I was at the gym the other day and was approached by someone who said that they were a model scout. I've never been approached by a scout but I have been told to give modeling a try. I never looked into it until now. We talked and turns out this person used to be a photographer for an agency and would also develop/advise the models they worked with as they went on to become more successful and that they were an independent mother agency now. We had a meeting a few days after and they explained more of the industry to me. I even took some notes on the side. They said they would have me join their mother agency It went something like I get all the money I deserve and that they take a cut of whatever the agency that I'm with (in that territory) gets. So if I get say 90% and the agency I signed with gets 10%, they get half of what goes to the agency. They also explained flat rate percentages to me, but I do need more clarification on what that means as in the contract given to me, it says 33.3%. I can insert some of the text from the contract sent to me here: (I inserted dashes to keep this person's business and name private looks like ---- )
[THIS MANAGEMENT AND MOTHER AGENCY AGREEMENT ("Agreement") is entered into by and
between “MODEL” (as specified in Section 1: Model Information below) and ----, a Washington
Limited Liability Company ("----").
​
RECITALS
​
WHEREAS, ---- conducts business as a scout, manager, and mother agent for MODEL,
WHEREAS, MODEL desires to work with ---- to place MODEL in working markets,
NOW THEREFORE, for valuable consideration, the adequacy of which is hereby acknowledged, the parties agree
as follows:
​
AGREEMENT
​
Recitals. The above recitals are true and correct and hereby incorporated by reference.
We are extremely pleased that you have decided to engage ---- as your exclusive personal manager and
“Mother Agent” (as that term is commonly used in the industry) on the following terms and conditions:

1. Model Information. You hereby certify that the following information is true and correct:

Full Name:___________________________________________________
Address:_____________________________________________________
Telephone No.:_____________________________________(cell or home)
Date of Birth:_________________________________________________
Email:_______________________________________________________
SSN:________________________________________________________
Date: ________________________________________________________
​

1. Engagement; Scope of Services. You hereby engage ---- as your sole and exclusive personal manager

WORLDWIDE (the “Territory”) with respect to the development of your career in the professional modeling and
entertainment industry, including, without limitation, photography, advertising, licensing, industrial exhibition,
runway, live show, publishing, television, video, film and any other audio-visual projects, Internet, music and
theatre, social network industries (such as Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Instagram, blogs, etc.), and any and all
services (the “Services”) rendered by you in any such industry. You and ---- agree that the Services provided
and made available to model pursuant to this agreement may be provided by ----’s offices in Seattle. ----
agrees to act as your personal manager and Mother Agent for your Services for the Term. ----Services as
your personal manager and Mother Agent will include:
​
---- Management and Mother Agent Agreement Strictly Confidential Model Initials _______ 2
a. Advising you with respect to (i) personal appearances, composites and your portfolio; (ii) career
opportunities, photographers, licensors, advertisers and other vehicles for your talent; (ii) general practices
in the modeling, licensing, advertising, entertainment, film, video, television and music industries;
b. Arranging your schedule;
c. Supervising your publicity, public relations and advertising.
d. Aiding in the negotiation of the terms and conditions of the Services you may provide to clients; and
e. Sending invoices and statements to, and collecting compensation and expenses from, clients that engage
you to perform your Services.

1. Exclusivity. You agree not to employ any representatives, managers or agents in the Territory during the Term

other than ---- concerning any aspect of your career or the performance of Services by you without our prior
consent. Further, you shall not accept any assignments, opportunities or agreements in the Territory for the
performance of your Services except those selected by ---- and will forward to ---- all inquiries and offers
made directly to you for your Services.

1. Term. The initial term (the “Initial Term”) of this Agreement shall be for a three (3) year period commencing on

the date set forth above. The term of this Agreement shall automatically renew for successive one (1) year periods
unless you provide written notice to ---- at least ninety (90) days prior to the end of the Initial Term or any
successive period. In the event that this Agreement has been signed on your behalf by your parent and/or guardian,
you agree that the three-year term shall be automatically extended and shall run from the date of your eighteenth
(18th) birthday, unless you or your parent and/or guardian legal provide written notice to ---- within ninety (90)
days of turning eighteen. The Initial Term and any extensions thereof shall be referred to herein as the “Term”.

1. Relationship of the Parties. Your relationship with ---- is that of an independent contractor, and nothing in

this Agreement is intended to, or should be construed to, create a partnership, agency, joint venture or employment
relationship. Accordingly, you shall be responsible for (a) your own expenses (unless paid by a client of your
Services), such as travel, lodging, entertaining, wardrobe and make-up, (b) preparing and filing your personal tax
returns and paying all taxes required to be paid, and (c) complying with all the governmental laws, rules and
regulations pertaining to your performance of Services, including, without limitation, obtaining any applicable visas.
Further, you acknowledge and agree that ---- is acting solely as your personal manager and Mother Agent, that
---- is not licensed as an employment agency under the General Business Law of the State of Washington or as
an “artists manager” under the Labor Code of the State of Washington. ---- does not control the terms and
conditions of your Modeling Services regardless of whether ---- negotiates your agreements regarding such
Modeling Services. To the extent any such supervision and control exists, such supervision and control relates solely
to any relationship between you and any of your clients or customers that engage you for the Modeling Services.
---- shall provide and make available advice regarding the terms and conditions of your Modeling Services to
your clients and customers. ---- will notify you of offers for Model’s Modeling Services that come to its
attention. All of your activities will be at your own risk and you are hereby given notice of your responsibility for
arrangements to guard against physical, financial and other risks, as appropriate.

1. Authority as Exclusive Personal Manager and Mother Agent; Power of Attorney.

a. ---- is hereby authorized, as your exclusive personal manager and Mother Agent to act for you, and on
your behalf, during the Term with respect to: (i) negotiating, renegotiating, contracting and executing for
you and in your name and on your behalf any and all agreements, documents and instruments providing for
your Services to clients pursuant hereto, subject to your prior approval; (ii) approving and permitting the
use of your name, biography, image, voice, caricatures and the like for the purposes of advertising and
publicity, subject to your prior approval; (iii) invoicing, collecting and receiving sums payable to you,
endorsing your name upon and depositing in our account all checks payable to you, and retaining therefrom
all sums owing to ----; and (iv) demanding, suing for and collecting, all claims, money, interest and
other items that may be due to you or belong to you, and settling any and all such claims (which settlement
may be at par or below par).
b. You hereby authorize and appoint ---- to be your agent and attorney-in-fact for the purpose of set forth
in subparagraph (a) above. This appointment of ---- as your attorney-in-fact shall be irrevocable during
the Term and thereafter until you have rendered all Services contracted for during the Term and have
collected full payment for such Services.
c. Without limitation to any other rights grated to ---- hereunder, ---- shall have the right and license
to use your name, likeness, voice and any other personal attributes in and connection with the advertising,
promotion, and marketing of your Services, talents and activities related to your work, in any and all media
now and hereafter known.

1. Compensation.

​
---- Management and Mother Agent Agreement Strictly Confidential Model Initials _______ 3
a. Except as set forth in subparagraphs (b and c) below, you agree to pay to ---- a fee (the “Regular Fee”)
equal to twenty percent (20%) of your Gross Compensation earned for (i) any Services performed by you
during the Term; or (ii) any Services performed by you after the expiration or termination of this
Agreement if such Services were performed pursuant to any booking, engagement, license, or similar
agreement negotiated, solicited and/or accepted during the Term or pursuant to a renewal, option or
renegotiation (each, a “Renewal”) of any booking, engagement, license, or similar agreement initially
negotiated, solicited and/or accepted during the Term. “Gross Compensation” shall include compensation
from all sources, including salaries, license fees, other fees, earnings, royalties, residuals, proceeds,
buyouts, bonuses, prizes or other compensation received at any time pursuant to the performance of
Services by you. You hereby understand and agree that since ---- is you Mother Agent, it shall be
entitled to receive a fee for its Services as your mother agency, which fee shall be payable by other model
management or agency companies that you engage throughout the world at ----’s direction.
b. You agree to pay ---- thirty three point thirty three percent (33.33%) on all flat rate jobs where the
client’s agency commission is included in the model quote.
c. You agree to pay to ----, a franchised agent of SAG and AFTRA, a fee (the “Union Fee”, and, together
with the Regular Fee, the “Fee”) equal to ten percent (10%) of all Gross Compensation earned for the
performance of Services by you that are subject to the jurisdiction of the Screen Actors Guild (“SAG”), the
American Federation of Television and Radio Artists (“AFTRA”).
d. You understand that ---- is entitled to receive from any and all clients that engage your Services a
service charge, agency fee or other compensation (the “Client Fee”) over and above the fees set forth in
subparagraphs (a) and (b) above. You acknowledge that the Client Fee is an additional inducement for
---- to act on your behalf and you shall not have the right to, or interest in, the Client Fee. Further, you
understand that ---- maintains a network of relationships with agencies worldwide, including, without
limitation, with your mother agent. You acknowledge that, from time to time, ---- may be required to
pay such other agencies (including, without limitation, your Mother Agent) a commission and that ----
and such agencies may agree to divide the compensation
e. that you are required to pay ---- and such other agencies.
f. In consideration for the Services rendered by---- during the Term to develop and promote your career,
you agree that in the event you wish to cease being represented by ---- prior to the expiration of the
Term, and ---- agrees in writing to release you from your obligations contained herein, you shall cause
your new management company to pay to ---- an amount (the “Post-Term Fee”) equal to ten percent
(10%) of your Gross Compensation for the balance of the Term. If you do not cause such payment to be
made by your new ---- company, you shall be obligated to pay ---- the Post-Term Fee yourself.
Such Post-Term Fee shall not be paid with respect to Renewals, for which ---- shall be paid its fee in
accordance with subparagraphs (a), (b) and (c) above.

1. Expenses; Advances. ---- may, in its sole discretion and from time to time, advance or loan money

(collectively, the “Advances”) to you in connection with your performance of Services, including, without
limitation, advances of compensation payable to you and expenses necessary to render your Services(e.g., publicity
and promotional costs, airfare and hotel expenses, rental expenses, messenger Services, language lessons and
shipping expenses). You authorize ---- to deduct any outstanding Advances from any Receivable (as defined
below) prior to remitting such amounts to you. If you receive compensation directly from a client or another source
with respect to the performance of your Services, you agree to immediately pay to ---- an amount equal to any
unpaid Advances. You agree and understand that ---- will not release any modeling materials in its possession
and you will not be permitted to commence representation by another model management company until you repay
any outstanding Advances or otherwise make provisions acceptable to ---- for the repayment of such Advances
by such new model ---- company.

1. Collections, Statements & Accounting.

a. ---- shall use commercially reasonable efforts to collect all amounts (including, without limitation,
compensation and expenses) due to you from clients with respect to the performance of Services by you
(any and all amounts actually received by ---- shall be collectively referred to herein as, the
“Receivables”) pursuant to signed vouchers submitted by you to ----. ---- may, but shall not be
obligated to, commence legal proceedings or hire a collection agency to collect amounts due to you from
clients. In the event that ---- commences such proceedings or hires a collection agency, you shall bear
any and all related expenses and such amounts shall be deemed “Advances”. As set forth above, ----
shall have full authority to settle at or below par any and all disputes with clients on your behalf.
​
---- Management and Mother Agent Agreement Strictly Confidential Model Initials _______ 4
b. ---- will periodically provide to you an amount equal to the Receivables less any amounts owed to
----, including, without limitation, any Fees owed to ----, any and all unpaid Advances; any Client
Fee paid to you, any taxes required to be deducted and any other amounts permitted to be deducted
pursuant to ----’s standard accounting procedures. In addition to such amount, ---- will provide
you with a statement of your account, including, amounts collected by ---- and any deductions
permitted pursuant to this Agreement.
c. In the event that you receive any payments directly from a client, you will remit any outstanding Fee,
Client Fee or Advance related to such client to ---- within seven (7) days of your receipt of such
payment.

1. Expiration or Termination. Upon the expiration or termination of this Agreement, you shall immediately

reimburse ---- for any outstanding Advances or other expenditures made by ---- on your behalf; you shall
immediately remit to ---- any unpaid Fee. As long as any amounts owed by you to ---- are outstanding, you
shall cause any future agency or client to pay any amounts owed to you directly to ---- in settlement of such
debts.
a. ---- may terminate this agreement immediately upon notice if such termination is “for cause”. For
purposes of this Agreement, “for cause” shall mean (i) your material breach of this agreement, (ii) material
breach of any agreement with a third part related to your work. (iii) dishonesty in dealings with ----,
and/or (iv) willful violation of any law, rule, or regulation (other than traffic violations or similar offenses)
or any final cease and desist order. Any notice of termination hereunder shall be in writing.

1. Suspension.

a. Your Services, the running of the Term and the payment of any compensation hereunder, shall be
automatically suspended without notice (and any subsequent dates herein specified thereby postponed),
upon the happening of a Default and/or Disability and defined below. Each suspension shall continue until
ended by ---- by written notice
b. to you and the Term shall resume upon delivery of such notice. No such suspension shall affect any of
----’s other rights hereunder.
c. “Default” shall mean any failure by you (other than by reason of Disability) to perform the Services.
d. “Disability” shall mean your inability to perform the Services because of your physical, mental or
emotional disability, illness, injury or death.

1. Representations and Warranties. You represent and warrant that (i) you have the full authority and power to

enter into this Agreement; (ii) you are not subject or party to any oral or written agreement that would interfere with
----’s rights pursuant to, or your ability to perform and carry out, this Agreement, including, without limitation,
any agreements for employment or ---- Services; (iii) you have, or will acquire, any and all permissions and
approvals required by law to perform the Services; and (iv) any information you provided to ---- is true, correct
and complete.

