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My(21f) parents have been drug addicts my whole life. They done a good job of raising me and my 2 sisters and didn't get really bad until we were teenagers. I was the last sibling to leave home (I left at 16 when it got to the point my childhood home was a drug den with no heating to the point I could see my own breath, no hot water, no oven and it was so dirty you couldn't see the floor. I still had to visit regularly to make sure the dog was okay and they were just becoming worse and worse, I thought I'd never have them back...
2 years ago their house burned down and they lost everything including our dog. It was one of the worst times in my life.
They were forced to leave that environment and managed to get clean (or at least not take stuff every day). I was so happy I couldn't believe I finally had my parents back and knew they were safe. Their new house was close to mine so they have become a big part of my daily life.
The past month or so they have relapsed and it's getting to the point where I haven't seen them as themselves for a long time and every time I visit there is other addicts in the house. Both my sister's have given up and I understand why. It's exhausting to be around but I just cant help but feel sorry for them and I don't know what to do anymore... They always vent to me and say I'm the only one who understands but I worry I'm just enabling them even more. I know there's nothing I can do to help them which is the worst part

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Hold fast to dreams
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly.
— Langston Hughes
Catalogue Description
Self-Monitoring Behavioural Management Report: Casimir Szymański, Scazim Institute of Science and Technology - English Translation
Date:
15 Summer-2 3429 (Standard Parimthian Calendar)
November 23rd, 2162 (Gregorian Calendar)
Held by:
The UK National Archives, Kew
Legal status:
Public Record(s)
My father worshipped a fabricated, pagan prophet.
The Senghavi of the Parimthian Empire are principally joined under the ditheistic religion called Siedi, which I do not subscribe to. Of course, the Senghavi's literature, art, and faith flooded the whole of Earth upon their arrival a century ago. From this ocean of civilised culture, my degenerate species drew a sample, claimed it as our own, and polluted it with a distorted, appropriated, dumbed-down doctrine.
The central figure in this corrupt sample of Siedi was a man whom my father called Jesus Christ. He was said to have offered himself as a sacrifice that could be made to a single God. It was a final sacrifice, one beyond lambs or cattle or people. One that would atone for humanity's sins, so that we could have the free choice between the eternal presence of God and the eternal absence of "Him."
My father dressed himself in black, with a standing collar whose white fabric was exposed at the centre. That much, I could recall. He preached to hopeful humans in what was called a church, though I did not know what he was preaching. At the very least, my childhood is fuzzy in that regard.
The pain that throbbed through my skull, after the blonde savage had slammed my head against the ridges of the airlock, faded into the background. I could not focus; perhaps, I thought, one of their improvised explosives had gone off by accident. There was blue Senghavi blood staining my dress shirt. The rush of air escaping into vacuum pierced my ears.
Perhaps it was thirst of water, which binds most sapient beingsthe Sons of Liberty had reached an agreement with the Colonial Defence Force to allow spacecraft delivering food, water, and medical aid, only to unleash the anti-collision lasers of this cursed spaceliner upon those very ships.
Or perhaps it was the explosion, as I initially thought, an inadvertent complication which had wrought injury and death over my countrymen, and which had forced the terrorist savages to attempt to patch up the many hull breaches left by debris.
Or perhaps it was simply the stress of betraying, in my desperate efforts to save everyone from this senseless violence, the greatest secret of the Senghavi Terrans: our antimatter research. Word of it had likely been forwarded already, hundreds of light-years away, to that pink-hued marble which was Parimth itself.
Or perhaps it was all three; thirst, explosion, and stress. In any case, my mind shut it all out, and something lost from my childhood flashed before me:
We're standing on the cracked street of the Vennec Human Reservation. In the distance, the Senghavi's white, glassy spires reach above the clouds, their accents of luminescence dim in the broad daylight.
I hold a ball in my palm. It's wrapped in white leather held together with red stitching. I toss it to Dad.
Instead of his clerical uniform, he wears the normal "T-shirt" and "cargo shorts." Along with the clerical getup, they are just two of the many sorts of clothing which the Senghavi have invented for humanity. I toss the ball to Dad, and he swings a primitive wooden bat.
The ball goes soaring, further than he meant to. He jogs down the road to retrieve it, then gives me the wooden bat. The breeze ruffles his hair just as he ruffles mine with his hand.
"Now, you try," he says. "It's just practice, that's all."
For some reason, he lifts one leg in the air, then pitches the ball to me. I swing. The impact of the ball shakes through the wood, and it goes careening off to the left.
"I did it!" I yell. "But it went out of bounds."
"Heyyyy, that's not bad," Dad says with a reassuring voice. "Good job, just try to go a little more right next time."
Mom comes out onto the front porch, the breeze ruffling her dress as she waves to Dad. "Dinner's ready, and Mom's pie is... almost ready."
I stare blankly at her until I realise that she is talking about her Mom, Grandma, who is the best at making pumpkin pie.
"The pie!" I shout, running and jumping to the front door. "I totally forgot about that!"
I am ready to speed my way through dinner just so I can get to dessert, but Dad stops me before my first bite.
Of course, I think. We need to say grace. Me, Mom, Dad, Grandma, and Grandpa all hold hands, thanking God for our food, and then dig in. But Mom and Dad just talk about work, and I am too focused on finishing my food quickly to pitch in.
Finally—Grandma's pie!
When you bite into the soft, smooth filling, you can instantly tell it's been made with fresh pumpkins, not the boring canned ones. The taste of cinnamon and spice is balanced out perfectly with the coolness of the whipped cream.
The flavour spreads through my tongue and nostrils, filling my entire brain with a feeling of amazing-ness. If I wrote the Simple-Speak Dictionary for Senghavi Terrans, I'd put Grandma's pie next to the translation of "perfection."
I should save a slice, I think, for the Senghavi kid.
Even though it's only been a week since I met him through the playground fence, we already told each other where we live, and I want to get to know him more. He doesn't live on the Vennec Human Reservation, but his house is just a bike-ride away in Fellye Neighborhood.
I wonder if anyone's ever given pumpkin pie to an alien before. Even though humans only invented it fifty years ago, it makes me feel proud of my species!
When Mom tucks me into bed, kissing my forehead, I tell her what I'm going to do.
"Oh, you wild thing," she coos. "You're so much like your father. And you have his eyes, you know? Just stay safe."
"Don't worry, I'll do my best."
>! "Good night. I love you." !<
>! "I love you, too, Mom," I say. I hug her tightly from my bed, and a warm, fuzzy feeling blossoms within me. I can hardly fall asleep in my excitement. !<
Luckily, Fellye Neighborhood doesn't take apartheid that seriously, and I don't think anybody cares about an eight year-old human riding his bicycle around the gates.
Next evening, I do just that, peddling out of the Reservation's entrance into the violet dusk. When I get to Mensim's address, I ring the hi-tech front doorbell, and a really tall Senghavi shows up.
"Oh, dear," she says in Parimthian. "A barbarian hatchling—by what name do you go?"
"I'm Casimir," I say nervously. I don't pay that much attention in school, but I know just enough Parimthian to talk to the Senghavi woman. "Are you Mrs. Munghazi? Is Mensim fe Munghazi here? I got two slices of pie. You can have one, too!"
She looks at me suspiciously, antennae twitching. "That would be Teacher Munghazi to you; I know not why you natives invented these odd 'Mister' and 'Missis' honorifics. Hold on—Ghanvati! A native hatchling stands at our doorstep!"
Ghanvati must be Mensim's dad. I wonder where his other moms are; only one has shown up to the door. Ghanvati shows up with two of them—they are both shorter and daintier than Teacher Munghazi, their raptorial forelimbs folded shyly against their bodies. In front of the group of three is Mensim, and I involuntarily gasped with excitement.
"Mensim!"
"This is your new companion?" Ghanvati asks Mensim.
Mensim's papery forewings flicker with affirmation. "I met him at school."
"What, pray tell, is the point of apartheid if it does not actually keep natives away from Senghavi?" whines one of Ghanvati's wives.
Ghanvati's antennae droop as if to say "I don't know," while Mensim lifts my arms, inspecting me like I am a test animal in a mad scientist's laboratory.
"How do you guys not get cut all the time?" he asks, tracing his tarsal hairs over my bare skin. "You're so fleshy!"
"I do get cut all the time," I giggled. "We just use band-aids. Oh, do you wanna eat a pumpkin pie?"
It turned out that pumpkin pie is bad for alien stomachs. Mensim had to go to the bathroom for a long time, and three of his moms got mad at me.
When I got back, Dad and Mom were arguing. I snuck close to the back porch, making sure they couldn't hear me.
"Yes, they leave some people alone," Dad said. "Obviously, they can't spy on every single human who believes in human religions. But Katarzyna, they still need people to make an example out of, and I don't want to be that person!"
"Casimir is a responsible kid," Mom retorts. "I told him he can't tell anyone what you do, and he listens to me."
"He's eight years old. You can't just let him wander around aliens with a secret that could have me killed! Or have *you *killed!"
Mom cups Dad's cheek and looks him in the eye. She's a lot shorter than him. "Look, love. You're a great father, and I think it's amazing that you spend time with him. But you're the only person he talks to. You know just as well as I do that he needs to talk to other kids! It's not healthy; even Teacher Perevvoxath agreed. And now he finally has a friend."
Dad sighs, running his hands through his black hair. My hair. "You really think aliens are a substitute for human interaction?"
>! "I think every human needs a person they can talk to, and Casimir found one. If you really care about him, stop preaching for a while! Your church isn't gonna die without you. It'll be okay." !<
The next day, I visit Mensim's house after school again. And the next day after that, and the next after that. His dad Ghanvati is formally named Engineer Munghazi. I am to call his moms Teacher Munghazi, Teacher Munghazi, Teacher Munghazi, Accountant Munghazi, Priestess Munghazi, Doctor Munghazi, and Maidservant Munghazi.
A couple weeks later, Mensim and I are lounging together on his couch, watching a Parimthian war movie. The main characters are fighting against the evil forces of the Imperium of Orion. Under his head capsule, Mensim is munching something called Synth-Fruit, which is imported from a faraway planet called Mryi. I eat Pop-Tarts, which I'm pretty sure are toxic to him.
"Come on, just give me one," Mensim exclaims, reaching over to steal the sweet snacks from me. "It can't be that bad!"
I lift the Pop-Tarts away from him, laughing. "Stoppit, you're attacking me! Pay attention to the movie, or I'm gonna shoot you!"
"But I just want one..."
"It's gonna poison you, and you're gonna get your weird alien throw-up all over me!"
Priestess Munghazi, the oldest of his moms, bursts into the living room, her jewellery clinking over her clerical cape.
"Your sister conveyed to me quite the disturbing piece of news, Mensim," Priestess Munghazi cries. "The father of Casimir is a priest of a most barbarous and evil perversion of the Siedi faith. Ghanvati and I spoke, and we agreed that you are not to consort with this primitive, pagan savage any longer."
