Concentra medical center |

It’s been 18 months. 6 figures spent 7 figures lost It’s become 5 trips to rehab. I lost all the vitamin B in my body and lost the ability to walk for two months, my lungs froze over causing pulmonary embolisms and was saved minutes from losing my life. It’s taken away a multi million dollar business. I’ve lost friends, relationships and been arrested. I’ve become hopeless to this shit and I wish I understood.
I’ve come here to post about the reality of using nitrous and the fact we can become addicted to this, it is dangerous and a walk in my shoes is quite the horrid experience.
I drank often, I used most recreational drugs overall was a fun social guy, a business owner and my life was the one I always dreamed of. I would occasionally do a whip it every now again when doing some shrooms and nothing harmful happened. I worked everyday and woke up early and aside from a hangover every now and again I didn’t show signs of a life that was crippled by addiction. I had fun, I had control and I was doing life like any 27 year old who started a successful business and had a high level of income would.
In January of 2022, I found myself in a relationship that made me want to put down the typical party life as my 20’s were closing in. The idea of a family and serious relationship was the fulfillment I had always wanted and naturally I stoped that life of drinking often and blowing down on the weekends.
The night I went to get a vape: (01/29/22)
I quit smoking cigarettes and picked up vaping, normal trend of the millennial and went to pick up an elf bar at a local smoke shop. In a glass case laid out were new 600g galaxy blueberry mango nitrous tanks, I’d actually bought some a few months back called an infusion on Amazon and it tasted like shit (no cream like flavor) and I kept them around for a cheap thrill every now and again on days like my birthday and randomly on weekends. I took them to a festival once.
On this particular night, I was bored and grabbed the new flavor, my girlfriend was out of town and I went home to listen to music, watch key and peel and wah wah wah, whatever.
That evening, I proceeded to return to the smoke shop 4-5 times, it was close to home and for some reason felt harmlessly appealing. I knew no risks of vitamin B and thought okay, that got out of hand onward to tomorrow, back to normal….
Not the case. Over the next two weeks, I had bought out every smoke shop in town of these tanks, I was at a smoke shop at 10am every day and did two of these tanks per hour driving around all day for work. Some days I’d just lay on my ass and blow off my company and lie to my girlfriend about work engagements and my mood became terrible. Addiction started brewing.
02/08/2022 My girlfriend caught on to what I was doing and actually joined me in the fun for a couple days and just looked at my one night like “what the fuck” so I said I’d stop and apologized for even showing her. It felt wrong and I naturally wanted to stop.
02/09/2022 I lied about not being able to make it to dinner and my girlfriend showed up to my house, where I rarely stayed, I stuffed the tanks in the couch and faked some work on my laptop, said I’d meet her at the other apartment we primarily stayed at in an hour. She came back shortly after and the evidence of around 10 tanks on the table, we got into it, I apologized and we went home to the other apartment.
Later that night: I became hard of hearing and felt like ants were all over my body, my stomach swelled, my ankles tripled in size and felt like absolute hell and the function of my digestive system was frozen and I could not use the restroom. Something was wrong. I played it cool in and decided to leave and go home (to do more gas)
I went home and soon after my girlfriend called my family and the initial intervention occurred. She of course made it about her and that’s the day it clicked I needed out but whatever, that’s life.
2/10/2022 I had my best friend take me to the hospital, spilled the beans, they gave me a golytely for a cleanse and said my ct scans showed nothing and of course said “don’t do nitrous”
2/11/2022 - afternoon Went back to hospital as something was wrong, they said the same shit and sent me home with some magnesium citrate. Later that afternoon, I stood up on the couch and fell on my ass and couldn’t walk.
2/11/2022- Night visit I went to a different hospital, 28 year old guy, swollen head to toe, can’t walk and in pain, clearly entering the early phases of psychosis. I finally got a brilliant doctor, at a different hospital.
Almost 0 vitamin B in body Multiple large pulmonary embolisms in my lungs headed for the heart. Water retention from nerve damage head to toe. Everything appeared bright and I was clearly experiencing a mental health issue from the use. ANA positive (autoimmune markers)
Admission to hospital neurological floor.
I went nuts at the hospital and turned into the biggest asshole you’ve ever met. Disrespectful, not thankful, fighting every nurse and doctor to leave and go use.
2/14 missed Valentine’s Day. Not good
2/15 left hospital.