1. Indemnification. You agree to indemnify and hold ---- and its agents, employees, officer, directors,

members and representatives harmless (including attorneys’ fees) from and against any claims, liability, judgments
costs and expenses arising out of (i) your failure to fulfill your obligation hereunder or any engagements or
employment contracts obtained in connection with this Agreement; and/or (ii) any breach of any representation or
warranty
contained in this Agreement.

1. Minor Provisions. If applicable, you acknowledge that it is your sole responsibility to obtain all necessary

governmental consents, permits and approvals required by state and federal laws and regulations for the
performance of Services hereunder by minors, including, without limitation, work permits, visas, and court
approvals where necessary. At your request, ---- will guide and counsel you with respect to obtaining such
consents, permits, visas and approvals.

1. Damages, Remedies, Venue and Waivers. Your sole remedy against ---- for loss or damage arising out of

the performance or any non-performance under this Agreement shall be proven direct, actual damages. ---- shall
not be liable for any indirect, incidental, reliance, special, punitive, or consequential damages arising out of its
performance or non-performance under this Agreement, whether or not ---- had been advised of the possibility
of such damages. In the event of a breach of this Agreement, the non-breaching party shall give written notice to the
breaching party of the circumstances of the breach and shall provide, if feasible, at least 14 days within which the
alleged breaching party may cure such breach. Such notice, and any other notices pursuant to this Agreement, shall
be provided to ---- and Model at the respective addresses designated below.
a. In addition to the foregoing provisions regarding “Damages, Remedies,” either party may. at any time,
initiate a non-binding mediation procedure (of no longer than three (3) hours duration, unless agreed to the
​
---- Management and Mother Agent Agreement Strictly Confidential Model Initials _______ 5
contrary by the parties in writing), utilizing the Services of JAMS, Inc., to try to resolve any dispute
regarding the interpretation of, or the parties’ obligations under, this Agreement, it being understood and
agreed, 1) that each party shall be obligated to pay half of the mediator’s fees, 2) that both parties will pay
their own attorneys’ fees and costs, and 3) that the other provisions herein regarding “Damages/Remedies”
are not obviated by this provision allowing for mediation.
THE PARTIES HEREBY WAIVE ANY RIGHT TO A JURY TRIAL IN ANY ACTION COMMENCED
RELATING TO THIS AGREEMENT, AND MODEL HEREBY WAIVES THE RIGHT TO PARTICIPATE IN
ANY CLASS ACTION WHICH MAY BE COMMENCED AGAINST ---- RELATING TO THIS
AGREEMENT OR ----’S SERVICESHEREUNDER.

1. Miscellaneous.

a. Further Assurances. You shall execute and deliver such additional documents, provide such additional
information and take all other actions as may reasonably be necessary or desirable to carry out the terms of
this Agreement and facilitate the rights granted to ---- herein.
b. Notices. All notices, statements and other documents required to be given pursuant to this Agreement shall
be given in writing either by personal delivery, pre-paid first class or express mail or recognized
international courier at the respective addresses of the parties set forth in this Agreement, or such other
addresses as may be designated in writing by either party.
c. Assignment. You understand that this Agreement is personal to you and shall be binding and enforceable
against you and may not be assigned by you. ---- shall not assign this Agreement to any person or
entity without your prior written approval; provided, that ---- may assign this Agreement without your
consent to (i) any person
d. or entity controlled by, controlling or under common control with ----, or (ii) in the event of a merger,
reorganization or sale of all or substantially all of such party’s assets or voting securities.
e. Amendment and Waiver; Entire Agreement; Severability. The terms and conditions of this Agreement
may not be amended, modified, superseded or waived except in writing signed by you and ----. This
Agreement confirms the parties’ full understanding as to the subject matter hereof there are no other
expressed or implied promises or representations being offered. If any part of this Agreement is or becomes
invalid, illegal or unenforceable, the validity, legality and enforceability of the remainder of this Agreement
shall not be affected.
f. Governing Law; Jurisdiction. This Agreement will be governed by the laws of the State of Washington
exclusive of conflicts of law principles. Any action commenced relating to this Agreement shall be
commenced in the Federal or state courts of Washington, as appropriate, in King County. ---- has
advised you that this is an important legal document, and ---- has encouraged you to seek advice or
counsel from an advisor of your choice, including an attorney and/or tax professional, with respect to the
terms and conditions herein. ---- has provided you with enough time to review this Agreement prior to
executing it and to consult an advisor(s) of Model’s choice with respect to its terms and conditions.]
​
My problem here is the part about social media. Regarding anything I do in entertainment such as instagram, tumblr etc. Also the fees as the wording is a little tough. I'm getting this contract reviewed by others but my mom thinks this is some sort of "Slave Drive Contract" which is used in the K-pop industry. I'm also 21 years old and being asked to model isn't new to me. The person who gave this to me does have a legitimate background in the modelling industry. They do seem new to being an independent manageagent but have shown me some proof of success.

I bought a 2017 ninja 650 as a first bike and the guy told me that it had ABS and I checked the wheels and saw a rear abs encoder but no front. I thought that it maybe only had rear abs but turns out that the rear encoder is only for wheel speed. Feel really stupid and I'm pretty butthurt my bike doesn't in fact have ABS because I really wanted a bike with one. Don't get scammed like I did. It Pays to do the research.

It was dark, if it wasn't for the fact that I still felt pain, if it wasn't for the fact that I could feel myself being moved, I would have assumed I was dead.
Andreas was a good friend of mine, he and I met during a high school biology experiment, one that was about how blood type was tested. I was O-, and so was he. I remembered how we were the only ones in the class with that blood type, it was probably the strangest foundation for a friendship I'd ever had.
Andreas was, and still remained, my best friend, always sticking by my side even when people tried their damnedest to split us up. Any significant other he had, who demanded he cut me out of his life, he immediately dropped.
"I do not betray my friends." These were always the words he spoke.
I felt a warm hand on mine. I knew who it was, simply because we were out and about, a night on the town, celebrating graduating college. He stepped away just for a moment, just to get some snacks for him and I.
Neither of us could have imagined I was going to get mugged immediately afterward.
The man stabbed me in the gut, I began to bleed out as he rifled through my pockets, I didn't even have my wallet on me, it was completely pointless. I don't really know what happened next, all I knew was he was pressing something against my wound, telling me it was going to be okay.
"Jake." I remembered him say. "I can save you, but there's something you need to know. The life you live will end, there will be no going back."
I don't recall what he said after that, all I remember was mumbling something.
I remembered the feeling of fire in my veins, a heat that spread throughout my body, that brought a kind of agony I hadn't anticipated. But, I was still alive.
"Jake." I opened my eyes to see Andreas looking at me. "It's going to be okay, I'm here for you. We'll make it through this."
I passed in and out of consciousness, yet even in those moments of being dead to the world, I still felt that sensation of fire being injected into my veins, I simply got used to the pain.
I was discharged, once it was clear I wasn't going to die, I just had to be a little careful with my stitches was all. Andreas was quiet the entire drive, every now and then, he looked at me, there was guilt and worry in his eyes.
"It's not your fault." I said.
He didn't respond.
I was a bit surprised when he pulled into his driveway, I'd only been here a few times, back when his family lived in town, before they moved. It was on the edge of a forest, there were miles of land before it crossed into state park territory.
"I'll be fine." Andreas said softly. "He'll be okay."
He wasn't listening to me when I told him things were alright. "After all, I'm pretty sure you were the one who saved my life."
He looked at me. "You don't remember?" He asked, he'd gone pale.
"I mean, unless there was another O- around, you're the most likely one who donated to keep my dying ass alive." I playfully elbowed him. "C'mon, I'm alive, you're alive, that's all that really matters."
"Yeah." He said, nodding. He didn't sound convinced.
If it were anyone else, I'd be extremely concerned, but Andreas had always been a worrywart, always checking to make sure I was alright, always making sure I was healthy.
I always appreciated the effort he took to ensure my comfort.
He set me up in his old room, "It's familiar." He said. "You should be fine in here." I just took his worrying in stride, he'd eventually calm down, he'd apologize for freaking out, and we'd continue, life as usual.
The wound healed, of course, getting the stitches out sucked, but as the doctor said, "You're a quick healer."
Even though I was fine, Andreas insisted I say for a while longer. "I've got a family reunion soon, everyone wants to see you again."
Thus, I stayed.
One night, I just couldn't get to sleep. Andreas was having trouble sleeping as well. "I know it's a bit soon, but d'you want to go on a walk?"
"Yeah." He said. That honestly surprised me, I'd expected him to say, 'absolutely not', but he was calm. We got out the old flashlights and we took the trail, like we used to as kids. Andreas' folks had always insisted on him knowing how to take care of himself, even as teenagers, he knew his way around the woods, even at night, he had this unerring sense of direction, even though I'd get lost easily.
The trail was calm, there were bugs making noises, as usual. After basically being cooped up for weeks, healing and recovering, it felt comforting.
Welcoming.
I remembered this trail as clearly as he did, within moments, we were out in the clearing, the same one that his family held picnics in. It was peaceful, well-lit by the full moon.
"Jake." He said. "I'm sorry."
"Sorry for wha-?"
I felt that fire again, the pain turned my question into a pain cry. I heard the sound of bones creaking, popping and cracking, I watched as Andreas began to change. His fingernails lengthened, grew thicker, just as mine did. Thick hair began to sprout across his body, just as it did for me. His skull shifted and twisted, becoming less human, more lupine. Just like mine.
Oh, shit. That's what he meant.
The pain rocked my body, the fire growing hotter and hotter as I felt like my thoughts were being drowned out by something pained, something angry.
Something primal.
A bloodcurdling growl escaped my lips, as the werewolf my friend had become stood over me. He knelt beside me, his eyes no less wild than the instincts raging within me. I lashed out when he reached for me, my claws slicing through his flesh with far more ease than I expected, the parallel slashes slowly and visibly knitting together.
He took hold of me, I could smell a sweet, earthy aroma emanating from him, and I felt myself beginning to calm. He raised his head to the sky and led out a piercing howl, one that I couldn't resist the urge to join in on, followed by many more.
Werewolves, at least a dozen of them, entered the clearing, all of them gathering around us, around me. Clawed hands reached out and touched me, soft tongues licked my fur, at least two actually hugged me.
Andreas let go of me as the other Werewolves began to head toward the forest, he started after them, then looked back and gestured for me to follow.
I did.
I can't describe the sense of joyous freedom I felt, running through the forest with them. I was awkward, tripping over myself, but they never outran me, they were always ready to help me up before we continued running.
One of them startled a deer from its hiding place, and pure instinct took over as I chased after, our barking filled the night as we chased it down.
I was the one that tackled it, I was the one who bit down on its throat, swallowing the chunk of meat I tore free without hesitation. I felt proud of my kill, felt satisfied as they joined in, until there was only bone and blood, and even then, we picked apart the skeleton, chewing on the bones.
When we started moving again, I followed without hesitation, and was surprised when we found our way to the clearing once more.
That wave of heat overwhelmed me once more, as the sun began to rise, and within minutes, I was sat on the ground, back to human.
I looked back, the Werewolves were still in wolf form, except Andreas, who was just as naked as I was.
"They can't change back." He said. "The more you transform, the more you change, the more remains. There comes a point where you just have to embrace the change, let it remain." He gently scratched behind the Werewolves' ears, they leaned into his touch, each one hugged him, gave his face a lick, before they ran back into the wild.
"This is permanent." I said.
He nodded. "I told you, but you must not have been in your right mind." He looked at me. "You consented, but I made the choice to give my blood to you. I made the choice to save your life, not knowing if you really understood." He approached me and hugged me. "I'm sorry."
I hugged him back. "I don't mind." I said. "To be honest, I used to wish Werewolves were real so I could join them, so there's that dream come true."
He laughed at my blatant lie. "Please, you couldn't stand to be around a normal dog, let alone a wolf." He let go and rest his hands on my shoulders. "We've got around sixty years to live as Humans, though, around the forty year mark, we'll need to be careful." He paused. "Also, do not go to a furry convention. You were safe because we were there, without guidance, you would have been a feral man-killing beast. Understood?"
I nodded. "Yeah, I understand."
He smiled. "Alright. Let's get back and eat some breakfast."
He got into a bag I hadn't noticed, pulled out some spare clothes, and tossed them to me. Once dressed in somewhat oversized clothes, we headed back.
In spite of the fear I had felt, I was okay with this.

I trusted my family/gp docto, been with one since 2006.
He had a certificate on his wall and he projected that he was a specialist in treating diabetes.
I was fortunate that most of the companies that I have been with covered all medication so that was never a concern.
Over the years the diabetes medication increased with higher dosage and more new medications.
Recently at the urging of my wife I decided to go to a polyclinic to start the process of being treated by them with the aim of being referred to the SGH Center for diabetes treatment.
Driven by the fact that latest two company had limits on out patient yearly medication limits and poly should be cheaper.
As every time I see the doctor, he seems to treat me like a cash cow.
The nurse was amazed that in over the last decade I have never gone for a checkup on my eyes or foot.
I never had any advice from the GP on taking care of my foot or watching out for open scars wounds etc.
So a few more checks to come.
But the first surprise was the cost of medication.
On average monthly cost GP - 648 Poly - 145 post subsidy
Drug about 90% the same, apart from one replaced by two new ones.
Wondering what is the cost structure of the GP for the same drugs.
I came to the conclusion that the only reason the GP never bothered is that either incompetence or did not want me to find out that taking the drugs from poly is a lot cheaper.
Placing your trust 100% into your GP is truly risky.
anyone else having similar situations?