I drop my crumbly Pop-Tart on the couch, confused at the sudden order.
"But Priestess Munghazi, I'm not dangerous or evil. I'm just a kid."
"Nonsense! You are dangerous; your father is a barbarian worshipper of this evil, primate paganism that is called Christianity, and a most woeful effect is begot that even self-respecting Senghavi have 'gone native,' as they say. Mensim, if you continue to consort with this native spawn, I will be impelled to inform the Siedi Court, and they may by chance see to it that he is executed!"
"W-Wait!" Mensim says, holding up the remote to pause our movie. He gets off of me, suddenly losing interest in my Pop-Tart, his vestigial forewings rising with concern. "Please, Mother. I promise he won't be any trouble."
My blood runs cold. Dad, executed? Just because what he believes in isn't "civilised" enough? Actually, I thought that Mom told him to stop preaching for a while.
Mensim scrambles to *his *father's sleeping quarters, and I trail frantically after him.
"Father," Mensim says. "Is Casimir's father's job so ghastly that he should be executed by the Siedi Court?"
"We can't just let the natives spread the same barbarous religions that they used to kill each other," Ghanvati replies, his secondary arms clasped together. "It's a threat to safe, moral society. Priestess Munghazi told me his father spreads evil and paganism. I have no reason not to trust the oldest of your mothers."
"But Casimir's my best friend! If you tell the Siedi Court about his father, I'll... I'll run away! I'll hate you!"
Distressed vibrations emanate through the floor beneath my feet; Mensim's antennae and papery forewings and hindwings go limp. Something like lilies and the earthy scent of rain fills the air.
"My dearest Mensim," Ghanvati says softly, dipping his head capsule with compassion. "I will hold off, just this once. It would be apt of you not to cause me to reconsider."
"T-thank you, Engineer Munghazi," I say, wiping my own tears. "My dad's not a bad person, I promise."
*After confronting his dad, Mensim and I keep on watching movies and playing digital games. He always wins when we wrestle, but I still haven't given up (even though Priestess Munghazi always tells us to stop roughhousing). *
I even bring my Lego pieces to his house. He doesn't know what Legos are, but later, in his sleeping quarters, we build together. He makes a cool-looking spaceship that he calls a "negative energy generator."
"Hey, you took all the cool black and grey pieces," I complain. "Now I can't finish my army base!"
"This is cooler than your army base," Mensim says proudly. "Father used to work in one. It uses the superposition of squeezed vacuum states to produce a field of negative energy density."
"I have no idea what that means, but that sounds really smart."
*"No kidding! It's how people make wormholes and fly all the way to other stars." *
"Well, my army guys could beat your negative energy-thingy. They have machine guns."
"My guys could just fly a [~million billion trillion kilometres] away, and yours can't do anything about it!"
"Then your guys are wimps. But my guys aren't. Because they're the Army!"
>! *We also explore the pine forest in his backyard. Within just two more weeks, we have uncovered all sorts of interesting things, like a piece of a real human skull. One time, we found a human foot sculpted and smoothed out of stone—who would make such a thing?—and a dead metal device with the icon of a bitten-out-of apple printed on it. *!<
There were also other human body parts made out of ancient stone, too: the cracked half of a man's face buried a foot deep, a muscly arm sticking out of the soil. Even a private part, which I snickered at, though Mensim seemed unfazed.
There is something else we start to do. My parents have given me "the talk," and Mensim told me that his parents gave him the Senghavi version of it. And so even as we talk and play in the woods, we experiment—because we are curious, and why should we not be?
A fragment of a memory in the forest; Mensim's raptorial forelimbs are set on my shoulders as his compound eyes look into my primate eyes, and he says, "You cannot tell anyone about this. Anyone. Absolutely no one."
I don't know how, but Priestess Munghazi learned of what we were doing, and now she expresses anger and disgust alike, her wings and antennae wild and rigid. Ghanvati is the same. Mensim and I... We're actually making them reconsider their decision not to tell the Siedi Court about my dad.
A fragment of a memory... I feel like I am in space, stranded aboard a spaceliner that has been hijacked by terrorists, its atmosphere venting amid a backdrop of violence... But I am not, I am in the forest that Mensim and I talked and played in; I am in Mensim's home, terrified as I am yelled at by Ghanvati, whose compassion no longer shines through, accompanied by Priestess Munghazi.
"By the names of the Gods, it's those false, pagan corruptions which humans have named as their religions, that are spouted by your father," Priestess Munghazi spits. I am teary-eyed and snot-nosed from guilt and embarrassment. "How horrid is the link between the state of barbarism and a most revolting and shameful propensity for bizarre and perverted behaviour!"
Then I am in my own family's living room, and the mom I love so dearly yells at me, too, but my father is quieter and only seems disappointed. This must be the first time in my life that I have felt true shame, I think; the kind that leaves you with an emptiness inside. Like the whole point of existing just vanished inside of me.
*The worst part is that I cannot even lean on Mom's shoulder, because she is distressed—because she knows what will happen— *
"This is all on you, Casimir!" she screeches, tears in her eyes. "All on you!"
I remember telling Priestess Munghazi that 'I'm not dangerous or evil; I'm just a kid,' but now I can't be sure anymore. I can tell I am different in the eyes of my family. They are disgusted by me.
After Priestess Munghazi tells the Siedi Court of my father's evil, barbaric Christian teachings, the Parimthian soldiers bring my father to the gallows. Their snow-white exoskeletons gleam under a burning sun. They have dressed him in his clerical uniform, and the camera is close enough that I can see his cross necklace.
I have been grounded in my room; still, I have a television to see the live broadcast.
Hanging works for primates and mantids alike. It happens in the Forum of Movvaeti, the venue for public events in our area, where my father is a lesser criminal compared to the native leaders and Senghavi malcontents who have dissented from Colonial Governor Nieve fe Skellth.
He is joined with seven other convicts, three humans and four Senghavi, and their crimes are read to the crowd—blasphemy, paganism, monogamy, witchcraft, seditious libel, insulting the Parimthian Crown, treason against the Parimthian Crown, and refusal to quarter Parimthian soldiers.
Why? None of this feels right. Why should my father be killed because of what he says and believes? Why can't these people be judged with fairness, rather than at the whim of some distant space emperor?
Not only have I been grounded, but I grow cold without my mother's touch. I want to hold someone's hand while watching Dad lose his life, but nobody is there. Mom brings me food, but she doesn't even look at me. Why can't she look at me? Why can't she speak to me? I just want things to be the way they used to be, when Dad would help me practise hitting a ball with a bat on the street.
I watch him turn down a caped, bejewelled priestess of the Siedi faith, who thought she could make my dad accept their Gods before his death. Before a modest crowd of humans and Senghavi alike, all eight of the convicts have their arms and legs bound with rope.
I am begging myself to turn the TV off, but I can't bring myself to. The Senghavi executioner uses some kind of hi-tech display to remove the supports from beneath the convicts' feet. My stomach flips over inside of me, a nausea of shame filling my body.
I can't deny it any longer. This is my fault—this is why my family avoids me—this is why they are disgusted by me—and Dad falls and his head jerks when the noose goes taut.
As he hangs there, I cannot tell for how long he remains alive. My insides are cold. After the broadcast ends, after night falls and I sit in the moonlight spilling faintly through my windows, that is when it all comes out. I sob alone. I scream for Mom to help me and be there for me, but she does not come. Her harsh voice resonates through my memory; this is all on me. I am a disgrace to everyone I love, and that is why they have left me here. Why they avoid me as if I am a disease.
The only thing I want is to see Dad again, but he is gone forever. I curl up on my room floor. What is this? What is this loneliness? This stinging hatred I feel against myself?
No one, human or mantid, will be there for me. I cry until my throat cannot ache any more harshly, until my eyes cannot sting any more painfully, and then I go cold inside, my body shivering in the moonlight. I retreat into my happy memories with Dad until it is too painful to bear.
I wish so dearly I could end it all, to take my own life and join Dad in the heaven that he believed in. There is a belt in my closet that I can use on myself in the way the Siedi Court killed Dad.
But beneath the sickly well of shame, the nausea and crushing humiliation at the stupid antics of Mensim and I, with which Mom's brief gaze pierces me—beneath the weight of knowing that I will never fill the torturous vacuum Dad left, knowing that I am a foul and disgusting son to the mother I so desperately need, that I see no end to the infinite river of anxiety and guilt pouring through the hole left in my heart—beneath my isolation and my longing for human touch—something breaks inside of me.
An emptiness of purpose. There is no point in going on, and I feel nothing, not even the desire to stop living. There is one exception: A hatred of myself, and of the humans I loved as family.
One day, Mom appears in my doorway, and she just stands there. Before, I would've welcomed being offered interaction with her beyond just receiving food, but now I am numb, my eyes all out of tears to cry.
"Pack your things," she says, her voice flat. She still doesn't look at me; the eyes she once said I inherited from Dad, she now shuns. "You're going to a residential school."
Indigenous Residential Schools; that is what Colonial Governor Nieve fe Skellth calls them, I think. They're for human kids who have trouble letting go of their "savage" roots; kids that the normal schools aren't enough to civilise. Schools that show you how to act Senghavi, to think Senghavi, to... be Senghavi.
There was a human kid in normal school whose sister went there, but they said that something had happened to her there; something in that residential school had changed her before she finally returned.
But I feel no fear as I pack my clothes into my bags. Every time I look in my bedroom mirror, a violent feeling rushes to my chest, only to dissipate into the hatred-tinged numbness I have grown so used to.
Finally, the time comes to depart. In the early morning, I am already aboard the autonomous public transport. It pulls out of the cracked street I once played with Dad in, passing by the entrance of Fellye Neighborhood, driving off into the fiery, violet Terran dawn. I see my faded reflection in the window, and my chest jumps with revulsion.
So I look down, fidgeting with my touchpad—then the numbness abruptly leaves, and my tears fall once again.
Forgive me for all the redaction, Doctor Morgthax. While I will not disclose what I wrote, you are correct, as always, about the act of writing. There is some semblance of psychological relief in typing one's sullen inner thoughts onto a touchpad. As if one can be heard without being heard.
By the time I drifted back to reality, my mouth and lips dry from dehydration, the hijackers had patched up the holes punched through the hull by the accidental explosion. Plenty of Senghavi passengers were spilling cerulean blood from beneath their exoskeletal coverings; though they were all alive, they needed medical attention.
Two hundred-something Senghavi civilians aboard this luxury spaceliner, and none had yet died. That stroke of luck offered me a glimmer of hope.
Pavok, the child, was emitting vibrations through the floor in his despair, the smell of rain and lilies becoming evident to me. It is starkly fascinating, the evolutionary dissimilarity between how native Terrans and Senghavi Terrans cry.
