In the most recent Video, Crytek (or rather its Franchise Manager) announced, among other things, that there will no longer be Rewards from playing matches with the next patch (1.13).
Let me present the case:
Hunt is in the silver tier of the "Best of 2022" Steam Showcase. There, Steam puts games into tiers from Platin to Bronze. The games are place based on Top Gross income. Since we do not have exact numbers we can only put them in perspective:
Hunt made more income in the year 2022 than games like Terraria, BF 2042, Path of Exile, The Witcher and many more (see links above). A lot of these games are not unknown to most ears.
So? What is this money spent on?
Let's have a look:
Servers:
We have servers that on average run on 30 ticks, so overly simplified, the server is doing calculations in 30 FPS. In Comparison, 128 tick servers are present in Valorant and CS:GO, which is an unrealistic expectation, but atleast 60 Hz or 30 Hz while loading in all Mobs in an idle state should be possible in 2023. Granted, the servers need to calculate a lot of A.I movement but the term "Hunt servers" is already put up in a negative light.
Anti-Cheat and Cheater consequences:
Quite frankly, it's awful. With stories like this, this and this really giving the impression that Crytek is not even permabanning cheaters, or do not act on soft cheaters.
Furthermore, Easy Anti Cheat, Epic Games' Anti-Cheat service is free for game developers. Data Security and Internet Privacy concerns aside (Tencent), the last news blog on cheating was about 3 years ago. We do not know when the last EAC update was either. I can't help but feel that this cat and mouse game has a cat napping near the stove.
Removal of BB Rewards for the Tutorial:
With the introduction of the new Tutorial, the BB Rewards from the previous "Tutorial" was scrapped entirely from 250 BB to 0. While it was reduced 2 years prior from 800 BB to 250 BB. That little change somehow didn't make into the patch notes but I am sure it just wasn't worth mentioning.
New Patches bringing new bugs:
From the Lemat Bug, to the Reload Bug, to the floating tools Bug and Hunt servers not being able to count reserve ammo or how many throwing knives/axes you picked up. Yes, we are getting there, and yes some get fixed. But it is pointless when 5 bugs are fixed per patch, and 5 new ones take their place.
This patch alone we had:
FPS drops when closing the map (quite noticeable when playtesting don't you think)
Weapon Holster on saddles dropping your main weapon when canceling (Weapons are exchanged in almost every game from downed hunters, why is this bugged?)
Completely unrelated to any changes: Hornskin somehow takes away any blunt damage reduction from your teammates, making you oneshot from Winnie Cen. Trauma or Hammers.
Saddle Bags previously were able to give you 5 consumables with Packmule, now it was "fixed", and instead of giving you 5 consumables, it just removes 1 consumable (from a consumables that has 2 charges) - They are, after all, toolboxes that have a different item pool.
An Saddle Bags sometimes not appearing for every Player.
The last social media post about the Q & A Team playtesting Hunt was in 2019, I hope they are still doing good :)
Battle Passes get cheaper:
Let's see if they have the same amount of Quality and Levels as previous Passes. Also to do the math: To get 1000 Blood Bonds, you would need to play 50x20 - 20 consecutive Weeks, which is like 5 months to get a Battle Pass which is free to play.
New content:
Yes, I can't leave that one out, if I want to be fair. Good content is good and nice, and necessary to increase player count and player retention. However, what Hunt needs right now is QoL features and improvement of existing systems (and don't try to fix systems that already work fine *cough* up and downstair sounds and MMR system). Hunt needs an operation Health and I hope this goes hand in hand with the announced Cryengine update.
---
Did I forget anything? I mean they added Charms, and Charm rarity shortly after - so that's nice for Crytek. I kinda wished we would have seen those changes mentioned in the dev stream so chat could have Q & A with the devs afterwards, but a seperate video is also one way to do it.
Please, don't remove BB rewards for playing the game, for engaging with the game so that those who do do indeed buy BB and DLCs have (same skilled) enemies to play against. This change is extremly anti-customer and punishes players that play the game daily and regulary. Those who make up most of your player numbers.

hi lovely people of reddit! :)
i’m a 24 year female living in the uk. i’m 5 foot 2 (and a half), currently have dyed hair, blue eyes and i like to do my makeup and take care of myself. i go to the gym (weights) and swim a few times a week :) totally happy to share pictures (sfw) once we chat or hop on a discord video/voice call.
my hobbies include gaming (dead by daylight, valorant, and a few other games), reading, documentaries, travelling, music, and food. i love finding new places to explore :D i love hello kitty, collecting stuffies and also colouring in. i love heath, fitness and spiritual stuff too. deep conversations and controversial topics is something i adore.
i have a stable job and drive.
my friends usually say i’m innocent, caring, kind and gentle. i’d like to think that i take an interest in people and have a big heart also :) i can be pretty clingy at times and always want to know about your day. my love language is words of affirmation and i love cute stuff (don’t we all).
honestly, i’m looking for a partner in every sense of the word. i don’t do casual nor do i want online only. i do really want to find something long term and serious, if that even exists on reddit 🥲 also with the intention of meeting up and pursuing this irl! relocating is an option for me as i do work remotely.
i like people who are a little bit quirky (either with your aesthetic or your personality), kind, caring, honest, genuine. someone who has an open mind, preferably dominant or open minded regarding that, and can give just as much love as they receive (i love affection), and someone who can hold a conversation and loves calls (cough sleep calls cough) 🫶🏻 no people that are married, with kids or not mono please. i’d also prefer you to be older than me (whether that’s by a few months or some years, i don’t mind). accents go straight to the front of the queue along with (as SZA puts it) big boys :))
if you’re interested, feel free to drop me a chat message introducing yourself (not dm), please don’t message me if it’s going to be sexual and rude :) thank you and good luck on your search <3