Credit for the original story goes to u/spacepaladin15. This is the final chapter of NoP 2177, although I personally consider it more of an epilogue. Either way, I hope you enjoy!
[First] [Previous]
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Memory transcript subject: Tressa, Venlil outlaw
Date [Standardized Human Time]: January 5th, 2178
Location: USS Washington, dark side of Venlil Prime
A bloodcurdling shriek echoed through the hall, followed by the sound of claws scrabbling against the metal floor. A frantic chase ensued, a blur of fur and scales flying down the corridor at breakneck pace. But it was over before it began. A connecting door slid shut with a quiet hiss which silenced all hope of escape, leaving the terrified predator at the mercy of an increasingly impatient prey.
“Hy, we’ve been over this. You need to take baths, or your scales will get all yucky and stop growing. You don’t want that, do you?”
Hyacii was still frantically searching over the door for some way to open it. Her lovely gray coat, matted in oil from some ill-advised exploration through the ship, left streaks of iridescent sludge across the polished floor which would need to be cleaned up. But that could wait.
“Hy…”
Finding no escape from her grim fate, the young Arxur finally turned around to face her captor. “N-no! I don’t wanna!”
“Hyacii, I’m giving you ‘till the count of five. If you don’t come with me when I hit zero, I’ll go get Sasha and she’ll bathe you instead. Fiiiiiive…”
“NO!”
“Fourrrrrrr…”
“I’ll tell Mama! I’ll tell her you’re being mean to me!”
“We’ve talked about this with her, remember? Little Arxur need to keep their scales clean to grow up big and strong. You want to grow up all big and strong like she is, right?”
“She wouldn’t say that! I want to see! I want to see what she said!”
“Sweetie… you’re just stalling. You can’t read big Venlang words yet like she uses.”
She cast her head to the side in a pout. “Yes. I. could! I’ve been practicing with Trish, this much!” To emphasize her point, she stretched her little arms out as far as they’d go.
“Threeeeeee…”
Hyacii swept her tail across the floor in frustration, further smearing oil everywhere.
“Twoooooo…”
With time running out, she employed her final weapon, an expression which Sasha referred to as ‘Puppy dog eyes’. While normally adorable, it now only served to highlight the dark smears across her face.
“One and a half…”
Her full arsenal depleted, Hyacii finally capitulated and stormed over to Tressa’s side with exaggerated stomps. She allowed herself to be picked up, trying and failing to suppress an adorable noise of comfort as Tressa rubbed the scales around her shoulders. He’d need to shower later anyway, so the sludge staining his ragged fur was hardly a concern.
—
The little Arxur squirmed playfully in his arms, kicking up splashes which cut through the layer of bubbles to soak his bedraggled wool as he tried to dislodge more of the thick oil.
“Are you enjoying your bath, sweetie?”
“Yes!”
“I thought you hated baths.” He took a moment to stop scrubbing, and stretched his arms out wide. “This much, right? Isn't that what you said?”
“N— Yes! I do, they take so long, and they’re so… I hate them!”
“That so? What are you doing enjoying one, then?”
Hyacii had no response, which he took as his cue to get back to washing. He carefully cleansed the iridescent sludge, revealing a dense pattern of gray scales which shimmered like a rippling pond. She giggled as he washed around her snout, swishing her tail in a motion which was normally adorable but now only served to push more water out of the bathtub and onto the floor.
“Oh, I forgot to tell you earlier…” He started, pointedly ignoring the irritating feeling of water soaking into his fur and pooling at his ankles, “...but James’ll be out for the next couple paws. He took Beast with him, so no checking on the garden for a little while, OK?”
She grumbled for a moment, before a curious look flickered past her eyes. “Why does he and Sassa keep leaving?”
“Why do he and Sasha keep leaving, not ‘does’. Anyway… you know how we can’t eat the same food you eat?”
“Right! That’s why you’re build— uh, growing the garden!”
“Yeah, but the garden isn’t all grown yet. Until then, we still need to get food from the city. Once our garden grows, we can stay here all the time for you. Remember how we talked about patience?”
“But I don’t wanna be patient! I want him to be back now!”
“So do I, but everybody needs to wait for things. If you keep busy, he’ll be back before you know it!”
Hyacii pouted. “You’re just trying to trick me into practicing more words, aren’t you?”
“I might be. But you want to talk to your mom all on your own, right? If you keep learning with Trish, you can tell her all about the horrible baths we make you take. Speaking of… here, ready?”
After getting a human-like nod of affirmation, Tressa lifted her from the tub and onto a towel. They weren’t sure if the heat of an air dryer would harm her scales, so getting her dry was almost as laborious as getting her clean. It was worth it, though; she enjoyed the feeling of being towel-dried almost as much as she enjoyed tearing around the halls at Mach two. A muffled peal of delight issued from the heap of towel that used to be an Arxur, as he set to work wiping the water from her scales.
—
The USS Washington was once a proud human starship, one of several hundred which had so briefly encircled Venlil Prime to act as defense. Sasha talked about that brief period sometimes, usually when she was drunk; though it lasted only months, enough history was made in that span that it felt like a full decade.
Long, beautiful months for some; the ones who talked reverently about Tarva as though she was still Governor, who made dumb jokes about the Venlil’s behavior on first contact when they still regarded humanity as violent and strange creatures. Sasha, naturally, was one of these people. She’d go on and on about what a magical time it was when they realized the universe was far bigger than they ever knew, and how incredible it was to make friends among aliens. Her closed-lipped smile, a habitual remnant of a time when most Venlil froze in terror at a human’s teeth, spoke of how much humanity was willing to give up for the chance at intergalactic acceptance.
Miserable, chaotic months for others; those who talked about it as a time of strife and mistrust, when Venlil lived in fear of predation and humans suffered the agony of constant rejection and hate. Only following the first bombing of Earth did things begin to change in earnest, and even then it was hardly a clean transition. Refugee shelters and human-friendly businesses went up in flames in a grim foreshadowing of the fate that would befall Venlil Prime as a whole, the planet condemned to burn for sheltering uncured and unpacified humans. Of course, the fact that they were sheltered instead of willingly led to slaughter painted a somewhat softer view of the time period than many would admit.
Both narratives ended the same way. There was no debate over the justice of the Federation’s rule for the generation that remembered a time before; those city-scorching flames still burned fresh in everyone’s mind. Nor was there any debate over the trustworthiness of humanity, not among the Venlil who remembered the invasion.
When an exterminator fleet descended upon Venlil Prime, the UN pulled back the resources it desperately needed elsewhere to defend the planet. Earth itself was left all but unguarded in the effort to save a species that humanity had been allied with for less than a year, a task they set to with a desperate fury that hinged on madness. Hundreds of ships flung themselves at the enemy in suicidal charges once vital systems were crippled, targeting bombers and ensuring that the Venlil could not simply be annihilated from orbit.
​
The USS Washington was not one of those brave kamikaze vessels. It was one of the ships in orbit as a passive defense, knocked out of the fight with relatively minimal damage and able to make a hasty emergency landing on the dark side of Venlil Prime.
In the time Tressa had spent getting systems up and running, he’d never come across a single skeleton; the ship had been thoroughly picked clean by shadestalkers, or perhaps the crew had managed to evacuate without casualties. Or at least had the time and people needed to move the dead off the ship and hold proper burials. Whatever the reason, it made the difficult work of repairing the ship much less gruesome.
They’d fried any records for obvious security reasons, but left the backup power operational. They’d left a number of vital systems operational; if they had evacuated, they’d done so in a rush. Or perhaps they expected victory, and didn’t anticipate the need to scuttle the ship. Either way, Tressa’s job was a hell of a lot easier for it.
Restoring water had been a far simpler job than he anticipated. He’d been dreading the prospect of digging a well, but equipment scavenged from the ship itself had made that process far easier, and the onboard supply alone was enough to last months. With this abundance, they could even afford such extravagant luxuries as baths. Hyacii really didn’t know how good she had it.
—
Once he’d gotten the little Arxur all cleaned up and given her a stern talk about not crawling around the ship’s filthier corners, she was free to ignore his advice and go straight back to sprinting around the labyrinthian behemoth they called home.
He often wondered, watching her stalk around the ship, if this exploration of territory and practice sneaking through shadows was as vital to her development as physical contact was for Venlil children. Sometimes he wondered if so much affection was even natural for her species, or if they were smothering her every time they pulled her in for a hug.
She did enjoy it, but… not everything enjoyable was good for her. When she was younger and had no concept of restraint, they’d have to physically hold her back from gorging herself on berries which would make her violently ill, which she’d keep eating anyway because she loved the taste too much. Maybe it was the same thing with their parental love. Maybe they’d have to teach her how to be more independent for her own good, however difficult that change would be for all of them.
Ultimately, the idea was speculation. Depriving her of warmth would be cruel unless they were absolutely certain it would aid in her development. And the fact was, they had no idea. Despite their best search efforts, records concerning Arxur child rearing were nonexistent.
The Dominion actively suppressed any behavior seen as ‘weak’, so growing up under their reign was a harsh and loveless process; at least, that was what they’d been told by an Arxur who lived through the process, and they had no reason to doubt her. There wasn’t a way they could verify the fact, though. The Federation didn’t want anyone thinking of predators as people, so any records that might’ve existed were long since turned to ash.
As cruel as the Dominion could be, they had an interest in keeping their subjects healthy enough to fight. Without those records, and with only someone else’s faint memories to go by, they were largely on their own in regards to physical development.
Was their little Hyacii eating right? They’d been feeding her using an organ printer they’d managed to repair, but perhaps there were nutrients in bones and skin that she wasn’t getting. Her scales were getting slowly lighter; maybe malnutrition, or maybe that was a natural part of her development. Was she sleeping right? Lately, she’d been complaining about grogginess, though it didn’t seem to stop her from tearing around the halls.
And psychologically? There, they were completely in the dark. All species had different needs, especially at a young age. Venlil cubs needed a level of attention that most humans would find smothering. Human children required forms of play that reflected long-obsolete hunting instincts, games which involved chasing and manipulating projectiles. What types of play did a growing Arxur need? They played hide-and-seek with her (as best they could, though it was rapidly approaching the point where she could neither be caught nor hidden from), but that was hardly a replacement for hunting. Was she languishing without prey to chase?
A hundred different worries, a thousand different questions, and not a single easy, reassuring answer. On that fateful night, Tressa had assumed that living alongside a “true predator” would be the hardest part. In fact, that had come easy; how could anyone feel threatened by such a sweet little star?
No, the most difficult part was coming to terms with the fact that they would make mistakes. In their lack of knowledge, trial and error was the only way to gain ground. And “error” meant hurting Hyacii. No matter how much they loved her, they couldn’t help but hurt her. It was a difficult truth to swallow.
But it was a truth they had to accept. Ultimately, all they could do was try. Try, and love her, and hope that was enough to cover for their failures. Hope that one day, someone else would be insane enough to learn from their mistakes. Hope that their little Hyacii wouldn’t be both the first and last Arxur of her generation. Hope that one day, they wouldn’t have to hide. She wouldn’t have to hide.
​
In the cold shadow of Venlil Prime, it wasn’t enough to have power and heat. Plenty had fled to the frigid wasteland in search of respite, only to die cold and alone despite their physical needs being met. They’d simply lay in bed with no will to survive, waiting as their body gave up on life. It was once believed that the dark side was haunted by vengeful spirits, though modern science put the blame on Herdless Depressive Disorder combined with the harsh physical toll of living in such an inhospitable environment.
Someone with a herd could stave off death’s embrace for quite a while longer, up to months. Many on the twilight edge lived this way, dipping in and out of the darkness as their job demanded. However, they knew not to stay for too long; even with the warmth of companionship, the dark side of Venlil prime claimed all eventually. Life was impossible without light.
​
How fortunate then, that the USS Washington was flooded with light. A light like a ghostly lantern, darting through the hallways and crawling through obscure corners of the ship to come back covered in sludge. A light like a burning star, which filled their hearts with warmth every time it closed in for an embrace. The light of hope; what a strange twist of fate that it would take the form of an Arxur.
---
[First] [Previous]

I lived in a unit that has had many problems that I feel aren't being resolved. For two months (DecembeJanuary) my living room was flooded from a waste leak in the kitchen, and my bathroom has had a constant leak from the shut off valve. I put in numerous maintenance requests and even wrote a notarized letter documenting why my unit was inhabitable and asked them to resolve it or I was going to terminate my lease. It took them 4 months to fully fix the kitchen but they neglected the leak and the mold in the bathroom. Every time maintenance came in, they said they would be back to fix it and wrote off the request as "completed".
Fast forward to this week. I had a third party mold inspection done and they said my unit had a dangerous level of toxic mold. I told the leasing office i wanted to terminate due to these issues not being resolved. The property manager is stating I have to put in a request to have it fixed and give them 7 days to fix but i already put in two in the last two months, handed them a letter, and had many conversations about it. She stated I would have to pay my rent ($2000) and a termination fee of $3600 to break the lease. So then I checked my maintenance portal today and they have deleted many of my previous requests to hide the fact that they failed to fix these problems and that I have actually requested it. They send a feedback notice after each request and it clearly shows dates that have been "deleted".
It doesn't seem fair to me because i've been patient and nice and pay ridiculously high rent for a small unit that isn't even safe to live in.
She texted me and lied about being in my unit twice when I was home and stated I never brought up these issues. This lady has never stepped foot in my unit since I've been here. If anything she hides from me when I go to the leasing office and doesn't talk to me unless i catch her outside of the office.
Should I pay the termination fee or let them go after my credit and dispute it then or go to court? This is my first lease and its been a nightmare.

