Ice chest on wheels walmart

So, I’ve had my second round of routine blood tests done. Now, I’m testing positive for more stuff. Positive lupus anticoagulant, positive RH factor, still have low blood complements, but now I also have low creatinine levels, low RBC, and low monocytes. :(
Last time I did this three months ago, I only had low blood complements and a positive ANA. However, I was diagnosed with lupus because of inflammation on my lungs (found on X-ray and chest CT). I’m like, fuck, so I also have RA? Like what is happening!! Doctor! I need to know!
I am feeling a little down, but now I’m anxious for my next rheumatologist appointment on June 20th.
Any tips for staying positive? I really want to have kids one day, so positive anticoagulant is making me very sad.

I'm trying to fix some of my flaws. I need help, advice, and support.
18 year old male here
I'm mostly a nice guy. There are people who love me and appreciate me. Even more than I do myself.
Like everyone else, I have made mistakes, I have got some bad habits, etc.
I have done many things that I will always regret and feel guilty about. I have been a person who gets depressed, has a harder time breathing, has pains in the head and chest, and hates myself for it.
I do and say things I regret immediately after...
It seems like I have trust issues and insecurities. I have done some testing behaviors with friends and that didn't end well. I wanted love/validation, but all I got was isolation and condemnation from them. I don't totally blame them. I do blame me for letting my thoughts and demons take over. I was controlling my urge to test people for like four years now, but this year I relapsed on that and went hard to say the least.
I would just act like someone else and ask them questions about me like "what do you think about ___?" The reason I very rarely ask directly is because I don't really trust their answer and usually people are more open about someone when they aren't in front of that someone. That's all. I don't mean to hurt anyone. It's more of a confirmation.
I just want to see and know how people truly feel about me. I don't want more fake friends and a repeat of my past. I know I can't see what they are thinking but I would like to get as close as possible. I don't care what people do, but I don't want to waste my time with fake snakes and I don't want to get hurt.
I wasn't even that weird of a kid, but I was bullied for two years. I was used and abused by my so called friends during that time and I think that plays a role in how I feel about people. That role has definitely reduced from being more of a main part to more of a Lowkey side extra part.
I also have such an amazing memory that it is hard for me to forget my past and let go because of that elephant brain I have. I think I still have trauma from years ago that I need to and should really let go but I don't know how.
How should I let go of the past?
I'm taking a break from some social media apps or at least reducing my time on them. This seems to be working. I'm also taking a college class this summer and I'm going to university this fall. I hope that will help distract me from my life's darker side.
I will still always be careful with choosing friends even when I'm there. In fact I might be even more careful.
In some ways I'm really proud of myself for trying to fix myself, but I'm also very ashamed and embarrassed about it. Maybe that is the slight part of perfectionist in me?
I sometimes wonder why was I born and what is my purpose. Although I've had some thoughts, I'm not suicidal. I'm scared of suicide and death in general. I'm just curious and I feel worse than others at certain times.
I don't want to disappoint my loved ones. Especially my parents because I think they have done and sacrificed too much for me. I would just be mean and evil to end it all or not try to succeed and live recklessly.
Am I a bad person? What should I do? What would you do if you were in my shoes?
I'm on another AM guilt trip.
It is getting harder to breathe and it's hard to fall asleep even though I need sleep badly now and I have class early tomorrow morning.
Help me please...I honestly need everything I can get. Thank you for reading! <3

Good Day everyone,
right now I play a Sorc at lvl 52 and I am running an ice-shard build. There I have the full combination out of that my shards pierce multiple times, when I hit more than 5 enemies with one cast it costs less mana, I do more damage to frozen enemies etc. .
This build works pretty solid as I can clear even elite mobs within a few seconds on Worldtier 3, occasionally I die but that is given.
Now I've found the "Staff of Lam esen", which says "Charged Bolts pierce, but deal 30% less damage." The staff is sacred and unique, so I believe it does not get much better than that right?
I am wondering if I should change my build for it, since it seems on paper pretty powerful - my bolts pierce, because of their piercing they always hit more than 3 times an enemy and thus create a nova that deals even more damage and it will cost no mana, since they will almost always hit multiple enemies.
So I am wondering if any of you have experience with the charged bolts build and if its any good or if I should just stick to ice shards, as its quite powerful as it is.

My main problem with the combat is that it feels like everything around you is happening by accident or pure chance. The lack of the power wheel and control over squadmate powers obviously contributes, but that's not all. Both enemy and squadmate AI in this game are grotesquely bad. Aside from a few exceptions, it's like everything is programmed to behave like Vanguards. Ranged "suppressive fire" units like Chosens, Anointeds, Assemblers, and Observers just nonchalantly leave cover to rush your position and totally expose themselves to fire. That would be kind of hilarious if your squadmates didn't do the same. Even when the AI does take cover, it seems like it only happened because they accidentally waltzed into it, not because they were deliberately trying to find cover. So squad selection pretty much boils down to choosing two tanky companions who can hopefully prime the same enemies you're focusing on at the moment.
Speaking of priming, power combos actually kind of suck ass. For some ingenious reason, detonating a combo always removes any lingering secondary effects of the primer. An example is when you prime an enemy with Incinerate, which causes them to panic for 3-4 seconds. But if you immediately detonate the Fire combo, they are cleared of the panic effect and just take DoT despite still being on fire. Cryo combos are even worse; detonating primed enemies instantly unfreezes them, but doesn't freeze nearby enemies caught in the radius. SO WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT? I kill my enemy so much more efficiently if I just leave the primer alone and pump bullets into them while they're CC'ed. The only combos consistently worth detonating are Tech and Biotic combos, since they actually have some minor CC utility.
Finally, while I do like having the jetpack for more verticality, I don't see the point in having a whole separate button reserved for evading. Not only is evading kind of OP to begin with (completely trivializing any Fiend encounters), it's mainly used to extend the length of a jump, more often than not. So why not just allow the jump button to be held down for an extra second to propel yourself further? That would free up an extra button on consoles to map an extra power, or -- god forbid -- open the power wheel.