It's been hard to find some voicelines from Zen and i started looking for a video that compiles every line and fortunately there was one and with OW1 voicelines as well! (pls take the time to comment your fav voiceline in the link, this video was a bit hard to find with only 145 views) so i took the time to timestamp each one, there are a lot that repeat and english isn't my first language there will be a lot of spelling and grammatical errors, feel free to correct me. Well without any further ado here it is:
https://youtu.be/aFU6OveTNQQ
0:05 uh? (idk how to describe it... WHEN DOES HE SAY THIS??¿¿)
0:07 Noise
0:08 Noise
0:10 "Now we have both learned something"
0:13 "I'm grateful for what we have taught each other"
0:17 "I do not punish when one seeks forgiveness"
0:20 "I envy ants for their clarity of purpose"
0:25 "Perhaps i can share your burden?"
0:28 "There is a new sadness in you brother"
0:32 "Yes we wondered how many other omnics were doing the same"
0:38 "Change often comes uninvited what you make of it is up to you"
0:44 "Every challenge is an opportunity to rise"
0:49 "I am happy to serve"
0:51 "Mmm.. interesting"
0:54 "A chance for us all to learn"
0:57 "Experience festivity"
1:00 "Right down the middle and the pitch"
1:04 "Here's a little jin(?) music"
1:06 "That's the ball game"
1:08 "There's no crying in baseball"
1:12 "You're out"
1:14 "He goes down swinging"
1:16 "It goes down swinging"
1:18 "She goes down swinging"
1:21 "Zenyatta on the mound"
1:24 "The iris consumes you"
1:27 "Listen to the whispers of madness"
1:31 "Darkness envelops all"
1:34 "Be consumed by the shadows"
1:38 "Curses and madness be upon you all"
1:41 "Be one with the darkness"
1:45 "Walk in shadow"
1:48 "We walk in shadows my aprenctice"
1:52 "Embrace oblivion"
1:55 "Frightening"
1:57 "Expierience nothingness"
2:01 "Trick or treat"
2:04 "Pass into the unkown"
2:07 "Zenyatta is here"
2:10 "Zenyatta is everywhere"
2:14 "We must guard the objective"
2:17 "They've taken possesion of him"
2:20 "He would(?) be lost without our guidence"
2:23 "The enemy has stolen away our friend"
2:27 "Our teamate has fallen"
2:29 "We've suffered a casualty"
2:31 "We have lost a teammate"
2:34 "The door will not hold much longer"
2:37 "The door will soon be reduced to kinglin(?)"
2:40 "I am restored"
2:42 "You have my thanks"
2:44 "One day i will repay your kindness"
2:48 Effort noise (kick probably?)
2:49 Effort noise
2:50 Effort noise
2:52 Effort noise
2:53 "It was nothing"
2:55 "You are welcome"
2:57 "A turret lies before us it is quite real"
3:02 "A turret is in our way"
3:04 "We must proceed as one"
3:06 "Apart we can not continue"
3:09 "We must come together then we may proceed"
3:13 "The payload is on it's way"
3:16 "The payload advances as it should"
3:20 "I am accompaning the payload"
3:23 "We must hold the payload"
3:25 "I'm under attack assistance would be appreciated"
3:29 "I require aid"
3:31 "On my way"
3:33 "No."
3:34 "We must rest victory from the jaws of time"
3:38 "Time is an illusion but he illusion it's about to run out"
3:44 "No snowflake ever falls in the wrong place"
3:48 "We are in harmony"
3:51 "Doubt shrouds you"
3:53 "What torments you"
3:55 "It is nothing personal, Genji"
3:58 "Why the look of gloom"
4:00 "Your distress betrays you, Satya"
4:03 "A shadow hangs over you"
4:06 "Your anguish comsumes you"
4:09 "You must accept the pain"
4:12 "This does not bode well for you"
4:16 "Chaos hunts your path"
4:18 "The path ahead is thorny"
4:21 "How ominous"
4:23 "Attachment the source of all suffering"
4:27 Effort noise
4:30 "Revive me so that i may re-join the fight"
4:34 "I am in need of reviving"
4:37 "I am seriously damaged"
4:39 "Life is more than a series of ones and zeros"
4:44 "We most protect our flag"
4:47 "Defend our flag"
4:49 "A detonator)? approaches we must not let it come near"
4:53 "The end approaches quickly to the robot"
4:57 "Our time draws near, grasp the opportunity"
5:02 "We most claim both the robot and our destiny"
5:06 "Our collective effort is leading us to victory"
5:11 "Let us be grateful for our advantages"
5:14 "Fortune smiles on us"
5:17 "A blessing to be among such capable hands"
5:21 "We should make our preparations here"
5:24 freezing noise
5:26 freezing noise 2
5:29 discomfort noise?
5:32 discomfort freezing noise?
5:35 freezing noise 3
5:39 "We must clear this area"
5:41 "Form is temporary the spirit is eternal"
5:46 "My apologies"
5:48 "I was mistaken"
5:50 "To err is human... or omnic"
5:53 "I require armor"
5:55 "I need armor"
5:57 "We must deal with this assassin, she continues to be a problem for us"
6:03 sigh noise
6:05 sigh noise 2
6:08 long sigh
6:10 deep breath
6:13 deep breath 2
6:15 "We must take the objective"
6:18 "Let us capture the objective"
6:21 "The enemies teleporter is here, destroy it"
6:26 "My ultimate ability is ready"
6:28 "Ready for transcendence"
6:31 "The enforcer still poses a threat"
6:34 "The flags destiny lies with another"
6:37 "Dropping the flag"
6:39 discomfort noise
6:42 discomfort noise 2
6:45 dicomfort noise 3
6:47 discomfort noise 4
6:50 discomfort noise 5
6:52 "Zenyatta is here"
6:54 "Advance the robot"
6:56 "Move the robot"
6:58 Discomort noise 6
7:01 Discomfort noise 7
7:03 more discomfort
7:04 "The flag returns"
7:06 "I have set the flag on its way"
7:09 "The assassin is over there"
7:12 "There she is"
7:14 "but intimidating nonetheless" (idk if this goes with the last one)
7:16 "Get back! she's on me"
7:19 "In 3... 2... 1..."
7:23 "3... 2... 1..."
7:26 "Get ready"
7:28 death noise
7:30 death noise 2
7:32 death noise 3
7:34 death?
7:37 more death?
7:39 "Let us push together"
7:41 "And now we begin"
7:44 "Destiny backens us towards our destination"
7:49 "My ultimate is charging"
7:52 more sigh noise
7:54 deep breath asmr
7:57 relieve breath noise
8:00 death fall noise
8:05 death fall noise 2
8:11 more death fall noise
8:18 "Hello world"
8:20 "The assassin is no more"
8:22 "Worry not she's been dealt with"
8:25 "Defend as one"
8:28 "Defend with me"
8:30 "Alone i am a tempting target for the enemy"
8:34 "Our numbers will soon be replendished"
8:38 "My allies will soon return"
8:41 "Farewell"
8:42 "Go in peace"
8:44 "I have found the enemy shield generator"
8:48 "My ultimate is almost ready"
8:50 "Understood"
8:52 "Acknowledge"
8:54 "Of course"
8:55 "Indeed"
8:57 "I understand"
8:58 "Understood"
9:00 "The door shutters)?"
9:02 "The door is heavly damaged"
9:04 "This life is not finished with you yet"
9:07 "We are still in need of you"
9:10 "Invisibility is not invincibility"
9:14 "You manifested your own fate"
9:17 "One often meets their destiny on the road the take to avoid it"
9:22 "Those who rush headlong into battle would do well to protect their heads"
9:28 "A great distance for one is but a step for another"
9:33 "Think first then leap"
9:36 "An easy target is not is not always what is appears to be"
9:40 "Foresight is as viable as speed"
9:44 "Ask for death and you will receive it"
9:48 "Remember Genji at your most powerful you are most vulnerable"
9:54 "Capture the flag"
9:56 "Let us take the enemy's flag"
9:59 "Be reborn"
10:01 "Oblivion embraces you"
10:04 "Fade into shadow"
10:07 "May the Iris embrace you"
10:10 "Be at peace"
10:12 "The wheel turns"
10:14 "The darkness consumes"
10:17 "Let us clear them off the objective"
10:20 "Our enemies are ceasing)? the objective"
10:23 "They are taking hold of the objective, we must stop them"
10:29 "Fortune favors me"
10:31 Laugh (AAAAAAAAAA)
10:34 "The iris embraces you"
10:38 "It is my pleasure to serve"
10:41 "There is no weakness in asking for help"
10:44 "Does who seek help will find it"
10:47 "Consider the alternative"
10:50 "The world is a dangerous place"
10:53 "The help is it's own reward"
10:56 "How amusing"
10:58 "The end is near we must not hold back"
11:02 "Time runs short, attack!"
11:06 "We must wrest the victory from the jaws of time"
11:10 "Time is an illusion but he illusion it's about to run out" (Again?)
11:15 "Press forward for time is not at our side"
11:19 "Time is off the escence let us attack"
11:23 "An erradicator be on your guard"
11:26 "She still poses a threat"
11:29 "The sniper still troubles us"
11:31 "Can i interest you in a snowball fight?"
11:34 "Do i think? Does a submarine swim?"
11:39 "The turret no longer exists"
11:42 "The turret is no more"
11:45 "The objective cannot take much more of this"
11:48 "Our objective will soon be destroyed"
11:51 "Mercy swiftly delivered"
11:54 "The more one takes the less one has"
11:58 "Accomplishment always follows effort"
12:02 "Tragedy unites many"
12:04 "My generosity extends to many"
12:08 "Perhaps we only exist in the memory of a person now gone"
12:13 burning? (noise)
12:17 burning
12:19 burning 2
12:21 more burning
12:24 burns
12:26 "Patience"
12:28 "The damage doesn't look as bad from up here"
12:31 probably getting charged by Reinhardt?
12:34 same?
12:37 AAAaaAAA
12:40 critical health
12:42 "The objective is no more"
12:45 "The objective has been eliminated"
12:48 "I require shields"
12:50 "I need sheilds"
12:52 "The assassin is gone for the moment"
12:55 "She's disappeard"
12:57 "Victory is our destiny but we must all play our parts"
13:03 "Stay steadfast and we shall win"
13:07 "Victory is within our grasp hold strong"
13:12 "We must see this through to the end"
13:16 "Let us hold out until the end"
13:19 "Time is on our side we must simply endure"
13:24 "I'm feeling unwell"
13:27 "My systems are compromised"
13:29 "Disabling security protocols"
13:32 "Your recognition honors me"
13:35 "The cards have selected me"
13:38 "Our enemies return with vengeance"
13:41 "Beware they have returned"
13:44 "The enemy is utilising a shield generator"
13:48 "Enemy shield generator destroyed"
13:51 "Hold the robot we must end their push"
13:55 "Recover our flag"
13:58 "We must retake possession of our flag"
14:01 "Peace be upon you"
14:03 "I greet you"
14:05 "Hello"
14:06 "Greetings"
14:08 "We must reclaim our flag"
14:10 "The enemy has taken posetion of our flag"
14:14 "Come to me for healing"
14:16 "Come here for healing"
14:18 "The path to healing leads here"
14:21 "A shoked tire bears down upon us)?" (i didn't understand a thing)
14:24 "Shock tire over the breach)?" (same)
14:27 "The enemy posseses a teleporter"
14:30 "Energy transfers between us"
14:33 "I believe i won this round"
14:36 "A telling blow"
14:38 "A touch of wisdom"
14:41 "What profound impact"
14:43 "Scadoosh" (HAHAHA WHEN?? from a skin??)
14:45 effort noise
14:46 effort noise 2
14:47 effort noise 3
14:49 effort noise 4
14:50 effort noise 5
14:51 effort noise 6
14:52 "Over here"
14:54 coughing
14:59 coughing 2
15:08 "I have spotted an enemy bastion"
15:10 "Remember past succeses but always strive for more"
15:16 "This way"
15:18 "Here my friends"
15:20 laugh (I love him)
15:23 "I AM VITALIZED"
15:27 "MY SENSES ARE HEIGHTENED"
15:30 "STRENGTH FLOWS THROUGH ME"
15:33 "I AM EMPOWERED"
15:35 "I think therefore i am"
15:40 "When did you received this curse countess"
15:44 "Some believe that the full moon is a good omen"
15:48 "Did i say i trusted her"
15:51 "I do not sense the spark of life within you"
15:54 "Walk along the path to enlightenment"
15:58 "Ready i am ready" (Oh god...)
16:01 "I dreamt i was a butterfly"
16:04 "Frightening"
16:06 "There are null)? troopers ahead"
16:08 "No troopers spotted"
16:10 "The enforcer is no more"
16:13 "The flag moves with me"
16:15 "I have become one with the flag"
16:19 "Go to the objective"
16:21 "Let us head to the waypoint"
16:23 "Let us re group at the objective"
16:26 "The objective is near"
16:29 "Take care that you do not spend yourself before the battle is done"
16:34 "Our purpose is to show everyone that in the iris we are all one people"
16:41 "Rarely has my path crossed a warrior as cheerful as you"
16:45 "No one of note just one of thousands of like me)?" (what?)
16:50 "Do you think me so helpless"
16:52 "But one moment of clarity changed everything"
16:56 "There are times even i can not stand by"
17:00 "It is not magic but the power of the spirit that i channel"
17:05 "My believes are simply in the fundamental ways of life and nature nothing more"
17:12 "Simply a traveler of search of purpose and meaning"
17:16 "I'm following in my masters footsteps searching for enlightenment tho my path has not always been a stright one"
17:25 "Our objective has been damaged"
17:27 "Our enemies are breaking through"
17:30 "Fate is not without a sense of irony"
17:34 "Look in the mirror"
17:36 "We move with the objective"
17:39 "Let us see the objective to it's destination"
17:43 "The enemy out numbers us"
17:45 "We are outnumbered be cautious"
17:49 "I sense the reaper"
17:51 "I sense the presence of the witch"
17:54 "The summoner is here"
17:57 "Doctor Junkenstein so good of you to join us"
18:02 "The ground shakes"
18:04 "Junkenstein's monster is here"
18:07 "We should guide our flag back to safety"
18:10 "The enemy has relinquished our flag"
18:13 "We must move them from the door"
18:16 "They have reached the door"
18:19 "The summoner is no more"
18:21 "The witch is gone but she will reaturn"
18:26 "Doctor Junkenstein has laughed his last"
18:30 "Junkenstein's monster has fallen"
18:33 "The reaper is gone for the moment"
18:37 "I am made whole"
18:39 "My systems are restored"
18:42 "My systems are repeared"
18:45 "I am healed"
18:47 "Your dance grows more elegant Satya"
18:51 "You are adept at endings")? (idk)
18:54 "Well done my apprentice"
18:57 "Eventually all fade into oblivion"
19:00 "Well done Genji"
19:03 "You have ushered them to paradise"
19:06 "There is beauty in your actions"
19:09 "I did not teach you that one"
19:12 "Fall back"
19:13 "Likewise Satya i hope to repay you for your generosity at our temple"
19:19 "I served coffee"
19:21 "Then paint it with emptiness"
19:24 "How... fortunate for you"
19:27 "Why do you believe so?"
19:29 "I collected payments at a laser tag arena"
19:33 "Perhaps they believe we will not defend this place but if all the rest of the wolrd were to fall this would be the stand i chose to make"
19:44 "I like being near the ocean it reminds me of where i was born"
19:49 "I sense that your hardest battle is yet to come"
19:54 "What seems like magic is sometimes science we dont yet understand"
20:00 "Victory goes to those who maintain their focus"
20:04 "I was a life guard at a waterpark"
20:08 "It would be a pleasure"
20:10 "I drove a tractor"
20:12 "You have an intense gaze doctor"
20:15 "You spend your second chance at life walking a lonely road"
20:21 "I believe that Torbjörn's behavior has rubbed of on you"
20:25 "I owe my gifts to the iris"
20:29 "What makes you think i am a pacifist"
20:32 "Someone always cares you must simply seek them out"
20:36 "I dream of peace and sometimes falling"
20:41 "And yet you sound just like he did"
20:44 "A mirror reflects only what can be seen"
20:48 "Perhaps it is assumptions that are foolish"
20:52 "Try listening to silence"
20:55 "Our mission awaits us"
20:58 "Indeed"
20:59 "I massaged sheep on a free-range pasture"
21:03 "Shed the weight of your doubts, and your mind will become clear"
21:08 "Seeking progress by sowing chaos is like planting a tree in a volcano"
21:14 "Change often comes univited what you make of it is up to you"
21:21 "Quite a puzzle isn't it?"
21:24 "I embrace the unkown"
21:27 "And what of the enemy within"
21:30 "I focus on my breathing"
21:32 "Strangeness is in the eye of the beholder"
21:37 "My memories from before the awakening are blurry like a fading dream but i do remember somethings"
21:46 "In the coming battle you mean?"
21:48 "To find succes we must search in harmony"
21:53 "As long as there is free will i fear there will be evil"
21:57 "If a city never sleeps how can it dream?"
22:02 "Those who only seek to enrich themselves lives the most impoverished lives of all"
22:08 "True it also makes us great teachers for we can easily hide our disappointment"
22:15 "Indeed, why are we here?"
22:18 "Ask not who their maker is but what they mean"
22:24 "Is victory so important?"
22:27 "Fruition comes from within as does failure"
22:32 "I have always wondered what it is like being inside an orb"
22:37 "Over there"
22:38 "I need help"
22:40 "I require assistance"
22:43 "I pray that we can reverse this outcome"
22:46 "We are not deafeated yet"
22:49 "We must persist from the difficult times"
22:53 "This obstacle can still be overcome"
22:57 "Trick or treat"
22:59 "A temporary set back"
23:02 "We can overcome any obstacle"
23:05 "We must act and soon"
23:08 "Let us remember our purpose"
23:10 "Progress awaits us"
23:13 ""Perhaps we are forgetting something"
23:15 "We must eliminate this target"
23:19 "Caution"
23:20 "Be alert"
23:22 "Watch here"
23:24 "An enemy here"
23:25 "Here is an enemy"
23:27 "heal this one)???"
23:29 "We must guard the objective"
23:32 "Defend the objective"
23:34 "Even the teacher can learn from his student"
23:38 "It takes a hundred times to learn, a thousand times to understand" (My fav)
23:44 "One who fears loss has already lost"
23:49 "The cycle begins anew"
23:52 "True strength does not always lie in victory"
23:56 "Pain is an excellent teacher"
24:00 "Overconfidence is a flimsy shield"
24:04 "A reminder that life is never easy"
24:08 "Defeat cannot break one who perseveres"
24:12 "The cycle is broken"
24:14 "Adversity is an opportunity for change"
24:18 "A challenge presents itself"
24:21 "A temporary set back" (again..)
24:24 "Failure is acceptable giving up is not"
24:28 "The outcome is not preordained"
24:32 "Repetition is the path to mastery"
24:36 "Our fates are written in the stars"
24:40 "The enemy is here"
24:42 "The enemy desires a battle"
24:45 "Let the blessings of the season be upon you"
24:49 "I return"
24:51 "Press the attack"
24:53 "Let us all become one with the objective"
24:56 "Proceed to the objective"
24:59 "An enforcer is before us"
25:01 "Pass into the iris"
25:04 "Reflect upon your actions"
25:07 "Your set back is only temporary"
25:10 "Rest your soul"
25:13 "A cruel fate"
25:15 "Pride can not protect you"
25:17 "Your focus lacks focus"
25:20 "One day you will see that coming"
25:23 "Science cannot answer all questions"
25:27 "And now, you have found peace"
25:30 "You must learn from your mistakes"
25:34 "No fist has ever won against an open hand"
25:38 "Your answer lies in stillness"
25:41 "Good judgment comes from bad experiences"
25:45 "Regret is all-consuming"
25:49 "A resolution swiftly delivered"
25:52 "All ice melts"
25:54 "A beautiful swansong"
25:57 "I didn't go easy on you this time"
26:00 "And so the mask falls"
26:03 "We all represent unfulfilled potential"
26:07 "Greed has spent you"
26:10 "Silence answers all questions"
26:13 "A closed mind is already defeated"
26:18 "Let the sun set on your pride"
26:21 "Defeat is the better teacher"
26:24 "What goes around, comes around"
26:28 "Not everything should be taken seriously"
26:32 "When you soar you risk the fall"
26:36 "Move too quickly, and you overlook too much"
26:39 "What legacy is worth your life?"
26:43 "In chaos, more chaos"
26:46 "Do not hesitate"
26:48 "The lead awaits us"
26:50 "Soon the lead will be ours"
26:54 "We are being drawn to the lead"
26:57 "Tho i stand alone my teammates still fight at my side"
27:02 "The task falls to me"
27:05 "We are making progress upon the objective"
27:08 "The objective has taken damage"
27:10 "All proceeds according to plan"
27:13 "The rhythm is in you if you search within, get down into the iris, float to the beat"
27:22 "Ummmmm"
27:25 "Embrace the rhythm, embrace the beat, embrace the melody, move your feet"
27:32 "I humbly accept"
27:35 "I will become one with this reward"
27:38 "The universe shares it's bounty"
27:42 "I foresee great riches in my future"
27:45 "The experience is its own reward but surprises are nice" (oh)
27:51 "Join me"
27:53 "Group up"
27:54 "Group up here"
27:56 "We must join as one"
27:59 "Group up with me"
28:01 "Join together"
28:03 "I will not juggle"
28:05 "Yes"
28:07 "The door has open to our enemy"
28:10 "The enemy comes thru the doorway"
28:13 "We must destroy the objective"
28:16 "Focus our attacks upon the objective"
28:19 "That was your lesson for today"
28:22 "Our moments)?? run out do not leave him"
28:26 "Now we must focus, stay with our robot friend"
28:30 "I can sense your presence"
28:33 "Enemy detected"
28:35 "There is someone there"
28:37 "Let go of that that which weighs upon your mind"
28:42 "Behind you"
28:43 "Slicers approaching)???"
28:45 heavy sigh
28:48 sigh
28:50 sigh 2
28:53 effort noise
28:54 kick probably?
28:55 effort noise 2
28:56 "Join me at the objective"
28:59 "Come to the objective"
29:01 "To me my friends"
29:03 "What joy to share the path with another"
29:07 "A promising disciple"
29:10 "You've learned well Genji"
29:12 "Our minds aligned"
29:15 "It takes two hands to clap" (brutal)
29:18 "A meaningful union"
29:20 "One intention many hands"
29:24 "We must focus our attack upon the objective"
29:28 "I see the sniper"
29:30 "There she is"
29:32 "I will watch this place"
29:34 "Keeping watch here"
29:36 "Allow me to watch here"
29:39 "Meditation is all i require to sustain myself"
29:43 "It most be my many years of training, careful diet and simple way of life" (He's such a troll lol)
29:50 "You wound me"
29:52 "A pause in the battle and opportunity to re-center our minds"
29:57 "When i gazed into the iris i found great nothingness, it changed me"
30:04 "You've must have experienced the same"
30:07 "You blame yourself for the dragon's reign of terror but it is not your fault"
30:13 "Push forward"
30:15 sigh?
30:16 more sigh
30:18 relieve sigh
30:19 sigh 1000
30:21 "They have all perished"
30:23 "We are alone for now"
30:27 "Aaaaww serenity at last"
30:31 "Free your mind"
30:33 "The enemy steers we must hold them)?" (idk)
30:37 "Do not allow the enemy to proceed"
30:40 "The enemy begins to move along their path"
30:44 "Breach the door and our path will be revealed"
30:49 "We must break through"
30:51 "Remove the obstruction before us"
30:54 long sigh
30:58 deep breath
31:01 long sigh 2
31:04 DEATH
31:05 death 2
31:07 "Focus on the target"
31:10 "We must eliminate this target"
31:13 "Through here"
31:14 "Our path lies this way"
31:17 "I have dropped the item"
31:20 "Unfortunately i dropped it"
31:23 "I sense an enemy to the right"
31:26 "A shocked tire approaches to our right"
31:29 "Joy to the world"
31:32 "We must locate their teleporter"
31:34 "A shocked tire approaches on the left"
31:37 "Our enemy approaches on the left"
31:40 "I welcome adversity"
31:43 "A momentary set back"
31:45 "My thanks"
31:47 "Thank you"
31:48 "I am grateful"
31:50 "You have my thanks"
31:52 "Wonderful"
31:54 "Excellence is its own reward"
31:58 "Get out of there"
31:59 "I'm going in"
32:01 "We have injured the heaviest sold)? unit" (idk the word)
32:04 "A chance presents itself to strike him down"
32:08 "Talent trooper engaging"
32:10 "I see a sniper"
32:12 "Sniper!"
32:13 A lot of effort noises
32:22 "Always strive for improvement"
32:25 "Together we have taken the lead"
32:29 "AaaA progression"
32:31 "We advance as one"
32:34 "Your flaws are revealed... in the Iris"
32:39 "Know when to hold on, and when to let go"
32:43 "How far the mighty fall"
32:46 "A stumble is still a step towards a direction"
32:50 "A fall is merely a chance to rise again... later"
32:56 "Observe your environment; carefully"
32:59 "You may be missed... but not by me" (Brutal 2)
33:03 "What is descent, but a lesson in humility?"
33:07 "They have fallen... how unfortunate"
33:11 "Attack"
33:12 "Let us strike in harmony"
33:15 "Attack with me"
33:17 "UUUUUUUUUMMMMMMM"
33:23 VERY DEEP BREATH
33:30 "Amid discord, we will find tranquility"
33:35 "He must be dealt with"
33:37 "We must find a way to deal with the heaviest assault)? unit"
33:41 "The summoners threat must be ended"
33:45 "Doctor Junkenstein must be dealt with"
33:48 "The reaper still haunts us"
33:51 "We must vanish the witch"
33:54 "Junkenstein's monster must be destroyed"
33:58 "Existence is mysterious"
34:01 "I have learned from my experiences"
34:05 "My mind is open"
34:07 "My spirit is strong now to strike"
34:12 "Energy flow through me"
34:15 "Every rooster crows in its own pen"
34:19 a lot of effort noises
34:23 "The payload it is at a stand still"
34:26 "Let us push the payload forward"
34:29 "We must unblock the payload"
34:32 "Incoming"
34:34 "The payload must me stopped"
34:36 "We must hinder the payload's journey"
34:40 "Let us hold that payload"
34:42 "I require healing"
34:44 "I need healing"
34:46 "How... disappointing"
34:49 "She's turned her attention to you"
34:52 "The assassin is targeting you"
34:54 "Take cover"
34:56 "Victory or defeat our destiny is not preordained"
35:02 "Be present in the moment"
35:04 "It is good to return but am i still welcome here?"
35:09 "Your will is strong my friend"
35:11 "But in time i know you will realize we are not so different"
35:17 "And i will watch your back in turn"
35:20 "Consider only victory make defeat an impossibility in your mind"
35:26 "Tell me your thoughts my friend"
35:29 "I can feel the embrace of the iris so strongly in here"
35:34 "I would be happy to teach you"
35:36 "It is rare that i meet one with such an unformed mind"
35:40 "It is good to fight alongside one of my brightest pupils"
35:46 "It does, my brother Mondatta, gave much to improve their lifes but it was not to be"
35:53 "A disciplined mind is your most dependable ally."
35:58 "A chance to focus"
36:00 "A warrior's greatest weapon... is patience"
36:05 "So this is where you grew up? You must show me around"
36:10 "If only human and omnic could learn to live in peace here..."
36:15 "I sense within you the same rage that once consumed your brother"
36:20 "What a fascinating place! Can science alone unlock the path to enlightenment?"
36:28 "Do you have any dreams, my friend?"
36:31 "And i do not understand much of how you heal doctor Zeigler"
36:35 "I suppose we must all take some things on faith"
36:42 "Existence is mysterious isn't it"
36:43 "An omnic on the moon is not so special. There are more robots than humans in space"
36:50 "To us all i miss him greatly"
36:53 "I believe that we must all do our part to find solutions to the troubles that are before us"
37:00 "It is sad to see a place that might have known peace... reduced to this"
37:06 "A noble but tragic sacrifice, i hope that you will honor it"
37:12 "I have not returned here for many years. I wonder if my brothers and sisters will be pleased to see me"
37:20 "Turring green)?? my brother's dream but not to be" (what)
37:26 "Time is a river it may be stopped for a while but it will always flow the same direction"
37:34 "I feel most unwelcome here"
37:38 "Genji how was your reunion with your brother?"
37:42 "Symmetra you speak of law and of order but you must know that life is chaotic by it's very nature"
37:51 "I believe that you could find peace, if you were to search within yourself"
37:57 "Indeed my friend, indeed"
38:01 "I hear that you've taken an omnic Torbjörn"
38:04 "The payload rests idle"
38:07 "The payload must be moved"
38:10 "We must move the payload"
38:13 Getting hurt i think
38:17 "This will be of use"
38:19 "I have what we seek"
38:21 "Here we are"
38:22 "I sense the presence of an assassin"
38:25 "An assassin comes for us"
38:28 "Experience tranquility"
38:31 "Our teammate is in need of reviving"
38:34 "Our teammate needs to be revived"
38:38 Pain
38:49 "Let us pave our path together"
38:52 "Shall we journey together"
38:55 "We must work and breath as one"
38:58 "We are all pilgrims on this mission"
39:02 "I am with you"
39:03 "We are as one"
39:06 "The path of fate threatens to diverge in the enemy's favor"
39:10 "The enemy draws near stop them"
39:14 "We must prevent the enemy from taking the lead"
39:18 "The objective nears destruction"
39:21 "We've almost achieved our objective"
39:24 "The enemy has pushed past us"
39:26 "We have lost the lead"
39:29 "The enemy's understandings surpasses ours"
39:33 "The enemy's teleporter is no more"
39:36 "I feel the darkness flowing through me"
39:40 "My soul ignited!"
39:43 "I am efervescent"
39:45 "My spirit burns!"
39:48 "An R-14 engage with caution"
39:52 "Remember me, for I will remember you"
39:56 "My heavy burden to bear"
39:59 "Virtuosity is an admirable virtue"
40:03 "A herald of victory"
40:05 "Mastery cannot be concealed"
40:08 "Our enemy gathers here" (>-<)
40:11 "I shall handle this"
40:13 "It is done"
40:15 "Allow me"
40:17 "We must see this through to the end"
40:20 "Victory is our destiny but we must all play our parts" (again)
40:26 "Victory is within our grasp hold strong" (again)
40:31 "I am in an agreement"
40:33 "We need a healer"
40:35 "The enemys flag is ours"
40:38 "I have captured the flag"
40:40 "If you do not change direction, you may end up where you're headed"
40:45 "Let us escort you along your path"
40:48 "We will unify our push with yours"
40:52 "Hello brother"
40:54 "Come with us"
40:56 "Go"
40:57 "I am attaining the objective"
40:59 "I am on the objective my friends"
41:03 "Join me on the objective"
41:06 "Death is whimsical today"
41:09 "Walk in shadow"
41:12 "Listen to my prayer"
41:15 "Harmony is within your grasp"
41:18 "Be whole once more"
41:21 "I release your suffering"
41:24 "A balm for your wounds"
41:26 "We walk in the shadows, my apprentice"
41:30 "Gaze into the unblinking eye"
41:34 "Embrace oblivion"
41:36 "Be one with the darkness"
41:40 "Be reassured you are not alone"
41:44 "Find solace"
41:46 "Overcome your pain"
41:49 "Your spirits lifted"
41:52 "Let me assist you"
41:55 "Allow me"
41:57 "Harmony follows you"
41:59 "Be soothed"
42:02 "I am with you my friend"
42:04 "Let me relieve your burdens"
42:07 slight effort noises
42:12 pain? effort? idk just noises
42:21 "I'm over here"
42:23 "I am here"
42:25 "My ultimate is ready proceed without fear"
42:29 "You are not ready to learn"
42:32 "Peace and blessings be upon you all"
42:36 death 200
42:43 "The attack comes form the above"
42:45 "The attack comes from the right"
42:48 "Our enemies are behind us"
42:50 "They attack form below"
42:53 "Our enemies attack from the rear)??"
42:55 "The enemy lies before us"
42:58 "Our enemies attack directly"
43:00 "The enemy is on the left"
43:03 "The enemy is below us"
43:06 "The enemy is above us"
43:08 "The enemy is on the right"
43:10 "The attack comes form the left"
43:13 "One moon shows in every pool. In every pool; one moon"

