concentration, Fun
1:50:50	Red	Kasuga	(self)	Iwahashi bring the "Strange Supplement" supposed to make you lose taste, and demonstrates it. Kasuga tries it with condensed milk, tabasco that makes him cough (though he insists it's not spicy), and mustard. The mustard also makes him cough, and Iwahashi cracks up (putting on the glasses and buck teeth), because "It was funny watching him pretend he's okay. He kept pretending. In the end he couldn't pretend". Kasuga was pretending all along.	Lost Endurance, Boke, Explosive

​

Yamamoto Keiichi (山本圭壱)	Gokuraku Tombo (極楽とんぼ)	蘇る金豚 (Resurrection of the Golden Pig)	1	1st (survived, won on points)

​

5:49:25	Yellow	(self)	(room), Iwahashi, Kinoshita	According to Matsumoto, Yamamoto was just constantly smiling for the first ten minutes due to the mood in the room: happy to be there.	Fun, Lost Concentration, Warning
5:04:03	Orange	kukky		Laughs at kukky's "ghost photo" of Master Daisuke, particularly the shrunken head one. Unusually, no time shown after so time is based on shot during Yamamoto's rampage after.	Prop

FINAL WORDS:
A series of squeaks and sighs.

Season 4

In the space between you and the sky / Today, too, a golden rain falls...
Documental Season 4 Card Timeline
Winner: kukky (4 remaining, won 4-2-1-1 on points)

Contestant	Duo Name	Catchphrase	Points	Final Rank
Nobu (ノブ)	Chidori (千鳥)	ツッコミ界のクセ強者 (The Tricky Straight Man)	0	10th

​

Time	Card	Primary Culprit(s)	Secondary Culprit(s)	Description	Category
5:40:25	Safe	Daigo, Kurochan		["Stick to your mustache"]: Kurochan drinks milk, when told by Daigo "It'll stick to your mustache" he drinks it in one gulp and it doesn't stick to his mustache. Daigo laughs first, Nobu judged safe.	Boke
5:02:50	Yellow	(self)	Fujimoto	Daigo and Nobu accidentally get into a pose that Nobu explains looks like they're "young actors doing a photoshoot". He poses with Fujimon, who shrugs him off. Nobu laughs as everyone looks at him, just from setting up the joke.	Self-destruct
3:51:53	Orange	kukky		The famous "Kaan!" laugh. kukky hands out collectible photos of Master Daisuke with obscene phrases. Nobu tries to hold it in, making goofy faces as he does, but the normal phrase "I'm gonna buy some Yomeishu" hits him "like a body blow", and he lets out a laugh with a "Kaan!" sound.	Explosive, Lost Endurance, Coup de grace, Prop
2:59:42	Red	Iio, Fujimoto		Iio pulls out his oogiri responses, and it turns into an oogiri game with Fujimoto playing support, revealing the Nishizawa's phone case of Master Sakata, "say a word for this photo" (写真で一言). After a series of attacks where Nobu gets weaker, Iio comes up with new responses (normal oogiri), the one that gets Nobu to crack is "I love you." (好きだ！).	Personal, Prop, Lost Endurance

​

Itoda Jun (井戸田潤)	Speed Wagon (スピードワゴン)	同情するなら笑いくれ (If You Feel Sorry For Me, Laugh)	0	7th

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1:54:03	Yellow	Daigo	Miyasako	["The Nose"]: Miyasako makes everyone perform a gag to eat his steak. Daigo puts netting around his face with a hole cutout for the nose. "I'm here to play The Nose". Itoda and kukky checked, kukky is safe and Itoda gets a yellow for "defending himself too much like that".	Traditional, Absurd
29:56	Red	Nobu (zombie), Daigo (zombie), Miyasako		["Oh, I ended up pissing"]: Chidori performs their "ika nikan!?" standup (as Matsumoto points out, the exact same skit they performed the day before, at Lumine, at which Matsumoto's daughter laughed) naked, after which they talk about how Daigo was unable to get hard and in the end he wore a condom. Miyasako says he was afraid Daigo would end up pissing with the condom on, and Daigo says he can't piss either. As Miyasako turns away and holds in his laugher, Nobu begins pissing. Miyasako turns back around to see it and laughs hard - Itoda get caught up laughing too.	Vulgar, Unexpected

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Fujimoto Toshifumi (藤本敏史)	Fujiwara (FUJIWARA)	ガヤ永久機関 (The Perennial Supporting Commedian)	2	5th

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4:41:44	Yellow	Kurochan	(self)	Iio starts measuring in bananas, Kurochan starts performing various gags with bananas. Fujimoto eggs him on. Kurochan does a "Nipple beams, they point outwards, heart!" gag, and Fujimoto laughs because "he said outwards, but they're pointing sideways!".	Boke, Verbal
3:49	Red	Iio (zombie), Nobu (zombie)	Itoda (zombie), Miyasako (zombie)	The four zombies come in and do the fighting geezer factions skit (from 24-Hour No Laughing?), involving blowing air into Iio and Nobu's anuses. Fujimon laughs because of a combination of Iio farting (how could he do soemthing like that? after all these years (he's 48) as a pro?) and Nobu being unable to fart (if he can piss, why can't he fart?).	Vulgar, Unexpected, Absurd

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kukky (くっきー)	Yaseibakudan (野性爆弾)	芸人殺し芸人 (The Comedian Killer)	[4	1st (survived, won on points)