A little about me, I’m a phenomenal listener and avid cookie eater. So as long as you don't mind me eating cookies like the cookie monster then we should get along quite well. I like to always have fun and am quite adventurous! I love traveling, and learning about new cultures and binge eating their food. So if you are super bored and looking for a friend, let's start thinking about new handshakes, A bit more about me:
*Techy sarcastic nerd - Music depends on my mood, if I feel ambitious then Rap/Hip hop, otherwise edm, jazz, oldies, blues and pop will do.
Video games, I play warzone, valorant, gta, rust, and csgo. I often cry myself to sleep when 12 year olds bully me.
Food, Cake, Cookies, Ice Cream, Pizza, anything thats not green vegetables (yucky) * Love tattoos! Have them myself
Sports, I love sports basketball, baseball, football though I tend to get hit in the nuts quite a bit with balls

Now I dont know all the Rare Blades extremly well so if you got insite leave a comment on your thoughts
By there own law im game not stats and skill trees though they can play into itNo dlc, Flesh Eater and Kos mos and T elos and no Poppies
Blades that are strong but not crazy Brighid, Pandoria, Aegaeon and Jin all carzy strong Brighid even haveing blue flames but none are super carzy
Mythra also falls out cause gets matched with the Blades above and its not till Pneuma that she becomes truly crazy
Fire Dagas unique flames and when he lets loose the party is shocked at his raw power
Water none of note
Wind Zenobia crazy strong Boreas speed that would make Jin look slow Haze can restrict the power of Blades and Titans
Ice none of note
Earth none of note
Lightning Herald crazy strong Obrona power to disturb the flow of either
Dark Kasandra while not directly powerfull has the passive fate manipulation for her Malos he is an Aegis only counting him cause the only cannon Light Blade is Mythra
Light Pneuma full power of the Aegis can partily manipulate reality

Didn’t know whether to flare it as debt or retirement.
So the first six months of 2023 have been incredibly rough. I worked two jobs for the last half of 2022 for about 65-70 hours a week combined, putting pretty much everything I made toward paying down debt so I didn’t save anything. I was still living paycheck to paycheck. After the holiday quarter, hours got cut so drastically at both that I was barely hitting 20 hours combined.
In early March, I got hit with the news that my car needed about $1200 in repairs. I live in an area where I NEED a car and I certainly couldn’t get a different car for cheaper than the repairs would cost. I know just enough about cars to know these repairs were serious and couldn’t wait much longer as it was a hazard to myself and others on the road (both wheel bearings and a disintegrated motor mount). I wasn’t anywhere close to having the money so I took out a 401k loan of $2000 in case it ended up costing more. The repairs actually ended up only costing $1000 so I put the remaining $1000 toward paying off my highest interest credit card as I figured I’d be staying at that job long enough to pay off the loan in time.
Shortly after, I got a letter in the mail saying our complex was not renewing our lease due to my roommate’s difficulty paying rent on time. Not being able to afford housing anymore (as we were still paying the same rent as we did back in 2020) pushed me into a career in trucking so I could live in the truck and pay off my debt. I did some research into 401k loans and everyone said it would just be counted as a withdrawal if it wasn’t paid back. Cool, I’m fine with that.
I come back from a couple weeks of orientation to find a letter in the mail from my previous employer saying that my 401k loan HAS to be repaid by September. Are they just saying that I have to repay it by September for it to not count as a withdrawal? Will letting it go delinquent harm my finances further than just having it count as a withdrawal? Any help is appreciated.
TL;DR: I took out a 401k loan for car repairs and spent all of it since I figured I’d stay at the job long enough to pay it off. I ended up quitting the job and they said I had to pay it back by September. If I don’t pay it off, is there any penalty besides the tax penalty of it counting as an early withdrawal?

Everyone makes a big deal out of it. The whole pronouns and being misgendered, the deadname calling.
Sometimes I feel like the most self accepting thing to do is accept that you are you and they are them.
So what you don’t respect me. I respect me and that’s worth more than your words will ever mean.
So what you don’t see a man when you look at me. People deal with mental illness everyday and we mis identify them as being okay because…………they look okay. So it’s alright if you didn’t catch my good side😂
If I told you to call a cat a dog and you were use to calling a a cat a cat you would fuck up some times too. So why do some people make it personal when they know that’s not the intent of the person.I think people who know me before I announced the real me to the world deserve a past because truth is there is something that human on this earth is not able to change. As long as they are respectful and greet me with a smile and treat me like I want to be treated. I don’t give a shit what you call me. PEOPLE WHO I MEET NOW WOULDNT KNOW WHAT MY BIRTH NAME WAS IF YOU ASKED.
Literally my mom came up to my school asking for me and nobody knew who the hell she was talking about😉🤣🤣(yes she knows my name but refuses to call me by it) if that wasn’t the slap in the face of the universe 😂😂😂
Why do we appropriate men with nice chest?
It’s like the ultimate goal of most ftm chest surgery outcomes. And if they don’t get those results many claim to have body dysphoria. Big men exist and they pull just as many females or males as smaller men. They are likely to have a more lowered chest. So why is the goal a completely flat chest. I would like to see more bigger people opting for a more realistic chest size.
I guess what I’m saying is just work on accepting you take others opinions of how you should look to be called trans and how a man should look and be your trans 🏳️‍⚧️ self. I really just want to see the amount of us taking our life decrease and I’ve really been thinking about this and why.
But maybe society will never accept us. But also maybe we can just never give af about them in the first place. I feel like take what you want the hormones the right to pronoun. You can still never take the man I see when I look at me in the mirror or the way I carry myself in public. Or the amount of chicks I’m pulling without my chest surgery and without that thang hanging in between my thoughts ( definitely gonna wear it though)