Hi!
So, I've sent this idea to HBO a few months ago but I still haven't got any answers and I'm dying to know if it's good enough.
if you guys could help me out and give me a reply I would be very thankful !!
ps. I wrote it a long time ago and since I'm not a native speaker the english might not be so good.
Down the Rabbit- Hole
I went to the store this morning at basically,4 a.m. to receive some of the things Brian ordered for the stock. He asked if I was ok with it since it was the meat that wouuld arrive and I contradicted him saying I was fine. I guess I was just trying to train the not barfing routine.
- hi, are you the responsible around here ?
Alice: yes, pretty much. Good morning I’m the owner !
- ok, great I’m here to drop some steaks, chicken,pork..
It’s okay, it’s not for you, you’ll sooner have to learn how to cook these
- lamb,fish and these rabbits I killed yesterday
Alice: rabbits ?
- yes, there’s something wrong ?
Alice: I don’t remember asking for rabbits
- I think that was your husband ? isn’t he the actual owner ?
Alice: yes, but you can...can take the rabbit with you, I’m not paying for it
- what do you mean, you’re not paying for it ? I went in the middle of the night just to hunt these
Alice: well, I didn’t ask you to hunt them, you did it because you wante...
- I did it because my client asked me to, why are you even complaing if you’re not part of the business ? don’t you like rabbits ?
Alice: no, I don’t eat rabbits.
- why not ? it’s delicious !
Alice: do you think so ?
- yes,those are my favorite !
Alice: ok, then you can bring them inside. It happens you’re the only one around and I’m a helpless woman
- alright then, you should try one of these beasts sometime
Alice: uhum, just around here, you can just put them inside the freezer
- did you turn it on already ?
Alice: doing it
I think nervousism was the last thing that went through my mind that time. After turning it on and going straight to the kitchen, I made sure to hide it from him on the way back. He was a big guy, hunter aesthetic. Hard to kill, in a fighting mode at least. So I just waited for him to low down to pick up the fucking rabbit to deeply slither that sharp knife through his neck. No words, just blood. I didn’t even have a regret face after doing it. One thing to be said, he was just heavy. A dead weight,literally. Had to cut him in pieces on the ground.
After it, after turning every single particle he had into ready to pack meat, I brought the rest inside and made sure no one was going to miss that big burden. Found out he was just a cheap hunter, no wife, no kids. Basically a stranger in town. I drove his truck back to his house, and found my place to burn a big chunck of clothes and documents.
I don’t care what people may think, the supermarket opens this afternoon and people will be randomly selected between who eats big boy Jack and who eats the delicious cow.
*phone ringing
Call on
Alice: bello ?
Brian: hi, how is things up there ? everything alright ?
Alice: yeah, of course. I’m just hungry
Brian: you didn’t had any breakfast ?
Alice: not yet, no
Brian: ok, I think I can bring you some.
Alice: thanks,uhm. Brian, that guy you... hired, who is that ?
Brian: he was just inside the list I got, why is everything ok ? you, or maybe the delivery, did he mess up the delivery ?
Alice: no, no is just...he brought, he brought rabbits.
Brian: I’m so sorry, I forgot about that. You can just toss it away I think
Alice: it’s ok, I don’t mind it,Thanks, is everything ok in there ?
Brian:..my..mom is here
Alice: why ?
Brian: she’s waiting for you, asking why you haven’t done breakfast for me
Alice: well, tell her I’m busy
Brian: already taking refuge in the kitchen, I’m serious I should’ve received it today
Alice: believe me, you shouldn’t ( sighs) I’m coming.
Brian: ok,bye.
Alice: bye...
Call off
Alice: let’s hope you’re delicious. blurgh, disguting
Telling Karen I was at work was quite of a challenge. Telling Karen I’ve just killed a man was acceptable. It should mean that if I was able to kill him I can easily kill her. I swear to god that woman is everything wrong in america, and bold of you to think she even knows where that is.
Karen: finally, now could this be any more of an absurd ?
Alice: we’ve finally agreed on something!
Karen: I hope that means you won’t leave this house again,
Alice: I’m sorry I thought we were talking about your intrusions
Karen: intrusions ?! I was talking about you being a bad-mannered wife, this is my son’s house!
Alice: and mine as well
Karen: you don’t own anything !
Brian: this is so nice.
Alice: I remember someone saying of us sharing goods in our wedding day...am I contradicting the truth perhaps ?
Karen:... you are a bad person. And within these prospects you’ll become a bad mother. You ought to learn how to respect and love your husband so that you’ll do the same with your baby!
Brian: mom! That’s quite enough. You shouldn’t even be here.
Alice: love and respect only work in a relationship when they are reciprocate. And basically anywhere else. I respect your son in the same way I want to be respected. Could you please leave ? you‘re poluting the air.
Karen: brian.
Brian: mom, go.
Demon who walks on earth. Could you retire yourself from this house ?
Brian: I’m making breakfast. Help yourself with Eggs and toast, is the only thing i know how to do
Alice: I could teach you some things.
Brian: I have to say that’d be quite exciting!
After it all,I’m happy I married him, but still I don’t want to become all american! I’m better than that, we both are.
June, 18th was the day the supermarket opened, me and Brian woke up at severaly early ,even though he was the one going to open the place. I otherwise, woke up because of his mother...beloved woman. As a celebration of ‘him starting a business’ , her words, I’m supposed to prove myself ‘worthy’ of cooking with her techniques and recipes.....it really doesn’t make so much sense to me, but it’s a way of staying away from it for the morning, that really brought out some real sickness within me, in which was..misunderstood as a ‘promising pregnancy’.......so I couldn’t be luckier ! he’s still worried with it though,I’m worried I might’ve ruined our business before it even started.
I was ‘trained’ for chicken, fortunately, so to have his help on it we decided it’d be best for me to cook it at the supermarket kitchen, I at least made sure to pick it myself, being the only one there who knows how to differenciate it.
And believe me, it sold like wonder ! people from all around the city must’ve had their plans for lunch and their barbecues prepared this morning, the mother of the family goes with her children ot buy the groceries, within a fine piece of meat, steak or a dozen hamburguers and sausages made of whatever, I remenber those days clearly. I always the same thing the family sits around the big rectangle table with the dad at the end, the patriarch. The children play at the pool with a smile from side to side while their mother is inside preparing lunch and the outside table and their dad is cooking the sausages and burguers for the big thing. Starving wolves, really, waiting for the delicious meals to come to their mouths, they don’t even care it’s full of poison it’s a comfortable food for them, it brings out the felling that everything is going to be ok. Everything is going to end well, poor poeple they barely know they’ve put themselves inside a vicious cycle of wanting for more. The biggest, most infectious cycle. I know that if they like what they taste, they’ll grow used to it until there’s nothing left. It’s a true gain for us, they’ll fulfill our lives with money in exchange for more, but they won’t get it. They’ll starve for it and oblige me to go get it. Choose some other victim.
The lucky ones today,buying this delicious delight of meat, will become what I mostly fear. Cannibals. But, as you know, they’ll grow around it without even realizing. I otherwise won’t. I’ll become the mother, going out every night to get some food to feed the little monsters she created,only to protect those she loves so dearly.
It’s mostly not my fault you know ? americans are like that, they love what they can’t refuse. They’re starving already I’m just feeding them. The thing is, what I feared happened.
They didn’t like it.
They loved it.
the story goes around the starting of the 1950's btw.

It is mi again God, mi mom took mi phone and kept it for two weeks!
I got it like 2 weeks ago but I was not active on here because a friend of mine was going trough something. Stori time, let mi explain.
She called me at 3am criing because she found out that she was pregnant! Mi heart dropped as soon as she mentioned pregnanci, like girl what?? She explained that she did not know that she was pregnant because she was on birth-control, she onli found out when she went to the doctor because she was feeling sick. Good thing she went alone and not with her mom, her mom would have killed her lol.
The doctor explained that she got pregnant because she was skipping a lot of dais and not taking her pills consistentli
We went the next morning to a clinic for a proper check up. We came to find out that mi friend was more than 3 whole months pregnant!!! The nurse did and ultra sound and we could see it, we also got the gender, it was a male.
Mi friend was criing so much but the nurse was realli sweet. She told us that mi friend had three weeks to decide if she wanted to keep it or go for an abortion.
Mi mom found out! When I asked her how she found out she said that she could just see it in her face lol but mi mom is the sweetest so she talked to the principal for us and got us a two week off time from school! Mi friend came to stai with us for those two weeks.
We talked about the pregnanci a lot and decided that it is best she aborts it. Mi friend is still ioung, still in school and the person who got her pregnant is not the tipe of person iou want to have a child with. It was dumb enough of her to let him have acces to her bodi and it would be even dumber to keep a babi from someone like that. In the end she would just end up as a single teen mom and the responsibiliti of raising a child to become a decent member of societi would fall on her hands alone. In most cases like this people never want to hold the man accountable for not helping to raise a child, it is alwais: ”IoU sHouLd hAVE cHOsEN bEttER!!” "sToP mAkinG terRibLe liFe chOiceS" and iou know what? Thei are right.
She had a chance of making a good life choice and she took it. Mi friend chose to do better, she chose to not bring a child into this world when she knew that she did not have the capabilities to raise it to become a decent human being. Who knows maibi she was going to be a good mom and raise her son to become a wonderful black man but that was unlikeli considering how inexperienced she is at this life thing. And even if she was going to be a good mom, she has a right to not want to birth a child. I am proud of her, I am tired of seeing black girls making terrible life choices.
We went to the clinic three dais later, mi mom dropped us but she could not stai because she had to go to work. Everithing went smoothli, mi mom came to visit us after work and brought us snacks. Mi friend got discharged the next dai.
We asked the doctor if we could take it home and give it a proper burial. We took it to the car and took it out of the box, it was wrapped in paper. we looked at it, it was so uncanni and scari looking like ew. We tossed it in the garbage dump in the corner of one of the streets. We were not planning on giving it a funeral, we just lied to the doctor because we wanted to inspect it and see what a fetus looks like lol.
We went home and our moms made us delicious chocolate cake and ramen soup. We spent all the rest of the off dais at home being lazi, cooking, eating and just watching TV.
Now it is time for school and straight A's
Moral of the stori: please do not skip taking iour birthcontrol pills

Help ! Has anyone who stop taking birth control experience nausea and a heavy first period ? I was having pregnancy symptoms and got nervous/ excited then I started spotting and the next day my period became heavier and heavier. It’s almost been a week on my period and I’m just thinking when is it going to end lol. I did a hiit workout today, so let’s see if that will help it become lighter. Drop in the comments what help you guys through the first period after taking birth control. I need all the help 😜

I know this is hard to believe for skeptics especially on reddit, but if you're spiritual like most Aaliyah fans who are keeping her legacy alive, these 2 are the ones that I believe:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zoZtPX1cbBQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7SpajvbObrQ
For superfans channeling Aaliyah with Tarot cards and the sorts, they tend contaminate what they heard on the news, rumors, and documentaries to cast judgement on the cards drawn instead of having actual channeled Aaliyah tell her story because similar to her music, the message she is trying to convey is sweet yet subtle while hiding the complicated truths to unveil on their own to those who are more in tune with the details. People using cards tend to cast judgement too harshly on what ambiguities they mean and try to shovel this narrative that conspiracy theory videos already exploited with clickbait.
I feel like the tarot card readings are a sham because if you are a good storyteller already familiar with her story trying to convey an agenda with a few slight-of-hand parlour tricks, you can just tell a story and hide all the cards that don't go with the narrative...there are videos where people literally drew a boar but because a boar didn't have anything to do with Aaliyah, she put it back in the deck and reshuffled...she also drew 3 cards in advance for a clickbait narrative without actually getting them by random or the cards were color coded to begin with so she knew what to pick even upon shuffling.
Similar to those psychics who are held captive by the powers that be, they tend to have platinum hair and the first thing they do after being freed is to cut their hair and dye it brown to diminish their psychic/ESP abilities so to be less useful for their handlers. For that one guy who has this device that plays the voice of dead people, that guy just chops up random vocals from old clips and make it talk like that, prior to AI covers, as some type of necro performance arts to desperate and gullible people for views. For his Kobe video, it's not even Kobe's voice, because fans have watched enough of Kobe interviews to know which interview those chopped clips came from, so that's why it's in another voice -- debunked
Watch her other videos channeling other souls of Left Eye, Diana, and 2Pac -- it's easier to actually conduct an interview and upload back to back with new subtle details, do an impression of their active voice of how they feel present day, and what direction of conversation they want to lead than to do all the background research like for a documentary piece just to fake their personality, because people change over time, especially after death, with time to reflect on it all from the vantage point to review what really happened that led them down their path.