July 8th Excerpt from the Diary of Heaven White
‘Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; you stretch out your hand against the wrath of my enemies, with your right hand you save me.’
Psalms 138:7
​
Onu’s instructions were clear. I recognize that, and I am fully aware that it is not wise to defy his wishes.
​
But there are things he is not telling me. Things that weigh on his mind at all hours of the day. I see it in his eyes. I hear it in his voice. I had initially suspected that the damage caused by Casey LaBeouf’s betrayal had left him more disorganized and scattered than he let on. But no.
​
I’m not so sure that is the case, anymore.
​
Onu’s instructions were clear. I was to stay out of Family affairs. But in the end, I truly could not help myself. The blood of my family runs through my veins. Their affairs are my affairs. Perhaps in Onu’s eyes, I will need to earn my status, but that does not bother me. In fact for now, it might well be an asset.
​
Unbound by the constraints of the Family, I am free to operate without Onu’s direct oversight. He may not approve, but he can not stop me.
​
I knew he’d be out of town tonight. On what business, I wasn’t sure. But his absence was my opportunity. The man he had assigned as my escort - a gentleman by the name of Doug Coleridge, was attentive but still very much human. When I told him I was going to bed, it did not take long before he did the same.
​
I lay awake and waiting, listening as he got settled in the guest bedroom beside mine, and waited until I knew he was asleep. Then, after about thirty minutes, I left my room to begin my research.
​
Onu’s office was left unlocked. I closed the door behind me as I entered. Then, just like before, I began searching through his desk. This time, I was thorough. Most of the documents he kept there were focused on some of the cases he’d taken on. I couldn’t help but notice how many had popped up since LaBeouf had defected. It struck me just how thinly he was spread. I left those folders alone after skimming through them. It was nothing for me to tamper with.
I left that drawer as I found it, before going through another. The documents there seemed to be more personal. There was a handgun, which I carefully set aside, some trinkets, pens and old newspaper articles.
​
Now those seemed very out of place. I skimmed through them and found no mention of LaBeouf. Most of them detailed an event from several years back. The murder of the Stone family. I couldn’t see why Onu would even care, until I saw the photograph of a woman.
​
Diana Stone was the name under it, and the woman was identical to the girl in the picture on Onu’s desk. At last I could put a name to the face. I glanced up at the picture of the woman, comparing the two before deciding they were the same person. I paused, studying her for a few moments longer. Her eyes were terribly familiar. The same burning amber as the eyes of the Girl who’d pushed my Father. For a moment, I caught myself wondering if they were one and the same, and skimmed through the story. The only useful data it provided, was that Diana Stone had died twenty years ago. A relative, perhaps? I’d need to look into it. But now was not the time. I returned everything to its proper place, and continued my search. Finally it bore some fruit.
​
The files on LaBeouf were plentiful, although disorganized and difficult to decipher. Most of it was from before his betrayal, and I sorted it into a little pile while I read through the newer material. There was very little on him currently, Onu’s notes and scribbles were vague as usual, although they often needed to be. He couldn’t afford to leave his secrets out in the open. I’d need to check the things he didn’t write down.
I looked over at his computer. What I was thinking was a brave move, and not without its risks. I’d not only need to be smart, but careful. A shake of the mouse brought up his login screen that requested a password. There was no hint given, either you knew it, or you did not. I admittedly did not know it.
​
I glanced at the framed picture of Diana Stone. It was a wild guess, perhaps guessing was a mistake, but it was all that I had to go off of. Aside from her possible connection to my Father’s killer (a connection that was only a half baked theory, at best) she was nobody special. She wasn’t part of the Family. The article I’d read had stated she was a dancer, and I doubted Onu had enough affinity for dance to idolize a dead small time ballerina. No… she was special to him, for some reason. Perhaps special enough to guard his secrets. I typed, ‘Diana’ into the box. His computer opened up to me, and from there, it was trivial to open his email. It’s so convenient how computers save passwords, isn’t it?
​
From there, it didn’t take long to find some more useful information.
It seemed that I’d underestimated Onu. He’d kept his eyes all too closely trained on LaBeouf’s brother. There were copies of emails that he’d sent, and a few barely useful status updates that one of his shadows had sent him.
​
The would-be senator hadn’t contacted his brother directly to their knowledge, and Casey’s disappearance had been marked by the disappearance of another man involved in LaBeouf’s defection. This man’s name was Steven Love. A police detective and it wasn’t exactly difficult to determine that their disappearances were likely connected. I found little on him aside from a file attached to an email. There was no concrete evidence tying him to LaBeouf, other than the two men had seemingly left town at the same time, and Love had more or less dropped off the face of the earth since then. He unfortunately seemed to be another dead end. The name only came up once in another email, that suggested he was the one to whom Casey had spoken to. Aside from that, no picture, no address, nothing. Frustrating, but I kept digging. There was little else to find, but not quite nothing.
In one of the emails, from Kasting, there was a footnote that made me go back and look at Love’s files. He had a partner, a man by the name of Vincent Bennett. There were no files on him, but the footnote read as follows.
​
Terry spoke with Bennett, about a week before he went dark. Lexi followed up on it. Can’t find any connection. Bennett says he’d stopped working with Love before he disappeared and he’d heard of LaBeouf, but didn’t work on the case. We’ll keep an eye on him, but I don’t think he’s behind what happened.
​
Kasting seemed to think that this Bennett man was a dead end… but I made a note of the name anyways. Perhaps if Kasting couldn’t get the Detective to talk (assuming he even knew anything at all), I could. I wasn’t sure how… but I was sure I’d think of something.
​
Intrigued, I skimmed a little further until I found another email from one of Onu’s other shadows.
​
I looked into that weird address that was contacting Matt. Far as I can tell, it’s legit. Maybe he just likes Japanese cartoons? TMFI.
-Lexi
​
How bizarre. I looked a little further until I found another reference to the address that had been contacting Matthew LaBeouf. It was a copy of one of the emails that had been sent to him.
​
Hi Matthew!
Thank you again for your recent purchase from Ultimate Waifu! Your new handmade Dakimakura cover has been safely shipped and you should expect it within the next few days. We hope you enjoy this adorable cuddlemuffin! Don’t be too rough with her! She’s delicate!
Please feel free to contact us if there are any concerns or questions and please leave a customer review if you are satisfied with our service!
-Sammy
​
The image was signed with a little pixel art image of a character with short blue hair. I reread the email a few times, before finally finding a copy of the email one of his Shadows had sent the same address.
​
Hi Alexis!
We’re sorry to say that the item you’re looking for is currently out of stock! But if you really, really, reeeeeally want it, we can totally contact you when it comes in again! We’d really hate to deprive anyone of a sweet kawaii cuddlemuffin to keep them warm at night! In the meanwhile, please feel free to browse our quality selection of stain resistant, machine washable, Dakimakura!
-Sammy
​
The same little cartoon character was there by the signature, and I closed out of the emails. I couldn’t make heads or tails of them, so for now, I decided to leave it alone. I moved on to see what else I could find, before a voice in the darkness interrupted me.
​
“Y’know this is the exact thing I’m supposed to stop you from doing.”
​
I looked up, to see a shadow in the door of the office. The light came on, and I was greeted by the sleepy, but sternly disapproving face of Doug Coleridge. He was a tall, broad shouldered man in his early forties with thick hair that was just starting to gray and intense brown eyes.
“What’s the harm in curiosity?” I asked.
“You ever heard that old saying ‘Curiosity killed the cat?’” He asked, his voice still heavy with sleep.
“Well then I’d have plenty to fear if I were a cat, wouldn’t I?”
​
He sighed, and approached me to turn off Onu’s screen. “Don’t be a smartass, Heaven,” He said. “Your Uncle told me to keep you out of this stuff for a reason. So do me a solid, and don’t get us both in trouble.”
“I’m just reexamining what he already knows.” I said, “Technically I haven’t done anything yet!”
“What did I just say about being smart with me? Leave the LaBeouf thing alone. It’s none of your business.”
​
“He betrayed the Family. Of course it’s my business.” I replied, “If I want Onu to take me seriously, then I need to contribute. Simple as that.”
“A lot of things I’d have figured you for, kid. But a glory hound wasn’t one of them” He said, “They’re never gonna to catch LaBeouf, you know that, right?”
​
“Never is a harsh word. I’m not doing it for repute. If Onu won’t give me an opportunity to contribute, I’ll make my own.”
“Yeah, great idea. I’m sure it won’t blow up horribly in your face,” Coleridge said dryly. “Let me know how you plan on doing that.”
“Well, I could use the help… if you were interested,” I offered.
​
Coleridge raised an eyebrow at me before scoffing.
“Last time I checked, I worked for Robert, not for you.”
“Oh come now! Say we did find him, it’d look good on both of us!” I said.
“I’d also be crossing one of the most powerful men in the city.” Coleridge pointed out, as if expecting me to have some sort of answer for that.
“We’d be doing him a favor.” I noted.
“Yeah, I don’t think he’ll see it that way when you get caught,” Coleridge said before sighing. “Look, I admire your dedication, I do. But like I said before, there’s a damn good reason Robert doesn’t want you involved in this.”
​
“Is there?” I asked, “Because I don’t see it! Do you?”
Coleridge was silent for a moment, staring intently at me. Then, finally he sighed.
“Go get dressed,” He said, before turning to leave.
“Why?”
“Because you and me are going for a drive.”
​
“To where?” I asked, feeling a slight pang of concern in my chest as I followed Coleridge out into the hall.
“You wanna know why your Uncle doesn’t want you involved in this? I’m gonna show it to you,” Coleridge said matter of factly.
I watched as he disappeared back into his bedroom, before quietly going to mine to find some clean clothes.
​
***
​
Coleridge and I drove in relative silence through the night. He didn’t tell me where we were going, even when I asked and were I a more paranoid woman, I might have worried that he had some kind of ill intent.
​
I’m not sure if I should have been surprised or not when he brought me to a hospital.
“Is this some sort of underhanded threat?” I asked, as he pulled into the underground parking lot.
“That’s not what I’d call this, no.” He replied as he pulled into a spot. He got out of the car and I followed.
​
“I don’t know how much you know about your Uncle’s reputation, but Robert isn’t the kind of man you double cross,” He said as he headed for the elevator. “If you ask me, Casey had some real balls, doing what he did.”
“And yet Onu still hasn’t found him,” I noted.
“Trust me, he’s been looking,” Coleridge said. I followed him into the elevator and he hit a button, taking us up to the 6th floor.
“So I’ve seen. And it would appear that all he’s uncovered are anime body pillows. That’s hardly progress, if you ask me.”
​
Coleridge chuckled.
“Saw those emails, did you?” He asked. “But no… use your brain, kiddo. You really think your Uncle is going to keep the juicy stuff in his emails?”
​
He might have had a point there. The elevator doors opened and Coleridge stepped out. I followed him. He led me through the pale linoleum halls of the hospital, although to where, I really wasn’t sure.
“After LaBeouf skipped town, Robert sent the usual guy he hires for this kind of stuff after him. Travis Gordon. Can’t really say that he and I were ever friends, but I worked with him from time to time… long story short, he was one a ruthless son of a bitch.”
​
“If he was, you would have thought he’d have found LaBeouf by now, wouldn’t you?” I asked.
“Yeah, you would’ve. Heck, maybe he did find him… not like Travis would tell us.”
He led me down a short hall, before pausing in front of a door.
“Why not?” I asked, before noticing the name on the door.
​
Travis Gordon.
​
I looked back at Coleridge.
“If this is some sort of elaborate prank, Mr. Coleridge, than you can save your energy and-”
“You wanted to know why Robert doesn’t want you involved in this. I’m showing you,” Coleridge replied plainly. “You wanna know why he’s not putting more effort into chasing LaBeouf? Go through that door. See for yourself.”
​
I stared at the door again. Suddenly the world around me felt a little more present. The ground beneath my feet felt a little more real. I stared at the door, but I couldn’t open it. Coleridge stood beside me, watching me quietly. After a while, he just sighed.
​
“Let’s go,” He said, getting up to leave. “It’s probably best if you don’t tell Robert that I brought you here. I don’t think he’d-”
“What happened to him?” I asked.
Coleridge looked back at me.
“What happened to him?” I repeated. “He was injured, right? What happened to him?”
“I don’t know,” Coleridge replied plainly.
​
I looked back at the door. Coleridge stood waiting for me.
“Tell you what, I know a good diner just down the street. Best cheesecake in town. My treat. We’ll go home, forget about this whole thing and-”
​
I opened the door and stepped inside. Coleridge’s voice died in his throat.
The room I entered was dimly lit, but I could see the hospital bed and the figure lying on it. I could hear Coleridge’s footsteps behind me and looked back to see him standing in the doorway, his expression grim. He didn’t say a word to me.
​
Slowly, I approached the still body of Travis Gordon. I could hear the steady beep of a heart monitor and the rhythmic hiss of oxygen. In the dim light of the hospital, I could see that his eyes were open. I paused, thinking that he might have been awake. But his eyes weren’t focused on me. They just stared thoughtlessly up at the ceiling and it took me a moment to realize that the only reason they were open, was because he had no eyelids to close.
​
My stomach turned as the realization hit me, and as I stared at Travis Gordon’s face, each new mutilation became clear to me.
​
Someone had taken a knife to his face, cutting away flesh and letting it fester and scar. In some places, I could even see exposed bone. What was left of him barely even resembled a person anymore. He had no nose, no lips, no cheeks… his face had been almost completely butchered!
​
I clamped a hand to my mouth to keep myself from screaming and took a step back, right into Coleridge’s arms. He stared down at Travis Gordon with an expression that was somewhere between sorrow and disgust.
​
“What… what happened to him?” I asked.
“Last we heard from him, he was following up on a lead in Toronto. Then about three months later, they found him on a plane, looking like this… they needed to use his dental records to ID him.”
​
My stomach turned.
“They took his eyelids, his tongue and did that to his face… they cut his fingers off at the second knuckle and castrated him. His spine is broken. He’ll never walk again, and God only knows how many drugs they pumped into him… I guess the one small silver lining is that I don’t think he’s really in there anymore. Far as I’ve heard, he doesn’t know who he is, where he is or what happened to him. He’s just… gone.”
​
I saw Travis shift slightly and saw his eyes move toward me. My breath caught in my throat. Coleridge stared at him, but didn’t say a word. He just put a hand on my shoulder. Travis’s breathing grew heavier. I saw him try to open his mouth, but the only sound that came out was a dull, wet gurgling noise.
​
Coleridge pulled me toward the door, and I followed. I couldn’t look anymore. He closed the door behind him, and I heard him let out the breath he’d been holding the entire time.
“You wanna know why your Uncle doesn’t want you looking into LaBeouf? You wanna know why he asked me to keep an eye on you? That. That is why.”
​
I didn’t reply.
​
I couldn’t.
​
“Whoever did that to him… and I say ‘whoever’ because it sure as hell wasn’t LaBeouf, they could’ve killed him. Instead they sent him back here to us.”
“But why?” I asked, looking over at Coleridge.
“I figure it’s a message,” He replied. “Back off.”
​
He turned and headed down the hall again, back toward the elevator.
“Well… message received, loud and clear.”
“So whoever did that, they’re just going to get away with it?” I asked, “Onu’s not going after them?”
“Yeah, surprisingly he’s not sending anyone to look for the person who cuts peoples faces off and tortures them until they’re a gibbering mess. Can’t imagine why,” Coleridge said.
​
I stared back at the room, before quietly following him back to the elevator. We rode down in silence.
“Like I said before, it’s probably better if you don’t tell your Uncle I took you here,” He finally said, breaking the silence between us. “And it’s probably best if you drop this whole LaBeouf thing.”
​
The elevator doors opened and Bennett stepped out again, back into the parking garage.
“What about following up on some local leads?” I asked.
He paused, and though I couldn’t see his face, I knew he was rolling his eyes.
“You’re joking, right?” He asked, looking back at me.
​
I wasn’t. I was dead serious.
“If there’s nothing to find, what risk am I putting myself in?” I asked, “And if there is something to find, we can give it straight to Onu. You said that Travis had gone to Toronto, right? We won’t even be leaving town! And you’ll be with me the entire time!”
“Are you… are you actually serious right now?” Coleridge asked, “Did you not see what happened to the last guy who went poking around here!”
​
“Yes and clearly he was onto something!” I argued, “Whoever did that to him… they were trying to scare us, and clearly they’ve succeeded!”
“Yeah, cutting a guys face off tends to do that,” Coleridge scoffed. “And considering how your last assistant got hit by a train, I’m really not a fan of what this little investigation of yours might do to my life expectancy!”
​
“Things will be different this time!” I assured him, “You’re not my Father, you’re different, more experienced! I only want to follow up on one thing, at least help me with that!”
“No! That’s my final answer!” He said.
“Fine, then if you won’t help me I’ll do it myself! You may be assigned to keep an eye on me Mr. Coleridge, but unless you plan on physically restraining me, you can’t stop me!”
​
Coleridge opened his mouth to argue, before signing and rubbing his temples.
“For Christ’s sakes, woman!”
“You’re not supposed to take the Lord’s name in vain.”
​
He gave me an incredulous look, before finally giving in.
“Fine, fine… if it’ll get you to drop this, I’ll help… What is it?”
“I want to follow up on a lead. A man named Vincent Bennett. That’s all.”
​
Coleridge considered it for a moment before sighing.
“I’m gonna regret this, aren’t I? Alright, fine… I’ll help you with this, and then we’re done. Deal?”
He offered me a hand to shake, and I shook it.
“Deal.”