Those ships were delivering medical aid and critical provisions to the passengers, Commander Lokprel barked, the neutrino signals that encoded his gruff voice coming out from the intercom. Why did you laser them?
"Stop playing games," Jake snapped wearily into his radio. I recalled that his full name was Jacob Weaver, as Commander Lokprel had mentioned. A drop of blood streaked down his face. "We know what you're up to."
Paranoia will get you nowhere, Jacob. If we don't work with each other, you won't survive. We have detected an explosion aboard the spaceliner. Is anyone dead?
"Not yet," Jake growled. "But Fenni Svim will be if your forces keep approaching!"
Fenni Svim—the Senghavi from the Vellir Veneti Physics Lab, against whose skull Jake had pressed his pistol to halt the CDF's initial approach, hours ago—stiffened in her seat. I had never known the nuclear researcher very well before this barbarous event, but I prayed to the Gods of Siedi (whom I do not really believe in) that she would be okay.
Many of the passengers were still being kept by the windows to deter snipers. They included Pavok, behind whom Khadija stood guard.
"Sorry for attacking you," Jake suddenly said to me, his voice worn-out. "It's like Khadija said. The bugs know that humans are strong when they're united. It's why they try to play us against ourselves, to ally with just some of us, to try to make us hate each other; to hate ourselves. It's how they tore the United States apart. Everything they do... It's to make us ashamed of our species, our own culture, to lose hope in the future. If we were united, Casimir... they'd be terrified of us. And make no mistake—we're uniting again."
"E-even if what you say about mankind is true," I croaked, "Our species would not have settled anywhere but Earth. Our culture and history would still have been negligible and primitive, the richness and complexity of the Senghavi, still greater by many orders of magnitude."
"Casimir, did you go to one of the Indigenous Residential Schools?" Khadija asked.
"Y-yes," I managed, dusting off my formal wear and cleaning my glasses. "I was sent to one as a child. They are for those of us savage natives which conventional education could not sufficiently civilise."
Khadija's eyes softened with compassion, and she gestured to my wrist. "I asked because of that code on your wrist. I've heard about some of the things that happen in those places. The cruelty; the abuse."
I glanced at the abstract identification code tattooed onto my skin, faded with time. I hadn't thought about it in ages; it was but a remnant of my childhood, and I never paid it any attention.
"Residential schooling is necessary and proper," I tell her. "It is similar to human-mantid apartheid in its purpose; it keeps the public safe from savagery. "
"If we get out of this alive, I'm gonna take you with me to Russia," she said, wiping sweat from her brow. "Specifically, Moscow. It's where I lived after the fall of Türkiye. Man controls it, not the Senghavi."
I was already aware that a vast, untamed region named Zvorriu-Sai, located in Earth's northeastern quarter-sphere, is called Russia in simple-speak. A decade ago, Nieve fe Skellth had tried to civilise the hunter-gatherers who lived there, but his troops starved and froze in the snow.
It was with the multitude of planetary habitat fabricators that his army had been using that the native primates of Zvorriu-Sai constructed such cities as Moscow or Saint Petersburg.
"Russian civilization goes back over a millennium," Khadija explained. "I don't give a fuck about what the Senghavi have built on this planet; Russian architecture is my favourite, hands down. Anyway, it's the most stable and self-sufficient of the ten countries we've got left. Hard to invade, you know? It's seen better days, but the cities are nice, the economy is good. I think you'll find it's a hell of a lot less 'savage' than whatever the fuck the Parimthian Empire is doing."
To corroborate her claims, she showed me a photo from the gallery of her cracked, dusty touchpad. Before a busy canal, the waters tinted orange by a rising sun, a more relaxed version of her smiled into the camera alongside some human of the phenotype I had seen in the video of Tokyo. Looming over them was an intricate, palatial structure topped with colourful, onion-shaped domes.
"How... quaint," I replied, unsure of what to say, though it ignited dry laughter in Khadija.
"Looks like we got a communiqué from the UN," another hijacker announced, his mask still covering his face. I couldn't place his accent at all. He held up his own touchpad, displaying photos of the Colonial Governor herself—Perellanth fe Sumur—flanked by armed UN military personnel. They were clad in urban camouflage that was marred with blood. The black, plant-like extraterrestrial gazed defeatedly in the sterile lighting.
The UN had captured her! The Crown's decision to appoint a Vire as the leader of a Senghavi colony had been no small event. I was certain that after all the talk of Senghavi Terran independence, then followed by the Colonial Governor's capture, His Imperial Majesty regretted his progressivist decision.
"We... We did it!" Jake exclaimed, his voice disbelieving. "We took down Perellanth!"
You achieved nothing, Commander Lokprel retorted over the intercom. Not beyond the promotion of Benghoviu fe Prim to Acting Colonial Governor. If you kill Governor Sumur, Governor Benghoviu will become the permanent Colonial Governor as per the chain of command, and he will carry on the fine work of his predecessor.
Jake seemed to consider that situation a fair one, and he nodded to himself subtly. "Okay, sure. But if you do nothing, we'll still kill our first hostage."
What I can promise you is that Delegate Essintsya fe Baryn will submit an Act to the Forum of Delegates to recognize the sovereignty of the UN. It will be deliberated over for months, but it is your only realistic option. In return, we demand that you allow the passengers injured by one of your explosives to board CDF medical ships.
I recalled that the Forum of Delegates had voted Benghoviu fe Prim as Vice Colonial Governor just a year ago. And before even that, the Senghavi who lived on Vennec—my home continent on Earth—had popularly elected the ever-prudent Essintsya fe Baryn to the Forum. She was quite the economic liberal, as her sort was called.
Delegate Baryn's statements on the social contract between a people and their government, as well as her rejection that the Parimthian Crown ruled by divine right, had resonated deeply with me.
Jake's eyes hardened, and he turned his radio back on. "I said no games!"
There are no games here, Jacob! We only aim to preserve as much sapient life as possible. And you are out of options.
The hijacker who had shown Colonial Governor Sumur's prison photo gave Jake a withering look. "We're dragging this on, man. I don't want anyone to die."
"Don't talk to me about death, Ramiro. Not after what happened in the US."
The so-called United States of America... called Gholo Vieda in Parimthian. That region was Nieve fe Skellth's last successful conquest before he attempted to take on the vast, snowy expanses of Zvorriu-Sai. I wondered if, like Khadija's experience in Türkiye in the Niethvahi region, Jake had witnessed firsthand the cultural assimilation and political integration of Gholo Vieda into the rest of Parimthian Earth.
The conquest of Gholo Vieda and Niethvahi were the great accomplishments of Perellanth's predecessor, of course; but, in my opinion, the devotion of the (now captured) Perellanth to the causes of liberty, reason, equality, and sapientism far outshadowed anything that Nieve had done. I am certain, however, that the Parimthian Crown disagrees.
In any case, my faith in CDF Commander Lokprel loth Fonvie had not risen. Perhaps that was a good thing; otherwise, I might have regretted betraying the knowledge of antimatter research in order to elicit a more competent Parimthian intervention.
More security forces took up positions around the spaceliner, each ship split sharply into sunlight and shadow amid the black of space. The hijacker called Ramiro pointed to a series of smaller craft, which seemed to be pulling away from the luxury spaceliner. Escape pods!
"Hostages are falling through our fingers," Ramiro said. "We need to do something."
"Go to the rear," Khadija ordered. "Stop anyone else from sneaking out!"
Jake's radio crackled with the voice of someone in the cockpit. We've intercepted a neutrino transmission from the new guy, Benghoviu fe Prim. He's calling for some kind of emergency council at the highest levels in the Parimthian Empire.
I scoffed internally. The Crown would intervene for the sake of investigating all this talk of antimatter, whose alluring utility had hitherto been confined to theory and fiction. But it was doubtful that His Imperial Majesty would agree to an emergency council for the sake of his colonists' security and well-being. As (relatively) progressivist as he was in policy, he was still very much a punitive emperor, not a rewarding one.
"I told the commander to stop advancing—dammit!" Jake spat. "We're only letting medical craft get any closer. Fire at the corvettes!"
Affirmative, his radio crackled. Targets in sight.
The spaceliner's anti-collision lasers flashed against several faraway spacecraft. A succession of oxygen-fueled fires, each lasting for a [~split-second] against the vacuum of space, flared in the distance. Even so, the growing array of naval craft began to close in upon us again, surrounding the spaceliner in every dimension.
Switching again to the neutrino-connected channel, Jake gave a disgusted scowl. "Are you deaf, Commander? If your people keep getting closer, the deal is off!"
The more you fire, the closer we will get, *Lokprel said. *We are just making sure it is safe for the medical craft. As long as you refrain from harming them, we will not hurt you.
The hijacker in the cockpit radioed to Jake again, her voice sounding more alarmed.
We're picking up a massive object on our scanners. It's headed our way.
"How massive are we talking?" Jake asked.
It's... some kind of warship, I think. Over a hundred times our size.
"You're joking, right?"
"A Parimthian spacecraft carrier," murmured a soft, whimpery voice.
It was Fenni Svim again, her praying raptorial forelimbs tucked close in fear.
"The Imperial Parimthian Navy?" I asked. "They're really here?"
"Y-you shouldn't act surprised," Fenni said. "I know you were speaking to someone on the P-Parimthian side. You leaked our greatest secret, Casimir."
"R-right."
"What's she talking about, dude?" Khadija asked. Suspicion of betrayal lingered in her dark eyes. She had believed the lie that I was only calling a loved one when I contacted Mensim, >! who is at present an agent of Parimth!<; she had trusted me, and defended me against Jake's wrath.
I didn't answer. The very reason we needed antimatter was that the colonists' outerspace spanned but a meagre few millionths of the Parimthian Empire's total volume. I did not know what exactly a spacecraft carrier one hundred times the size of our spaceliner could do for the hostages, but it would be far more competent than the comparatively flimsy Colonial Defence Force.
Finally, after so many years of strategic modesty in the administration of the Crown's distant colony, of his Earth, as His Imperial Majesty suffered expense upon expense in countering the Imperium of Orion... Parimth had sent a warship of the Imperial Parimthian Navy, here in full force!
There was no need to inquire as to its distance; I could see it through my window. It was far enough that I could view the whole of its great form. Senghavi architecture, of course, is usually round, white, and glassy, traced with glowing accents; however, the imperial warship was boxy and shadowy black, visible only by the silhouette that it carved into the beaming sun.
Already, dozens of smaller craft—operated by some of the finest Senghavi pilots in the Milky Way—began spilling out from the spacecraft carrier, moving in the shadow of their gargantuan mothership. As even the hostage passengers became aware of its presence, the muted chatter and whimpering, which had been ambient across the aisles of the spaceliner, finally ceased.
Because of me, all of us—colonists and savages alike—were, for the first time in a decade, going to face a military intervention by Parimth itself.