Notes from the 2 videos: watch them for yourself to draw your own conclusions and turn on captions to note the subtleties, but like for any veteran Aaliyah fan, links go down or missing all the time so take heed to save. I actually had something tugging at my heart almost like a backseat editor to present the notes as accurately as possible from what was reported in the videos. For these notes, I don't have this distinction between her energy/soul/spirit and I use them interchangeably in case there is a distinction. The eternal present is not aligned with the human perception of time so her soul can traverse her life from the vantage point of how old she was then and visit other memories of past lives. Her current soul identifies as Aaliyah in her past life but she has moved beyond that spiritually to be identified as who she truly is.
Both channelers got signs that her soul wanted to speak either in signals from their dreams or being awakened with signs of her presence. Her soul got the attention of one channeler by portraying herself as Akasha from Queen on the Damned, because her initial sign was somewhat naively ignored. The other more veteran channeler basically read her star chart and found her soul by meditating to find the distinct outline of her spirit and personality. They literally have the outline spirit of Aaliyah here in front of them while they were doing the video where her spirit could correct them in the middle of talking if they got something wrong. I like how in the middle of these soul channeling conversations, her soul is actively telling the channeler to look and interview other souls like Whitney and Left Eye as more evidence that the industry is vile and deceptive like that.
Aaliyah's mom was supposed to be the superstar singer that Aaliyah came to be back in the 80s, but Aaliyah's mom had a pregnancy and stalled her career to raise a child with Aaliyah's dad, who was a bit passive in the relationship. Aaliyah's soul upon reflection realized that at a young age that Aaliyah was given positive conditioning to sing, dance, and perform not realizing what she really wanted in life but she grew to appreciate it and be good at it by living her mother's dreams vicariously through her to be in childhood servitude for entertainment value. Because she was positioned in an entertainment family, it was said that her soul constantly chose these type of families to be born in -- lifetime after lifetime of entertainment servitude for being dependent upon for raising overall family wealth and status -- and that her soul in the afterlife said that she is thriving alongside older women idols (including Whitney Houston and her Grandmother) to figure out who she really is, by identifying and correcting who she really wanted to be to not fall into another life like that. The soul is said to be a thousand to a million years old and they spend time living life (sometimes being indoctrinated or groomed to become a certain individual by families who predetermine your life when you are born), taking time in between lives, and going back and forth in between realms of existence almost like a conditioning for the soul to learn from its own strengths and mistakes when pit against the realities that be. Her soul at the present is thriving and fully disassociated herself from the entertainment industry and when the Channeler praised that "Aaliyah was a good dancer, singer, and performer" at 13:18 in the second video, her soul was actually saying "what?" and disagreeing because her soul moved beyond that identity in the afterlife.
In terms of the R Kelly relationship, both videos said that there was a pregnancy and a pregnancy scare associated with an unnamed family member and R Kelly, respectively. The faces of the channeler reflected how hard of a topic it was for her with regrets and sadness. There was sexual abuse at a young age and because Aaliyah was inside a family record label business which was more ran like a gang-organized crime ring, it was like a pyramid scheme inside a pyramid scheme structure because her family signed off on and was aware of a lot of things she had to do in the industry for her to advance her career when she was just a minor. Her soul also admitted when asked that more than one person in the family including her uncle had sexual advances towards her when she was 12-13 and she was later married to "protect the family asset." In the Chris Brown video remixing "Don't Think They Know" with Aaliyah, there was a lot of imagery where the Bloods that Chris Brown initially was a part of represented "The Family music business" with children and adults -- it was a homely vibe but your royalties are diminished by two layers of pyramid schemes. Then Chris Brown moved and joined the Crips, which were more males, which represented "rappers and industry sharks like Dame Dash" that Aaliyah associated herself with to remove herself from the family business and deal directly with labels. Near the end of the music video, the whites of Chris Brown eyes were shown representing her death and the last scene had him be with all different colors and children as a depiction of heaven, representing unity and no longer associating gang-organized crime by colors. Aaliyah was very intuitive and realized that her talent is multiplied by image for her branding of music to sell -- There are plenty of talented individuals that became ghostwriters because the general public requires image, which creates the branding package to drive sales and relevancy. Therefore, half the interview in one of the channeling sessions had her soul emphasize how protective she was of her image and how her image was affected in a series of events in her life. In terms of Kelly's current image, her soul says that his reactions to the accusations have gotten him to look more guilty than who he actually is and that he himself was in servitude of his environment being born into these type of families with entertainment expectations.
Both Channelers made it their point to revile R Kelly as their separate opinion, but when they asked her soul about it, she explained that R Kelly is a sweet person ("sweet" being a word she commonly said in a particular intonation -- remember this is her soul speaking in the present and not from past conversations with Dame) who wants to do good but has different compartments in his head, where he forgets all the misdeeds that he did or was a part of, from issues stemming from his own upbringing of musical servitude and sexual abuse, which alter his perception towards females. Kelly and Aaliyah have similar backgrounds in victimhood from similar family pressures to succeed and be harvested for wealth and status to benefit the gang-organized crime ring AKA the family-run music business, so a lot of things her soul said was deemed "normal" sounds outrageous for the general public to hear and were brushed under the rug to keep moving forward. Her soul said things were done behind the scenes to protect the image of both and cannot be directly explained because the general public wouldn't understand it. Her parents were well aware she was pregnant and got the paperwork to get a marriage certificate to get an abortion, where the hormone imbalance stunted some of her growth as a woman. The channeler saw some type of pill being exchanged through a mouth to mouth kiss between Kelly and Aaliyah. The marriage was not out of love but was a ritual exchange of goods and services to protect both families' musical assets, like back when royal families strategically married to form alliances and to exchange their resources more evenly. The marriage was initially set up to protect Aaliyah from being preyed by the sexual predators of the industry when in studio collaborations, but that ended up being R Kelly and blackballed her career by her second album to work with new producers after the marriage certificate leaked by a rival record company. Since Aaliyah's first album was mostly produced and written by R Kelly, it may have also been used for accounting purposes to split the profits more evenly or claim tax benefits once they were married to satisfy both family-ran music businesses (which is similar to Jay-Z's and Beyonce's marriage seen more as a business merger). It was later annulled because the public found out, which leveraged the outrage towards Kelly to give up the proceeds of his first 3 albums to Aaliyah's family, except that Barry managed both artists, so the majority of the money literally moved from his left pocket to his right pocket.
Her soul said Aaliyah realized that she could wield her sexuality, body, and confidence as a flirtatious tool in exchange for goods and services without having to participate in sexual acts to be worth value and move into that power. For the sake of her image gaining relevancy to rise up the pyramid scheme to have more control and autonomy over her career, she was proud and not ashamed to use it because of how sexualized the industry is. She used her sexuality as her empowerment to woo strong male figures into her life that she could trust (DMX, Dame) to protect her more from her family and shady industry individuals who 'expected' her to perform for granted and on harsh schedules/deadlines without much royalties going to her. Her soul reflected and said that she should have taken the industry for granted instead of deeming it as a chore to complete, and instead should have taken a break, where she could have gotten married and had kids with Dame regardless of limelight relevancy, which she still regrets not being able to start her own family. Her soul made it a point to analyze her facial expressions to when she was "feeling it" or when it was done out of haste to impress certain authorities. Her soul said that manipulating sexuality for personal gain does destroy something within you spiritually but she was incorporating it for the image and hopefully fans can separate what is depicted by the media versus what truly happened. Her soul said that Aaliyah really loved Dame Dash and what benefited her was that Dame was the cofounder of Rocafella records, which would have gotten her leverage and the connections to move away from her family-ran music label and directly negotiate her deal. Her soul said that her uncle was nefarious and he was losing control and rank in the pyramid scheme that he made with his music label. She was in the middle of being freed from Blackground records to record new material under her control but because she died, he got to keep the majority of the unreleased recordings while her estate was responsible for her image. As stated, the image in tandem with the artistic talents in music are multiplied to propel the branding for relevancy and sales. The estate doesn't want her music to profit the wrong individuals in the family business except that both need to work together for her legacy to be revived. She has a heartfelt message to her fans who uphold and still bring her legacy into prominence after all these years.
Outside of Whitney Houston (that she is really good friends with), her soul kept on pointing to Jennifer Lopez to the channeler in terms of similarities in industry arrival -- JLo was doing dance, Latin, and pop music on her first albums before she transitioned into hip hop and R&B with the help of industry heads in Diddy and Tommy Mottola buying leftover shelved demos from Usher and Brandy, etc and emulating Mariah Carey singles before having Ashanti and Natasha Ramos, etc craft her next singles. JLo leveraged her sexuality to woo heads of record labels (similar to the gentler, natural relationship that Aaliyah found with Dame), where JLo was used to fill the R&B void that Aaliyah left, outside of the rise of Ashanti, Mya, Beyonce, Ciara, Keri Hilson, revival of Monica, etc where Missy was helping some of them succeed. Aaliyah would have found a more flattering way to produce hits and be a trendsetter without harming relationships with other artists in the industry. At the time of her Red album, she said her uncle and his shady industry partners were losing the battle for control and custody over her and she was supposed to be set free from her Blackground label. Her soul said Jay-Z was nefariously scheming over her but wanted her to be in servitude for him in marriage, which is why in the pictures Jay grabbed her by the waist to dance with her (pay attention to facial expressions, similar to how worried she looked at the Nas I Am album release party). She said Jay was wanting to control her towards something sinister to cover up his own insecurities, and that he wanted to teach her a lesson for choosing Dame (which was also why later Dame got screwed out the deal when Rocafella folded and was sold to Def Jam). The Rocafella hand symbol was just a representation reminder for those climbing the pyramid to aim for the top, for how the industry is structured. For example, Kanye took advantage of Rocafella Records and Dame Dash by having his creative output of The College Dropout without the standardization of how rap records were supposed to sound like, where every song Aaliyah sang about was about Love and relationships for R&B records, dictated by her uncle. She was more in control and freeform being in a relationship with Dame, where she said she truly loved him, had a heart connection, and was happy with him.
Upon reflecting on the day of her death, her soul said that her uncle was losing leverage towards controlling her (where she made the majority of the record label's profits) and how she was about to be freed from her uncle's record label. The shady industry conglomerates that her uncle had shady dealings with were also upset and her soul said there were a consortium of shadowy industry conspirators that wanted her demise to control and profiteer off her discography had she died, from how 2Pac and Biggie's music sold way more as one last huzzah before they were supposed to get out their initial contracts and launch their own independent labels. Given that Blackground did a new deal with Virgin Records for her Red album after leaving Atlantic after OIAM, look into Richard Branson (who was associated with Jeffery Epstein, a wall-street magnate) and how the new label backed out and dropped Aaliyah when she died so they wouldn't have to pay for funeral services. Because Aaliyah was dropped from Virgin records after death, Blackground records stopped receiving payments and the funeral bill of $60k went to the estate to cover, where Maxwell picked up the tab. Obviously, she had a premonition dream about her death being floating and weightless from some entity chasing her where all her worries wisped away.
She had a bad feeling about the plane. Her soul reflected that there was something wrong with the airplane tire pressure and one of the airplane instruments was being tampered with and was malfunctioning done on purpose to sabotage the plane. The heavyset man was probably her 300 pound bodyguard discussing some type of deal with the pilot to get them back into the states that she wasn't paying attention to happening in the background. She said that the pilot was the fall guy placed in that position and that the autopsy report saying that there were traces of cocaine and alcohol was a "media trick" to impress upon the public something was at fault with the pilot. It was said that the airplane pilot was the son of a veteran pilot and he had many undocumented hours when flying as a kid with his dad because he had an innate skill to fly without having proper documentation procedures. The pilot was put in this predicament of being on probation for stealing airplane parts and was pressured to fly to keep his job. Her soul said that at the time, she was blind sighted by her anger and the pursuit for her career to be successful and to prove the executives at Virgin Records wrong that 'Rock the Boat' was a good single to be release for her album. Because of this anger, he soul said that she claimed responsibility for flying out a day early to catch other deadlines of recording the Timbaland remix to more than a woman and a feature with Freeway in Miami and that the pressures that resulted in her decisions and actions created hasty judgement overlooking the obvious danger signs and common sense of overloaded/unbalanced luggage. She said that once they were in the air and the plane began to dip and the pilot had to readjust, it was reported in the autopsy report that she died of a shock to the system from a weak heart, suggesting that she was in a coma. She was found 20 feet away from the wreckage where there was one bruise on her forehead and she was in a fetal position. One of the channelers said that when she fainted in midair from her anxiety of flying, she actually felt no pain from the impact and transitioned to the other side where there was a rescue for her soul by her Grandmother that she honored on her red album.
Her soul said that it took her soul 4 years after her death to piece together what had happened that lead her down this path and how to correct for it. She said in her afterlife, she is surrounded by older women as guidance, especially her Grandmother and Whitney, to learn the lessons of not choosing her mortal life path to be stuck in this life of expectation and servitude of having entertainment as a chore to complete for the dangling pursuit of true freedom, but to choose freedom from expectations the minute it appears instead of toil in the guise of it being a careereputation to uphold. She was on the right path towards finding true love with Dame without using marriage as a business pact. She got the upper hand but because she was so low on the pyramid structure of the industry, the powers that be can pull the plug or interfere from her attempts to get free even though she came so close into doing so. Her soul has learned to not pattern her lifetime to be born into these families with entertainment expectations. She said that life is one big stage and some choose the spotlight but everyone has this expectation to contribute to become something. Certain families that your soul ends up being born in have certain agendas for their kids -- they give you the luxuries of life but you have to serve their agenda instead of letting souls pick up life on how they naturally want to be. Her soul said that in order to correct this, she is thriving in the afterlife towards identifying who she really is and recognize the pattern of what life she wants to pick up next without falling into the same situations. My thoughts are that she was so different and had so much style and swag and stood alone that she was a trendsetter without being one by proving to the public she can be her own without following any previous standards or expectations. Even though she was put into that life, she took over and quintessentially became her own person with humility, class, and grace -- people eventually become divas almost as a defense mechanism because of how brutal the industry is towards casting judgement or casting falsehoods about your character because of their struggle for power, greed, and control.
Her souls' words to her mother said that she loved and forgave her in terms of being casted the expectations to perform in industry at such a young age before she had her own impressions of what she wanted in life. She had a lot of good laughter and fond memories but it was in a somber tone due to all the secrets kept. Her soul said that she loved her brother with a lot of emotion and she will never speak badly about him for defending her reputation. She said industry politics got in the way of true progress on her legacy and it wasn't up to the spiritual realm for when her legacy is fully restored to the public. Her soul said that she sacrificed the parts of herself that she understands and identifies with now for the branding and the image of Aaliyah but nobody can decide who you choose your life to be but it is manipulated by the media and family to chase certain ideologies and lifestyles over others. The last message her soul had was that there is a 10 year old girl with her similar looks and poise that they are bringing to the public, who also have this strong connection to her Grandmother, except that this is coming from another entertainment family where the kid is positioned to perform out of expectation and they are drawing inspiration from Aaliyah to mimic and recreate her energy for another money grab. Notice that the 2 videos were done in 2017 and 2019, so they have no way to name that individual except that Blue Ivy was mentioned by her Grandmother that she reminded her of Aaliyah on IG recently, so Blue Ivy is probably the person her soul is talking about that they are trying to rechannel her energy through this little girl as a part of their family entertainment business. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BLOuP7WxP-Q If the channelers had "lucky guesses", then how did they stick their neck out and predict that 4-6 years in advance without even having a name?
If there are other channeling videos that you deem to be legit without the cards, let me know.

Just came back from my perinatology ultrasound but my consult isn't until next week. I had ultrasounds (non-peri) at 14, 21, and 24 weeks and he always measured above the 90th percentile every time. I was 9 lbs 10 oz, his donor is 6'5. These measurements were in line with the big baby I expected.
Now at 30 weeks he's on the 30th percentile 😞
That's a SIXTY PERCENT drop in 6 weeks. Ya know what happened a little over 6 weeks ago? I started taking heart meds, one of which can cause fetal growth restriction, the other we don't know what happens because there's so little research in pregnancy. That's why I was going to the MFM in the first place.
Has anyone else experiences such a massive drop?
I'm going to try to contact my normal OB before my peri appointment next week to see if she can tell me anything at all. I have a fetal echo in 2 weeks and another growth scan at 36. That's just what the tech signed me up for but the doctor may change it

Lately, some peculiar occurrences have taken place. Take, for instance, last night when my girlfriend Heather left the bathroom and insisted she saw me in the kitchen. Strangely, I have no recollection of getting up during the night, so I attributed it to sleepwalking. Surprisingly, she shared details of a full-fledged conversation we had, followed by me returning to my room after devouring a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. While it does sound like something I might do, I simply cannot recall that particular incident.
Little did I know, this was only the beginning of a series of such incidents.
Curious about that night last week, I asked Heather, "Do you remember what we were talking about?"
With a smile, Heather nudged me playfully on the shoulder and replied, "Sweetheart, you were all over the place. You mentioned how you wished you had a new job and that you were starving. Why do you ask?"
As I gazed into the distance, a heavy sensation enveloped my mind, akin to a weighted blanket draped over my thoughts. "Hmm, I just can't remember conversing with you. I never woke up."
"It's possible that you were sleepwalking. It happens to many people, dear. You know, you look quite handsome even when you sleepwalk," Heather smirked, gently clasping my hand. "That's one of the many reasons I love you." I planted a soft kiss on her forehead, "I'm going for a run. I'll be back in a little while!" I needed to meditate and frankly running was my best therapy session.
Although I attributed these incidents to sleepwalking, they still troubled me. However, there was no point in allowing stress to consume me.
A couple of weeks later, another unsettling incident unfolded, this time at my workplace—Dunesbarry, a printing company that produces everything from small pictures to large-scale posters. It happened on a Tuesday when I woke up feeling unwell, prompting me to make a decision to call in sick.
My boss, James, was known for being a rather easy going manager, and I dialed his number to inform him about my condition. "Hey James, I'm not feeling great. I woke up with stomach issues and won't be able to come in today." After a brief pause, James burst into laughter and retorted, "Hold on, Caesar. What are you talking about? I just saw you here a few minutes ago."
My heart sank into my stomach, and perspiration formed on my forehead. "What do you mean? I'm at home, James."
"Buddy, I don't know if you're trying to pull a prank on me, but I assure you, you're here. Although it's quite unexpected for you to be early, you waved at me and headed into the bathroom. Are you still in there?"
Feeling a sense of disbelief, I momentarily put my phone down after promising James I would call him back."What in the world..." My pulse raced, throbbing in various parts of my body as the unsettling realization sank in. This had to be something more than I initially thought.
The remainder of the day I was immobilized, trapped in a state of mental paralysis. I laid on the couch, anxiously awaiting Heather's return.
My mind reverberated with the same haunting thoughts, from the first time I experienced a memory lapse at home to now, encountering a similar phenomenon at my workplace. What on earth was happening to me?
Driven by a growing urgency, I hurried over to my laptop and launched into an immediate search for any instances resembling my own. "Not remembering conversations at night" I typed into Google. The initial search results yielded blog websites discussing sleepwalking, which aligned with my initial assumption. Nevertheless, I pressed on. Next, I came across some Reddit posts recounting incidents of sleep-talking without any recollection.
As I scrolled through the various links and websites, one particular post caught my attention. Doppel-gänger? I had heard that term before.
Doppelgänger: "an apparition or double of a living person" was the definition I encountered, but comprehending its implications proved challenging. As a skeptical individual, I typically dismissed notions of the paranormal and supernatural. Why, out of all people, would something like this happen to me?
I closed my laptop, taking a deep breath to steady my racing thoughts.
Finally, Heather returned home after her shift, and I dashed towards the door to greet her.
"Hi, love! I'm so glad you're home. I have something absolutely mind-boggling to tell you!" I tightly embraced her, holding her for longer than usual."Hello, my sweetheart. What happened?" Heather set down her purse, and we both settled onto the couch.
"You won't believe this, and honestly, I'm struggling to wrap my head around it. Remember how I mentioned calling out of work today? Well, when I called James, he accused me of playing a prank on him. He even mentioned that I was already at work."
Heather nervously chuckled and turned to process my words. "Wait, what?"
"He said I had already arrived at work and was in the bathroom. But I never went. I've been here at home the entire day." As I looked at Heather, I could see a hint of discomfort on her face.
"I don't understand. Maybe he was just messing with you since you called out," Heather suggested, rising to grab some water from the kitchen. Bursting into laughter, a wave of relief washed over me. "Wow, I never actually considered that. I'm sorry, I'm still preoccupied with that incident in the kitchen that night. It's been twisting my thoughts."
"You're okay, honey. How are you feeling?" Heather asked, her concern shining through.
"Much better now that you're home, I must say."
Heather was my rock, always asking the right questions and loving me in ways I had never experienced before. I couldn't fathom my life without her. Feeling slightly more at ease, I decided not to inquire further with James, choosing to let the matter rest.
It was 3:23 am when I was awakened by the sound of slow footsteps creaking past our slightly open bedroom door. We kept it ajar to listen for any unusual nighttime noises.
Rubbing my eyes and stretching my legs, I sat up in bed, my gaze fixated on the doorway. The room was enveloped in darkness, and it took a moment for my eyes to adjust. The footsteps abruptly ceased as I continued to stare at the sliver of the doorway crack.
Resolute in my determination not to jump to the worst conclusions, I dismissed the idea of an intruder breaking into our home. Surely, I would have heard some sign of forced entry. Grasping the nearest object within reach, our vintage lamp, I mustered the courage to approach the door, striving to remain as silent as possible. With a trembling hand, fueled by fear of the unknown, I reached out for the doorknob.
Taking a moment to steady my pounding heart, prepared to confront anybody, even if it were against God Himself, I cautiously opened the door. There was nothing outside. I checked in both directions, even stepping into the hallway with a stance ready for battle. Utter silence enveloped the space. Releasing a sigh of relief, I turned around, intending to return to the bedroom.
Then, a solitary footstep echoed in my ears.
I halted, gripping the lamp so tightly that its exterior threatened to shatter.
Turning slowly toward the source of the sound, my eyes caught up to the movement, leaving me no choice but to confront whatever lurked within my house.A figure emerged from behind the kitchen island, hands tightly gripping the countertop, barely visible in the dim light. Their eyes locked onto mine, wide open as if they were about to pop out of their sockets.
I noticed a striking resemblance between us – the same haircut and a mole on the top left of our heads. Yet, I couldn't spare a moment to ponder our shared appearance. There was an intruder in my house.
Carefully edging backward, I needed to make my way back to the bedroom to alert Heather and call the police.
"Heather! There's someone in the house! Call the police right now!" I shouted, keeping my gaze fixed on the intruder, even though I wished I didn't have to. The intruder remained motionless, almost frozen in place. As I shouted for Heather to call the police, I could hear teeth chattering as if it were beside my ear. Slowly, he moved from the kitchen island, his hands preceding his head, his unwavering stare fixed upon me.
With my heart pounding out of my chest, fueled by adrenaline, I took advantage of the rush surging through my veins and sprinted toward the kitchen to investigate. I hadn't seen him move from the island to anywhere else, so the realization that he had vanished sent shivers down my spine.
"What the fuck," I uttered, completely shaken to my core.
Moments later, the police arrived, responding to the report of an intruder. Heather peered out from the bedroom to assess the situation.
"Honey, are you okay?" Heather whispered loudly. I found myself sitting on the floor, stunned and deflated. I couldn't wrap my mind around what had just occurred. It made no sense. As logical as I considered myself to be, this defied all reason.
Heather tenderly held the top of my head, offering comfort as we awaited the arrival of the police.I needed to compose myself before opening the door for them."Hi, um, I don't know how to explain this," I said to the officer, my voice tinged with confusion, still trembling from the encounter. "Hello, I am Officer Santana. There was a call reporting an intruder. Are you okay, sir?"
I let Officer Santana and her partner inside and guided them to a seat. "This is going to sound strange, I understand that, but there was an intruder right over there," I pointed toward the kitchen island. "He was behind it, and then he wasn't. He simply vanished." Santana looked up at me, her eyebrows raised as she tried to comprehend the situation.
"What are you saying? He disappeared? Did you see him run anywhere?" Santana's partner asked, jotting down notes in their Paperkraft notepad. "Well, I saw him duck behind the island, and then he was gone. I know it sounds crazy, and I realize that."
"Okay, we're going to thoroughly check the house and ensure it's safe. In the meantime, please wait outside until we're done," Santana instructed, as both officers unclamped their pistols from their holsters. I felt a semblance of safety in their presence.
It was a chilly autumn day, with the scent of smoke wafting through the air, likely from my neighbors' fireplace. Jill and her husband, Dane, were wonderful neighbors who kept to themselves. Occasionally, they would surprise us with extra food, acting like the pseudo-parents of the neighborhood. Sometimes, I would take it upon myself to fix minor things around their house, like the black fence in the backyard. It always seemed to have a mysterious hole, despite their lack of pets or nearby animals.
Jill and Dane noticed the police presence and joined us outside, arms crossed in concern. "What's going on, guys?" Dane inquired. "There was someone in our house, but they disappeared. Maybe it was some kind of prank or squatter. I don't know," I replied, offering an explanation simply to have one, even though I struggled to believe it myself.
"Did you enjoy the apple pie I made the other day, Caesar? You devoured some of it when you came by to fix the fence," Jill chimed in, her culinary skills well-known. However, I hadn't tasted her cooking in months. "When did I fix the fence?" I asked, my tone dropping with confusion.
Jill's smile widened, as if assuming I understood what she was referring to. "What do you mean? You came by two days ago. You mentioned noticing the hole again and wanted to fix it for us."
"Oh, right! Sorry, my mind has been foggy lately. I loved the pie, it was delicious. You're such an amazing cook!" I responded, though I had no recollection of any fence-fixing visit. I gave her a reassuring answer to alleviate any concerns she might have.
Urgently, I pulled Heather aside, gripping her arm. "Heather, I never went to their house or fixed their fence. I have no idea what's happening, and I promise I'm not going crazy.""I believe you, but I'm starting to feel a little scared. These incidents where you've supposedly been to places and don't remember are unnerving," Heather confessed, her face etched with genuine worry.
The officers emerged from the house, re-holstering their pistols. "Your house is clear. Whatever was here is no longer present. We'll have patrols keep an eye on your property for the next few days. Other than that, you should be able to go back to bed," one of the officers assured us.
"Thank you, officers. We'll call again if anything happens inside," I expressed our gratitude. Heather and I held each other tightly as we made our way back to the house. "Let's try to get some rest," Heather suggested. However, that night, sleep eluded me as the image of that man's eyes lingered in my mind. Why did he resemble me?
It had been quite some time since I last encountered any strange incidents or intruders in my house. I was beginning to feel optimistic about the whole situation. Life had returned to normal, and my relationship with Heather was flourishing.
"You know, Caesar, I eventually want to have a baby. Can you help me with that?" Heather expressed her desire, and I chuckled nervously, embracing her from behind. "Of course, baby. Let's plan it out and see where life takes us." After bidding Heather farewell as she left for work, I settled on the couch.
The thought of becoming a father lingered in my mind, though it seemed like a daunting and incredible prospect.
Little did I know that two hours later, that day would alter the course of my life forever.
"Caesar," a voice pierced through my skull like a bullet, evoking a fear I had never experienced before. Shock washed over me, causing a lump to form in my throat. I recognized the voice, but the sheer terror prevented me from turning around.
"Caesar," the voice repeated, pushing my body into fight or flight mode. Summoning my courage, I slowly turned around.
It was me. The person standing before me was an identical version of myself. "What the fuck!?" I uttered, bewildered.
He began to approach me with slow, deliberate steps. His unblinking eyes and a smirking mouth hinted at some sinister intent. He halted just a foot's length away from me. "What are you!?" I screamed, attempting to push him away.
As he lunged towards my face, I sidestepped and prepared to strike him with a punch from my right hand. However, he swiftly evaded the blow and made another aggressive move towards me. He covered my mouth and nose, struggling to breathe, I swung my fists blindly in his direction before losing consciousness.
When I regained consciousness, I found myself in a shed approximately a mile away. Disoriented and terrified, I sat up, only to discover that the floor was strewn with animal flesh and blood. The overwhelming stench threatened to obliterate my senses.
I had to find a way back to my house, no matter what. I frantically searched the pockets of my jeans, hoping to find something that could aid me. To my dismay, everything was missing, including the cherished watch that once belonged to my late father.
Summoning my determination, I rose to my feet and forcefully slammed open the decaying wooden door. The task proved effortless, as the door had already begun to rot. As I surveyed my surroundings, I realized I was engulfed by a dense forest, devoid of any visible structures. I vaguely recalled that my house was situated along the northern line, which offered a glimmer of hope.
Although I had never been much of an outdoorsy person while growing up, my father had imparted a few tricks during our camping trips. I recollected his guidance on locating the North Star by first identifying the Big Dipper. I patiently waited for the night sky to emerge, conserving my energy for the impending journey. As the sun barely kissed the horizon, I discerned a cluster of houses, including mine, in the distance.
Mixed emotions welled up within me as I approached my home. Peering through the backyard windows, my heart sank to the floor. There I saw myself, holding Heather in a tight embrace, sharing kisses, laughter, and affection.
Desperate to escape this surreal nightmare, I knocked on the window, hoping to break free from that imposter. Heather's piercing scream echoed through the air as he rushed toward the window, bellowing at me to leave and threatening to involve the police once again. As I began to retreat from the backyard, he smirked, a sinister expression that mirrored my own.
This doppelgänger had assumed my identity in every way, rendering it impossible to distinguish between us. If I dared to approach the house or confront Heather, the consequences would be dire. I had made one attempt before, only to be manipulated into believing that I was a deranged relative harassing them. Heather, unaware of my familial connections due to my reticence about them, fell for his ruse.
Years passed, and I found myself confined to observing them from the safety of the woods. Heather's happiness blossomed as she became pregnant. Meanwhile, I remained trapped in this inexplicable nightmare, grappling with the cruel injustice that had stolen my life away.
As the years dragged on, my existence continued to be overshadowed by the twisted imposter who had stolen my life. I watched from the darkness of the woods as Heather's pregnancy progressed, the anticipation building within her. It was a bitter torment to witness her joy, knowing that I was the rightful father of that child.
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If you are reading this, please believe me. I am desperate to reclaim my life and will do whatever it takes to bring her back to me.