My life was saved that night. It wasn’t good enough as for the next two weeks I’d shoot myself up with vitamin b everyday and drag my ass to a smoke shop in a walker.
At this point February was closing in, I was using 10-15 tanks a day, lying, not working and having interventions once a week.
This behavior continued until March 18th and I finally went to a local detox center, not knowing anything about recovery I quickly AMA’D called them losers and left.
My relationship ended March 27th (I was walking with crutches at this time) My girlfriend never visited me at the hospital, tried to hide I was struggling. Encouraged me drinking on meds that combined with alcohol would kill me. Our relationship was toxic. I was in active addiction and she was terrible to me before and after this nitrous hell consumed me. It was for the best we ended. I was however in psychosis and absolutely a terror in the breakup. I regret my actions often for that.
In the next few days I wrecked a few cars, made a few scenes, probably did about 80 tanks of galaxy gas and waved the white flag for rehab.
04/01/22 I went to treatment in California for 10 days. Most expensive rehab in the country and no one knew shit about inhalants. I didn’t know shit about recovery and too conceited at the time to do any real research.
Beautiful place, I however left on 6 new fun medications, broke, psychologically misdiagnosed and obviously got drunk at the airport.
04/11/22 I’m home, back to 12-15 tanks a day. Debt piling up, trying to fake that I’m fine. Losing touch, cars wrecked uncontrollably using.
I was able to hide it well in some respects and I was counteracting the effects. This went well into May.
May comes around,
At this point I’m taking out loans to keep my business afloat, I had to trade all my vehicles in on a lease. The business is on thin ice. Layoffs are happening, projects are being delayed and or terminated. Headed for a cliff.
05/15/2022 I’m hitting a tank in the driveway of my house and floor my car and slam into a retaining wall. A true wake up call. I decided to call for help that day, learn about recovery in more detail and find a rehab in my state and get real help. I discovered the healthcare marketplace and got new insurance. I decided to go to treatment for 30 days on June 1st.
06/01/22 I went to rehab. Terrible place, terrible food, left on 11 medications and honestly It was a blurry time.
06/21/22 I was discharged due to the facility needing a bed and they said “I had this” I left not even knowing what aftercare was. My business partner disowned me at this point, gave up and filed bankruptcy.
06/22/22 Galaxy tanks up to 15 a day. Getting credit cards and just throwing them away. Time to trash credit and pawn shit for the next couple weeks. At this point I’m on my parents couch. My house was gutted from a renovation I had started and obviously unable to continue to work on it and barely making payments.
06/28/22 I found an iop and stayed sober for 5 months. I found CA and AA outside of a treatment facility and handed over my financials to someone who would only give me $20 a day and I stayed sober.
11/05/22 I started using again, I started another business and I lost control again and back to 15 tanks a day for a month and change. I held on by a thread during thanksgiving even sucking down the redi whip in the garage. My family would find me weekly relapsing in parking lots with the passenger seats of their cars filled to the brim with galaxy tanks and at this point the tanks were being made in 1200g size and I was using 15 of those a day.
11/28/22 I went to the hospital after using so much nitrous I was burning holes on the outside of stomach and froze my skin passing out. I was 1013’d the day after thanksgiving and taken off all the medications I was wrongly given and I proceeded to enter inpatient rehab at a better facility until Christmas Eve.
12/26/22 I started using the day after Christmas, I couldn’t help it. The holidays, the loneliness and the addiction was crippling. No matter what I did I used.
01/05/23 My birthday, I quit on my own, I found an iop and I quit for 4 months. In this time I’ve gotten to be successful again but miserable trying to find a long term solution.
04/14/23 I started smoking weed, avoided meetings and I relapsed on nitrous and was arrested within 3 minutes of relapsing. I bailed out of jail and proceeded to use for a few days.
04/18/23 - 05/02/23 I went to a relapse program at a rehab Id previously graduated and found a new mindset. I took a deep dive, I felt hopeful and I opened the big book instead of being a meeting attender only. I found a sponsor and I’m trying, Hard!
Here I am 49 days later. I relapsed about 4 days ago. My mental health is shit from all the use. I’m using using about 35,000 grams worth of tanks a day. The tanks now come in 4 sizes, every smoke shop sells them and is stocked to the brim.
Why is this legal? Don’t ever say this isn’t addicting. If you don’t think nitrous can harm you, you’re wrong. I’m grateful to be alive and I won’t give up on finding long term recovery. This shit sucks. This story is my life and addiction is a cunt.