Hi everyone! This summer the wife wants to visit friends in Idaho and Montana. We've discovered where we're staying has us in spitting distance of Grand Tetons and Glacier National parks respectively. Our fourth grader got the 'Every Kid Outdoors' pass so we figured we'd try to hit both on the road trip. My problem is, I don't know the first thing about either of them! What should we see? What should we try to do? As you can imagine, my Google and Instagram searches have been overwhelming so I thought I'd get a little more tailored suggestions from my friends at Reddit. Kiddos are 10,14, and 16 so they're not scared of hikes but we'll only have one day at each park. Help me NationalPark... you're my only hope.

I'm tired of driving back and forth to my partner. It's been 2.5 years long-distance and it'll be another 2 years before we can even think about living together. I feel like we're stuck in this phase where it's just me driving back and forth to them. I work full-time, sometimes part-time and keep busy with hobbies. I rent a room b/c I honestly cannot afford to live alone on my salary. I've had shitty situations with roommates in the past. My partner is a full-time student in a doctorate program. I've noticed that both of us have gained a significant amount of weight throughout this relationship. I'm honestly afraid to look at the scale at this point. I've picked up really bad eating habits with them. I think this relationship brought on a different type of stress than I've been accustomed to.
The first year I met them, they weren't in school. So dynamics were a bit different. Lately, I've been reflecting and I feel like I give up my time, gas money, and energy to spend time with them when they have time. I've tried to be accommodating b/c school comes first but I have not been able to put myself first in this relationship. Even when I visit, I'm limited on the hours I can visit. Also they do not have an income so it's been very difficult. I've taken the financial responsibility to offset the costs of our dates, activities, events, or whatever. When we spend time w/ their family, that costs even more money that I cannot budget for or even expect b/c it just happens. Yet I make a pretty low salary for the cost of living in my area.
It doesn't feel fair to me. I'm always so exhausted and can't even stick to my budget b/c there are too many variables. They live rent free with their mom. They're currently full time in a doctorate program. So there is very little time for me. I've become accustomed to seeing them on a very rigid schedule. Sometimes we won't see each other for weeks. Texts/calls are limited in a way where I'm always told, "Well, I have to go or sorry to cut you off." At first I was very understanding and now I'm beyond frustrated b/c it feels like whenever I get comfortable in the conversation or with them, there is a limit and I'm cut off. Then other times it's like they're overwhelmingly wanting to spend time w/ me, in their time off affection, and etc... when I need to reacclimate to being around them in that capacity.
I'm not certain if I have the patience for another 2 years. I love this person greatly but this has been incredibly difficult and I find myself getting more and more frustrated even when we talk things out. I want to settle down. I want to live with my partner and start taking milestones towards settling down. I'm tired of the back and forth. I want to have a conversation without being cut off.
I've also been working on myself the past year. Started therapy, finding hobbies, and building social connections. Recently, I've been super involved in my hobbies. They came w/ me to one event and got upset w/ me, I felt bad, missed out on another event I planned on going to (even invited my partner) w/some friends but they weren't happy until I spent that time in the way they intended. I was so emotionally exhausted that I just cancelled everything for the remainder of the week. Another thing I cannot prepare for is when we're upset with each other and how draining that can be.They were mainly upset b/c they felt like I have a life outside of them and they're not included in my plans and they're struggling socially and they have absolutely nothing planned on their time off(they're doing clinical right now).I've literally planned so many of our dates in the past... I don't see why I always have to be responsible. It would honestly be nice if they planned something instead of expecting me to constantly take charge.I was also very upset and resentful that I didn't get to do the events I planned on doing and how I lost so much energy to do the things I wanted b/c of the whole situation.
I also feel like I want freedom, flexibility and my time back. I want to know if I intend to commit to something, nothing out of my control will prevent that. I've had to sacrifice so much for this relationship, time, money, inner peace, and energy. I've been really depressed lately and this relationship has only made it worse. They haven't even noticed that I'm actually depressed b/c they're so overwhelmed. When I communicate my frustrations or reasons why I'm upset they start crying and I feel guilty for saying how I feel or what frustrates me & it always goes back to how they're overwhelmed and how they can't handle things. I feel like I have to say what they want to hear b/c they're so sad but it's building resentment. Lots and lots of resentment. I am struggling with setting boundaries b/c for some reason I feel like this bad person when I try to. I don't know if this relationship is worth it. I don't know if I'm getting the things I need from it. I really don't know if sacrificing my sleep, my money, or my inner peace is worth the love, trust, and relationship I have with this person. I am so tired of going back and forth for nothing to change. I am so confused and cannot look at this objectively b/c they have made me feel incredibly loved, accepted, and make time/effort for me when they can. I just think the things I truly value from them aren't possible for a while and I don't know if this is something that'll pass with time or won't. They do make efforts in other ways but I'm honestly at the point where I don't think it's making any difference for me. I'm so conflicted between what I feel like I need and my love for them.