34f non-smoker, 24w pregnant at time of incident.
So our primary care provider dropped us without warning of any kind back in February knowing we were actively expecting another child in June. We honestly had no idea because the provider has continued to call in prescriptions and schedule bloodwork this whole time. We just had an emergency C-Section 3+ weeks early (she is still bigger and healthier than half the full term babies out there and running strong without a hiccup thankfully). Aside from the headache this is causing us in getting discharged and getting a pediatrician I can't help but wonder if it is even legal to drop a patient without notice and/or to continue to prescribe medications and order labs to a former patient? We honestly intended on dropping them as soon as we found an available real doctor mostly due to the provider being unable to provide anything remotely close to the standard of care. But no I am worried we will be handed bills for consulting or some such nonsense since they continued to practice without informing us of the change.
So what do you guys think? Is it actually illegal or just against the spirit of medicine? Thanks in advance for everyone's input!

I’m a FTM. We announced to our families at the beginning of March. My family and MIL live in the same city as my husband and I. His extended family lives an hour and a half away. His extended family is very tight since they’re all in the same city. We only hear from them when they host events, but they don’t come to our city. None of them reached out when we announced our pregnancy either.
My sister decided to host our baby shower. We were adamant that we only wanted 1 shower since our families were small and our friends live in different states. My MIL tells us a month ago that her family wants to host a shower for us. This is news to me since we haven’t heard from them in months. My husband told her we are only having the one shower in our city. She drops it.
Cut to this weekend, we get a text from his cousin saying they are throwing us a baby shower the weekend before the 4th of July or after. We could pick. I called my mom and asked her to figure out what was going on since she was talking with my MIL about invites. My MIL tells her it’s not a shower. It’s a 4th of July party. They want us to come up to their city so they can give us the gifts in one place…which is the point of the shower my sister is throwing at the end of July. My MIL comes over to our house and I asked her about it. She said that her family would still come to the shower in our city.
So, I was having lunch with my mom today. She tells me my MIL told her to invite 2 of her siblings and that they “may” come to the shower. At this point, I’m pissed off. I don’t like liars and I felt like my MIL was lying to me. Not to mention, this shower by his family doesn’t seem thoughtful in the slightest. They don’t talk to us and it’s just a way for them to keep from coming here. Mind you, they come to our city multiple times for their friends’ showers. I don’t care about the gifts. I am more annoyed that they never speak to us (even when we are at family events and we try to talk to them) and now they want us to drive to them (when I’ve had a very difficult pregnancy physically — back pain from pregnancy plus scoliosis, neck pain, tailbone pain, hip pain, nausea, and fainting spells) for their convenience. Am I just being hormonal? I need an outside perspective because I’m getting frustrated and spiraling. I feel dumb for getting mad about this, but I also love dying on the smallest of hills sometimes. I need help/advice.

Marvel Comics! Here’s downloading or watching Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse streaming the full movie online for free on 123movies & Reddit, including where to watch the anticipated Pixar’s Movie at home. Is Lightyear 2023 available to stream? Is watching Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse 2023 on Disney Plus, HBO Max, Netflix, or Amazon Prime? Yes, we have found a faithful streaming option/service
Watch Now: Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse Free Online
Over 25 years ago, a little boy named Andy received a Buzz Lightyear action figure in the 1995 Pixar film Toy Story. Now, all these years later, audiences will finally see the movie that inspired that action figure in the Toy Story spin-off movie, Lightyear, which is soaring into theatres this weekend.
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This is not the Buzz Lightyear you know and love—the one who is best friends with Woody and voiced by Tim Allen. This is the original Buzz Lightyear, a bonafide space ranger voiced by Chris Evans, who is stranded on a hostile planet that is 4.2 million lightyears from Earth, alongside his commander and crew. The Lightyear cast also includes the voices of Keke Palmer, Peter Sohn, James Brolin, Taika Waititi, Dale Soules, Uzo Aduba, and Isiah Whitlock Jr.
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With this new Toy Story adventure coming to theatres, you may feel the urge to revisit the classics. The decider is here to help with that. Read on to find out what Toy Story movies to watch before Lightyear and how to stream the Toy Story.
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Can I Stream Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse?
You can’t stream Lightyear yet — but you’ll be able to soon. As a Disney movie, you can expect Lightyear to drop on their streaming service, Disney Plus, in the coming weeks, but the exact date of when that might happen hasn’t been announced yet.
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Generally, with their cinematic releases, Disney and Pixar tend to follow either a 30-day release window or a 45-day release window. We don’t know which one they’re going with yet for Lightyear, but this means that given the movie’s global release date is June 17, we can expect Lightyear to be on Disney Plus sometime between July 21 and August 3, 2022.
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Where To Watch Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse Online
With a new Lightyear coming out very soon, you may want to rewatch all the movies. Or, if you haven’t given the animated adventure films a shot, now is your chance.
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Just click the link below to watch the full movie in its entirety. Details on how you can watch Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse COUGHING for free throughout the year are described below. If you’re a fan of the comics, you won’t want to miss this one! The storyline follows Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse Coughing as he tries to find his way home after being stranded on an alien planet. Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse COUGHING is definitely a Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse Coughing movie you don’t want to miss with stunning visuals and an action-packed plot! Plus, Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse Coughing online streaming is available on our website. Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse Coughing online free, which includes streaming options such as 123movies, Reddit, or TV shows from HBO Max or Netflix! Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse Coughing Release in US Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse Coughing hits theaters on September 23, 2023. Tickets to see the film at your local movie theater are available online here. The film is being released in a wide release so you can watch it in person.
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Lightyear can all be streamed using an HBO Max or Hulu subscription. If you’d prefer to rent the movies, only the first two are on Prime Video. Otherwise, all three films can be rented on YouTube, Apple TV+, or Google Play Movies & TV.
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The second film in the franchise, Lightyear, will be released on June 17, 2022. Right now, it’s not confirmed where the movie will be streamed after its big-screen release.

I first took 5Me0DMT last year in Napa after I did a Kambo ceremony as part of a retreat. The setting could have been more comfortable because the Shaman wanted everyone to sit around and watch everyone inhale. I went first and spoke in tongues, and I think I was conversing with a tree above me, which told me to go to the jungle. I did a lot more Kambo after that. Kambo made my life fall apart; I lost my job in Dec, and I lost all interest in dating apps, smoking weed, and drinking. My apartment was super expensive, so until I get a new job, I moved in with my parents, whom I haven't had the best relationship with over the last years because I feel very angry with them for what I perceive as not listening to me and dropping me into scary situations.
For example, I told them I didn't want to go to College Station, Texas, but from their perspective, I needed to be grateful because they paid for college, and my mom didn't ever go to college. At this college, I was raped in my sleep by Basket Ball player, and my parent said they offered me to come home, but I don't have any memory of this, just being moved to a different room in the dorm. I didn't like College Station, Texas, and I eventually just returned to Austin and hung out there, withdrawing from the college and wasting my parent's money. This trauma repeated itself in another relationship that my mom says she warned me against, where my cousin came to visit me, and the boyfriend and I woke up to them sleeping together; I was hit, bleeding from my head, locked in a closet and denied medical attention and my parents never came for me or anyone from the community, I grew up in Austin, Texas. I have never stopped running from this event, I guess, until now. My life has been non-stop, running from toxic people my parents say I invite to take advantage of me. My parents still don't trust me to drive cars. After the first rape, I did try to kill myself by driving off a cliff.
Flashforward. I felt like something like a dark entity prevented me from moving forward. I have changed significantly regarding daily habits from Kambo, it is hard to imagine that I used to smoke weed all day long and still do my jobs in tech. I very much wanted the nightmares to be over of the narrative it is my fault I don't get along with people or had done something wrong where I deserve to be treated like this. I do have a hard time trusting people. I want to let this go. I got so depressed over job loss and losing my apartment, and lost my grip on myself. I have kept a roof over my head for the last ten years despite my rage about these past situations and my mistrust in sexual relationships. All I want to surrender into a partnership where I love my partner and my partner loves me. I do know that hate, anger, revenge, and hurt isn't what I want to continue to experience. I was so sad and unable to move forward. I did 6 weeks of Ketamine therapy with mind bloom to escape the constant mind chatter. It did stop the random crying. Mindblom is more or less a business they want you to keep buying from.
My friend was going to Tulum, and I told her I was thinking about going to Canada to do a womb healing retreat when she said I could do that same thing n Mexico for less. I found a frog and toad healing hotel and booked my trip. I was pretty scared to do Kambo again because of how different my life had become since the last time doing Kambo, but also didn't feel like I had anything left for the Kambo to take. I did it on my ankle and I said I can't do this to the facilitator, I purged pretty easily, I think maybe because I hadn't done much self-harming stuff ie no hookups, no drinking, no smoking per say. The purge tasted like cherries and felt ready to do the 5MeODMT.
I ended up doing 4, 5MeODMt ceremonies in a row which they said was courageous which I am still not sure why.

1. I had a lot of issues taking the smoke in. I did three pipes and ended up coughing a bunch and holding my throat. The facilitator that one said I was super in my ego and couldn't let go and surrender. I read about the handshake thing was determined to go deeper. The dose here was 130 MG.
2. I took the smoke in this time. I practice breathing, and I don't remember much of this experience besides saying. I want to heal, which I do. I want my heart to open. It is free to laugh and I am already beautiful in this moment. I think I felt strong like able to handle anything any situation.
3. This was a darker experience. I remember tapping a bunch on my third eye and wanting to go toward the light.
4. I really can't remember. My most striking memory to this experience is the facilitator having her scarf wrapped up around her face and nose. I think I threw up a bit.

I did go on an integration session after the 4 one and went swimming in a Mayan bat cave. I told this guy I had know since 2020 that I loved him multiple times. No respond back. I didn't feel as personally hurt by that sort of thing as usually. I went back to my parents house. I had a huge fight with them last night about not feeling loved by them and them feeling mad at me because they insist they love me and want to help me but I am not accepting their help. My dad saying I am going to end up homeless etc. if I can't manage my life and pay my taxes and all my bills. These narratives of me being dysfunctional feel very heavy. My dad did hug me and tell my mom to hug me as well at the end of it.
I am just feeling really weird being back here and getting back into this life. I am doing all the motions to apply for new jobs and get my income back but I feel sleepy. Like I feel heavy. Today, my friend I got a job at the last startup that fired me really without cause, was like put Jeremy on blast, this guy that I hired that stolen my position to not doing anything so I did, then he got mad like oh they might fire me, I told you that in confidence. He said he love me and that he needed a breather.
Is this: toxic people shifting out of my life? I have heard that is something that happens but I just don't know what is going on? I feel like I am back on 5MeODMt when I meditate and sometimes I just can't be quiet like I use to be and hold my tongue.

I've been so carefully avoiding getting sick, and did so successfully for about 2 years. Now it got me, I don't know how, only left the house for 1 doctors appointment last week, always wear my mask :( Started the same way covid started but I'm still testing negative. I feel like absolute shit, my lungs feel on fire and my cough is really bad. I'm on day 4 now and been taking herbal sugarfree cough sirup, paracetamol, cough drops (which do contain small amount of alcohol which I usually can not tolerate) together with the ibs tcm treatment I've been doing so I'm basically taking something every 30 minutes on an empty stomach all day long. Been drinking lots of tea with honey and lemon, all things my stomach is not used to. The tea seems to fill me with air but it's not painful?(could this be the paracetamol?) I just burp a lot while drinking. And my stomach has been unusually quiet the last days, but my main issue is, I have this weird mixed diarrhea-constipation, I usually smoke cigarettes which help me pass stool. But with my burning throat I just can not. So I've pooped a lot less the last days, could feel slight constipation but still not painful (all very unusual, because normally the smallest poop blop will cause me pain until it's out), but today I just got horrible diarrhea, I wonder if this could already be overflow-diarrhea? I'm so used to having pain that not feeling anything freaks me out.
Idk I'm just looking for any advice one might have, I feel like I'm in a different body, it's all weird and unusual.