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5:23:42	Yellow	Fujimoto	(self)	During the group conversation on souvenirs, talking about edible chili oil. "Pengin Shokudo started it off." Cookie tries to go on the offensive by responding "Who "ur" that?" (ペンギン食堂？なんなら？). Fujimoto goes up to him and asks remember "throwable dumplings"? ("投げるシューマイって覚えてる？”), a completely made-up thing in response to the edible chili oil. Cookie laughs at the imagery.	Verbal, Unexpected, Absurd
1:54:03	Safe	Daigo	Miyasako	["The Nose"]	Traditional, Absurd

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Kurosawa Kazuko (黒沢かずこ)	Morisantyu (森三中)	歌って踊れる肉塊 (She Sings, She Dances, And She's Chubby)	1	4th (survived, lost on points)

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4:57:36	Yellow	(self), Nishizawa		Kurosawa goes around and feeds people pickled cucumbers, giving Nishizawa a "big load". He spits it out and Kurosawa laughs because it came out bigger then she expected, as he chewed it and it comes out mashed.	Self-destruct, Physical
4:51:19	Orange	(self)		"I want to pick up a man"... picks Itoda for her skit where comes home drunk and she plays the wife, but she smiles during the beginning of the skit (maybe too in character).	Self-destruct

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Daigo (大悟)	Chidori (千鳥)	荒くれハニカミ坊主 (The Bashful Ruffian)	2	9th

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5:40:25	Yellow	(self), Kurochan		["Stick to your mustache"]	Counter, Unexpected, ???
5:14:33	Orange	Miyasako		Miyasako brings out one squeaking rubber chicken, then brings out many and squeezes them all at the same time.	Prop, Absurd, Traditional
1:19:52	Red	kukky!, Kurosawa, Fujimoto, Mishizawa		The legendary foursome: Kurosawa sings, Fujimoto dances unwillingly with the gold leotard and the tattoo of his partner, Mishizawa joins in with his student looking for Puma wallet character, and finally kukky comes out as the Teddy Bear-chan, in his I <3 2 PARTY leotard. Matsumoto: "To be honest, he was laughing for a while." Daigo: "I made that face that said "What's so funny aobut this?" and kept that character.	Lost Endurance, Absurd, Passive, Warning

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Iio Kazuki (飯尾和樹)	Zun (ずん)	関根流 正統系統者 (The Legitimate Successor of the Sekine Style)	1	8th

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4:18:21	Yellow	Kurosawa		Kurosawa's Mao Daichi "Straddle Time!" ("あ！あ！お跨ぎさ！") skit, riding the rope. She continues singing it into the locker room, and the siren goes off. The contestants conclude Kurosawa laughed, but Matsumoto says it was Iio who was holding it in and could no longer. Iio says "it was the vibration on the rope when she rubbed it that got me".	Routine, Lost Endurance
2:23:22	Orange	(self)	Fujimoto, Kurosawa	Fujimoto places an (apricot pit?), Iio adds tabasco, Kurosawa picks it up with her mouth. What follows is a cycle of many members sucking it up and spitting it down. Iio sucks it up and is caught laughing, explaining "It was so slimy, I nearly vomited.".	Physical, Join in
1:04:54	Red	Miyasako		Miyasako comes out with a hard-on: "Who left this porn magazine here? In the middle of a serious battle?" The ability to get a hard-on in this situation impresses everyone, but Iio is the one whose face laughs.	Vulgar, Physical, Routine

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Nishizawa Yusuke (西澤裕介)	Daian	不可思議ポーカーフェイス (The Mysterious Poker Face)	1	3rd (survived, lost on points)

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3:42:57	Yellow	Miyasako	(self)	Nishizawa gives out phone cases with Yoshimoto masters, one of which is Master Osamu. Miyasako tells the story of how Master Osamu has an elevator in his house that's super slow. Have you ever been there? Goes like this... and imitates it. "Most natural laugh yet".	Personal

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Kurochan (クロちゃん)	Yausda Dai Circus (安田大サーカス)	ドッキリ日本記録保持者 (The Most-Pranked Comedian in Japan)	2	2nd (survived, lost on points)

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56:44	Yellow	kukky	Itoda, (self)	kukky is cleaning up Itoda's piss (after the members try to figure out what Kurochan's weak at and he replies with dirty jokes, like touching somebody's balls, and Itoda pisses after the stimulation of Miyasako touching his balls (and Fujimon beginning a chorus of Sora to kimi to no aida). Cookie cleans it up and Kurochan hands him one sheet of a paper towel. Cookie complains "Don't just hand me one sheet! If you hand me just one sheet I'll get piss on my hand" and Kurochan smiles as he thinks "Yeah, he'll get piss on him".	Lost Concentration, Tsukkomi, Verbal, ???

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Miyasako Hiroyuki (宮迫博之)	Ameagari (ダイアン)	決死のオフホワイト芸人 (The Not-So-Faithful Do-Or-Die Comedian)	3	6

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2:12:20	Yellow	kukky	Daigo	kukky puts on his Shinya Yamamoto makeup. Starts playing with Daigo, "the distance between Sigourney Weaver and the alien". kukky's skit involves acting slowly, playing with his dentures, putting them in Daigo's mouth, putting on sunglasses, pulling out a banana, putting the dentures in Daigo's mouth... the room is tense, but Miyasako is the first to break when kukky nibbles the tip of the banana but it comes out intact: "He didn't even get one bite!".	Lost Endurance, Coup de grace, Absurd, Passive
29:56	Red	Nobu (zombie), Daigo (zombie), Miyasako		["Oh, I ended up pissing"]	Vulgar, Unexpected, Explosive

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FINAL WORDS:
COOKIE: "Is it really your anus?" （本当肛門に入れてる？） KUROCHAN: He mimicked me. (何か真似した。。。)