As the title suggests I have recently had my DNA test and the results were that I am positive for the gene. For anyone wondering or unsure, this means I am more susceptible to lung and liver diseases. It doesn't help that my mom smoked around me my whole life, not does it help that I had my issues with vaping and smoking the last little while. I was recently taken to the ER for chest pain and shortness of breathe. Is there any hope for me? I know I should not be surprised by the test results. But is there hope for me to live a normal life and to not have any lung related issues? Idk I feel like it’s not good news, but I am determined to come back from this. Anyone suffering from Alpha 1, is there any pointers we could discus on the treatment of my health? I do apologize for the lengthy post, I just wanted to be able to tell someone.

This is not just a hypothetical discussion. I will be placing a large order of many of USea & other's newest and shiniest CEDH/Vintage/Legacy Staples in the near future.
So in a way this is also asking all of you which versions of the big expensive Cards you would want to see Reviewed here. I won't be able to compare the proxies to real cards like the best reviews here do, but I will at least be able to take HD pictures/video of 100+ Cards.
The Title fully asks my question for all of you, if you just want the TLDR and don't want to read this wall-of-text; but to add far more detail and discussion than is necessary:
I am trying to decide which versions of proxies to get for Casual-EDH & Competitive-CEDH; for playing with various EDH/CEDH play-groups or Events, and nothing else.
I am "over-analyzing" this, certainly, but I loathe to feel uncertain about my choices. And IMO this is an important topic worthy of in-depth discussion/debate that I feel many Proxy-Players brainstorm among themselves about, even if they don't ponder it as much as I do, lol.
I play with everyone from friends to strangers who I can't predict, both IRL and online via cam; so just "Rule-Zero'ing" doesn't really work. Plus if I say: "I'm playing with proxies", but then all my cards look real, then that seems very suspicious to me.
Most of the people I've played with have been fine with reasonable proxies, I've even seen people open a Scryfall image and put their phone in the Command Zone & Tap it etc! (Which is hilarious and awesome IMO!)
But I also sometimes play with some hyper-competitive "jealous stickler" types too, who 100% are not okay with Proxies because "they worked hard for their cards and it's unfair for other people to play those cards without earning them". Even though they play numerous Cards that neither I nor most people can afford. Basically, they want MTG to be "Pay2Win" because they have deep-pockets.
It especially stings since I personally owned most of the same Cards I want to proxy now. But I lost many old Cards to mishaps & accidents over the years, like floods and family mistaking them for worthless old junk and throwing them in the trash; and I sold some other Cards for stupidly low prices.
So to me it's like someone saying: "oh that Mox Diamond/ TimetwisteSavanna/Gaea's Cradle/etc that you had to sell years ago for $20 to fix your car is now worth thousands, but you still want to play with those cards now because they fill you with warm nostalgia? Nope!".
IMO it'd be like banning people from playing Super Mario Bros on emulators because they can't afford an expensive retro-System.
IMO it is far more sensible to just present a real looking Deck and not have to Rule-0-Debate the merits of Proxying $2,000 Cards before every game.
I just want to play powerful Cards that I played with as a kid, or that help create exciting fun games for everyone. I don't want to stomp on people, I just want to min-max my Decks while also encouraging healthy fun games.
After all, isn't it more fun when someone has a Force of Will to stop the comboing player from fully "going off" and just suddenly ending an epic game for everyone?
(Ban [[Thassa's Oracle]] BTW, it's super unfun/unsatisfying, deflates great games, and is just too dang easy/effective to use as a win-con!)
Or when someone has efficient removal spells for the turn-2 Sheoldred that the Mono-Black player just cast?
Or when someone can "do something about that 16/16 Voltron-monster" instead of just letting it murder the poor defenseless guy who got stuck without their Colors/Lands.
But since many people don't approve of proxies I want the Deck to look reasonably legitimate.
It's also important to me that my Deck looks "nice" and has a shiny/pretty aesthetic, whenever possible.
But I also want to avoid situations like some innocent Timmy looking over and exclaiming to the entire Table: "OHH! Is that a real Wheel/PoweDual-Land?!?!".

• And then they want to see it, and then everyone else gets curious and wants to look too, and next thing I know everyone is staring down my "expensive looking" Deck and questioning how I can afford so many "expensive Cards". -.-
  
• Or even worse: Making myself look like a ripe-target for thieves. I sure don't want to get mugged over some silly proxies!
  