I don't normally review products. When I do, I like to keep things honest, even if that means that whatever it is gets a scathing review. Before I begin this review however, I would like to explain the means by which I received this controller. EasySMX, the manufacturer, hosted a giveaway through their Discord server just short of 2 weeks ago. I was one of 25 who won this controller for their giveaway. It was suggested that you leave a review, but I am under no obligation to the company whatsoever. No contracts were signed, no messages were sent asking me to write a positive review. I am going to try to keep this review as unbiased as possible, despite the fact of me having gotten this for free.
Now to my actual thoughts. I have had this controller for three days now. It doesn't seem like a long time, but I have spent quite a bit with it, and my first impressions have been surprisingly positive. I was not particularly excited about the arrival of this controller, as I already own the Gulikit Kingkong Pro 2, an absolutely fantastic controller. When you first get the box, it is nothing special, black cardboard with an image of the controller on it. Then, when you open the box, it is again, nothing special. You simply flip up the front to reveal the controller in a cheap, clear plastic support. Compared to the Gulikit unboxing, with a nice two-piece box that slowly opens from the top to reveal the controller in a hard plastic case, it isn't much. Also provided is a 2.4gHz adapter, which sits underneath the controller. It comes with a standard USB-C data cable, a paneled instruction manual containing several different languages, and an "are you satisfied" card.
So the unboxing is pretty mid, probably a 4/10 experience. So why am I writing a review in the first place? The main attraction, the controller itself. When you pick it up, you might be surprised by how light it is. Switching from my KK2 Pro, this is about half the weight. But the first things you do when you pick up a new controller are:

1. Check the weight and feel. As soon as you pick up the controller, you realize its weight, and how your hands naturally sit.
2. Press the triggers and move the joysticks
3. Press the ABXY buttons.
4. Test the D-pad
5. Check the rest of the face buttons.

Maybe I got those out of order, if I did that's fine. This is at least what I do when picking up a new controller.
So now to thoughts on all of these steps. As mentioned already, the weight is pretty minimal, which surprised and worried me initially. Most likely, this is due to the lack of components inside. The battery is fairly small, with a capacity of only 600mAh (4/10). In comparison, the KK2 Pro has a capacity of 1000mAh, and a Dualsense has a 1500mAh capacity. EasySMX markets this controller as having over 10hrs of battery life, and I have not had enough real-world testing to prove this figure. However, this being said, the controller sits quite well in the hands (7/10). Although the plastic feels fairly cheap, it has a nice matte finish, and the rubberized grips on the back are actually comfortable, and feel more like textured plastic than actual rubber. Even though the build quality feels pretty "cheap", the combination of materials they used makes this a very comfortable controller to hold (7/10).
The triggers are supposedly hall effect, and I don't doubt it. This controller cannot be easily taken apart, and so I did not open it up to test this claim. The triggers feel fine (5/10). They aren't fantastic, and don't have a lot of tension on them, but they are actually comparable to the KK2 Pro, if not better. These triggers are also analog, so they have a full range of activation. But then we get to the shoulder buttons. When I first pressed these shoulder buttons I was like, "wow these are nice"; and indeed, they are very nice shoulder buttons. Many controllers nowadays have clicky buttons, which isn't my style. The Bayard 9124 nails the shoulder buttons (10/10). Instead of being clicky, they are softer, but still with a solid and pleasant activation. This smashes the KK2 Pro, which has annoying clicky shoulder buttons, which aren't that pleasant to press. The joysticks are good too. They aren't great, and have a rubberized top and textured sides to give extra grip. My initial impressions were poor, but as I used them more and more, I actually grew to like them quite a lot (7/10). The feel of the joysticks themselves are good (8/10). They have a good bit of tension, especially when compared to the KK2 Pro, which moves quite freely. I can't say which I prefer, but the joysticks are fine. EasySMX claims that these are hall-effect as well, but I cannot test this claim either. Still a thumbs up from me.
The ABXY buttons are another place where this controller really shines. The KK2 has proprietary buttons that they made a big deal about, and they are okay. I'm not sure what buttons the Bayard uses, but they are phenomenal. Easy 10/10. It has a nice soft bump at the bottom, and it's hard to really describe how good they feel. They do make a little bit of rattling in their housing, so that might dock a point, but it is hard to describe how well the company did these ABXY buttons (10/10)
The D-pad is pretty good. When I say pretty good, I mean better than most I've tried. The KK2 has a pretty poor D-pad, and my old Switch Pro's D-pad wasn't bad, but my old xbox 360 controllers still have the best D-pads I've tried. While the Bayard's is good, it is a bit soft. There isn't much of an activation bump, but it is quiet and has a really nice feel. I just wish there was a bit more force that needed to be applied. I also have not had any issues with accidentally pressing two buttons at the same time. (7/10).
Face buttons are meh. They definitely aren't good, but they're passable. They're just quite harsh and clicky, which can be frustrating (4/10). And while they could possibly have a separate section, I'm throwing the rear M1-M4 buttons in here as well. They are pretty neat, and can be programmed to any one of the buttons on the controller, but the feel is about the same as the rest of the face buttons, just slightly improved. Your fingers rest just around them when you grip the controller, so they are easily accessible. The extra functionality these bring, and their ability to free up your thumb, especially in games that rely on both joysticks, like FPS games, balances with the average button quality to give it a score of: (8/10).
Now we get to the rest of the controller, it's features and whatnot. This is a multiplatform controller, with support for Switch, mobile, and PC. It is NOT compatible with xbox, without a special third-party adapter. The modes are set when you first wake the controller, by pressing the "HOME" button, and then the corresponding ABXY button. Like any third-party controller these days, it does have a learning curve, and some features, such as the dimming of the ABXY backlight or changing of rumble intensity, require multiple inputs. One thing that is unfortunately missing is the feature to swap between Switch and xbox layouts. This is a fantastic feature on the KK2, that I miss on this controller. It isn't that big of a deal to customize it within the smart device settings, but it is less convenient than having a dedicated hardware switch. (8/10)
My biggest gripes with this controller are the clicky face buttons and low capacity battery. I think that the company is really onto something with this controller, and I would love to see them improve the weight as well, I get used to it, but I prefer a heavier gamepad. Then we talk about the price. This controller is priced at $45.99 (8/10). I think this is a good price for the features you are getting, and if you need to save some money, the regular Bayard 9124 controller is priced at only $29.99, but you lose out on hall effect and most likely a few other features. Overall this controller receives my score of 7.2/10. If you read this long, thanks! Maybe this controller will be a good choice for you. I just didn't see many comprehensive reviews of this product, and wanted to put something out there.
Cheers!

For context, I (19M) have been friends with my best friend, we'll call them Lee (19X), for 6 years since high school freshman year. When a movie came out that we both wanted to see we would make plans to go. We would enjoy talking about either movie theories or the latest book in ELA. They helped me socially transition when I was coming out as trans. They even helped me set up a harmless senior prank on one of our favorite teachers. After our graduation, we just drifted apart and I got a job and went to community college just for my associate's and they got a job as well as started their new online shop on Insta. They got new partners and new friends and I'm... trying. I was and still am introverted, I will talk to someone if they talk to me first, but other than that I'm pretty quiet. Due to this, I have little to no friends besides the guys at work and I don't go out to do something unless that thing has a purpose. We tried to play Minecraft with each other when we could but I guess Lee got too busy with other things. Usually, when we text I'm the one that initiates the conversation, and when I don't I won't hear from them for weeks unless they send me videos on TikTok but even then I send one first and they reciprocate maybe with one or two but then that would be it. At some point in high school, I even had a crush on Lee but then that went away when they told me they were polyamorous. I love Lee like a sibling and now it's like they're that cousin that you don't know at a family reunion. Once their mother had threatened to kick them out and they reached out to me for help and I offered for them to stay with me until they could find a place, luckily nothing ever came of that. Over the past weeks, I've been depressed and every time I would try to arrange for us to hang out or play Minecraft there would almost always be an excuse either with their mother or work or nothing at all. When I brought up my concerns about our friendship they said they've just been so busy and we could hang out whenever, but when things seemed like they were looking up, things started to go down fast. These two weeks in particular I was feeling really depressed because of the way my manager treats me and about the fact that I have no friends and the person who I thought was my friend didn't care enough to say "How are things?". So as an experiment, I've stopped reaching out to Lee to see if they will notice that something is off and do something. I'm waiting until next week to cut them off and I have drawn up a paragraph of a text that I will send them when their time is up. I want to believe that they'll reach out because they're a wonderful person, but at the same time, I can't hold on to them forever and still act like everything is okay.
Here's the text: Listen I don't think this friendship is working out, we barely hang out and on the rare occasion we have a conversation, I'm always the one who initiates it. Over the past few days, I have resisted the urge to text you or send you videos on TikTok to see if you would notice that something was off or if you would do anything, but you have proven that I'm the last thing on your mind. I understand that you have your own life and your own problems, but it wouldn't kill you to check in every once in a while instead of me checking in on you because I care so much. I will be blocking your number until further notice, if you have anything to say you can say it to my face. It's sad because you were my best friend and I loved you and you made me happy even if it was for a split second, but I guess nothing lasts forever, right? And I know you won't do anything to prove me wrong because either you don't care or you won't even read this message. Goodbye, Lee.
So would I be the bad apple?