Just wrote a short story about memory problems. Maybe some of you can relate to it.
Where memories fade, love's essence ignites.
A car crash into a pine tree shatters the facade of a once seemingly blissful marriage. Jack's desperate attempts to bring down the tree with a chainsaw leave his wife, Hazel, wondering what has become of their bond. Is he still the same man she fell in love with three decades ago? As Hazel battles her fears, "Journey to the Treetop" invites readers on an emotional ride through the tumultuous landscape of a mind affected by memory loss.
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CABIN ROAD is the gateway to paradise.
But why does this feel like a path to hell?
I smash into a tall pine tree that stands in the middle of the otherwise straight gravel road. I've gone around it hundreds of times before. But now, my fingers are firmly gripped on the steering wheel, disregarding all my commands. Have I become paralyzed?
A potato is wobbling on the dashboard, having obviously leaped out of the potato crates in the back seat. Jack gets out and strides to the front bumper. His lips press into a thin line as he appraises the destruction and cost of fixing it. Nothing should hold him back from swearing. But he maintains his composure, anger simmering just beneath the surface.
The memory of thirty years of marriage fills my mind. I question whether this man has drugged me. A fleeting thought that he might have crashed the car surfaces, but it seems too much of a stretch. I take a deep breath and try to clear my head.In the rear-view mirror, Jack gets an axe from the trunk. He comes and gazes at me from my window, his eyes looking heavy and weary—like two precious pearls inside their oyster-like shells. I straighten and open the window:
“Thank goodness it wasn't worse.”
“I'll chop it down.”
“That’s a pretty big tree, Jack.”
Jack blinks several times.
“I do have a chainsaw...”
“Yes.” I wonder what stories this tree has witnessed during its lifetime. Will we see the marks of our journey on its rings? There’s always something that gets squeezed in tighter, begging to be unraveled.
“I'll drive you to the cabin and grab the chainsaw,” Jack says. “Prepare some coffee while I'm gone.”
Our short passage to the cabin around the bend is like shifting through the fog of memory. I'm in the kitchen. My fingers clench around the coffee tin can and spoon. Bewilderment engulfs my brain. I spot Jack with his saw. He slips around the corner, the curve of his bottom visible through his tight work trousers. I feel anxious about the crash. Did I deliberately hit the tree?
The measuring spoon slips from my hand. It drops onto the floor along with the tin can. I clean up the mess. Could someone drive into a tree on purpose? Accidents do happen after all. It's fascinating to see him take on this role of being so chivalrous. Far away from his academic duties.
As the chainsaw outside whines, I scroll through social media on my phone. People arguing about something or other makes me tired. I pick up a copy of Science magazine from the coffee table and scan through an article titled “Quantum Communication Across Interstellar Space,” authored by Jack. As usual, the details go right over my head. I like to amuse myself with the idea that it speaks about communicating with individuals who have passed away.
Billy's message pops up. He asks for money for a fishing trip with his buddies somewhere in Lapland. I am more than happy to support him since he’s enlisting in the army soon in July. My big boy.
I tell him about the car crash, and he gives me advice about a car repair store. Jack comes back earlier than expected. He plops into his seat, sweat beading on his forehead and the smell of resin emanating from him. He seems disappointed.I pour coffee to the brim.
“Did the saw get stuck?”
Jack shakes his head and adds sugar to his mug.
“It got shattered under the tree. I stumbled...”
Silence descends slowly, like dust.
“My helmet cracked.”
“Do you want me to buy new parts when I go to the store?”
“No need.”
“But there's pruning and cutting to do first.”
Jack takes a bite out of a cinnamon bun.
“I can sharpen the axe.”
“Ask the neighbors for help, that's what they're for. You can also mow the lawn while I'm away.”
“The grass is already short— it'll die off.”
“You don't want ticks taking over! Think about your mother's joint pain. She would roll in her grave if—”
“Cremated?’
“Yes!” My answer is like a flyswatter, leaving no room for further discussion or quantum physics.
Jack is busy chewing on the bun. His regular coffee breaks, which have become part of his daily routine in his sixties, have honed impressive jowls.
We enjoy our coffee and stare at the lake. Calm as a mirror. I have a feeling Jack will soon suggest fishing. As I gather my things to leave, I call to him:
“Don't hurt yourself. Should I bring more buns?”
“I was thinking of skipping the sugar and wheat...”
I simply smile in reply.
“Can you refuel the car?” Jack asks.
I'm already off. The door slams shut in the middle of his sentence, but Jack knows better than to expect a response.
I jump into the driver's seat and immediately notice forgotten potato baskets in the back seat, but my mind drifts away before I can do anything about it. As I pass by our old well, I remember that we need to discuss connecting the cabin to a new water source. No matter what it costs, it needs to be done. Why should I agree to be responsible for our running water anymore?
I collide with something hard. Airbags abruptly inflate around me, disorienting me as my vision blurs. Struggling to escape from the tangled mess of seatbelts and inflatable bags, it feels like I'm an old person trying to climb out of a bouncy castle.
My gaze rests on the scene before me, but my thoughts can't understand it. I have plowed into a tree stump. The tree stretches over the ditch. Nearby the chainsaw lies crushed. The cutting chain is nowhere to be found.
I get back in the car. Should I phone Jack for an urgent call? Inhaling slowly helps me stay calm. Why didn’t he mention the tree stump?
Someone taps on my window
I jump and my neck stiffens up. I reach for the window switch.
“I should have told you about...” Jack says.
“The stump?”
“Didn't you see the tree on the ground?”
“I'm sorry. I was daydreaming.”
“Great galaxy, Hazel! You're burning through our last savings as if money grew on trees!”
Jack is being truly authentic with me. I stare back at him like some big-eyed exotic species from Madagascar that I can't identify in all this chaos. Jack opens the door and starts to put the cushion back in its place. We turn on the engine, giving the accelerator a test ride.
“Let's go to a repair shop. I'm sure our insurance will cover this,” Jack suggests. “We can say that we had an accident with a reindeer.”
“You're supposed to report it to the police or game warden if you hit an animal,” I reply.
Jack pauses for a moment. He then reverses and drives forward again, but when he looks into the rear-view mirror, he slams on the brakes.
“I have a better plan.”
He retrieves an orange towing strap from the trunk, a burst of determination on his face. He connects the stump and the tow hook.
“Get ready. We’re going to take a quantum leap here.”
We buckle our seat belts with a single click as we prepare for the inevitable disaster. We had already made so many mistakes together, starting with raising our children—though sometimes failing was just part of parenting.
Jack revs up the engine. A sudden lurch forward, then Jack howls in pain as the stump smashes through the rear window, clambering through the seats and lodging itself onto the gearbox, trapping Jack's hand. He veers off toward the ditch. The Milky Way spins around us, potatoes fly in the air and suddenly, all is quiet. We find ourselves upside down—surrounded by earthy potatoes and broken glass.
I try to break the silence:
“I just remembered: Billy's friend can repair cars at the vocational school much cheaper.”
Jack looks so pale, his face almost white. I guess he’s contemplating the next step.
Through the cracked windshield, I see the chainsaw chain lying in the ditch. How did it come to be rusting away? Maybe everything will go back to normal if we sit here and wait.
It feels almost as if we are flying in outer space, my nerves slowly calming down. But then a sudden stillness strikes that is anything but soothing.
“Jack, I’m feeling a bit dizzy…”
No answer.
“Jack...”
I snap open my eyes and the scene in front of me has changed drastically. It’s like I’ve been sucked into some kind of surreal void.
I hear a tapping noise on the window. An apology and then a loud thud; a huge rock has been hurled through the glass. A stench of strong aftershave ferments around me. A burly arm reaches across to release the seatbelt. An elderly man growls something crude, nothing like Jack's usual scout-like words.
My eyes close as I'm being cradled away, and visions of Jack's mathematics and symbols flicker around in my mind. Is the soul truly free when there is no force of gravity to pull us down?
I don't know who my savior is, but I can sense his worry as his face reddens. He is in military garb.
I come to as I feel my head thudding against the rubble. Instantly, I yearn to run away, contemplating that perhaps this experience is only a dream, and I'm back in the cabin chamber, tucked securely underneath a cosy blanket. A blanket that grants me the power to perform heroic acts like disappearing in a puff of smoke.
“Are you okay?” he speaks in a familiar voice.
Fingers brush over my clothes, picking out pieces of glass. My pocket contains an odd bulge—a potato? Suddenly, everything clicks: an aged Billy, wearing a major's rank insignia. How could he have achieved that rank so fast?
“Son, what are you doing on this tree ring?”
Billy peers at me from across the way, accompanied by a mysterious female figure. “We came to check on how you're doing,” Billy says. “Do you remember what happened?”
I raise my head and look around. There's nobody in the driver's seat of the car.
“Where is Jack?” I manage.
Billy furrows his brows like a detective would when weighing evidence. An image of the classic TV show Columbo flashes through my mind—he could lull suspects into a false sense of security before dropping the hammer of his sharp intellect on their inconsistencies. But I'm not hiding anything here. Though why are modern shows so bad? That's another mystery entirely.
“Mom, what were you doing out here? The road is an absolute disaster zone, with the car smashed up in the ditch.”
My thoughts swim haphazardly as Billy reads something from my expression, then casts his eyes towards his new girlfriend for assistance.
I try to get up but it hurts too much. Instead, I reach into my pocket and feel a sandy-sharp potato there. Maybe I can still wash it off.
“I’m fine,” I reply. “I need to get back to plowing the field... baking buns for Jack... buying a chainsaw...”
The darkness returns and I feel my body shiver. I'm in the car, traveling down bumps I've known for quite some time. Soon, I’m settled inside the cabin's living room on the couch. The coffee maker is gurgling in the corner of the room. Billy is on a call with a doctor about how to deal with grief and coping alone; it seems someone had died while cutting down a tree last year. He gets furious and threatens to take away the keys from the person he's talking to. It might be a good idea; many people have too many keys that they don't use anyway.
My head is spinning with thoughts about Jack's absence. Where did he go?Someone runs water over potatoes while a pot clatters on the stovetop. My temper rises as I wait for Jack's return. I won't stay here by myself without an explanation from him. I call out for Jack until there's no sound left but my coughing voice.
I crave sausage soup, and I know I must go to the store. As I try to move forward, I am wading through tar. They guide me to the coffee table. According to Jack, time runs faster the more hunched your back becomes. Let it be and let us sit here, motionless, gazing at the tips of our shoes. Surely, time has slowed down in this moment.
Billy reaches out and takes my hand. A handsome, greying gentleman. His girlfriend also places her hand on top of the pile. Her name is Ewa. A beautiful name, something familiar about her.
But did I hear her calling me mother?
In the yard, a squirrel hops with a cone in its mouth. It freezes and stares at me. I avert my gaze. My hands suddenly look wrinkled. I summon the inner strength that I've been striving to find for an eternity:
“Do we have to leave now?”
Billy exchanges glances with Ewa and then looks outside.
“You don't have to walk this path alone, Mother.”
We finish our coffee without saying another word. The wind sweeps across the lake. A pair of swans take flight, and a duet of gentle honks echo across the water. A shivering cold envelops me. Billy and Ewa take me to the car. The potatoes can wait.
The sun blazes brightly above us as we travel the cabin road; shapeless clouds dot the horizon and suddenly I sense a presence—as if someone is waving to me.
I surrender.
I believe I will be warmly welcomed.

Mikey rolled his shoulder as he stepped out of the building. Ooh! That's gonna hurt in the morning! He thought, as he felt a twinge in his upper arm. He had had a good day and felt like pushing a little harder at the gym, and now he was paying the price of his hubris. It was a good pain though, it meant he had pushed his limits and in a few days he would be stronger for it, that's why you went to the gym after all. Turning west, he started to jog home. This was both the best and worst part of his workout. Best because it was the end, one last stretch and he was home. Worst because it would be sooooo easy to just slow down. Alex was exhausted from the workout, and try as he might, he couldn't seem to convince his legs that they did in fact want a cool down after a workout, but this wasn't a democracy, so screw their opinions.
.....
Meanwhile
Culleo backpedaled as a large panther snapped at him, a hairs breadth out of harms way. A panicked sweep of his rapier knicked the cat's face and kept it at bay, and he used the opening to risk a bit of magic. "Ignum Faciunt!" He tried to roar, but it came out more as a wheeze. Flames burst forth from his hand, but were a flicker compared to what he had done before. It was a massive stroke of luck that the Panther had chosen that moment to renew its attack, lunging with its gaping maw, and literally ate the flames. It was the cat's turn to step back and wheeze, and Culleo's to press the attack, but he could hardly move. Cursed abyss, I'm almost done he went into this battle with a desperate plan, by holding off on summoning his familiar the battle would start at a disadvantage, but bringing it out later would give an advantage in both numbers and a fresh ally. This would have been the perfect opportunity, he just needed to finish off the enemy familiar and complete the summoning. That would turn the battle from a 3v4 to a 4v3. As his legs gave out from under him however, he knew he had failed. This was his idea, he had pushed his team to take the risk, and how here he was, struggling to stay on his knees when the others needed him.
Suddenly the beast jerked, and Culleo saw a knife in its chest that hadn't been there before. Kellista, busy as she was, gave Culleo a reminder that being reliable was a two way street. Sure, the thrown knife was probably meant to kill the panther rather than give him a lesson in the power of friendship, but he still appreciated the gesture.
As the cat disappeared, sent back to wherever it was summoned from, Culleo took mental stock of the situation. He was bleeding, exhausted and low on mana, but he still had enough for his summoning spell. Kellista was covered in wounds from the one on one she was having against Kalivine, who in turn was hardly winded after summoning the Panther and was taking his time as he toyed with Kellista, who wasn't going to be standing much longer either.
Turri's battle was the only one seeming to go in their favour. His fast reflexes and powerful strikes combined with a fighting style that flipped between offense and defense had let him keep the two Lycs busy. Culleo actually considered being mad at him for just a moment. He knew the guy for years! Turri was a goof, and a lazy one at that! Oh but now he's just a mixed martial artist and a metalburner!? How long has he been able to do that!? When Turri had joined their side Culleo thought he would be the weak link, but it was only because of him pulling double duty that Culleo's plan even had a chance of working.
Even with that advantage, Culleo was becoming less and less sure that it would work. The energy needed to summon his own monster would definitely put him out of the fight, and Kalivine wasn't nearly as tired as he had hoped, and the two Lyc, while definitely hurting, weren't out of the fight. Still, this was the plan, and Culleo couldn't think of anything else. That uphill battle had to count for something, and it was up to him to make sure it did.
'Exire Amicum Eligo. Just focus on those three words' Culleo kept repeating his mental mantra as he began one last casting. "Exi-" He coughed, the effort already unbearable. "Exire..." He took a slow, deep breath. Kellista was dropped to a knee as she attempted to parry a crushing blow. "Amicum" Turri overextended, and took a bloody gash on his arm. Culleo just kept pushing. Exire Amicum Eligo. One last word. Just get it out. Culleo opened his mouth. Kellista rolled away from another swing that would have broken bones. "E...el..." His mouth made the correct movements, but no sound came out. His body just had no more to give. No. One... Last... Step...! Pulling on what little mental strength would still come, he forced the spell out!
But only a gasp came. He was done, no matter how mad he was about it, there was simply no more strength in his limbs. All that for- wait! The spell... had somehow worked...? Culleo felt the last vestiges of mana leave his body and saw the matrix form. He had done it! Help was on the way!
.....
Only a few minutes later, Mike had gotten his second wind and was hitting his stride. The wind was at his back, cloud cover kept the sun at bay and his headphones were jamming. This was a good day. Kinda wish I hit my timer, I could hit a record! As the beat dropped, Mike put on another burst of speed and went all out. His blood was really pumping now, but he knew that he could easily tire out before he made it home. That's the thing about long distance running, speed is almost irrelevant, you have to keep pace and focus on a steady rhythm so you don't wear yourself out. But today? No. Mike was pushing limits. he could do a hard run all the way home, he just needed to prove it. His usual path wouldn't allow that however, it would only take one red light at a street crossing and he would lose all his steam, and he would pass at least a couple, so he took an early left and cut through the forest in the middle of town.
Man, Micheal was in the Zone! Running flat out, perfect weather, great music and he was going off road! Today was the-Ow! What the heck!? Michael's mood was immediately soured as he tripped over something. Mike stopped his run and looked around, but his path was clear? Wait, there was a rock in the middle of it! No wait, it's gone again... Michael waved a hand in front of his face and was immediately concerned with the fact that he couldn't see it. "Oh no. Am I seeing blind spots!?" He was saved from further consideration as the rest of his vision lost focus and he couldn't see anything, but definitely wasn't blind? It was hard to describe, but he didn't need to, because his sight suddenly returned. Mikey wasn't sure that was a blessing though, because he found himself staring down an honest to god dragon.
Yeah that good mood was well and truly gone.
.....
Kalivine turned his attention to the familiar Culleo just summoned, forgetting Kellista, who was grateful for the respite, and took up a defensive stance. What was that? The bipedal creature was small, but not as much as the smaller races, and didn't seem to have any hide, it's pale skin was exposed to the elements. It had no scales and was completely featherless. Fur? Sure, but only on the top of its head. Was it some naked, juvenile Lyc? No, it didn't have a snout. Kalivine snarled and widened his stance. What was this thing? It made eye contact with him as soon as it was summoned but otherwise was as still as death. As he stared at it an uneasy feeling grew in the pit of his stomach. It just wouldn't move. Kal would have thought it a statue of it hadn't made eye contact. Was the thing waiting for his attack? He had never encountered one of these things and knew better than to underestimate a new opponent, so he had no intention of giving it an opening.
The battle came to an uneasy ceasefire, as everyone looked at Culleo's familiar. It still didn't move, but it's eyes scanned each one of them. Lirren, the older of the two Lycs broke the silence. "What is that?" The familiar instantly zeroed in on him, its head moving like lightning, causing Lirren to take a defensive stance. Kalivine shifted his focus to Culleo, who had collapsed from exhaustion and was only now starting to pick himself up. "Well?" Kal asked. "Whh... Wheeze... Wha... I-..." The kobold struggled to speak. "dunno... Thought... It'd be..." He gulped and took a moment to regain his breath. "My salamander." He coughed out. The summoned creature had turned its attention to Culleo by now, turning it's back on Kalivine, the Lycs and Turri. " Culleo looked up to the being and issued a command. "Attack."
Everyone tensed, readying themselves for the battle, but the creature didn't move. That was bad.
When summoning familiars, there are two possibilities; first is summoning a specific creature you have a contract with. You form a bond, make agreements and have an ally you know and can rely on. The second summons a random creature that meets a specific criteria. The spell seeks a being of sufficient power, a willingness to act and a lack of aggression to the summoner, and 'offers' the chance to be summoned. Should the creature consent it would be summoned and given the mana in the spell for its trouble. In exchange it would be bound to the will of the summoner and would follow their command for the duration of the spell.
The fact that this creature hadn't done as instructed meant that for whatever reason, it was deemed safe by the spell and allowed itself to be summoned, but resisted the geas. Only something powerful could do that, and only something devious would do that.
.....
Michael was frozen in place. That was a dragon. A freaking DRAGON was snarling at him close enough he felt its breath on his face! Mike didn't move a muscle as the thing sized him up. A deep growl emanated from the living legend as it slowly stepped back. Ooooookaaaaaay, it hasn't killed me yet, I suppose that's good? Even his internal monologue had a shaky voice. Mike slowly looked around and Oh great, a couple of werewolves were staring him down like their next meal, along with a giant hawk with wicked looking talons. Mike never would have thought that being teleported would be a distant second in terms of importance, but there were actually bigger things on his mind. he found himself in a field surrounded by buildings, none of which he even recognized the style of, and not the thickets he was running through a minute ago. "Tahw si taht." Michael nearly jumped out of his skin when one of the werewolves spoke! The thing looked just about ready to rip him apart, so just about all of his focus was going towards not giving it a reason. The dragon clearly responded, though its voice was so low he couldn't make out what it said. Not that he needed to, they were clearly making quips about their latest meal, probably something about how good fear tastes. Suddenly a third, weaker voice came from behind. 'Aww no am I *surrounded!? '* Mike spun around to see... A pair of kobolds? Both were bloodied and on their knees. Wait, just what situation had he managed to insert himself in? As his eyes landed on the one that was, well, trying to speak, he felt a need to help the small creature. He didn't move though, there was still a literal DRAGON breathing down his neck! Had he mentioned that part? The dragon? Because there was one right there!
Something perceptibly changed in the kobolds tone as it said one last word. "kcatta!" It muttered, and everything- everyone? Sure, everyone. Everyone tensed, even Mike felt the need to fight, but nobody actually moved. After yet another staredown, Michael felt like he should make sure nobody was actually about to eat him.
Slowly, he unshouldered his gym bag and set it down. Raising both hands to show he slowly started speaking. "Uhh, hi. What exactly is- gahh!" The chatty kobold made a sweeping motion with its hand and suddenly Michael's vision was messed up again. Good god that was unpleasant! A pins and needles feeling filled in the blind spots in his eyes, but somehow he also didn't feel anything? Either way it sucked! With vision again clear, Mikey saw that he was back in the forest, and so promptly fell on his arse as he rubbed at his eyes.
What just happened!? 'Oh I'll tell you what happened! I was blinded, magically teleported onto a DRAGONS dinner plate, threatened by a werewolf, blinded again and sent back because screw you!' Mike mentally screamed for no one to hear. The worst part was that there was nobody else! That just happened and he had no proof about it so hey! Here's a secret I'll have to take to my grave because if I don't I will be labeled a madman! Wonderful!
After sitting and stewing for a few seconds, Mikey took a breath, calmed down, and took a look at his situation. 'this started with me jogging. I took a path in the woods, tripped on a rock and saw a dragon... DID that happen?' the possibility that he just bumped his head suddenly came to mind. He started to feel around his head and skull, but there was no bleeding, no bruise, nothing. He was fine. Did he catch himself on a hallucinogenic plant? He did have a small scrape on his leg that had caught on a twig. There was really no way he could tell. Yeah it was unlikely that a scrape made him see that, but so was actually seeing it. Whatever. Mike reached for his bag and, oh no he dropped it in front of the dragon! He briefly entertained the idea that he had forgotten it at the gym, but he still felt the change in pressure on his shoulder, and looking at it he could still see the imprint on his skin. He had brought his bag but it wasn't here now, and looking at the ground there weren't anybody else's prints, so nobody could have looted his body. That confirmed it, Michael had officially been to dragon land.
Luckily Michael wasn't too attached to the bag. The thing was old and he was planning on replacing it anyway. All that was in it was a change of clothes, the gym pass which could be replaced, -"no, wait! my knife!" Dang it! That thing wasn't cheap! It was a high end omni tool that he took everywhere with him, it cost hundreds of dollars! He checked his pockets, "wallet, phone... That's just great." He sighed to himself. It wasn't actually that much of a loss, he rarely used the knife, it was more of an impulse buy. Something cool he didn't need, and he still had perfectly functional older knives at home. Dejectedly, he reached into his pocket again before realizing... No!... He checked his other pockets, already knowing they were empty but this just couldn't be! The bag of chocolates was in there too! Overcome with grief, Michael slowly sank to his knees and pounded the earth with his fists. "THERE IS NO GOD!"
____________________________________________________Authors note
Hello everyone! Hope you enjoyed the first chapter of my first book! I'm getting back into writing for the first time in a while, so any advice and critiques would be greatly appreciated! If all goes well I'll be uploading once a week, so I hope to see you then!