So the goal is to be as low-key as possible, but also having the nicest looking cards that I can, because Shiny Things Spark Joy lol.
But to me, it also seems extremely "Sus" to play "realistic" looking proxies of "illegal" Gold-Border type Cards, since those "can't be played in Tournaments" it seems illogical for anyone to own a real $3,000 "unplayable Card".
Wouldn't it make much more sense for any rational person to pay a couple hundred more dollars for a fully tournament legal version of a $2,000 card?
If the Gold-bordered/30th-Anniversary versions were extra cheap sure that would make sense, but IMO playing a "tournament-illegal" card that is still technically $1,000+ seems far weirder and more suspicious to me.
But that is just me and I have no idea if most people would disagree.
It would be even more suspicious if I swapped proxy style later on too, like one week I have Revised Dual-Lands, but the next week I have 30th-Anniversary-Lands?
So it seems especially important to make the best call the first time.
Regardless of which option is the best and least suspicious, it all hinges on "Owning it".
So what do you all think?
Go with the "not-Tournament-Legal" versions and just quietly acknowledge that they aren't real? (Which might bring suspicion upon my entire Deck's "legitimacy")...
OR, go with the cheapest-legit-versions with White-Borders and "Foreign Black Borders", and just try and humbly play it off that I'm "borrowing" a "$20,000" Deck (when it's obvious I don't have that kind of money for a hobby).
I just want to play with shiny powerful cards and encourage a lively fun Table, but too many people aren't okay with just printing out the crazily-expensive Cards; and I don't want people to start thinking I'm shady because I play with "$1,200 Cards" while my trade-binder only has budget Jank.
I love to Trade legitimate-Cards too, and I absolutely definitely will not be trying to trade any of my proxies, if for no other reason than I don't want them "entering circulation" and being mistaken for real Cards; but if people found out that I play with proxies that are difficult to detect as fakes then they probably would be wary of trading with me at all, no matter how sincere or honest I was.
I suppose "damaging" the Cards would be an option, but with the amount of damage that would be required to make those Cards seem affordable I feel like that overlaps with just printing out obviously fake proxies and begging people to overlook them.
In other words: I feel like if someone cared whether I was playing with Proxies, then they would care equally as much if I was playing a Card that had been ripped in half or burned or otherwise severely damaged.
IDK I just want to mix-max and help the entire table have fun without breaking the bank, playing ragged damaged Cards, or making myself seem sketchy.
In the end - I think probably the best way to redirect suspicion would be to just act like all the expensive Cards are on Loan.
There are legitimate Paper-Card-Rental Services that Loan you Cards for a monthly-fee, right? Do they Loan expensive Cards too?
Before I go and use that as an excuse and someone at the Table says: "Well actually those places don't loan Reserved-List Cards, so that is a lie." and then starts interrogating my Deck.
(I've played with some really sweaty Gamers who really do crap like this, but good competition is tough to find :/ )
Maybe just acting like the Cards are from those Rental-Services or "on loan from old friends who don't play anymore" is the best strategy?
What do you all think about the topic?

• Get only "tournament legal" proxies, wear the edges down some, and insist that they're being borrowed or were bought for a bargain; that the proxies are "real" but definitely not for trade?

Or -

• Get the "NOT tournament legal" versions that look "real", but be honest that the cards are "high quality proxies" and try to convince the Table in a "Rule-0" way that it's unreasonable to essentially soft-Ban certain Cards simply because they are outrageously expensive now.

...
I got a bit carried away and long-winded, but I'm just passionate about pretty shiny pieces of Cardboard lol.
Do please tell me what You think!

Hey guys, looking for some advice from some fellow riders, as im a new(ish) to MTB. First, a little about me and my wants. First and foremost, I want freedom to explore trails, do some single trails and work up to some jumps. I wanted a EMTB just for range/ exploration options. Im carrying a bit of extra weight and not the fittest - I have spent a lot of my time on my ass in front of a screen working around the clock for too many years - time for a lifestyle change. Im new to MTB although used to ride when I was a kid a bit/ bmx. I used to race motocross/ enduro a lot and do my own maintainance, and plan on doing a fair chunk of my own maintainance.
I picked up a CUBE Reaction Pro hard tail eMTB, and its great, but I have some growing concerns. I am yet to take it on a serious offroad trip, but have already noticed a few things im not sure about. 1. It is huge. it has 29 inch wheels, and at my height, im borderline too small for it, ie, feet can only be flat on one side when sitting on cross bar. I definitely need to get a dropper post regardless. Also, its nearly impossible for me to get the front wheel up at any decent speed, I have to be walkping pace to be able to pop up the front. im guessing this is because of the 29 tires and the long wheelbase? Its super stable ride, but doesnt have that 2). The front forks, X-Fusion, seem a bit off to me. They feel way too soft (bottoming out on small drop offs, or turning up by 1 click, then want to snap your wrists off). I didnt know if I should just invest in better forks? 3) The brakes are good, but i feel they could be better (2 piston I think) If I grab a handfull of front brake, im struggling to lock the front wheel on concrete, or do a stoppie. It stops quick, but feels almost like ABS - and im smashing the lever. It might be from my MX days, but I feel I should have a great feel over the front brake with 1/2 fingers? Would 4 piston be the way to go. 4) I always felt I was going to go hard tail for a while before making the jump to full suspension - but im already itching to send it down rough tracks/ jumps, and I know its not going to be the same experience as a full suspension setup.
I spent roughly $3.5k AUD on this bike. I can take it back to the bike shop within 30 days and swap it out (pay the difference) as there is no damage to the bike. I have until the 23rd of this month to do so.
So my question is: Should I swap this bike and put more money into getting a FS bike, with better forks and better brakes? I dont really want to go much higher than $5kAUD as im just starting out, there are a few options in my price range. I do intend to ride some days throughout the week and most weekeneds. Im not competing, but I still want to have fun and not feel huge restrictions on the trails.
OR - I quite like the bike I have minus the few shortcomings - should maybe just invest in better forks, a dropper seat, maybe swap the wheels to 27.5inch and make the most of it - just get out and ride - and upgrade in future if I feel the need? Or should I spend more and go full suspension while I can do a free swap but just pay the difference?
Thanks for any advice/ insight!!