For context, I (19M) have been friends with my best friend, we'll call them Lee (19X), for 6 years since high school freshman year. When a movie came out that we both wanted to see we would make plans to go. We would enjoy talking about either movie theories or the latest book in ELA. They helped me socially transition when I was coming out as trans. They even helped me set up a harmless senior prank on one of our favorite teachers. After our graduation, we just drifted apart and I got a job and went to community college just for my associate's and they got a job as well as started their new online shop on Insta. They got new partners and new friends and I'm... trying. I was and still am introverted, I will talk to someone if they talk to me first, but other than that I'm pretty quiet. Due to this, I have little to no friends besides the guys at work and I don't go out to do something unless that thing has a purpose. We tried to play Minecraft with each other when we could but I guess Lee got too busy with other things. Usually, when we text I'm the one that initiates the conversation, and when I don't I won't hear from them for weeks unless they send me videos on TikTok but even then I send one first and they reciprocate maybe with one or two but then that would be it. At some point in high school, I even had a crush on Lee but then that went away when they told me they were polyamorous. I love Lee like a sibling and now it's like they're that cousin that you don't know at a family reunion. Once their mother had threatened to kick them out and they reached out to me for help and I offered for them to stay with me until they could find a place, luckily nothing ever came of that. Over the past weeks, I've been depressed and every time I would try to arrange for us to hang out or play Minecraft there would almost always be an excuse either with their mother or work or nothing at all. When I brought up my concerns about our friendship they said they've just been so busy and we could hang out whenever, but when things seemed like they were looking up, things started to go down fast. These two weeks in particular I was feeling really depressed because of the way my manager treats me and about the fact that I have no friends and the person who I thought was my friend didn't care enough to say "How are things?". So as an experiment, I've stopped reaching out to Lee to see if they will notice that something is off and do something. I'm waiting until next week to cut them off and I have drawn up a paragraph of a text that I will send them when their time is up. I want to believe that they'll reach out because they're a wonderful person, but at the same time, I can't hold on to them forever and still act like everything is okay.
Here's the text: Listen I don't think this friendship is working out, we barely hang out and on the rare occasion we have a conversation, I'm always the one who initiates it. Over the past few days, I have resisted the urge to text you or send you videos on TikTok to see if you would notice that something was off or if you would do anything, but you have proven that I'm the last thing on your mind. I understand that you have your own life and your own problems, but it wouldn't kill you to check in every once in a while instead of me checking in on you because I care so much. I will be blocking your number until further notice, if you have anything to say you can say it to my face. It's sad because you were my best friend and I loved you and you made me happy even if it was for a split second, but I guess nothing lasts forever, right? And I know you won't do anything to prove me wrong because either you don't care or you won't even read this message. Goodbye, Lee.
So would I go to Hell?

Sorry, this is long. There will be a TL;DR: at the bottom.
So a bit of background. I own my own business, and I have been here for about 3 years. I am the only person who owns and works this business. It is a brick and mortar dedicated business location in which I provide a service (so I have "clients"; I don't usually sell things or have "customers"). I also take my dog to work with me. He is trained and well behaved, and we have signs and advertisements pointing out the fact that we have a dog in here, and if you are afraid of/allergic to dogs I can remove him while you are here. The dog is the most popular part of my business, and I have some regulars who only come here to pet the puppy and give him treats. Finally, I was sick (covid test negative) the last week and my store has been closed for five (5) days and am just opening back up today, though I still have a bit of a cough and am wearing a mask to not spread things. Other than this sickness, my store has only had 2 days since we were founded that we were not open during regularly scheduled hours, and that was due to a massive snowstorm that shut us down. Also, most people in a small town appreciate a small business providing a service and I have never dealt with a Karen in my business before now.
So this morning at 9:44 I get a phone call on my personal cell phone. Paraphrasing: Me: Hello this is [my name]. Karen: Is this [business name]? Me: I am the owner of that business, yes. What can I do for you? Karen: Well, I have been waiting for 6 months to come see you because [long rambling story that I don't care enough about to remember because it was completely unrelated to the services I offer] and now I am in front of your store and you're not open. Me: ... (waiting because I am not sure if she is done with her story) Karen: ... Me: Well, ma'am, I don' t open until 10 am, but I'm going to be a bit late today anyway. I am moving a bit slow after being sick for- Karen: Is it Covid!? Me: No, I am not sure what it is, but- Karen: Well I can't get sick and I am in a hurry, I don't have time to keep waiting for you, when are you going to get here? Me: Like I said, I am running late, but I'll probably be there between 10:30 and 11am. Karen: Well you need to hurry up because you have customer's waiting. I need [service my business offers, worded in a strange way]. How much does that cost? Me: I don't have all the prices for everything memorized, but if you go to [website] all the fees are clearly shown there. Karen: I don't have time for that, just get here and look it up for me. Me: Okay, well, I already said when I expect to get there. Bye for now then.
The call lasted 2 mins 48 sec.
So I finish doing my morning necessities and drive to work. Get there at 10:39. There are a few cars in the parking lot which doesn't mean anything because there are 6 businesses that all share my same shopping center. I get myself and the dog inside, flip the lights, make the signs say "OPEN", and get to my desk to check my business messages while I was out.
About 5 minutes later there is a knock at the door and I look over. I see Karen, complete with one teal and one blue colored rubber glove, a face mask that is not covering her nose, giant sunglasses, and hair in a bun, holding some medium size box.
The following is pulled directly from my security recording and not paraphrased: Me: You can come in! Karen: ~gestures vaguely~ Me: The door is unlocked. Karen: ~gestures vaguely~ Me: ~not knowing what she wants~ Okay, hold on. ~gets up to go to the door to open it for her~ Karen: ~gestures at the dog~ I don't want the dog to get out. Me: ~opening the door~ ~to dog~ [Dog], get back inside! ~to Karen~ He is trained not to go outside when client's open- Karen: ~scooting inside past me and the dog~ I need to return this. I just want to get out of here as quickly as possible. Dog: ~sniffing Karen's feet like he does to literally everyone who walks in the door~ Me: Well I don't know what that is but if it is something we sold you I would be happy to- Karen: ~while I was talking was batting at the dog; an untrained dog would react aggressively, but my dog thinks she wants to play and tries to jump up to her hands and she yelps and skitters away~ Me: ~restraining the dog because clearly the lady doesn't want to play~ Sorry about that, what can I- Karen: Well *maybe* if you had that thing *on a leash* like the *law* says you *have to*, I wouldn't have to *fight it off*. Me: ... No, ma'am, I am allowed to have my dog off a leash *in my privately owned business* if I want to. Karen: Well maybe you should spend less time with that thing and more time with your customers! Me: I don't even know *if* you are a customer because you won't tell me why you're here. Karen: ~pulling out wallet~ Like I said on the phone, I just want [service my business offers, worded in a strange way]. ^{(It wasn't until this moment that I realized that earlier phone call with the person who said they couldn't wait for me and this person who clearly could wait for me were the same person.}) Me: Okay, well I can check your [item in the box] and let you know what the price would be, do you want me to put the dog away first?Karen: I don't have time to wait for that. I'm going to pay $25 and you are going to do it now, just keep the dog away from me. ~throws $25 in cash on top of her box on my counter~ Me: I don't know if it costs $25, but I cannot go to my register and ring something up without letting go of the dog, and I cannot- ~starts coughing for a few seconds~- and I cannot let go of the dog- Karen: You need to take care of me right now, I was waiting over an hour for you to get here! Me: Ma'am, do you want me to do that right now, or do you want me to keep the dog away from you, because I cannot do both at the same time. Karen: ^{(The audio glitched out here but I think it was something like this:}) You really need to work on how you treat people, this is very unprofessional. Me: Okay, well I don't see a way I can help you then. You can just get your things and leave. Karen: I am not going anywhere. I have been waiting six months for you I am not going to leave. Me: You have not been waiting on me for six months. The shop was only closed for 5 days while I was sick. Karen: I *have* been waiting for six months. Me: Ma'am, I don't know what has been happening in your life the last six months, but I am not responsible for any of that. Karen: ... ~huffs and walked out without here box or her $25~ Mail Carrier: ~walking in directly behind Karen~ What was that about? Me: Hi [name]! That's just... some angry lady who wants to be angry about nothing, I guess. She left her box here and I'm not touching whatever that is. Mail Carrier: ~chuckles~ She definitely was not happy about something. Anyway....
The box and the $25 cash is just sitting by my front door right now about 12 hours later. The thing is, I looked it up on my pricing sheet and if what is in the box is what she claimed is in the box, the service she wanted is only $15.
​
TL;DR: Karen calls my personal cell, claims she doesn't have time to wait, waits an hour for me, complains about the dog that is an advertised part of my business, expects me to be in multiple places at once doing multiple things at once, wants to dictate her own pricing for my services, breaks down when I don't back down, and leaves in a huff, abandoning both her personal object that she brought in for service and more money than the service she wanted done with that object costs.

Just wanted to share my experiences with entering China. I flew from Seattle to Hong Kong and the to Wuhan. I have a Q2 and was never asked for my QR code I only had to literally have it ready for a checkpoint where the guy just waived all of us through. The next part came with the border agent as I was not used to this new line of questioning. First was “Have I ever been in the US military” second was “Do I have any political affiliations” then they were very through checking out my wife and I to see if we checked out asking what was her job here in China and how do I write her name in Mandarin. The US recent actions have made it yet again tough for US citizens to travel abroad. Not being political just stating facts.