TL;DR: my wife has a lot of trauma around sex and i have run out of ideas to help her through it...i could really use any advice you have :(
Also apologies for the lack of puncuation in the title...grammar has always been a weak point of mine...im a math guy lol
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My wife 32F (LL) and I 33M (HL) have been married for 9 years this July. We have always had some struggles in the bedroom, about 6 months into our marriage was the absolute best we were averaging 2-3 times a week and both initiating, but since kids (1 and 6) it has been extremely difficult for many reason.
Reason 1) is obviously time. My youngest goes to bed around 7:30-8 while my oldest typically falls asleep around 10 (he is a late to be late to rise he typically sleeps from 10-8pm every night without waking up at all) my 1 year old has some issues we both cannot do sleep training and he 99/100 times will end up in our bed by 10pm every night (he does sleep through the night in our bed). between both of us working and our kids sleeping arrangements we really dont have alone time. Oh and also my sister in law (her sister 22) just moved in with us. so alone time is VERY sparse in our household.
My solution: my wife is a quality time love language so what i would do is to combat this lack of time is scheduling "mental health days" for the both of us. Where we both agree to take a day off during the week (she works out of the home i WFH). However she is a teacher and getting a sub is more work than actually going to work for her so i understand this isn't the easiest thing for her. 1 out of the two times we did it it was perfect we had sex (given it was valentines day weekend so there was an actual occasion for sex) and had an awesome day just the 2 of us, she was even super happy by the end of the day. the second time...no dice still a good day (we did all the things we both like to do) and I did mention at the beginning of the say "i do not expect sex today" to ease her mind. hoping this might allow her to relax and not feel pressured (this is a big issue with her and ill explain why in other reasons). luckily summer break is starting soon so i'm sure we can find more of these days as long as we can get the kids out of the house. but these are few and far between.
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Reason number 2) catholic guilt....pretty self explanatory and not much i can do about this one. one thing to add to this is this caused her to develop whats called post coital blues...its when you instantly have a feeling of guilt or dread following orgasm
Reason 3) stress, a lot of family issues right now that are bringing up a lot of stress in her life.
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Reason number 4) trauma... my wifes first pregnancy was ROUGH...not so much in a health sense but she was just miserable! acne, vomiting every day for 41 weeks, swelling, weight gain (none of these things made her less appealing to me mind you) and then a 36 hour delivery....but my son was healthy and she was fine...however she did experience some PPD which she never got treated she sort of just carried it until she felt better...this trauma made her fearful of becoming pregnant again so we waited for another baby...in doing so her body refused to allow her to be pregnant again and she became fearful of sex because she didnt want to go through another pregancny just yet...this led us to IVF..
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My solution: after a year or 2 i forced her to go to the doctor after her entire body ached for 5 days straight...i said this is essentially an anxiety attack and you need to go tot the doctor...she was then put on SSRI's and im sure this group knows...SSRI's are KILLERS to sex drives...since hers is already low this basically made her sex drive 0. while i was happy her anxiety went away this was a side effect that still effects her (she is still on them)
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Reason 4a) Buckle up...IVF (1 year of IVF)....whaat a fucking nightmare...i had to prick her with shots every night, her hormones were INSANE (worse than the actual pregnancy), COUNTLESS doctors vists, countless blood panels, the mental and physical toll of IVF is complete hell!! 3 transfers of 5 total embryos one of which took and led us to our second child...however this pregnancy was worse that the first. At 18 weeks she was put on pelvic rest due to complications (i wont get into specifics if you'd like to know i can add it in). these complications grew which forced her to be on bedrest in a hospital until delivery (this started at 20 weeks) the logistics of that...thats a whole other story. LUCKILY at 26 weeks she had progressed and she got to go home (Still on bed and pelvic rest). I stood by her side through this entire thing. working full time taking care of my son while she was in the hospital. This makes sex not only the least appealing thing for her but also scary since doctors orders were no sex or orgasms until delivery. after a successful delivery and a healthy baby boy we were FINALLY in the clear for sex (after the 6 weeks post delivery of course) which actually happened to fall on valentines day.
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My solution: big date night out at a fancy restaurant and plan some fun times after the kids went to be...while she was excited about the idea of finally being close after nearly a year of no sex (if we include the time during IVF that 18 months we had sex maybe 5 times)...i could see she was still nervous. But she was a trooper, got into it and we had a great night. however after that...thats where we are today.
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What she has done to improve in this time: She has been seeing a therapist for about a year now however due to reason 2...sex is a difficult conversation for her with anyone (even me sometimes). we tried couple therapy but she wasn't having it (male therapist i think it didn't land with her) she doesn't want to do that again. She only wants to work with her therapist. Who i think is a good fit for her since she is a passive "how does that make you feel" kind of therapist and not "here are some tools you can use to fix this" kind of therapist. that being said....that doesn't help our situation at hand...I want to bring up the idea of a sex threapist but the idea of talking ONLY sex to someone else is not something she would be comfortable with.
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Currently we average about once every 6-8 weeks and typically its only a quciky because of the reasons listed above. we had the conversation we have every 12 weeks or so which is F= wife M=Me
M- we need more sex in our lives
F- you dont understand my trauma...
M- i understand it very well but i cant feel rejected and hurt by our lack of intimacy?
F- we do have intimacy i snuggle and give you hugs all the time
M-we havent so much as made out in weeks
F- well thats because it always has to escalate
M- yes that is hard for me and i have been working on that as much as i can but its not easy for me to not want to go further when i have a lot of pent up testosterone (Im a powerlifter and lift heavy 5 days a week i dont take steriods but i do take natural things you can buy over the count to boost test think ashwaganda, fenugreek, tonhgkit alit)
F- i am working on it im finally in threapy like you wanted
M-but there hasnt been change in the year you have been going to threapy
F- so what do you want me to do?
M- can you at least try to talk about sex with your threapist? maybe try a different anti Anxiety medication (welburtin i read is a great option for this issue)
F- I'm not somone you can just fix with a pill
M-i dont think you understand how the mind works honey, a pill can adjust receptors in your brain to reduce or increase different chemicals based on the desired outcome (she mentioned looking into ozempic for weight-loss and wellbutrin has similar results with appitie surpression i currently take it for ADHD and i do notice this ive lost about 8 pounds since being on it).
F- this isnt a problem you can just fix i have to do it on my own i just need your support
M- ok and how should i support you?
F- never ask, or initiate sex and let me take the lead on everything
M- if i did that we would have sex 2x a year at best and it would be the 2x we stay in hotels where it is the ONLY perfect situation for us to have sex
F- i Just have to do this on my own with your support
M- i will support you 100000% but we also need actionable items to help you through things...just ignoring it does not make it go away...
F- the actions you can take are not doing anything.
M- ok and what actions are you going to take and is there ANYTHING i can do to help?
F- no
M- ok
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Other random solutions i have tried based on social media, and other avenues of research.
Taking on more house work and domestic labor (i do 90% of the domestic labor in this house, finances, cleaning, yard work, car care, household chores, i do both drop off and pick up for both children, volunteer at their school, all of this because i want to and because its easier for me because i work from home. however if i worked in an office i would still make time for this)
reading. tbh every book and article i read is just the same recycled shit i see everywhere... "try doing the dishes for her...try going down on her and focusing on her pleaser (i have to beg her to let me go down on her its a sanitary thing for her but when i do she climaxes in under a minute i also know what i am doing)...try making her dinner, rubbing her back and feet, take all mental burden away from her and she will have time to focus on you...focus on just intimacy not sex...plan sex (she needs it to be spontaneous because it creates pressure if its planned)...go on more dates try for once every week (we have 2 kids i cant afford a babysitter and daycare every week i do alright but not that good)" i have done all of these things and more only to be stonewalled...
spending more quality time. i always want to hear about her day and ways i can make it better.
spending (even more than i do now) quality time with my two kids. i give my youngest a bath and put him to bed 6/7 nights a week and we split putting my oldest to bed.
scheduling "intimacy nights" where sex is not an expectation but its still intimate. we did a shower and spa night one night and i had a great time but my wife said i was trying to have sex too much....i mean she's naked in front of me in an intimate moment its hard not to want it...i truly did try very hard.
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Please any advice to help my mindset, tools i could use both tangible and non tangible tools.

For the longest time my ex always spoke to me about starting a family, how he couldn’t wait for me to fall pregnant because then we would have our own family. We were together just over 6 years and had difficulty conceiving, he would come to my dr appointments where I would discuss my fertility, he would help me with changing my diet, exercise making the changes advised which could potentially increase my chances.
I am currently 9 months pregnant, ready to drop at any moment and his tone and outlook has completely changed. I have apparently ruined his life with this decision, how I am the worst person for doing this to him. Apparently he has seen me for who I am now and wishes that I had never conceived. He wants to stay and take care of his responsibilities because he would not feel comfortable leaving the child solely in my care, as he would worry about their well-being and welfare.
To say my pregnancy has been utter turmoil would be an understatement, I found out I would be having a daughter and everything changed for me. My outlook and perspective on my relationship with him changed. I realised that everything I accepted in a relationship she would grow up to accept. I started implementing boundaries, which led to the downfall of our relationship.
The reality of my situation has sunk in, what I will never be able to comprehend is how oblivious these people are to their behaviour. It creates such confusion. It makes you question everything!! Yourself, your reality.
I don’t really know what I’m looking for posting this, but I just feel so let down. I bought into a persona against my better judgement, and although I would ever change the direction my life is going because of my unborn blessing, I really wish I could have got here via a different path.

Marvel Comics! Here’s downloading or watching Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse streaming the full movie online for free on 123movies & Reddit, including where to watch the anticipated Pixar’s Movie at home. Is Lightyear 2023 available to stream? Is watching Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse 2023 on Disney Plus, HBO Max, Netflix, or Amazon Prime? Yes, we have found a faithful streaming option/service
Wath Now: Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse Free Online
Over 25 years ago, a little boy named Andy received a Buzz Lightyear action figure in the 1995 Pixar film Toy Story. Now, all these years later, audiences will finally see the movie that inspired that action figure in the Toy Story spin-off movie, Lightyear, which is soaring into theatres this weekend.
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This is not the Buzz Lightyear you know and love—the one who is best friends with Woody and voiced by Tim Allen. This is the original Buzz Lightyear, a bonafide space ranger voiced by Chris Evans, who is stranded on a hostile planet that is 4.2 million lightyears from Earth, alongside his commander and crew. The Lightyear cast also includes the voices of Keke Palmer, Peter Sohn, James Brolin, Taika Waititi, Dale Soules, Uzo Aduba, and Isiah Whitlock Jr.
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With this new Toy Story adventure coming to theatres, you may feel the urge to revisit the classics. The decider is here to help with that. Read on to find out what Toy Story movies to watch before Lightyear and how to stream the Toy Story.
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Can I Stream Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse?
You can’t stream Lightyear yet — but you’ll be able to soon. As a Disney movie, you can expect Lightyear to drop on their streaming service, Disney Plus, in the coming weeks, but the exact date of when that might happen hasn’t been announced yet.
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Generally, with their cinematic releases, Disney and Pixar tend to follow either a 30-day release window or a 45-day release window. We don’t know which one they’re going with yet for Lightyear, but this means that given the movie’s global release date is June 17, we can expect Lightyear to be on Disney Plus sometime between July 21 and August 3, 2022.
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Where To Watch Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse Online
With a new Lightyear coming out very soon, you may want to rewatch all the movies. Or, if you haven’t given the animated adventure films a shot, now is your chance.
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Just click the link below to watch the full movie in its entirety. Details on how you can watch Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse COUGHING for free throughout the year are described below. If you’re a fan of the comics, you won’t want to miss this one! The storyline follows Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse Coughing as he tries to find his way home after being stranded on an alien planet. Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse COUGHING is definitely a Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse Coughing movie you don’t want to miss with stunning visuals and an action-packed plot! Plus, Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse Coughing online streaming is available on our website. Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse Coughing online free, which includes streaming options such as 123movies, Reddit, or TV shows from HBO Max or Netflix! Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse Coughing Release in US Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse Coughing hits theaters on September 23, 2023. Tickets to see the film at your local movie theater are available online here. The film is being released in a wide release so you can watch it in person.
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Lightyear can all be streamed using an HBO Max or Hulu subscription. If you’d prefer to rent the movies, only the first two are on Prime Video. Otherwise, all three films can be rented on YouTube, Apple TV+, or Google Play Movies & TV.
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The second film in the franchise, Lightyear, will be released on June 17, 2022. Right now, it’s not confirmed where the movie will be streamed after its big-screen release.fctg