Spring is helping me stay alive. Today, in spirit, power threw me back, said I lacked sufficient faith in the Christian message, the good capitalist, the proper bread winner – not me! – though it’s been a lob that’s been airborne for the better part of a year. About a year ago, the spirit who makes things go said aloha, and I went: is this what a trans-historical extinction event sounds like up close? These breathy sighs? Long goodbyes? The lighter-than-air craft keeping power aloft are flirting with acrobatics, and we were all outside, watching the rain fall, which turns out to be a sunny day, water made of light. Spring is helping me stay alive – what generosity spring bestows. Power threw me back, said thanks for the chat, last man standing picks up the check, let’s order wings and veg, be angels who haven’t the stomach for industry, spines for finance. Today, my attention was directed to the fruiting of peppers, the sprouting of eggplants, and my heart feels like a butterfly garden, which turns out to be my hope in the future, nectaries that end suffering, flirt with aeronautics. Today, for the first time in more than a decade, I got my hair cut by someone who cared about me as a human being. Our 40-min session went twice that, and as we talked – about emotional haircuts, residential streets without sidewalks, and the cosmic expanse – I whispered thank you to her every few minutes, mostly under my breath, which stands for those who stop to assess the speed of clouds, their direction, clouds made of data uncollected. My haircut urges me to feel like a member of a species, a generosity both cozy and emancipating, and I walk home freer than before, thanking all the queer people I know for being present in the world. Spring is helping me stay alive. My haircut today was neat and casual – one of those haircuts that parked cars in a previous life, engenders confidence in the drivers off to see a show, which stands for the stillness of all that is not the soul. The scent of it is benevolence reimagined, and I consider the ways next-haircuts send us further up the road, the braid, the knotted circumference of the world. Once, I did wander out of sight, till the sound of my voice triggered smoke alarms, and the clip-clop of my footsteps stopped me in my tracks. What a pickle! What a bog! Then power threw me back. See more of reality than your needs in relation to it – what I called back to power just before I hit the water, supposedly sank without a trace, which is the nature of the dusk, colors on a wheel – we all know it’s the earth’s rotation.