Some have noted the similarities between the Empyrean Miquella and Dionysus/Bacchus.^[1] During the Hellenistic period, Dionysus was identified with Horus-the-Child (I’ll cover Harpocrates in another post eventually). The Cleanrot Knights share the same name with certain grapevines in the JP version of the game, “Noble Rot”.^[1] The bewitching branches that the young Empyrean used to compel affection seems very Dionysian indeed. The branches of the Haligtree also seem to have grapes growing on the vines. quirkus23 noted that the aforementioned image reminded him of this engraving of “Satyr Family”[F], by Sebald Beham.
The bewitching branches that paint the young Empyrean in a more sinister light seem to take inspiration from Bacchic wands, also known as the thyrsus. They are comprised of narthex (fennel rods) from the Giant Fennel plant found in the Mediterranean, and a cluster of ivy leaves adorned on top.^[2] This rod thus has the power and symbolic value of Dionysus. Bewitching branches in Elden Ring require both sacramental buds and Miquella’s lilies, both entwined into a spear shape, just as Dionysus calls one “an ivy spear” in the Greek tragedy The Baccahe by Euripides.
In this famous tragedy, considered one of the greatest ever written, the king of Thebes Pentheus (whose name means “man of sorrows”) has banned the worship of Dionysus, which prompts the god to visit the city to punish him^[2]. Dionysus in disguise prompts Pentheus to dress himself in Bacchic garbs, garlanded in ivy leaves crowning his head, to infiltrate a group of Bacchic maenads (cultists). Pentheus thus becomes a thyrsus visually, and becomes an even greater symbol of Dionysus as the tragedy progresses. The play makes explicit that “a thyrsus is something created from an ordinary narthex by attaching a cluster of ivy leaves to its tip; then it may be raised in the worship of the god, once it has again become a thyrsus.” A parallel is enforced between Pentheus, the thyrsus, and Dionysus (who is garlanded with snakes).
“He then asks for instruction in the use of the thyrsus, with the god approving of his ‘change of mentality’ (944, 947-48). ‘A creature filled with the Dionysiac sense of power…’” - Kalke
In the forest where the maenads (followers of Dionysus) are, Dionysus bends a fir tree downwards, and hoists Pentheus onto the tip of the tree, described as being “crowned” with Pentheus on top (who is under his Bacchic influence). He thus becomes a grand thyrsus in the climax of the play. Importantly, Dionysus can no longer be seen when Pentheus sits high on his perch, because he has manifested himself in that grand symbol of his power. Dionysus then instructs his maenads to have at him for his transgressions against the god. Pentheus at this point is only the crown adorning this massive thyrsus, no longer an individual. The maenads (his mother among them) then uproot the tree with their bare hands, symbolically raising it in worship of their god. Pentheus falls to the ground and his mind returns to reality as he sees his mother, still under the Bacchic frenzy, and begs for his life.
The maenads rip Pentheus to pieces with their bare hands. The scene as described in the Bacchae is shockingly gruesome and sickening. That scene alone is worth checking out from the Bacchae in my opinion. Agave (Pentheus’ mother) then sticks his head onto her own Thyrsus, Pentheus now crowning it (she does so believing he is a lion she has slain). In the end, he is transformed into a gruesome symbol of Dionysus and in the words of Seidensicker: “compares Pentheus to a sacrificial victim, who, ‘consecrated to the god by a rite of investiture,’ becomes a surrogate of the god.”^[2] Pentheus was truly, “a man of sorrows”.
There are strong parallels between Miquella and Pentheus here. Miquella had Bacchic wands of his own, and embedded himself in the greatest symbol of his power, the Haligtree, only to be torn away by his half-brother Mohg, an adherent of the Formless Mother, and became a gruesome surrogate of the goddess in the form of a womb, living up to his name like Pentheus in the end by becoming “one who is like god” (Miquella’s name seems to be “a variation of Miguella, itself a feminine version of Miguel, a name of Hebrew origin meaning ‘who is like God.’)^[3] in a bloody manner.
Some have argued the play is about an enlightened individual martyred to an evil religion, of reason versus the irrational, a criticism of the Olympian system. I’m no expert of Greek literature, but William Arrowsmith^[4] has argued convincingly in my opinon, that such interpretations are incomplete readings of Euripides and his Greek tragedies. Most importantly, he noted that Euripides invoked in the Bacchae most strongly the moral term that I believe permeates all of Elden Ring: “sophia”.
It roughly translates to “wisdom” but encompasses much more than that, especially in the Greek experience. “...they [moral terms like “sophia”] are exposed to static definition without regard to the transformations which tragedy may force upon them as the hero moves from a situation of conventional morality and reality to an ordeal for which the traditional wisdom of the Chorus may be utterly inadequate.”
Someone pointed out to me that Raya Lucaria sorcerer crowns resemble the busts of Greek philosophers, so the Burger King headpieces may be more than nods to these great thinkers.
For a good while, I’ve personally identified Marika with Sophia thematically, thanks to Solarbro and their post^[5] on Elden Ring and Gnosticism, the similarities for me didn’t stop there, and for reasons that would be best left to another post, I believe the world of Elden Ring is fundamentally Gnostic, or heavily inspired at least. I highly recommend watching Garrulous_Goldmask's excellent video^[6] if you’re skeptical.
In Gnosticism, Sophia, an emanation of eternal light, is analogous to the soul, and in some sects has a consort (Barbelo) who is her mirror image. In the Gnostic mythos, she is a fallen figure from her place as creator of the universe. The parallels are very strong in my opinion. Marika’s other self is Radagon, and the emanations that protrude from her would be the Elden Ring. There is much more to unravel here but my focus is on Miquella.
In the Greek experience, sophia means “a knowledge and acceptance of one's nature and therefore of one's place in the scheme of things. It presupposes, that is, self-knowledge, an acceptance of those necessities (fate and circumstances) that compose the limits of human fate. It also means the consequent refinement of feelings by which a man recognizes and respects the sufferings of others before necessity: it issues in compassion.” In contrast, its opposite amathia is “a deep, brutal, unteachable, ungovernable self-ignorance which breaks out in violence and cruelty."^[4]
Arrowsmith brilliantly describes necessity "that set of unalterable, irreducible, unmanageable facts which we call the human condition. Call it destiny, call it fate, call it the gods, it hardly matters. Necessity is, first of all, death; but it is also old age, sleep, the reversal of fortune and the dance of life; it is thereby the fact of suffering as well as pleasure, for if we must dance and sleep, we also suffer, age and die. It is also sex, the great figure of amoral Aphrodite who moves in the sea, land, and air and as an undeniable power in the bodies of men, compelling and destroying those who, like Hippolytus, refuse to accept her. Or it is Dionysus, the terrible ambiguous force of the Bacchae..."^[7] There is a dualism described here I find interesting in regards to Elden Ring.
Marika embodies “sophia” as an Empyrean who is host to nature and its laws in the form of the Elden Ring, a golden star guiding fate, enforcing one’s place in the world through Order. Her first consort Hoarah Loux is amathia incarnate, wildly violent, needing to be tamed by the beast regent Serosh. "If the sophos [wise man] is by definition susceptible to the feelings of civilized humanity, a compassion learned in fellow-suffering, the amathes is callous and merciless, a barbarian by nature.”
Sophia also groups traits such as skill, cunning, cleverness, know-how, and expedience (wisdom) under its umbrella. Below these traits but still encompassing sophia in the play are “the knowing animal cunning of the practiced hunter, the cool eye and feline skill of Dionysus stalking his intended victim."^[4] I believe some of these traits can be attributed to Mohg, who snatched away the young Empyrean at the opportune moment (most likely when Malenia warred with Radahn).
There is also to sophon, the “calculating, shrewd, even opportunistic, skill of the worldly and ambitious”, blinding its possessor to the good that comes from accepting the here and now, usually a confidence of the young according to Plato’s Republic.
Through the dynamic transformations of these terms during the course of the play, Euripides set out to show in The Bacchae the falsity of the sophias of the opposing Pentheus and Dionysus: “Pentheus' cleverness foundering terribly upon the force he refuses to accept; the sophia of the Dionysiac quest nakedly revealed as sheer animal cunning and brutality. We witness, in short, sophia becoming amathia. There, in amathia, the god and his victim meet."^[4]
Pentheus demonstrated his amathia as “the proud iconoclastic innovator, rebelling against tradition, outside of the community's ‘nomos’ (custom as law), and disdainful of any power above man.”^[4]
Miquella seems to mirror these traits as he showed his unparalleled talent in creating his needles of unalloyed gold, great ambition in his attempt to become a god of the next age, rejecting Golden Order Fundamentalism, and rejecting higher powers such as the Greater Will and the Outer Gods. Mohg in turn seems mad in establishing his bloody Dynasty, since Miquella does not stir in their shared bedchamber, the palace surrounded by bloody mire and wretched refugees squaloring in it.
He was a maverick who rejected the gods and sought an entirely different age, perhaps of Abundance with what’s left in the final game. Many of us already know of Miquella’s sinister side through his bewitching branches. The namesake of the sacramental buds used to create them could suggest use in a religious ritual. This is thematically significant to me, as perhaps Miquella unwittingly worshipped the Formless Mother as Pentheus did for Dionysus, participating in a grand ritual that ended in their demise. Mohg may have been drawn to the young Empyrean through the usage of his blood, with himself as a sacramental (religious ceremony or ritual) bud embedded in not a branch, but his tree, the greatest symbol of his power.
“Believed to originate long ago from a strain of buds cultivated with youthful, sacramental blood.” - Sacramental Bud
“A delicate water lily of unalloyed gold that has started to fade and wilt. A flower signifying faith in the Haligtree. Thought to be beloved by the Empyrean Miquella in his youth.” - Miquella’s Lily
Miquella → Sacramental Bud
Haligtree → Miquella’s Lily
The parallels between both stories may not of course, mean they mirror each other exactly. There are theories that Marika watered the nascent Erdtree with her own blood to grow it, and the Formless Mother never seemed to take any interest in her. Furthermore, the living jars seemingly gather up flesh and blood to fertilize the Minor Erdtrees throughout the Lands Between. The use of the word “sacrament” for the buds and Miquella’s blood could mainly refer to them as being sacred, not as part of a ritual (though the word to me seems an allusion to The Bacchae, and any ritual in regards to Miquella embedding himself in the Haligtree is more likely symbolic than literal).
In The Bacchae, “it is by playing upon Pentheus' vulnerability, his deep ignorance of his own nature, that the god is able to possess him, humiliate him and finally to destroy him”^[4] in a gradual usurpation, but I don’t believe this was quite the case for Miquella. There isn’t any evidence that the Formless Mother was influencing him all along when he used his blood. In terms of sophia, it seems it was his own hybris (hubris) of attempting godhood (or perhaps attempting to bewitch the world by embedding himself) on his own terms, and ignorance of his place in the grand scheme of things that led to his demise.
“If the stars command our fates, then amber-hued stars must command the fates of the gods. Such is the belief that inspired the use of these shards to prepare a most special draught.” - Amber Starlight
The Bacchae shows that “great powers...stalk the world, real with a terrible reality, the source of man's very condition...which determine his life. And if the feelings stirred by what is limited before the unlimited are religious, then man's attitude toward these “daimones” [personified spirits of the human condition] is religious, the veneration and awe the fated must feel before the great gods of existence: Death, Life, Sex, Grief. Joy. Sophia accepts because it is a wisdom of experience, based on awe learned of both joy and bitter suffering."^[4]
Though an Empyrean with unparalleled talent, called “the most fearsome” demigod by Malenia, Miquella, like Pentheus, was still yoked under the necessity (state of things or circumstances) enforcing his course (his being the Elden Ring). Seen broadly, for defying the gods, Miquella was reduced to a bloody symbol upon an altar. This doesn’t necessarily mean the Greater Will or Formless Mother consciously acted against him. It’s an interesting notion I feel, that the Outer Gods act with real awareness, but there isn't any real indication they do. The closest evidence of anything of the sort I feel are the Two and Three Fingers relaying the wills of the forces they serve, and tantalizingly, a female voice who can be heard communing with Mohg during his “Nihil!” (I can't find the video again on Twitter so I hope someone links it if possible). Nothing conclusive at all, so for now, it is safer to say that the gods are motive forces that act upon the world with real consequences, and that Miquella’s demise through his amathia was more circumstance than fatal flaw (Though it's possible Mohg became enamored with him due to his penchant for compelling affection I'll admit).
"the most conspicuous failure of both the traditional and the new critics in respect to Greek tragedy has been the failure to realize turbulence: turbulence of experience, turbulence of morality in the process of getting made, and the turbulence of ideas under dramatic test"^[7]
Euridepean plays are not as structured in the Aristotelian sense, such as where a man falls due to a “fatal flaw”, but to Williams, are more faithful to the human experience by displaying the turbulence of circumstance and fate that can befall a man at any time. To Euripides, there are often no heroes, only protagonists, where fate may deprive one of responsibility, or strike when it no longer matters. Necessity then, seems center to all of Greek tragedy, and before it in “anguish comes the discovery of community and love in weakness before necessity. Love is the hope which finally permits Heracles to endure a hideous necessity he never made, and from his discovery of love and helplessness flow acceptance and courage, the courage which asserts the human demand for order in a world which annuls all hope of a moral order".^[7] Heroism to Euripides is finding strength from the weakness one does not expect to face, first reduced by circumstance, then raised.
“If he [the hero] has a “hamartia” [fatal flaw], it is not sin or flaw but the ungovernable tragic ignorance of all men: we do not know who we are nor who fathered us but go, blinded by life and hope, toward a wisdom bitter as the gates of hell. The cost of action is suffering, and heroism is the anguished acceptance of our own identities and natures, forged in action and pain in a world we never made."^[7]
Sophia, amathia, necessity, turbulence. I find all of these moral terms and ideas very relevant to many of the characters and themes in Elden Ring. Did Martin and Fromsoft fashion the entire game after Euridipean and Greek ideas of tragedy and storytelling? I'm not sure. Sophia though, is one of the more important ones, even central in my opinion.
So now the young Empyrean lies in his bloody cocoon, and if he lives, then it is almost certainly in dreaming, though his slumber I feel, may not be a peaceful one. If Fromsoft continues Miquella’s story in the Euridipean fashion in the dlc, then it may be the Tarnished that helps raise him to heroism from his suffering, helping him gain his dignity and perhaps finally usher in a new age.
Sources:
[1]Miquellas Dream the Duality of Dionysus
[2]The Making of a Thyrsus: The Transformation of Pentheus in Euripides' Bacchae
[3]The names, terms and language of Elden Ring (etymology/nomenclature study)
[4]The Bacchae, translated by William Arrowsmith
[5]Elden Ring and Gnosticism
[6]The Frenzied Flame in Elden Ring is Based (on Gnostic Christianity)
[7]The Criticism of Greek Tragedy by William Arrowsmith

So, you see, I find games (even movies and books) fun when things escalate . Digging some blocks in a cave in Minecraft, break cobblestone, water comes out from the place you dug, and pushes you down to you're inevitable death in the lava that was way down in a nearby chasm. I think that is the beef of player-made and procedural stories. Like in Rimworld and Dwarf fotress. A point will come in a story where things start to build up and test if the "protagonist" can make come out of things successful.
I want to focus on how Brogue induces the feeling of stories well. One of the reasons could be from the fact that it doesn't induce grinding, so you're practically the same when you start a game at floor 1 compared to when you die at floor 8. The equipment based progression makes the game, though still have an aspect of luck, make you use your skill at planning than you're skill of bashing monsters. Here you're less like a powerful overlord as you go, but more of Bilbo sneaking his way past dangerous monsters - that stay dangerous. Traps that have meaning. Battles that have feeling .Monkeys that like stealing...okay, I'm getting carried away, but still, coming out victorious in a strategic battle with an Ogre can feel glorious and awe inspiring .
But now I show how Brogue, and others can and do, use these 9 ways of raising the stakes in plot from this article :
1) Create physical danger Fire? Poisonous gas? A goblin with a spear?
2) Create a secondary character who brings in new tension You're walking peacefully with your small dagger and then you encounter a monkey, trapped by kobolds. You have to rescue it before its demise. Fine. Then as you sneak your way through depth 7 a notification tells you that an Ogre is seen. If you're not ready for this you could be smashed into oblivion by one of the earliest "strong" creatures of the game.
3) Introduce new problems Okay, so you and your monkey are duking it out with this Ogre, but then you're health is running low so you take your chances and start checking those scrolls you have, maybe one will help you, though you should really have identified those scrolls in a safer environment before now. So you go through them, enchantment-you enchant your dagger, nice. Identification-you identify a scroll of anti-magic/negation. That doesn't seem too useful. Your health is draining. You then use a scroll and it's a scroll of discord! It makes monsters discordant and attack each other, but it works on allies too! Oh no! You're monkey is now hitting you too! How will you prevail?
4) Give a character a complicated situation Yeah I think that's covered.
5) Create obstacles for your hero This whole dungeon is an obstacle . For example the Ogre is an obstacle for you to get to the next depth.
6) Complicate things You decide to test your luck in running away, but as you do it you come across a vampire bat, another strong-ish enemy, not good.
7) Remind the reader(player ) of the stakes The vampire bat attacks you. Your screen flashes with a warning: "Health below 40%".(That actually does come up in the game).
8) Find ways to keep your protagonist moving from one location to another The monsters are chasing you! You have no choice but to move! (Unless you were cornered then it would be fight or die, or fight and die).
9) Add time pressure like a ticking bomb That's it, you're a little distance away from the monsters and it's potion throwing time. If it's a good potion, like that of life, it would just splash harmlessly against your target, but if it's bad, like confusion (please be confusion), the gas would envelope them.
Well, it's fire. The bottle cracks against the Ogre's body and unleashes flame unto the surrounding grassy area, spreading like-like-well like fire. For each step you move to get away the flame moves three. You need to get out quickly. Your monkey burns to death, good ridance . The Ogre is burning, though it's life is depleting slowly, and the vampire bat doesn't seem to be burning at all, it seems like it's unaffected because it's flying . You step, Fire, you are burning. Time is running out to get out of there.
Conclusion
You decide to chuck down potions, one is a potion of life - YES! Next is a potion of posion gas - NOOO . You crawl your way put of there before the poison gets to you too much. The vampire bat dies from poison! It's working. Your life is less than 40%, again. You make it out leaving the ogre and red glow of the flame behind. You did it you made it out of that situation. You're levitation wares off as you continue to explore the dungeon, but then, as you go around that battlefield to reach the stairs to depth 8, after the gas cleared, you see, battered and burned, breathing difficulty, vengence in it's eyes, the ogre at 50% health. . The ogre crudgels you from two spaces away. You try to run but the ogre charges at you with no monkey to distract it. It crudgels you. You're life is below 20%. You run. It crudgels you. The screen fades away as you - your character - dies.
Those are good things to pick from the game for immersive and player story telling, atleast for me .pushesis