21/11/1
I worked from home today because the kids' school was having a teacher work day. It was a decent day. When I am alone with the kids they don't really argue too much and even if they do I am there to help them. It seems like I have a better relationship with my kids and my children don't misbehave as badly when it is just me taking care of them. They really ratchet things up when their mother is home. Wife came home and she is nearing the end of her academic degree plan. Had to have an HVAC repairman come try and fix our heater. He shocked himself 3 times. Wife has had problems with her Dr office adding stress to her day meaning that she was in a bad mood and let me know it. She spent all afternoon in the bedroom while I dealt with the kids, cooked supper, did the dishes, washed clothes, and did the laundry. We took the kids for a short walk after supper without the dogs because it was already getting dark. I gave the kids baths and they went to bed on time. Wife stayed up late working on schoolwork and I went to sleep alone.
21/11/2
Woke up with ychild in bed. Wife was already up and griping about something. Getting gripped out 1st thing in the morning always starts off the day in a bad mood. Work was uneventful but productive. Got home and cleaned off the kitchen table (of course there wasn't a single square inch of available space on it for the past 1 1/2 weeks) none of the mess was mine it was all wifes/kids projects.I cleaned it so that she would have a space to make cookies with the kids like she promised. Trying to make her day a little easier knowing that had she gone in there with the table like that it would have been bad and also knowing that there were things on the table so I knew that I would get blamed for any misplaced objects. My prediction came through when she came into the kitchen and thanked me for cleaning the table but immediately started griping about missing items and how she had wished she had cleaned it to show she would know where they are. This always happens and is one of the main reasons I cannot declutter our house. It just leads to more gripping. If I clean or don't clean I'm gonna get bitched out. Wife had to head to town quickly to pick up an Rx so we went with her. I had not yet started supper so I put everything up so we could have it the next day and we all went into town together and ate supper in the van. She also got some negative comments on some of her schoolwork so she was in a bad mood x2 because of an incident with her dr's nurse. Wife stayed in the bedroom working on schoolwork while I got the kids dressed in their PJ's and put them to bed about 15 min late. I walked into the bedroom and she was searching for socks for the kids in the laundry hamper. When she was done I took the hamper into the living room and matched them all then put them up. I then played on my computer. Wife went into the kitchen at about 9:45. I went in there about 10 min later and asked her if there was anything I could do for her. She said no then asked me if I saw her come into the kitcher. I said yes and she started gripping that I should have come in there sooner to help her cause she was now almost done. She started complaining that the only time she gets to relax is when she is laying down on her phone in bed (nevermind the number of times i come into the bedroom to find her watching TV or on facebook on her computer.)
I was only on my computer for about 30 min. Its not like I spend all day doing nothing but she makes me feel like I do nothing at all. A common mantra in this house is the wife saying "I never get any help" and "I cannot keep this house clean by myself" when she literally hasn't done any cleaning since her parents visited last month and I still did most of the cleaning. The only time she cleans is when someone is coming over. Needless to say I am feeling very resentful and unloved. We haven't shown any affection to each other since a month ago. Some Days when things are decent (not good just not bad) I wonder if it's a mistake to be considering divorce but days like today are more common and remind me of why I want one. I couldn't sleep due to drinking some tea at supper so I got out of bed and sat on the couch until 1am.
21/11/3
Woke up this morning very tired and sleepy with ychild in bed with me. Wife was already in a mood and I was gripped out for "not listening" she then proceeding to account for 3-4 times recently that I have asked her a question that she had already told me an answer in a previous conversation. So once again I get to start the day in a bad mood. I feel compelled to kiss her and tell her I love her now or she will get upset. I did that then came back inside for something and she got upset when I didn't go back and give another hug/kiss. No way am I gonna do that while being bitched out so I just walked out the door. Great start to the day. Got the kids from school and came home. Cooked supper and took out the trash. Got the kids into bed but ychild talked herself into falling asleep in our bed. Wife said she would move her but of course didn't and ychild slept in our bed all night long.
21/11/4
Woke up with ychild in bed with me. kissed and told her i loved her before work. Had a decent day at work and left to pick up the kids. This was my last day picking the kids up from school and we stopped for ice cream on the way home. We were supposed to walk the dogs before I started supper. I told my wife this but she was on the phone with her mother about her job offer. 25 min later and it was getting close to supper time and she was still on the phone.I decided it was too close to supper to walk and then cook. Wife came out and I told her that. she got upset and we ended up having a small walk. I got back and cooked supper and we all ate at the kitchen table. Wife disappeared back into the bedroom to work on schoolwork. I put the kids to bed on time and then got on my computer. Wife started working on the kids lunches and I asked if there was anything i could do. She said no. Then the bedtime ritual started. This all happened within 20min. I came to bed and turned the lights out. When my wife came back she bitched at me cause she had left one of the lights on on purpose. Then she zinged me for not paying attention when she told me about her medication a few days ago. Then she complained that I had missed a bag of trash in the bedroom. Then she accidentally slammed the bathroom door and got mad when I asked if she did that on purpose. Then she cussed at me when she complained about the bed hurting her back and I suggested a sleep study. Despite all of this I really felt the need to try and cuddle with her. I rolled over and she immediately asked if she needed to turn off her phone. I told her no but she could if she wanted to, then she complained that this is the only time she gets to relax and then immediately jumped up cursing because she forgot to put the clothes from the washer into the dryer. I rolled over and put my mask on to fall asleep. I knew I would get hurt but I couldn't help myself. It took me a while to go to sleep because of the pain in my heart and the lack of love.
21/11/5
I worked from home today so i did not have to wake up as early. Wife woke up and got the kids ready. Wife had a full one sided conversation with ychild in our bed while i was trying to sleep. I feel like she was resentful for me being able to sleep in and her having to get up so she did it as a way to wake me up and keep me from being able to sleep. The kids yelled goodbye and the wife left without so much as a word or touch. I had a decent day at work. The HVAC repair man showed up early.I was going to go and pick up the kids at 11:00 but we decided to just get powerhouse(aftercare) at the school instead also for monday. I could have gone and picked up the kids but didn't because they were already scheduled and I thought we had already paid. Wife got mad at me for that. She was really late because it was her last day of DT and she had people say goodbye to her then went to pick up the kids. We decided to eat at the new seafood place then went and picked up groceries. We got home and put the groceries away and watched some shows on the couch. She got upset because I was on my phone (so was she) and said she watched more of the tv than I did. I tried to get the kids in bed but she overruled me because it was the weekend. The kids stayed up and eventually convinced her to go to bed with her. I slept alone but honestly I think I prefer that now.
21/11/6
Woke up alone. Had a decent day and went to Ychilds 1st birthday invite party. Wife made appointments for both kids to get the flu and covid vaccine. We had a great time at the party and socialized for the 1st time in a long time. We had to leave early to get to the pharmacy for the vaccines. When we got there the pharmacist told us we were scheduled for the flu only. It greatly upset the wife and she flew into a rage. Canceled both appointments. We got back to the car and she was yelling, screaming, and violently hitting her phone on the steering wheel. I told her to be an example to kids and she told me to "kiss her ass." She is angry the whole ride home. She started getting loud with me multiple times and I asked her not to talk to me like that. Apparently, asking her to speak to me politely instead of raising her voice at me is not giving her grace. Saying that I never give her grace when she talks nasty to me. saying that I do it all the time to her and she never says a word. I told her to speak up next time and she says she does and just gets bitched out. I am at my wits end. She is being very nasty to me and then puts the blame on me instead of realizing how she is treating me and accepting blame. A really nice day totally
ruined by her temper. We ended up having cereal for supper and going for custard afterwards. We stayed up late and the kids convinced my wife to go sleep with them.
21/11/7
Woke up by myself again. After wife got up we ended up going to the new donut store for breakfast and we stopped off at walmart on the way home. When we got home I noticed my radiator was leaking.I went to oriellys to buy some stop leak. We got back and I put on jumanji and then beethoven. Ochild really loved jumani. We were having a decent time. Today I did 4 loads of laundry, bathed the dog, cleaned the aquarium, cooked supper, and cleaned the guest bathroom. Of course wife got onto me when I did the kids laundry because i missed 1 shirt and 4 socks out of ychilds room. After supper we played a board game. Then the kids had a bath and I was chastised when I went in there to talk to the kids after my wife was yelling at them. I am not supposed to step in except when I am supposed to of course I have no idea when that is supposed to be. Kids went to bed a little late. I slept by myself.
21/11/8
Woke up by myself. Got up early even though I am working from home to help my wife with kids and take the dog to the vet. Wife started gripping about me not doing anything to help with the kids. I don't understand because she gets them ready at the last minute. That's usually when I am getting together also. She doesn't tell me or let me ask what she needs help with. Just grips after the fact. Dropped the dog off and returned to work. Picked the dog back up and returned to work again. Wife got home late due to her new job onboarding and flu vaccine. We had mcdonalds for supper and the kids went to bed really late. ychild spent the evening with wife because she wasn't feeling well. Since both the kids were up past their bedtime wife went to sleep with them.
21/11/9
Woke up early because I am still stuck on the old schedule. Wife came in and got herself ready for her 1st day. I got up, helped with the kids and got the dogs ready (surgery) then went to work. work was ok. Came home and cooked supper. The evening was uneventful.
21/11/10
Ychild got sick so I worked from home. We were both asleep when wife came into the room. She then had a loud conversation/argument with ochild in the room. waking up ychild and me. If I were to wake them up when they were sleeping in I would get bitched up one side and down the other. Seems like she does it all the time. Took Ychild to the dr and she was covid negative thankfully. Wife came home and the day went ok. She was tired so we watched netflix. I cooked supper and did the dishes. We got the kids in bed a little late. Wife went to bed a little early. I went into the bathroom to get some medicine shortly after. Wife was visibly upset when I came in. I really don't understand why and she wouldn't tell me. Eventually she said that she didn't expect me there. It made me feel really hurt. I felt like she not only didn't want me there but actually got mad that I showed my face. Maybe she thought I was going to lay down with her
but if that was so it would be no reason to get mad, I know she plays on her phone in bed and that's her relaxation time. Either way it was totally uncalled for and if that's how she is going to make me feel I don't see a point in staying together. storm came rolling in and ychild woke up so she had to go sleep with them.
21/11/11
Holiday today so I stayed home. I could hear the wife yelling at the kids trying to get ready. So I got up to help.
21/11/15
Skipped some days because nothing happened. Nothing good or bad. At bedtime my wife was getting lunch ready. She has been a little stressed lately due to her computer HD failing and EDTPA coming back for revisions. Her professor didn't come to her appointment to help. I helped make the kids lunches. The kids' clothes were still sitting in the chair (apparently it's my job.) I offered to help get the kids clothes together. She very sarcastically said she would welcome the help if I could turn on a light so she could see. I know it doesn't sound bad on paper but she was very hateful and hurtful. When I asked her not to talk to me like that she responded that she didn't need a lecture right now. I just want to be spoken to with respect and love not hate and vitriol.
21/11/21
Not journaling everyday because things aren't as bad everyday. Yesterday I did the laundry for the entire house. This morning I got up. my wife had already left for the grocery store to pick up groceries. I got up with Ychild. She got home and we unloaded the groceries. I relaxed in the living room. and she started cleaning the kitchen. I always hate days like this because anytime she cleans I get to hear her bitch and moan and the state of things. I am the only one to clean the house/kitchen for the last 6 months, actually even longer,for as long as she has been in college or working. It is not messy, it's just not up to her standards. Plus most of the mess is hers. She does projects and things but doesn't clean up afterward. When I get in to clean, if I move things around or put up her things I get yelled at. It feels like a handicap because the only one that can truly clean is her and when she doesn clean I feel like crap because she spends the whole time
mouthing and bitching about me because it isn't clean enough to suit her. And if I try to go in and help or clean another part of the house I get bitched at again because "i'm only cleaning because she is upset" she doesn't seem to notice the hours of cleaning I do when she is not around or is concentrating on other things.
21/11/29
We left on the 23rd (my birthday) to go down to Carthage for the weekend. The holiday went well with minimal fussing. Friday the 26 came and my wife surprised me with a weekend getaway sans kids. her family pissed her off right when we left. we get to our BnD and then leave to do some shopping. We went way too long, ate supper,and drove to longview. She had thought that we would just spend the weekend together. I wanted to get physical. I take her to a sex shop and she gets embarrased and refuses to look at anything or consider any toys. Our sexlife is laughable and practically non-existant. You would figure if someone was trying to save their marriage they would at least attempt to spice things up. I got upset and we went back to our cabin. I am tired and we just go to sleep. Wife makes us take a bath in the morning. We wash each other, then when we get out she changes into a negligee. She tells me I am not allowed to do any oral on her and that it will be the last time I see her in a G string. Totally sexy right? I had put some nice smelling lotion on my privates and she made a comment about how that would taste ( thinking I might get some oral) but instead she just led me to the bed and got on top. She has sex with me and I find it difficult to finish becuase she is clearly not enjoying it and refused to do any foreplay. We leave for the day and walk around Jefferson. Get back and start drinking wine and painting. She gets drunk enough to make a move and changes into another negligee. I feel like I almost forced her to let me eat her out after I gave her oral. She says I am not allowed to kiss her. we eventually start having some decent sex but she cannot stand much of the physical aspect and eventually it just shift to the standard missionary. I cannot finish and she gets up. I tell her i'll finish myself off if she will help. She starts cleaning and doesn't care when I get upset. We eventually have a small heart to heart where she tells me she is resentful
for the way my parents treated her and I was very pacifist instead of confrontational with my parents. She tells me she watches squirting videos and masturbates in the bath (lied to me when she says she doesnt masterbate.) She clearly has very strong issues with sexual intimacy and refused to do anything I wanted. She thought it was a successful weekend and I'm thinking it just shows how far apart we are and how little in common we have. multiple times just both of us on our phones because we have nothing to talk about. We go back and pick up the kids and it takes forever to get home. When we do I find the dog with something sticking out of her chest.
I am trying to work on her when my daughter comes out there and the dog jumps up and runs to her. She starts freaking out and i try and get ychild to come to me, unfortunately i did yell because i was scared of her getting stabbed by the dog. Of course she freezes up screaming as the dog is trying to get to her. I end up having to go to her and pick her up. As I am trying to take her to the garage I fall and bust my knee. This starts a big fight because I am now hurt, angry, and yelling while also trying to find out what's wrong with the dog. Eventually I discovered that the dog had forced herself inside the metal loop of a small childs butterfly net. I end up cutting it off her with some wire cutters. My knee is now busted and my wife and I have been fighting because she feels like when I am angry and hurt is the best time to keep getting in my face and talking shit about me. Just makes me want to seek a divorce all the more. She thinks this weekend was a success and all I can see is the end. I was angry when I went back out to her van and hit the open door button too hard and dented it. No real excuse but I wish she didn't pile on my problems by yelling at me in front of the kids while I'm trying to discipline them. I wasn't abusing them or being physical in any way but my wife will not allow for any dissent from the way she wants to raise the kids. I feel like I am not a father. I am allowed no say in raising them. The kids can just yell/scream/cry and my wife will come to the rescue, preventing me from actually doing any good or teaching them to understand right/wrong. It's her way or the highway.
Dec 2021