July 8th Excerpt from the Diary of Heaven White
‘Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; you stretch out your hand against the wrath of my enemies, with your right hand you save me.’
Psalms 138:7
​
Onu’s instructions were clear. I recognize that, and I am fully aware that it is not wise to defy his wishes.
​
But there are things he is not telling me. Things that weigh on his mind at all hours of the day. I see it in his eyes. I hear it in his voice. I had initially suspected that the damage caused by Casey LaBeouf’s betrayal had left him more disorganized and scattered than he let on. But no.
​
I’m not so sure that is the case, anymore.
​
Onu’s instructions were clear. I was to stay out of Family affairs. But in the end, I truly could not help myself. The blood of my family runs through my veins. Their affairs are my affairs. Perhaps in Onu’s eyes, I will need to earn my status, but that does not bother me. In fact for now, it might well be an asset.
​
Unbound by the constraints of the Family, I am free to operate without Onu’s direct oversight. He may not approve, but he can not stop me.
​
I knew he’d be out of town tonight. On what business, I wasn’t sure. But his absence was my opportunity. The man he had assigned as my escort - a gentleman by the name of Doug Coleridge, was attentive but still very much human. When I told him I was going to bed, it did not take long before he did the same.
​
I lay awake and waiting, listening as he got settled in the guest bedroom beside mine, and waited until I knew he was asleep. Then, after about thirty minutes, I left my room to begin my research.
​
Onu’s office was left unlocked. I closed the door behind me as I entered. Then, just like before, I began searching through his desk. This time, I was thorough. Most of the documents he kept there were focused on some of the cases he’d taken on. I couldn’t help but notice how many had popped up since LaBeouf had defected. It struck me just how thinly he was spread. I left those folders alone after skimming through them. It was nothing for me to tamper with.
I left that drawer as I found it, before going through another. The documents there seemed to be more personal. There was a handgun, which I carefully set aside, some trinkets, pens and old newspaper articles.
​
Now those seemed very out of place. I skimmed through them and found no mention of LaBeouf. Most of them detailed an event from several years back. The murder of the Stone family. I couldn’t see why Onu would even care, until I saw the photograph of a woman.
​
Diana Stone was the name under it, and the woman was identical to the girl in the picture on Onu’s desk. At last I could put a name to the face. I glanced up at the picture of the woman, comparing the two before deciding they were the same person. I paused, studying her for a few moments longer. Her eyes were terribly familiar. The same burning amber as the eyes of the Girl who’d pushed my Father. For a moment, I caught myself wondering if they were one and the same, and skimmed through the story. The only useful data it provided, was that Diana Stone had died twenty years ago. A relative, perhaps? I’d need to look into it. But now was not the time. I returned everything to its proper place, and continued my search. Finally it bore some fruit.
​
The files on LaBeouf were plentiful, although disorganized and difficult to decipher. Most of it was from before his betrayal, and I sorted it into a little pile while I read through the newer material. There was very little on him currently, Onu’s notes and scribbles were vague as usual, although they often needed to be. He couldn’t afford to leave his secrets out in the open. I’d need to check the things he didn’t write down.
I looked over at his computer. What I was thinking was a brave move, and not without its risks. I’d not only need to be smart, but careful. A shake of the mouse brought up his login screen that requested a password. There was no hint given, either you knew it, or you did not. I admittedly did not know it.
​
I glanced at the framed picture of Diana Stone. It was a wild guess, perhaps guessing was a mistake, but it was all that I had to go off of. Aside from her possible connection to my Father’s killer (a connection that was only a half baked theory, at best) she was nobody special. She wasn’t part of the Family. The article I’d read had stated she was a dancer, and I doubted Onu had enough affinity for dance to idolize a dead small time ballerina. No… she was special to him, for some reason. Perhaps special enough to guard his secrets. I typed, ‘Diana’ into the box. His computer opened up to me, and from there, it was trivial to open his email. It’s so convenient how computers save passwords, isn’t it?
​
From there, it didn’t take long to find some more useful information.
It seemed that I’d underestimated Onu. He’d kept his eyes all too closely trained on LaBeouf’s brother. There were copies of emails that he’d sent, and a few barely useful status updates that one of his shadows had sent him.
​
The would-be senator hadn’t contacted his brother directly to their knowledge, and Casey’s disappearance had been marked by the disappearance of another man involved in LaBeouf’s defection. This man’s name was Steven Love. A police detective and it wasn’t exactly difficult to determine that their disappearances were likely connected. I found little on him aside from a file attached to an email. There was no concrete evidence tying him to LaBeouf, other than the two men had seemingly left town at the same time, and Love had more or less dropped off the face of the earth since then. He unfortunately seemed to be another dead end. The name only came up once in another email, that suggested he was the one to whom Casey had spoken to. Aside from that, no picture, no address, nothing. Frustrating, but I kept digging. There was little else to find, but not quite nothing.
In one of the emails, from Kasting, there was a footnote that made me go back and look at Love’s files. He had a partner, a man by the name of Vincent Bennett. There were no files on him, but the footnote read as follows.
​
Terry spoke with Bennett, about a week before he went dark. Lexi followed up on it. Can’t find any connection. Bennett says he’d stopped working with Love before he disappeared and he’d heard of LaBeouf, but didn’t work on the case. We’ll keep an eye on him, but I don’t think he’s behind what happened.
​
Kasting seemed to think that this Bennett man was a dead end… but I made a note of the name anyways. Perhaps if Kasting couldn’t get the Detective to talk (assuming he even knew anything at all), I could. I wasn’t sure how… but I was sure I’d think of something.
​
Intrigued, I skimmed a little further until I found another email from one of Onu’s other shadows.
​
I looked into that weird address that was contacting Matt. Far as I can tell, it’s legit. Maybe he just likes Japanese cartoons? TMFI.
-Lexi
​
How bizarre. I looked a little further until I found another reference to the address that had been contacting Matthew LaBeouf. It was a copy of one of the emails that had been sent to him.
​
Hi Matthew!
Thank you again for your recent purchase from Ultimate Waifu! Your new handmade Dakimakura cover has been safely shipped and you should expect it within the next few days. We hope you enjoy this adorable cuddlemuffin! Don’t be too rough with her! She’s delicate!
Please feel free to contact us if there are any concerns or questions and please leave a customer review if you are satisfied with our service!
-Sammy
​
The image was signed with a little pixel art image of a character with short blue hair. I reread the email a few times, before finally finding a copy of the email one of his Shadows had sent the same address.
​
Hi Alexis!
We’re sorry to say that the item you’re looking for is currently out of stock! But if you really, really, reeeeeally want it, we can totally contact you when it comes in again! We’d really hate to deprive anyone of a sweet kawaii cuddlemuffin to keep them warm at night! In the meanwhile, please feel free to browse our quality selection of stain resistant, machine washable, Dakimakura!
-Sammy
​
The same little cartoon character was there by the signature, and I closed out of the emails. I couldn’t make heads or tails of them, so for now, I decided to leave it alone. I moved on to see what else I could find, before a voice in the darkness interrupted me.
​
“Y’know this is the exact thing I’m supposed to stop you from doing.”
​
I looked up, to see a shadow in the door of the office. The light came on, and I was greeted by the sleepy, but sternly disapproving face of Doug Coleridge. He was a tall, broad shouldered man in his early forties with thick hair that was just starting to gray and intense brown eyes.
“What’s the harm in curiosity?” I asked.
“You ever heard that old saying ‘Curiosity killed the cat?’” He asked, his voice still heavy with sleep.
“Well then I’d have plenty to fear if I were a cat, wouldn’t I?”
​
He sighed, and approached me to turn off Onu’s screen. “Don’t be a smartass, Heaven,” He said. “Your Uncle told me to keep you out of this stuff for a reason. So do me a solid, and don’t get us both in trouble.”
“I’m just reexamining what he already knows.” I said, “Technically I haven’t done anything yet!”
“What did I just say about being smart with me? Leave the LaBeouf thing alone. It’s none of your business.”
​
“He betrayed the Family. Of course it’s my business.” I replied, “If I want Onu to take me seriously, then I need to contribute. Simple as that.”
“A lot of things I’d have figured you for, kid. But a glory hound wasn’t one of them” He said, “They’re never gonna to catch LaBeouf, you know that, right?”
​
“Never is a harsh word. I’m not doing it for repute. If Onu won’t give me an opportunity to contribute, I’ll make my own.”
“Yeah, great idea. I’m sure it won’t blow up horribly in your face,” Coleridge said dryly. “Let me know how you plan on doing that.”
“Well, I could use the help… if you were interested,” I offered.