Hey there Reddx gang, looks like I finally got a bit of time to write, so let’s not delay any longer and get into another story about Chris.
Who is Chris? Chris is a very fat and sweaty man surrounded by an impenetrable aura of poopycum stinkystank. Chris is a certified weiner wizard, content to dwell in his own personal dark triad of anime, crystal, and lot lizards. Things are usually okay when Chris is driving the truck – usually – but when his shift comes to an end and I have to take the wheel, or worse yet, when we pull over for the night, the fun really begins. Then, despite my best efforts to make him bathe and behave, it was all in vain and the poopycum man would circle a little further down the drain. Thankfully, I no longer have to ride with Chris.
We rolled out of the truck stop and popped into the traffic, Chris signaling the turn he was about to make with the blinker. I was zoned out in my laptop, playing a game to whittle away the endless hours of road that stood before us. He made that left before hanging a right off the overpass and started down the ramp. I looked up when the truck no longer accelerated, but instead slowed to a stop. “What the Hell are you doing, Chris? We need to get on the road.” Chris came back, remarking, “bro, one second. This is important.” He pointed outside my window and looked down to see a dirty little ruffian who had come up beside the passenger window, a heavy backpack draped on his shoulders.
He beamed up at me from beneath a broad, floppy hat, as he shifted his pack cheerily on his shoulders. I turned to Chris and said, “what the fuck is this?” Chris remarked, “the guy was sitting on the side of the shoulder with his thumb out and he’s got a sign saying Phoenix. Well, we’re headed back to Phoenix, so I figured maybe we could give him a lift. He looks like he needs a ride.” I paused. I knew that Chris never did anything out of the kindness of his heart for anybody, so I wondered what the Hell his angle was. I didn’t pry it however as he insistently told me to get up. I fought with him for a bit, regarding insurance concerns and paperwork and the office, but he brushed it all aside with a casual, “dude, my dad owns the company. It’ll be fine. Now get up and let him in.” Against my better judgment, I budged from my seat to let in this vagabond, wondering if today was the day both Chris and I would be ax-murdered.
He smelled as rough as he looked, but by contrast, that was comparatively mild next to the perforating aroma of sweaty balls that clung to Chris. He smiled at me a yellow, buck-toothed grin, telling me his name was “Sage” and rather than shake his hand, I just moved to the back so he could sit down in the passenger seat and I could be left alone. Chris’s reply was jubilant. “So, Sage, you’re headed to Phoenix?” Sage replied, “yessir! Glad you stopped. I knew my ride would come eventually.”
I guess Chris latched on to this turn of phrase and replied, “you knew? How did you know?” Sage smiled and said to Chris,”I just know some things. I saw your truck coming down the ramp and I knew that that was the one.” Chris replied, “that’s great and all, but that doesn’t answer my question. How did you know?” With a sly grin, Sage responded, “don’t you know, dude? All hobos are wizards.” He tipped his floppy hat at Chris and then buckled his seat belt.
I tried not to roll my eyes at this bold declaration. Magic? Was this guy serious? Apparently, he was, because he delivered that statement with enough gravitas to sucker Chris in. Chris half-assedly pulled off the interstate shoulder, mumbling “wizards” to himself before a blaring car horn came up on the driver’s side, nearly scraping the side of our rig, and he jerked back to the side of the road with an “OH GOD DAMN IT” before actually checking the mirror this time. When the tension of the moment finally passed and Chris was able to merge into traffic, Chris turned back to Sage and said, “so, you’re a wizard, huh?” Sage replied once more in the affirmative, “that I am. And judging by the fact that you pulled over your truck, you must be rather sensitive to the arcane yourself. Not everybody can sense the sublime energies of the universe. You must have picked up on me calling out to you for a ride. Honestly, it must have been destiny.”
I looked up from the top of my book towards the front of the truck and said, “oh no, don’t you go feeding this boy’s delusions, dude. He’s fucked up enough as it is,” to which Chris responded, “shove it honker donkers! Sage, do you really mean that I’m… sensitive?” I tried not to choke on my own laughter as I said, “yeah, your ass is definitely sensitive since you can’t wipe it.” However, they had forgotten all about little old honker donkers in the back of the truck. Had they cast a sphere of silence over the bunks where I lay? I doubt it, but by the way they were acting, you’d think they did. Sage gassed Chris up, of course, replying “yeah, you’re definitely sensitive to the mystical, my guy. I can just tell. I can sense it.” I replied, “that’s just his smell.” They continued to ignore me. How the tables had turned.
Chris let out a breathy “wow” as he drove the rig along, before asking Sage what that meant. Chris was actually excited, his quivering neck fat dancing with jiggly delight as he asked Sage what he ought to do next. Sage thought about this for a moment, and said, “well, since you show great promise, how would you like to become my apprentice?” I shot up from the back, with one word on my lips. “Oh no. Oh hell no. You’re not taking this guy seriously, are you, Chris? He’s clearly a charlatan, dude. Magic isn’t even real. Honestly, Sage, is it? I think this ride has gone on long enough. It’s about time you get the hell out of this truck and walk.”
Chris started up with a shriek, declaring that I couldn’t just evict his master from the truck, and if we’re being totally honest, we were rolling down the highway at 65 MPH and I wasn’t at the wheel. I had no power to remove him in this situation. Sage grinned at me and said, “that’s the power of a wizard,” before turning to Chris and saying, “now, my apprentice…” I trudged to the back of the truck, trying to keep pace on all the weird hippie woowoo shit they were talking about, but I’m an old man. I can’t catalog it all. I did my best to ignore it all and return once more to my book. Chris would make his own bed today, and all I could hope was that it would be his problem and remain that way.
The ride past by as the wizard and his apprentice discussed all sorts of arcane conundrums, like alchemy (which focused mostly around which beers got you drunk the fastest and how to spin a pookie so you don’t burn off all your dope), manifestation (the art of wanting something really bad and hoping it comes true), and even wizard style, which entailed a lengthy discussion not only on dress but on grooming. By my recollection, it seems that the less one bathes, the more mighty their power becomes. Chris really lit up at this small bit of wisdom, telling Sage full length about the mystical potency of his pheromones and their utility in attracting his mates. Sage nodded knowingly about the powers of unwashed loins, and goaded Chris to bathe less so that his power could amplify. Of course, that wouldn’t be an issue, because, well, Chris never really bathed to begin with.
Sage was fascinated by the talk of pheromones and attracting of mates. He cut Chris off mid-sentence as he was regaling him with a story about a lot lizard he had purchased, when Sage mentioned two words that I wish he had never said to one poopycum man. “Sex magic.” Chris murmured back the phrase with awestruck intensity, wondering what strange wizardry he had stumbled upon. Sage offered up an explanation, saying that “sex is the strongest source of human power. You can literally use sex to manifest things. I know when I’m manifesting things, I think about it real hard while I, uh… you know.” Chris, missing the point entirely, said, “no, I don’t.” Obviously, whenever Sage was talking about when he “cleaned up.”
Chris’s eyes grew wide, and I knew that he had just conceived some harebrained plan in his head. What that plan was, of course, I couldn’t quite guess, but I’m sure it involved the objects of his desires and stroking his peen.
Thankfully, we were drawing close to Phoenix, and we would soon be rid of this self-proclaimed master wizard who had thoroughly educated his apprentice on all sorts of dubious ritualism. Sage spoke up, asking to be let out at the next truck stop, and I could see that the thought of losing his master upset Chris. So, in that moment, I guess Chris decided to try and put into practice all the things he had learned. I heard a shout from Sage. He cried, “what the hell are you doing, bro?”
Between heavy, throaty groans of pleasure, Chris murmured, “don’t leave me, master, there’s still so much left for me to learn.” I guess mister wizard here couldn’t divine the truth about the poopycum man – that truth being that you should never enable him to act like an asshole. Sage skittered in his seat up against the side of the window as the swampy scent of sexual arousal flooded the cab and Chris fiddled with his ding dong. He kept repeating himself like it was his own personal mantra, begging Sage to stay by his side and teach him all his wizarding ways as he diddled his knob. For once, I was glad I was in the back, and I promptly stood up and closed the curtain, leaving Sage to the fate he brought on himself.
The truck swerved and bucked as Chris struggled to choke the chicken, invoke his arcane spells, and focus on driving. I figured that today I would die, but Chris’s insufficient stamina saved the day as the smell of spoiling seed suffused about the cabin. Chris had nutted in his pants. Slowly, I cracked the curtains to see Sage desperately rolling down the window like I had done so many times before. Sage turned back to me, and begged me to help, but I just shrugged and said, “you opened this can of worms, dude.”
Well, Sage eventually got his wish. Despite Chris’s begging and pleading for his master to remain by his side, we ended up roaring into a truck stop outside of Phoenix and Sage promptly exited the cab, grabbing his things and disappearing into the travel plaza as Chris yelled after him for him to come back. Needless to say, Sage did not take the bait.
I moved into the driver’s seat and began my pre-drive checklist while Chris huffed up into the cabin, a spreading seminal stain suffusing through his sweatpants. He looked sad and defeated, as if he were somehow surprised that his “sexual magic” had failed to entice a hitchhiking charlatan to stay and teach him his weirding ways. He launched into a tirade, saying, “man, I can’t believe he didn’t stay! He was gonna teach me all his magic but he just up and left me, dude. What the Hell? My powers must not be strong enough yet, Honker Donkers.”
I sighed, looking up from the paperwork, and said, “He’s full of shit, Chris, and magic isn’t real. He was taking you for a ride, not the other way around. You scared him off when you bought into his bullshit and decided to polish your knob while you were driving the truck and he’s not coming back. It’s that simple.” Chris scoffed, and said, “yeah right, honker donkers. Like you know anything about magic. Sage taught me everything he knew, bro. I just need to practice more and just you watch, I’m gonna do all sorts of crazy shit.” I rolled my eyes, but deep inside I was troubled, because this really showed me just how deep Chris’s delusions ran. Believing some hobo on the side of the road is actually a wizard was just a bridge to far for me. I took a deep breath, and tried to explain everything once again, but Chris was having none of it. With a bold clearing of his throat, he said, “hearken thyself, nonbeliever, and witness the power of a real mage! Sage, you will return to me and finish my training!”
His hand crept down to his pants and pulled back the elastic waistband, releasing the fragrant fumes of fermenting fungus and I retched. Even though both windows were down, it seems that his previous release had already congealed into a putrid, rotten mass, that now aerated itself upon the breeze with just that singular lifting of the fabric. He was casting a cloud of disease, alright, and I choked back vomit as I groped around underneath the console. I had been saving something special there just for this occasion.
BWAAAAAAAA.
Chris practically jumped out of his seat, hitting his head against the side paneling of the truck, screeching, “OH GOD DAMNIT,” as he lifted one clean hand to his ear and another soured one to the opposite side of his face. I let up on the trigger of the air horn and he relaxed momentarily, pulling his hands down before I blasted it again at him like a man wielding a squirt bottle at a bad kitty. We repeated this process a few times before the thing was finally out of juice, at which point I dropped the damn thing to the floor. It clattered there, breaking the awkward silence in the cab between us before Chris finally said, “Are you done, honker donkers? I gotta cast my spell.”
“You aren’t going to cast anything, Chris. We are getting out of here right now, and you are never seeing that hack again.” I jammed the keys in the ignition as Chris started to screech, “dude, c’mon, he’s still out there, bro! Just give me 10 minutes and I can summon him back!” I didn’t humor the request, of course. I stepped down on the gas and pulled us out of the lot and started to put as many miles as I could between us and that truck stop. Chris seethed about it for a bit, threatening me with all sorts of magical incantations. His hand had begun to reach once again for his crotch, but my secret weapon had been spent. I needed another route and I needed it fast. Well, thankfully, my brain was working overtime today after our brief run in with this errant wizard. As Chris began to reach for his bruised mushroom wand so he could cast curses on my life (probably the only curse he actually cast on my life to be honest) I stopped him dead in his tracks with a little magic of my own. I said, “are you really gonna jack off to the thought of me, dude? That’s gay.”
Chris stuttered for a bit, declaring that it wasn’t gay. I didn’t let him have it, and insisted it was. I mean, isn’t it? He coped for a bit, declaring that “it’s not out of lust, bro. It’s out of dominance.” I didn’t let him have that either, remarking that he was still spanking it while thinking about another dude. I laid it out on thick then and asked him if he was going to make a habit out of beating off to the thought of me. He practically screeched, “fine! I won’t do it! I’ll just summon my master back,” to which I declared that that was even gayer, because it wasn’t out of dominance, but a desire to be surrounded by another man. I glanced out of my eye. Chris was as red as his giant, swollen ass, and I could tell that all he wanted to do was bash my head against the console at this point, but he knew full well that if he cast fist, we would both be dying today. I smiled smugly in triumph as the poopycum man grappled with several realizations that day about the nature of charlatans and their magic and his own flustered sexuality.
The rest of the trip passed without relative incidence, and we made our way back to the California yard. I swear, you had never seen me run faster from that truck that day. Well, that’s probably not entirely true. As I walked away, I heard Chris hit the pavement with a loud “oof” and then his lilting, phlegm-choked voice came drifting on to the breeze. “Hey honker donkers,” he called after me, “I’m not gay, dude. It’s just magic.” I waved my hand dismissively as I walked, pausing only to soak in the confused look of a couple of other dudes walking through the yard who happened to overhear this choice one liner.
And that, my friends, concludes today’s story about Chris. I can hear the real world a calling my name and so it’s time for me to take my leave. But don’t you all worry, because I’ll be back in the not too distant future with yet another story about that guy we love to hate, Chris.