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News

• Poland has qualified for the Heroes International Nations Cup LAN! With a convincing 3-0 win against Spain, the Poles have secured the last spot available at the LAN.
• Crowdfunding is still open for the Nations Cup LAN. The money will be used to cover the cost of flights, hotels, etc. for qualified players, and additionally, one hero will be pre-banned for the entire tournament for each $1000 donated. Click here to go to the GoFundMe page and donate.
• The Nexus Gaming Series Storm Division returns for Season 7! Sign-ups are open now and the first qualifier will be played on June 28th.
• The Nexus Gaming Series will return for Season 16; registration will open on June 19th.

Sign-ups open

Road to Nexomania (NA)

• Nexomania is an NA amateur league organized by Can't Counterpick Stupid, soon starting Season Six Point Five. Road to Nexomania is their pre-season tournament.
• Sign-ups are open until May 31st and the tournament will be played on June 4-24.
• Click here to join the CCS Discord server for more details and registration.

NGS Storm Division (NA)

• Storm Division is a top-level NA tournament organized by Nexus Gaming Series, now starting its seventh season.
• Prize pool: crowdfunded.
• Teams will qualify through four qualifier tournaments played on June 28th, July 5th, 12th, and 19th.
• Click here to join the NGS Discord server and visit the #storm_hype channel for more details and registration.

Results

Heroes International Nations Cup - EU qualifier - 2nd stage
VODs: day 6, day 7; YT playlists: Khaldor, Bahamut
Day 6:

• Germany 3-2 France
• Sweden 3-0 Finland
• [forfeit] Netherlands 0-3 Ukraine
• Poland 3-0 Spain

Day 7:

• Germany 3-0 Finland
• [forfeit] Sweden 3-0 Spain
• [forfeit] France 3-2 Ukraine
• France 3-2 Ukraine

Final qualifier standings (top 4 qualify for the LAN):

1. Germany - 7-0 - darkmok, Deathknight, Dynouh, Gaflo, HasuObs, Niche, Ultralisk
2. Sweden - 6-1 - captenrex, Henn1ng, Jia, lauber, Skogh, Svamp, Sven
3. France - 5-2 - BananaH, Daykwaza, Eowea, Mascarade, Nagrom, PandaColada, yasu
4. Poland - 4-3 - Aether, Alvarus, aryon70, itrax, Lavekall, RydzuSA, Twice
5. Spain - 3-4
6. Ukraine - 2-5
7. Finland - 1-5
8. Netherlands - 0-7

Schedule

For an always up-to-date calendar of Heroes esports matches and events, check the calendar in the subreddit's sidebar. You can also subscribe to that calendar by following this guide. There's also a calendar on Liquipedia's front page.
The Nations Cup LAN will be played next weekend, on June 10-11. It'll of course be streamed live on Twitch, but you can also attend it at XPERION Berlin - entrance is free! In the meantime, I don't have anything specific on the schedule, but you can check out Nexus Never Dies (EU), Heroes Lounge (EU), or HOTS Unchained (LatAm).
Amateur league stream schedules:

• Heroes Lounge (EU)
• Nexus Gaming Series (NA)