​
Coleridge raised an eyebrow at me before scoffing.
“Last time I checked, I worked for Robert, not for you.”
“Oh come now! Say we did find him, it’d look good on both of us!” I said.
“I’d also be crossing one of the most powerful men in the city.” Coleridge pointed out, as if expecting me to have some sort of answer for that.
“We’d be doing him a favor.” I noted.
“Yeah, I don’t think he’ll see it that way when you get caught,” Coleridge said before sighing. “Look, I admire your dedication, I do. But like I said before, there’s a damn good reason Robert doesn’t want you involved in this.”
​
“Is there?” I asked, “Because I don’t see it! Do you?”
Coleridge was silent for a moment, staring intently at me. Then, finally he sighed.
“Go get dressed,” He said, before turning to leave.
“Why?”
“Because you and me are going for a drive.”
​
“To where?” I asked, feeling a slight pang of concern in my chest as I followed Coleridge out into the hall.
“You wanna know why your Uncle doesn’t want you involved in this? I’m gonna show it to you,” Coleridge said matter of factly.
I watched as he disappeared back into his bedroom, before quietly going to mine to find some clean clothes.
​
***
​
Coleridge and I drove in relative silence through the night. He didn’t tell me where we were going, even when I asked and were I a more paranoid woman, I might have worried that he had some kind of ill intent.
​
I’m not sure if I should have been surprised or not when he brought me to a hospital.
“Is this some sort of underhanded threat?” I asked, as he pulled into the underground parking lot.
“That’s not what I’d call this, no.” He replied as he pulled into a spot. He got out of the car and I followed.
​
“I don’t know how much you know about your Uncle’s reputation, but Robert isn’t the kind of man you double cross,” He said as he headed for the elevator. “If you ask me, Casey had some real balls, doing what he did.”
“And yet Onu still hasn’t found him,” I noted.
“Trust me, he’s been looking,” Coleridge said. I followed him into the elevator and he hit a button, taking us up to the 6th floor.
“So I’ve seen. And it would appear that all he’s uncovered are anime body pillows. That’s hardly progress, if you ask me.”
​
Coleridge chuckled.
“Saw those emails, did you?” He asked. “But no… use your brain, kiddo. You really think your Uncle is going to keep the juicy stuff in his emails?”
​
He might have had a point there. The elevator doors opened and Coleridge stepped out. I followed him. He led me through the pale linoleum halls of the hospital, although to where, I really wasn’t sure.
“After LaBeouf skipped town, Robert sent the usual guy he hires for this kind of stuff after him. Travis Gordon. Can’t really say that he and I were ever friends, but I worked with him from time to time… long story short, he was one a ruthless son of a bitch.”
​
“If he was, you would have thought he’d have found LaBeouf by now, wouldn’t you?” I asked.
“Yeah, you would’ve. Heck, maybe he did find him… not like Travis would tell us.”
He led me down a short hall, before pausing in front of a door.
“Why not?” I asked, before noticing the name on the door.
​
Travis Gordon.
​
I looked back at Coleridge.
“If this is some sort of elaborate prank, Mr. Coleridge, than you can save your energy and-”
“You wanted to know why Robert doesn’t want you involved in this. I’m showing you,” Coleridge replied plainly. “You wanna know why he’s not putting more effort into chasing LaBeouf? Go through that door. See for yourself.”
​
I stared at the door again. Suddenly the world around me felt a little more present. The ground beneath my feet felt a little more real. I stared at the door, but I couldn’t open it. Coleridge stood beside me, watching me quietly. After a while, he just sighed.
​
“Let’s go,” He said, getting up to leave. “It’s probably best if you don’t tell Robert that I brought you here. I don’t think he’d-”
“What happened to him?” I asked.
Coleridge looked back at me.
“What happened to him?” I repeated. “He was injured, right? What happened to him?”
“I don’t know,” Coleridge replied plainly.
​
I looked back at the door. Coleridge stood waiting for me.
“Tell you what, I know a good diner just down the street. Best cheesecake in town. My treat. We’ll go home, forget about this whole thing and-”
​
I opened the door and stepped inside. Coleridge’s voice died in his throat.
The room I entered was dimly lit, but I could see the hospital bed and the figure lying on it. I could hear Coleridge’s footsteps behind me and looked back to see him standing in the doorway, his expression grim. He didn’t say a word to me.
​
Slowly, I approached the still body of Travis Gordon. I could hear the steady beep of a heart monitor and the rhythmic hiss of oxygen. In the dim light of the hospital, I could see that his eyes were open. I paused, thinking that he might have been awake. But his eyes weren’t focused on me. They just stared thoughtlessly up at the ceiling and it took me a moment to realize that the only reason they were open, was because he had no eyelids to close.
​
My stomach turned as the realization hit me, and as I stared at Travis Gordon’s face, each new mutilation became clear to me.
​
Someone had taken a knife to his face, cutting away flesh and letting it fester and scar. In some places, I could even see exposed bone. What was left of him barely even resembled a person anymore. He had no nose, no lips, no cheeks… his face had been almost completely butchered!
​
I clamped a hand to my mouth to keep myself from screaming and took a step back, right into Coleridge’s arms. He stared down at Travis Gordon with an expression that was somewhere between sorrow and disgust.
​
“What… what happened to him?” I asked.
“Last we heard from him, he was following up on a lead in Toronto. Then about three months later, they found him on a plane, looking like this… they needed to use his dental records to ID him.”
​
My stomach turned.
“They took his eyelids, his tongue and did that to his face… they cut his fingers off at the second knuckle and castrated him. His spine is broken. He’ll never walk again, and God only knows how many drugs they pumped into him… I guess the one small silver lining is that I don’t think he’s really in there anymore. Far as I’ve heard, he doesn’t know who he is, where he is or what happened to him. He’s just… gone.”
​
I saw Travis shift slightly and saw his eyes move toward me. My breath caught in my throat. Coleridge stared at him, but didn’t say a word. He just put a hand on my shoulder. Travis’s breathing grew heavier. I saw him try to open his mouth, but the only sound that came out was a dull, wet gurgling noise.
​
Coleridge pulled me toward the door, and I followed. I couldn’t look anymore. He closed the door behind him, and I heard him let out the breath he’d been holding the entire time.
“You wanna know why your Uncle doesn’t want you looking into LaBeouf? You wanna know why he asked me to keep an eye on you? That. That is why.”
​
I didn’t reply.
​
I couldn’t.
​
“Whoever did that to him… and I say ‘whoever’ because it sure as hell wasn’t LaBeouf, they could’ve killed him. Instead they sent him back here to us.”
“But why?” I asked, looking over at Coleridge.
“I figure it’s a message,” He replied. “Back off.”
​
He turned and headed down the hall again, back toward the elevator.
“Well… message received, loud and clear.”
“So whoever did that, they’re just going to get away with it?” I asked, “Onu’s not going after them?”
“Yeah, surprisingly he’s not sending anyone to look for the person who cuts peoples faces off and tortures them until they’re a gibbering mess. Can’t imagine why,” Coleridge said.
​
I stared back at the room, before quietly following him back to the elevator. We rode down in silence.
“Like I said before, it’s probably better if you don’t tell your Uncle I took you here,” He finally said, breaking the silence between us. “And it’s probably best if you drop this whole LaBeouf thing.”
​
The elevator doors opened and Bennett stepped out again, back into the parking garage.
“What about following up on some local leads?” I asked.
He paused, and though I couldn’t see his face, I knew he was rolling his eyes.
“You’re joking, right?” He asked, looking back at me.
​
I wasn’t. I was dead serious.
“If there’s nothing to find, what risk am I putting myself in?” I asked, “And if there is something to find, we can give it straight to Onu. You said that Travis had gone to Toronto, right? We won’t even be leaving town! And you’ll be with me the entire time!”
“Are you… are you actually serious right now?” Coleridge asked, “Did you not see what happened to the last guy who went poking around here!”
​
“Yes and clearly he was onto something!” I argued, “Whoever did that to him… they were trying to scare us, and clearly they’ve succeeded!”
“Yeah, cutting a guys face off tends to do that,” Coleridge scoffed. “And considering how your last assistant got hit by a train, I’m really not a fan of what this little investigation of yours might do to my life expectancy!”
​
“Things will be different this time!” I assured him, “You’re not my Father, you’re different, more experienced! I only want to follow up on one thing, at least help me with that!”
“No! That’s my final answer!” He said.
“Fine, then if you won’t help me I’ll do it myself! You may be assigned to keep an eye on me Mr. Coleridge, but unless you plan on physically restraining me, you can’t stop me!”
​
Coleridge opened his mouth to argue, before signing and rubbing his temples.
“For Christ’s sakes, woman!”
“You’re not supposed to take the Lord’s name in vain.”
​
He gave me an incredulous look, before finally giving in.
“Fine, fine… if it’ll get you to drop this, I’ll help… What is it?”
“I want to follow up on a lead. A man named Vincent Bennett. That’s all.”
​
Coleridge considered it for a moment before sighing.
“I’m gonna regret this, aren’t I? Alright, fine… I’ll help you with this, and then we’re done. Deal?”
He offered me a hand to shake, and I shook it.
“Deal.”