I am not the Original Poster. That was u/throwRA_rorotheMIL. She then created a second account: u/Throwawaydisownedson. She posted in relationship_advice, AmItheAsshole and legaladvice. And her own page.
I had changed letters to names in the previous BORU post here. I used those same names in her update posts for clarity.
Trigger Warning: pre-eclampsia, threatening suicide, psychiatric facility
Mood Spoiler: maddening and wtf
New Updates are marked with *****\*
Original Post: March 9, 2023
Title: My (F 50) Daughter in law (24F) gave birth and doesn't seem to want a relationship with me, making it difficult to have a relationship with my son (31M) and new granddaughter
Hello Reddit, TLDR: I'm looking for advice on how to build a relationship with my daughter in law, and get over the rift she's causing since giving birth.
My son (David, 31) has been married to my daughter in law (Bea, 24?) since September of 2020. Due to the pandemic I never really got to know her because they only dated for about a year before they got married, and I didn't know about her until they had dated for about 6 months.
I love my son very much, but I feel like our relationship has been rocky since they git married. He has a daughter from a previous relationship who is 10, and since they got together I haven't had the same relationship with her. I know this is partially because he moved out of my house (very suddenly without really saying anything I may add), and I no longer get her on his weekends. I try to get them to bring her to visit when they have her, but usually I only see her once a month or so, and lately it has felt like she has been more distant when she visits. I think this is because Bea says negative things about me around her, and I find that unfair.
They just had a baby at the end of January. She was induced due to pre eclampsia and in labor for 3 days before having a c section. I had been in an accident a few weeks prior and don't have a vehicle, and my son refused to pick me up to be there for the labor at all or to see the baby in the hospital, but her parents got to see the baby and were in the parking lot the entire time. I called him while she was in labor a few times, but on the second day after her water broke I called him and heard her snap at him to get off the phone and he refused to accept any calls after that. I just wanted to know thst the three of them were okay though! She was in the hospital 2 days after the c section, and they wouldn't stop to visit me on their way home after the birth because she was hurting, even though she had pain killers she could have taken and she "didn't feel right" according to my son. This is when I became concerned she had PPD. My daughter ended up picking up her prescriptions and some groceries for them and got to see the baby that night (her and Bea have a relationship that is apparently pretty good).
I was supposed to visit a couple days after they got home, but she ended up insisting something was wrong and went back to the doctor who apparently sent her to the hospital. My son told me they diagnosed her with post partum preeclampsia, but I was pretty certain that that was only something that happened during pregnancy and went away after birth so I was pretty sure he was confused. The day after they admitted her again, 5 days after the baby being born with everyone meeting her but me, was my birthday. I called her around 8 that morning to see what was really going on but she didn't answer. A while later my son called me and wished me a happy birthday and asked why I had called Bea. I admit I snapped at him and said SHE should be returning my call, because I called HER. I hung up on him and maybe 5 minutes later she called me.
I told her she should have called me and that I wanted to hear her voice and hear from her what was going on since my son gets confused. I then asked her if this was a mental or physical issue, and she went silent before saying physical. I asked of she was sure, and she got kind of snippy and said they had padding on her bed because she was a seizure risk and she couldn't be alone with her newborn, so she was pretty sure. I didn't comment on her tone because I was sure she was stressed.
She was released her the next day, and they came and visited me while I was at my daughters watching her two kids on their way home so I could see the baby. I offered her some pillows to sit on (my son said she "basically gave birth both ways", even though I knew this wasn't true I wondered if she had some soreness that made him think this), and she refused my hospitality saying she was fine and felt pretty good.
Two weeks later my son picked me up and brought me to their home to visit. I stayed for a few hours, and she didn't really make any effort to talk to me. She was just quiet and sat on the couch. When my son took me home I asked why she was so unhospitable, and he said I had been rude while she was in the hospital. That she shouldn't have had to call me, and that I shouldn't have asked if it was a mental or physical problem because he had already told me it was physical. He also said I shouldn't have posted anything on Facebook before her about the baby being born, and that I was rude when he called to make me take it down. She doesn't post on social media very often so I didn't think it would be a big deal.
He hasn't picked me up to see the baby because he says he needs to be there to help with the baby, and they won't bring the baby to me because he says the baby isn't allowed in my house.
I told my son I'm planning to quit my job to babysit for them, but I haven't even gotten her return to work date and she hasn't once thanked me for doing it. Overall I feel like she's holding onto some very petty things and is using them to keep me from my son and granddaughters. I want a relationship with her, but I am missing some critical bonding time with the baby and I am going to struggle to forgive her for it. Especially over petty nonsense she won't even bring up to talk to me.
I'm really wanting to send a text and lay all my feelings out for her and just hash it out, but I understand there are probably cultural differences at play with all of this too, so I could use some advice on what to say.
Relevant Comment: (I took out some from my original BORU Post for length.)
Commenter: Lady, if you don't pull your head out of your ass, you're not going to be part of their lives at all. You're not owed nearly any of what you seem to think you are. When it comes to their baby, they don't owe you crap.

1. Your son had two priorities when his wife was in labor. His wife and their baby. Not you. He didn't have time to come pick you up or talk to you on the phone. Have you ever heard of a taxi cab?
2. She shouldn't have to take a pain pill just so they can stop by and see you on their way home. How incredibly selfish of you. They did the right thing and went straight home.
3. Are you seriously questioning a doctor's diagnosis? Do you really think it's appropriate to ask her if it's physical or mental? Are you mental?
4. You're lucky anyone called you back at all. They are tired and are learning how to care for their newborn and that is after your DIL had a complicated labor and delivery and complications after birth. No one has the emotional bandwidth to deal with your entitlement.
5. You inconvenienced your son and had him pick you up and drive you home. Again, taxi, Uber, Lyft were better options. Then you're complaining his wife, who is exhausted and still healing was inhospitable. I'm guessing she was saying plenty to you in her head but was to polite to actually verbalize it.
6. Do they even want you babysitting their baby? Did they actually ask this of you or did you just decree that this is what is happening?
7. You do not post baby news on Facebook without the parents permission. You were rude and overstepping.
8. If you want to send them a text, send them a sincere apology for being a pushy, entitled, pain in the ass and promise you'll behave better in the future.

OOP's response:
I'm a grandparent and do deserve to be in my grandchildrens life. I also deserve not to have my eldest granddaughter turned against me. Saying they owe me nothing is incorrect, and courts would agree with that. I love them both so I don't want it to come to that, but I am OWED that.

1. If he would have came the first night before she was in real labor he wouldn't have needed to talk to me. We don't have taxi cabs, and the uber would have been well put of my budget.
2. She refused to take any of the pain killers once discharged, period. That was selfish of her. And I had food for them too, so my son wouldn't have had to cook. It wasn't just for me to see the baby.
3. No, I was question if my son had the right information. He's relayed wrong things before.
4. I understand that from her perspective after reading some of the comments. However in my family it's just common to call back regardless especially after having a baby. I see it's a cultural difference.
5. I can't uber to where they live otherwise I would be there every day! If that was an option I woukd have definitely jumped on it instead of having him pick me up, but uber isn't I their tiny town.
6. I told my son after I heard Bea telling my daughter about her struggle to find reputable daycare without a year long wait and how she was scared for the safety of her baby. They won't have to worry if I watch her!
7. My son just said not to post pictures. I didn't realize announcing I was a grandma again woukd be a big deal. I deleted it.
8. I told my son I was sorry for hurting her feelings when he told me. I've always apologized to him when he's told me I've done something wrong in her eyes, whether I think it was wrong or not. I don't want to hurt her feelings ever. I want her to know she doesn't have to run to my son though, she can come to me. And I want a chance to explain myself to her.

Post in Legal Advice: March 24, 2023 (2 weeks later) (post is deleted)
I'm seeking advice on getting grandparent rights in Indiana. My son has two daughters with two different women. The oldest is 10, and he and her mother were never married (no custody agreement, they just have an informal agreement). The youngest is almost 2 months old, and he and her mother are married.
I was under the impression that any grandparent could petition for custody/visitation in the US, but the way I'm reading it I can't unless my son is incarcerated or they aren't married? Is this correct?
What do I need to do to seek joint custody of my granddaughters? What do I need to build a solid case? I've already tried resolving this without going this drastic, but his wife doesn't want to work with me.
Commenters point out that she does not qualify for grandparent's rights in this scenario- she saw them at Christmas and they have to able parents:
I was under the impression that grandparents rights were for when a parent is keeping a child from having a relationship with the grandparents? Visitation would be more then once every 3 months or once a month wouldn't it? I don't feel like there is much of a relationship left with any of them to torpedo. So if I sacrifice a relationship with them to have a relationship with my granddaughters that would be fine."People draw attention to her previous post and that she's angry her son moved out:
I CAN'T travel to them currently - if I could I would be over there as often as I could be. I have apologized even though I don't think I was wrong. If she felt slighted by anything I said I apologized for it. Really, though, I don't think it should matter. You don't use kids as pawns. I can have a relationship with my granddaughters without her - or I should be able to. That's what I thought grandparents rights were for. To make sure parents couldn't stop an essential relationship with grandparents without a damn good reason (like abuse, drug use, etc). Also. He didn't need my permission to move. I just didn't appreciate that he gave no indication he was leaving.
"I have apologized for everything she felt I did wrong, against my better judgement. I don't feel like I shoukd have to continue to beg. My son says shes not preventing me from seeing them and appreciates my apologies, but I still haven't seen my grandchildren."
Update Post: March 30, 2023 (3 weeks from OG post)
Well, I apologized to my daughter in law for all the things my son listed. Since I had received feedback about it being my son's job to "handle" his family I told him my apologies to pass along, and then I waited. However, I got no response from Bea. No thank you, no trying to bury the hatchet, nothing.
So, last Friday I made an appointment with an attorney to discuss grandparents rights and had that appointment on Tuesday. The lawyer told me I had a good chance with my older granddaughter, but would likely get no where with the baby. I filled out some paperwork to get the process started, but Tuesday night I was questioning if I was doing the right thing. I called one of my friends to discuss, and was seriously considering not moving forward with it after talking to her.
Then yesterday I received this message from Bea:
"[Me] this is [Bea] I just wanted to let you know that [friend] told us you're intending to go for grandparent rights, and also shared everything you've had to say about me. Let me first say that I have not once kept the either of the girls from you, and I certainly have not kept [son] from you. He is a grown ass man, and if he wanted to talk to you he was free to. You have not asked to come over and visit since [son] picked you up - you cannot expect us to 1- read your mind or 2 - drop everything and come pick you up. We have a new baby, and we have our own lives. I also have not said a word to you about what happened during delivery/postpartum, because I have no energy to argue with you. [Son] said you apologized, and I told him I appreciated it (even though it was NOT a real apology. You apologize for what you did to hurt my feelings, not that my feelings were hurt). I don't have time for your drama. For the record, though, what you said was absolutely disgusting. I almost died - it had nothing to do with my mental health. Since you have decided to go for grandparents rights, we will have no direct contact with you. All contact will need to go through our lawyer. You have been removed from my Facebook. You are not permitted to post any pictures you have been sent of my child on social media, and [older granddaughters mom] feels the same way regarding [older granddaughter]. We intend to have something written up by our and sent to you by the end of the week regarding this, and ceasing contact with us. I assume we will be servered with your visitation paperwork this week as well. You will get no pictures or phone calls going forward. In fact, you will be blocked.
I also hope you realize you will absolutely lose this case. Your house is not suitable to live in, and you would have to be able to pass a drug test. When you lose, we will not resume contact with you. You lost your chance at being apart of our kids lives by deciding to go to the most nuclear option instead of just communicating with us."
I tried to respond to her and tell her that I didn't want to go through with it anymore and I reacted pit of anger, but she wouldn't answer texts or calls - so I assume I really am blocked. I called my son to tell him about the text she sent, and he said he knew about it and it was a lot nicer then what he wanted to send me.
So, that's where I'm at at this point. I'm going to show my lawyer the text so that it can show how unwilling to forgive and to work with me she is, and hopefully it will resolve quickly so I can at least get visitation rights with my oldest granddaughter.
Edit to add: I dont appreciate the nasty messages I have received or the barrage of nasty comments. I admit I made a mistake, but now this is my only option. It's clear that most of the responses from reddit are from those of young people not from my generation, as I have gotten different responses in other online support groups from people my own age who are also grandparents, many from my own culture.
Relevant Comments: (I again removed some that were in my OG BORU post)
Ummm the drug test?
"She says that I would have to pass a drug test. I use medical marijuana to help with a chronic illness, but it is still illegal where I live."
"I am quitting entirely since this is a possibility [getting in trouble]."Why tf is your daughter a better mother?"Because they need to have better cultural examples. For instance, the oldest mother is also not from our culture/race, and her hair is very different from her daughters. She has no idea how to take care of her hair! It's always a mess. My daughter in law has taken some initiative in doing and styling her hair, but she's still not great at it. The girls need someone who can teach them how to handle basic things like taking care of their skin and hair. Oldest hair has been something I have encouraged them to let me handle long before daughter in law came into the picture. Not taking care of a child's hair is a form of neglect. My daughter knows how to do those things because her hair and skin are much closer to theirs and she can handle it with her own children."One last gem:
I dont feel I deserve to be treated better, but equal. We are both equally important in my son's life. She is obviously more important in her daughters life right now, but without me that baby wouldn't be here. I would drop the grandparents rights case if I wasn't cut off - I reacted out of anger and desperation, but now it's the only option since I'm cut off."
A few people pointed out there is a post that seems like it is from the daughter's perspective on JUSTNOMIL, but OOP of that post has requested it not be re-shared. It has also been deleted.
However, some highlights include:
- MIL threatens suicide because "they turned the whole family against her and won't let her see her granddaughters." Is placed in psychiatric care for 72 hours and released.
- MIL called CPS and said they were starving and neglecting their infant. CPS had to show up.
- MIL also says OOP is holding her husband hostage and police show up
- Thankfully the police and CPS see there is nothing wrong and all charges are dropped
- OOP states she and husband are going to try to move
******NEW Post: May 22, 2023 (2.5 months from OG Post. New Username)****\*
Title: AITA for removing my son from my will after our relationship ended?
I really don’t think I’m wrong, but I just need reassurance that I’m doing the right thing.
I (F 50s) have a son (David, 30s) who is married to Bea, 20’s. They have a daughter who is 4 months old, and my son has a daughter from a previous relationship who is 10.
Bea & I had a falling out after their baby was born, and my son and granddaughters got caught in the crossfire. The falling out happened in March, and I know I did and said things I wasn’t proud of, and although she hasn’t apologized I’m sure she feels the same way. It would be too long to go over the history, but at the most extreme point I did consult a lawyer for grandparent rights. During this time, my son had no contact with me, but when I dropped the grandparents rights case I asked for things to go back to normal. My son expressed that he wanted things to go back to normal, but that a lot of damage had been done and he really didn’t know if we could go back to normal.
For Mother's Day, my daughter decided to take me out to dinner, and she begged David to go and bring the baby (oldest was with mom). David eventually did agree on the condition it wasn’t on mothers day, and He, the baby, and Bea came. Bea was quiet most of dinner, but did talk to my daughter a few times – I guess they have a pretty good relationship. Bea held the baby the entire time, and wouldn’t let me hold or take pictures (part of the falling out was over pictures and Facebook, so I found this to be petty).
Overall, I would have called dinner a success. At the end I hugged my son and told him I was proud of him for putting his foot down and coming to dinner with his daughter, and that I hoped he could continue to do that. Looking back, I know I shouldn’t have said anything. My son called me later that night and told me that he couldn’t continue to have a relationship with me. He said that Bea was their child's mother, and he wouldn’t ever bring the baby anywhere without her blessing. I was drunk when he called because I have had a hard time coping, and I admit I lost it a little bit on the phone call and told him it was despicable that he couldn’t man up to his wife, and that he should have come to see me on mothers day because I am his mother. He ended up hanging up on me.
I called the next day and profusely apologized to him. I know it was wrong of me to have said what I did, and I told him I want a relationship with him. He told me he couldn’t do this with me anymore.
I have been heartbroken ever since, but I understand I guess. I called him last night and told him that I wouldn’t be contacting him or his wife anymore ever, and that I respected that we wouldn’t have a relationship. I also let him know I would be taking him off as my power of attorney and out of my will so he never had to be bothered with anything from me again. I don’t have much anyways.
He got mad at me and called me a sorry excuse of a mother, and now my daughter is saying I’m manipulative. I really don’t understand how I was wrong in giving him what he wants."
Relevant Comments:
People figure out pretty quickly that she is the same woman as the other posts. The scenarios, ages and the way she often spells would with a "k" as a mistype. That and her overall tone.
You need therapy:
"I have been in therapy to help deal with this trauma. I've been told that I need to respect his boundaries so this feels like I am. Why would i want someone who doesn't care about me making medical decisions for me? He's also expressed I'm a hoarder and I don't have money so I don't know why he would want to be bothered with stuff in a will."
Someone links the DIL's post (again, OOP of that requested that it not be re-shared so I will not be posting it here) and asks if she really threatened to commit suicide if she didn't see the baby:
"No, I said I wanted to kill myself because I felt like I had no one. While I was on a hold for 72 hours and received treatment I got set up with my therapist to help deal with some of the trauma both from what's happening now and past issues."
"I had a psychotic break. This is one of the actions I truly regret."
Update Post to AITA: May 24, 2023
AITA woukdnt let me post an update due my post being "violent" so here we are.
after someone posted a link to what i believe is my daughter-in-laws reddit posts and i read some of the verbal beatings i got i did some more reflection. i feel like her perspective of events really helped shift my view. i do want to point out there are several people who told me i was not wrong and that this younger generation has a poor view of family values. i really believe i was judged so harshly because there are so few parents\grandparents on reddit.
i went to my son and dils house but it was mostly empty. i was afraid of this after reading her post and some of the comments. i found the listing and its been posted for almost a week and is currently pending but i cant find where they moved to and all the photos are of the house mostly empty. i suspect they bought it under an llc so i am currently trying to figure out how to find out the name of the llc and then find the house. i talked to one of their neighbors and they said they moved most of their stuff out around the beginning of may so my son kept this from me for quite a while and didnt even bother to mention it at dinner.
i had a meeting with my therapist to help me through this but im still a wreck. my son has just disappeared. i know everyone here is looking through my small 3000 character limited posts and my dils long gripes about me but my son woukdnt do this on his own. his wife is absolutely manipulative but it doesnt change the fact i handled this all wrong and drove him further away. if i woukd have just sought out a relationship with my son ang granddaughters without b i dont think i woukd be here. i should have just played nice. one commentor said it when they asked me “do you want to be right or do you want to have a relationship with your son and granddaughter?” and i choose wrong.
my therapist told me to give myself some healing time before pursuing anything but for now my plan is to just save some money and hire a private investigator to find my son and then rebuild my relationship and his trust so we can work to get him out from under her.
again i recognize i was wrong in some of this. i recognize i was overly demanding and critical – i was wrong in some of this. but i didnt deserve this. people who use kids and grandkids as pawns are evil.
i will probably continue to seek advice but it certainly wont be from this account. and to whoever linked my other posts from my other account and told my dil about this screw you.
Edit- One more comment from OOP when her post was crossposted to AmITheDevil
"screw everyone here. i am far from being a devil. i am not evil. the person who is evil is the one who took my family completely away from me. my dil has completely manipulated my son. ill admit i was far from perfect but i dont deserve what you people are saying about me. i hope one day you guys feel what it's like to lose your child and grandchild to a manipulative person who just wants to cut their family off."
Edit- A reminder that it is against the rules of this sub (and reddit) to comment on the Original Posts or dm OOP.