Resources

• Liquipedia
• Esports on Heroes Profile
• Probuilds

For some backstory, I am 37(f) with a 2.5 year old. I suffer from endometriosis and PCOS, and am about 7 months into debilitating surgical menopause and am finally getting to start HRT very soon. Husband and I had to rely on my parents a lot and put up with their crap as we had no other support system options available. With my health in the toilet, we were desperate for help.
Long story short, we established boundaries as our child transitioned to toddlerhood and we noticed the telltale signs of the cycle of abuse starting towards her. Of course we didn’t tell them that, but decided no unsupervised visits while also allowing our door to be open anytime as we also needed whatever help we could get. (Gotta love desperate times, right?)
Did they show up to support and help their ailing adult child? Of course not! But you already knew that. Instead, we got a 2 month long silent treatment and texts wanting to “talk, call a truce…” And of course that ship has sailed. I’m not to allow them to come in and out of my child’s life whenever it suits them. She deserves better, and so do I. As a parent, I can’t imagine abandoning and failing my child like that. But I digress.
Of course now that things are about to be on the upswing, they want unlimited access to our lives again as if nothing happened. We have been in the trenches fighting and holding on for dear life, and we are coming out the other side. We did it on our own. They probably don’t even realize they put us in a situation where all we had was ourselves and no longer need anything from them or anyone else. Just curious to see if my situation resonates with anyone, would love to hear about your experiences.
TL;DR nparents abandoned deathly sick adult child and 2.5 year old grandchild after boundaries established and now that we have learned to survive with no support/help they want to waltz back in to our lives after a 2 month long silent treatment

​
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Hey check out similar videos here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=05uKspxQ89s&list=PLVduyMnVQjzNYPljUBqwgAXdMPQ9CEKWY

def collatzUp(n, l): while True: if len(l) > 1000: return n = int(n) if n in l: if n % 2 == 0: n = n * 3 - 3 else: n = n * 3 else: print(n) l.append(int(n)) if n % 2 == 0: n = n / 2 else: n = n * 3 + 1 

We have been in a relationship for 7 months and sleeping together on videocall every night for 4 months. There wasn't one day where we didn't talk for atleast 3 hours, it being in person, text or videocall (excluding sleeping).
That definitely means I got extremely attached. I also don't have any close friends besides him and only hung out twice with one girl in all these months. Besides that, just school friends. He, on the other side, has one best friend and a friend group. I always got jealous, not because he would cheat, but because he has other friends. I refused him when he invited me to hang out with them n times because I was scared.
I gave him the silent treatment or dry texting everytime he went out with them. I just wanted him to hurt as I did. It worked, he cried, apologized and begged everytime for me to forgive him. There was a moment where he got tired of it and we almost broke up.
It's not good, but I don't know what to do instead, how to control myself and my anger.
I always had no friends and always spent the summer breaks alone and for this time I finally thought "That won't happen, because I have him?".
We have a two weeks break and he s gone on a vacation to Turkey with his family for one week. He has been gone for three days now.
The first day he didn't even go to the airport, he stayed at his relatives because his family is also going with them. That means he was still in the country and mobile data is still free, so he had internet everywhere he went. Didn't even try to atleast text for longer than 5 minutes.
I slept alone that night and fuck it hurt. The routine was gone and I was reaching out for my phone out of reflex. The next morning i confronted him about it and he said that he was just catching up with his cousin, who he was gonna spend the whole vacation with too. I was really mad and just threw a fit honestly.
Since then I started acting like I always do when he goes out with his friends. Dry texting, silent treatment and also stopped responding to his I love you texts.
Before he got on the airplane he said he s gonna have no internet throughout the whole vacation, only at the hotel.
He arrived at almost night and his room was separate to his parents. You think he would call me, text me longer since tomorrow there s no internet where he s visiting? Nah. He told me he was gonna explore the hotel with his parents. That was right when I usually went to sleep and he knew that. I waited 30 minutes and gave up. I went to sleep crying.
Sent him a good morning message, he replied the same and we didn t talk all day. He came back at the hotel at night again, texted me my name with a question mark, but for 30 minutes I was reaching out to the girl i went out with two times, so I couldn t answer. I did reply after and yep, 10, 20 minutes no answer.
I gave up and blocked him everywhere. I am too hurt to see if he will answer now.
I realize i have been depending on him for my happiness. I can't enjoy my own company like I did before, I crave communication. For helping me become this person and then throwing it in my face without a warning makes me want to hurt him so bad, get revenge so bad and it feels so selfish.
I feel like the whole situation is so damn immature but I don't know how to handle it. This is my first relationship so my lack of experience is by far showing.
That s why i m asking here for advice, so that people who know more about this can help.
Tl;DR: I am alone while being in a relationship and I do not know what to do.

Hello one and all and welcome to Ellis’ Enchanting Emporium. Come in if you dare, you will be in awe of what you see, witness daring feats, spectacular showcases and even some frightening oddities. Now this is not for the feint of heart, this Emporium is indeed welcoming but if you take a wrong turn whilst inside, it will lead to grave danger. Be extra careful with the owner of this establishment, the great witch Ellis can be violent and will speak in riddles, but if you can get past her trickery without a scratch you will receive a great boon. Tickets are £5.60 each at the ticket booth to your left, have a nice evening.

11/1/2022
After being accused of squirreling away money last night, today I took out $400 out of my checking account and deposited it in our joint account. I also changed my direct deposit to put $100 into my account and the balance into our joint account. This left me with $60 to my sole name. I told my wife what I did. When she got home she didn't say anything. I had already cooked supper (in the oven) by the time they made it inside. When ochild asked what we were having and I told him (made from scratch chicken pot pie) he said he didn't like it and my wife said to him “I feel your pain.” It hurt. I cannot help but think what would have been had I said something similar to what she cooked (if she ever cooks again.) Children fell asleep shortly after supper. Wife spent the evening on her computer and phone (tik tok) while I did 2 loads of laundry right in front of her. She eventually left to go take a bath. It really doesn't feel very good to be completely unappreciated.
11/5/2022
Today we decided to clean the house.My wife spent literally the entire day cleaning ochilds room and didn't even finish because we went and unexpectedly visited my cousin. In the same amount of time. I cleaned the living room including the walls and vacuumed, swept and mopped the kitchen, hallways, doorway,and bathroom. Cleaned the bathroom and toilet, cleaned the washedryer area (absolutely disgusting) and cooked supper. While doing all of this my wife said something along the lines of it takes her so long because she deep cleans, implying I only superficially clean. I would rather have a superficially clean looking house than an obviously trashy, cluttered, disgusting house because she never has time to deep clean. I tried to put the kids to bed at 10:30 and they fought and argued. I eventually got them down but my wife was saying that they are allowed to stay up late on the weekends. Ridiculous that 10:30 is too early to put the kids to bed on a weekend.
11/6/2022
I woke up this morning after the time change and thought we were already late for church so I decided to make banana bread. Turns out I forgot about the time change and I had to stay home to make sure it didn't burn. After my wife got back home we decided to continue cleaning the house. My wife once again spent the rest of the day cleaning ochilds room. While I did the dishes and then completely cleaned the fronts of all the cabinets (disgusting caked on things) and cleaned inside out the fridge. I also did 4 loads of laundry later in front of the kids watching a movie and my wife while she was working on her computer. Wife actually said thank you for helping. Wasn't wanting a thank you. I just want her to stop saying I never help.
11/7/2022
After all the cleaning this weekend I woke up to a busy wife. She eventually got upset because I did the dishes but didn't wash her coffee cup that was sitting in the middle of the cluttered table where she put it and not in the sink. After work we ate at Sonic on the way to scouts. I made the kids go to bed at a decent hour but they refused to stay in bed. I eventually went to bed a little early and heard the kids bother their mother. I have no authority to make them go to bed because I cannot overrule their mommy like she can me.
11/8/2022
I tried to wake the kids up. I was not mean. Ochild kept crying that he wanted his mom to come wake him up. I told him she was busy but he insisted. She came in while i was dressing ychild. She got hm dressed and he went back to sleep while I brushed ychilds teeth and combed her hair. I caught ochild back in bed and told him to go brush his teeth. He got mad and started stomping his feet and slamming doors on his way to the bathroom. My wife,as usual,asked me what I had done. She just assumes that I piss off the kids on purpose, not that their lack of discipline is responsible for their poor behavior when I have done nothing wrong.
11/10/2022
Day started off not too terrible. My wife and kids came home a little late because they stopped at Walmart on the way home. The kids came in carrying sonic ice cream and “I mentioned oh nothing for me?” Wife looked annoyed that I said that and I said I was surprised she did that right before supper because now they aren't going to be hungry. We had leftovers a little while later when ychild said she was hungry, so I let her choose what dish she wanted to eat. She chose chicken enchilada casserole. I made it for her and let her sit on the couch while I made mine. When I came into the living room she was sitting next to my wife with the bowl on the couch and her phone on her lap. We have a rule that the bowl must be in her lap to reduce messiness because she is inattentive. I made her put her phone next to her and eat her food from the bowl in her lap. She started crying (I wasn't being mean) and I could tell my wife was getting annoyed because I made her cry (she hears crying all day long and doesn't want to hear it when she gets home.) She continued to cry and the wife went to the bathroom. I kept trying to convince her to eat and she was being difficult and wouldn't talk to me barely. I discovered that she didn't want to eat the green chiles so I moved them to the side of the bowl so she could eat the rest. She started screaming that she wanted mommy to do it. I told her mommy was in the bathroom and asked her again why she didn't want to eat. I eventually told her that if she didn't eat I was going to clean off a section of the table and she would eat in the kitchen with me. She still wouldn't stop crying or eat and I took her to the kitchen. The wife eventually came out of the bathroom and asked what all the commotion was and why was I getting on to ychild. When she saw her mother come into the kitchen she fell backwards out of the chair and hit the floor. The wife started berating me that ychild would not eat so long as she is crying and kept talking down to me about trying to take care of the situation. She said I shouldn’t have kept talking to her and just let her cry. Once again she has countermanded me in front of the children. I believe this is why ychild started crying so that mommy would get onto daddy and she would her her way. I eventually left the room because I couldn't stand her about me like that. Eventually they make it back into the living room. A few minutes later I noticed the dog was eating the food leftover from her bowl. I asked how she ate and my wife answered more than half and was upset that I asked. About 30 minutes later ychild said she was hungry again and my wife made her spaghettios. I dont think this is a good lesson to teach ychild. That she can just cry to get her way and then later eat whatever she wants.
11/11/2022
Today is veterans day and I had the day off work. I woke up to help get the kids ready. My wife said she was surprised I was up. I felt I had to because in the past she would always complain if on a day off I slept in. I heard her complain that her clothes were always put in a pile and were wrinkled. I stopped putting up her laundry a long time ago. I am still the only one that puts up laundry 9 out of 10 times. This is just proof of the pudding that she doesn't even put up her own laundry let alone help out with the household laundry. This is after watching me put up 4 loads of laundry in front of her the previous weekend. After she got home from work she asked me what I had done all day. This is something she used to do all the time when she worked a 9-5 job and I worked 4-10s having an extra day off a week. She used to demand that I spent my extra day cleaning the house and doing chores. This is despite the fact that we both still worked 40 hours a week, mine was just convenient in that I had more consecutive time off. She used to always say that if she had that much time off the house would be spotless. Then when she got layed off or got the summer off once she became a teacher nothing would be done, much less housework.
11/12/22
My wife spent all morning taking a test for school and then went and spent the day volunteering for a local church woman to sit with her while her husband was gone due to her just having had given birth. I had the kids all day to myself with minimal fussing and did the dishes and cooked supper. They started to fuss once she came back home. yChild began to uncontrollably cry and scream over some issue after I went to bed. I have learned from experience not to try and parent at night when my wife is in control from the number of times I've been snapped at that she is taking care of it, so I stayed in bed. She ended up calling her sister to deal with her and I heard her ask where I was and my wife gave her a sarcastic response about me being in bed. She later got the kids in bed with much fussing and came home back into the bedroom to change and bitched me out for not coming in there to help. It's another case of damned if you do and damned if you don't.
11/13
My wife spent the morning again taking a test. I got the kids up and dressed and fed. She then came home from the test, ate lunch, and headed back to her school at around 11:30. Ychild wanted to go with her. I spent all day with my son watching our favorite anime. It was a fun day. I also did 3 loads of laundry and cooked supper for us. My wife and ychild did not get home till 11:00 pm and ychild has surgery tomorrow.
11/14
Ychild’s surgery went well. No issues other than a lethargic child.
11/15
ychild refuses to take her pain medicine from the surgery. My wife suggested she take the medicine with her and get her to take it while waiting for school to start. ychild ended up staying in my wifes classroom all day sleeping and developed a rash where the tube was put in. I stayed a little later than I normally would and got home around 4:45. My wife was already home and I walked into the kitchen and saw that the dishes were done. I had told my wife I would do them later today. I talked to her and asked her how long she had been home to already have done the dishes cause she usually gets home after 5. She told me it only took 15 minutes to do the dishes and she didn't understand why it takes me hours(it doesn't take me that long.). I then realized that what I thought was a nice gesture was just another way for her to put me down. Later she started telling me about ychild’s day and started to talk about how she should have stayed home. She started to berate me for not taking the day off and staying with her. I told her we had talked about it but had decided to try for school anyway. I guess I am supposed to overrule her, that will never happen, or volunteer to stay instead of having a healthy discussion and decision, she just blames me for everything that ends up not going the way she decides.
11/16/22
I worked from home today to stay with ychild.
11/23/22
It's my birthday today. Heard from some family and friends. Arrived at inlaws house for Thanksgiving. I decided to, without being asked, help trim trees and clean up the pasture. Mil and fil praised me in front of my wife, that wasn't my intention.
11/24/22
Thanksgiving day. My wife has made several comments today about me sitting around not doing anything. It has rained the whole day and there is literally nothing for me to do. We were watching McClintock today. It came to the end where John Wayne spanked his wife and my wife asked if they really did that back then. I commented probably not they most likely did a lot worse, she made a comment about being sure because I lived back then. Once again I forgot to just keep my mouth shut and my opinions to myself.
11/26/22
It's official. One year without sex. Today we drive back home from the in-laws. Today has been a constant barrage of bs from my wife. Fortunately my in-laws heard some of it. My SIL told me she was sorry.
Next Entry Dec 2022