I'm kind of ok with it not being hot keyable cuz I can turn off cross platform and it will be fair but I also don't want to be at huge disadvantage or get run over by a group unnecessarily so does anyone know how to hot key it on console or it just stumbling through the emote wheel?

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Accepting I'm ace was difficult, but accepting I'm aromantic feels monumentally IMPOSSIBLE even compared to that. And I have no idea why.
I have zero desire for a romantic partner, even without sex. I don't want to share my life or soul or body or home with anyone. I genuinely love cycling alone and traveling alone and eating out alone and cuddling with my cats and marathoning Digimon Adventure 02 and Yu-Gi-Oh GX with no one to judge me. I clearly have no interest in romance.
So why am I so reluctant to call myself aroace? I'm aroace. I'm an aromantic asexual. My heart sped up just typing that. Why is this part so. Damn. Hard?!
Sorry, just feeling frustrated with myself. The human brain does the stupidest things.
I'm aroace. I'm aroace. I'm aroace. Nope, still reluctant. Maybe the reason why will come to me tonight or on my next bike ride or the next time I go ice skating. Will try to go this weekend...

I don't feel like I'm getting the high school experience like everyone else. I don't have many friends, I don't hang out often, I spend a lot of time alone in my room, which I like to some extent but I want to feel appreciated every now and then, I haven't gone to a single dance and I'm halfway through high school, I don't party with friends often, I feel all around lonely and like I'm missing out constantly.
My siblings aren't really there for me, my younger sibling is being a toxic asshole 24/7 and they constantly take the love and attention of my older sister that I actually like, we can't hang out at all without her basically. I really try my hardest to be kind to them and get along with them but they're never there for me. They make jokes at my expense, they get offended when I set boundaries, they have their own impossible boundaries that I cross all the time just by fucking EXISTING since we live together, it's fucking irritating.
My mom is deadbeat and doesn't work. She's nice to talk to, but she puts a lot of stress on my dad, who recently lost his job due to layoff season and I just heard them arguing AGAIN. My dad is wonderful and I love him a lot, we get along really well, but he works a whole lot and I really want him to take it easy for a year or two, raising a family pretty much singlehandedly for over a decade has aged him considerably, and when he gets stressed (which is quite often) his stress, anxiety and sadness all mix into anger, then he's not very fun to be around. I love him a lot though.
I don't like being single. Maybe I even just need a good friend, but I have this constant need for companionship. My love language is physical touch, but I can only really get that with my dogs and they don't like to cuddle much, and I really don't have anyone that I know of to cuddle with, it would be kind of weird unless I get a girlfriend.
My previous girlfriend came out to me as trans and I ended the relationship because I'm straight and I can't date a trans person, but looking back they didn't provide much of that companionship I was looking for, they were kind of distant and inactive. All they wanted to do when we hung out was sleep or watch movies, I wanted to go get food, go on hikes, go walk my dogs together, do all that but they just wanted to sit and do nothing. I honestly have felt more connected to my best friend who I used to have a crush on then I did with my ex the entire relationship.
I want friends, I want to party, I want to go on romantic walks with my dogs and girlfriend, I want to feel loved but my family isn't showing me the love and support I want so dearly, especially with my big sister off at college most of the time now and my younger sibling being a toxic controlling asshole.
​
There's no point to this rant I needed to get it off my chest