My unit will be having a four day on 4th of July weekend from Saturday, July 1 to Tuesday, July 4. I want to visit family who lives across the country and celebrate the 4th with them. If a four day starts on a weekend, can I request a 3 day pass of July 3-5? Mon-Wed? Or do I have to take leave for the extended weekend of July 1-5?
I have an understanding if leave ends on a holiday, do not count it; if it starts on a holiday you do count it; and if a holiday lands between leave days, you count it. It will be in the middle, however, right after a two day weekend. Advice?

If we assume that Darkness represents fiction then this statement might be saying what if we could create something even more fictional Than Fiction as we know it. What if we could create something that is so fictional that it is fiction within itself. What if we can blur the lines of what is real and what isn't.
In many ways I think Deltarune does this. We are given several layers that are in most cases not visible to the layer beneath them.
On the top we have the device that is hinted at in the game's files. And in the intro, and even in the file system before you beat chapter 1. It can be inferred that this device is what is being used to connect us to Deltarunes world, but obviously this device isn't actually real unless Toby discovered multiversal travel without telling anyone. This creates the first layer of fiction.
Then we have the light world. It is below and presumably cannot perceive the device. This is where most of our main characters live the light World exists on its own presumably no one within it made it it is self-sustaining from an internal perspective.
The last layer that we currently have access to is the Dark Worlds. They must be created by a Lightner and are because of that considered less real. The beings that inhabit them are made of objects and concepts they are not meant to function independently of the light world they are dependent on it much like okay how the characters in a book are dependent on it's author to exist. while ow it's not made clear it seems like a good chunk of the darkness don't actually understand what the light world is and even if they can they're unable to visit it or even leave their own Dark World without being reduced back down to their inanimate nature one way or another.
Each of these layers are limited in how they interact with the layer above them. Often unable to make any significant changes to it.
Each of them is less real.
Each of them is darker.
The Dark World is the darkest.
But what if we could get darker than dark.

When it comes to protecting and carrying your valuable laptop, a high-quality laptop bag is an essential accessory. With numerous options available in the market, it can be overwhelming to select the right one that suits your needs. In this guide, we will help you navigate through the process of choosing a good laptop bag, ensuring both style and functionality. Read on to make an informed decision and safeguard your laptop investment.
Determine Your Laptop Size
Before embarking on the quest for the perfect laptop bag, it's crucial to know the dimensions of your laptop. Measure the width, height, and depth of your laptop to ensure a proper fit. Laptop bags are typically designed to accommodate specific screen sizes, so selecting the right size will prevent unnecessary movements and potential damage to your device.
Consider the Bag Type
Laptop bags come in various types, each with its unique features and advantages. Consider the following options:
a) Backpacks: Ideal for those who need to carry their laptops for extended periods or travel frequently. Backpacks distribute the weight evenly and often offer extra compartments for accessories.
b) Messenger Bags: A popular choice for professionals, messenger bags feature a single shoulder strap and a spacious main compartment. They are versatile and provide easy access to your laptop.
c) Briefcases: Offering a professional and sleek appearance, briefcases are perfect for business settings. They typically have a sturdy structure, multiple compartments, and a top handle for easy carrying.
Evaluate the Bag's Protection
The primary purpose of a laptop bag is to protect your device from bumps, scratches, and impacts. Consider the following protective features:
a) Padding: Look for a bag with ample padding or a dedicated laptop compartment that provides cushioning on all sides.
b) Water Resistance: To safeguard your laptop from unexpected spills or rain, opt for a bag made from water-resistant materials or one with a built-in waterproof cover.
c) Reinforced Construction: Ensure the bag is well-constructed with durable materials, sturdy zippers, and reinforced stitching to withstand daily wear and tear.
Assess Storage and Organization
Apart from accommodating your laptop, a good laptop bag should have sufficient storage for accessories and other essentials. Look for the following features:
a) Compartments: Multiple compartments and pockets will help you organize your belongings, such as chargers, cables, pens, notebooks, and personal items.
b) Laptop Sleeve: In addition to the main compartment, a dedicated laptop sleeve provides extra protection and prevents your laptop from coming into direct contact with other items.
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Comfort and Ergonomics
Since you'll likely be carrying your laptop bag for extended periods, it's essential to prioritize comfort and ergonomics. Look for the following features:
a) Adjustable Straps: Ensure the bag has adjustable straps to achieve a comfortable fit and distribute the weight evenly across your shoulders.
b) Padded Back Panel: A bag with a padded back panel provides additional comfort and prevents pressure points, particularly for backpacks.
c) Weight Distribution: Opt for a bag with good weight distribution to avoid strain on one side of your body.
Conclusion
By considering factors such as laptop size, bag type, protection, storage, and comfort, you can select the perfect laptop bag that meets your needs. Visit LaptopLelo for a wide range of laptop bags in Pakistan designed to provide both style and functionality, ensuring your laptop stays safe and secure wherever you go.