https://childrenshealthdefense.org/defendephysicians-speak-out-covid-policies-reform/
"The recently launched Global Health Project released a video — “The Oath” — in which physicians describe the effect on doctors, patients and the healthcare system of silencing dissent during the COVID-19 pandemic.
The Global Health Project last week released a video titled “The Oath,” in which physicians describe the effect on doctors, patients and the healthcare system of silencing dissent during the COVID-19 pandemic.
The filmmakers also called on doctors to commit to making foundational changes so that what happened during the pandemic never happens again.
The film features six doctors — Elizabeth Lafay, D.O., Steven Klayman, D.C., Timothy Stonesifer, D.O., Molly Rutherford, M.D., MPH, Michael Turner, M.D., and Amy Offutt, M.D. — who said they are “saying what tens of thousands of silenced medical professionals from all over the world have not been able to say.”
Throughout the video, they respond to a series of questions.
Responding to the first question, “When did you begin to have doubts?” they described how they lost faith in institutions such as the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration, the Lancet and the pharmaceutical companies as they saw well-respected doctors silenced, articles retracted and corrupted clinical trials exposed.
It became clear the agencies were not acting in the public interest, Turner said, because “they’re captured, they’re paid off, they’re corrupt.“"

This may not be an MLM but I wanted to run this by the sub to see what you all think because I get scammy vibes. My sister (who is a Kangen and Young Living evangelist) is convinced that she has something called "Irlen Syndrome". Irlen Syndrome is supposedly a "light-based visual processing problem" which can cause headaches, light sensitivity, reading, and focus problems. This syndrome can only be treated by specially tinted eyeglasses that you can only have made and only purchase at Irlen centers (first red flag).
Irlen syndrome is considered a pseudomedical diagnosis and the research on this condition has yielded mixed results (second red flag).
According to my sister, the glasses are expensive, you have to wear them constantly and they need to be adjusted several times per year to make sure you have the right tint for your eyes. Today, she reached out to me asking where I get my contact lenses. She wants to buy "blanks" so the Irlen Center people can tint them for her (??) and she won't have to wear glasses all the time while she works out. I told her contacts are sterile medical devices, individually sealed and she probably shouldn't tamper with them or use them not as intended OBVIOUSLY. Keep in mind, she has 20/20 vision and doesn't need to wear glasses at all.
No disrespect to anyone with perception or sensory issues. I myself am dyslexic. I would just like a read on this from this sub because it screams scam to me. I notice that a lot of the content on the sites selling their glasses is aimed at mothers of children on the spectrum who would understandably stop at nothing to make their child more comfortable. even if it means trying something experimental.
The reason I'm posting it in this sub is because of my sister's history of spending large amounts of money on MLM products and she will not leave me or my other family members alone about these glasses. She REALLY thinks we all need to be evaluated and purchase them and she literally brings it up every time we see her. Any input would be appreciated!

(I'm new to Reddit/this subreddit, so thank you for your patience!)
I just finished my first year at college, and coming back to my childhood home has triggered intense rage, depression, and anxiety. I believe my mother has many narcisisstic traits and was verbally and physically abusive. As context, here is a summary of her behaviomentality:

Emotionally volatile, prone to extreme overreactions, and explosively angry
Intrusive and doesn't respect basic and clearly delineated boundaries
Manipulative, lies constantly, and gaslights others
Verbally abusive, critical, and mean (i.e., telling 9-year-old me she hopes I get run over by a car)
Extremely insecure and projects it onto me (i.e., physically dragging me away from food when I was a very young child despite my being hungry and a healthy weight)
Physically abusive (she beat me until I became able and willing to defend myself)
Endangers me when angry (i.e., drove against traffic on a main road when angry)
Doesn't allow independence (i.e., not letting me go on walks in our safe, suburban neighborhood during the day when I was 16)
Centers everything—even my independent hobbies around herself (i.e., trying to "outdo" me at my hobbies unrelated to her that she has never expressed interest in before me)
Workaholic and severely emotionally neglectful
Never holding my absent, abusive father accountable for his role as a parent
Unsafe decision-making as a parent (i.e., unfettered internet access, stunting social development, enabling my skipping meals starting in 2nd grade)

There is a lot that bothers me about her, but I think the overwhelming reason why I want to cut her out of my life is I believe she is incapable of any empathy, growth, or love. I think the single most damaging moments in my childhood were when she laughed at me when I cried/screamed at her. The distress, destructive anger, and depression she caused made her visibly gleeful. She smiles when I cry and has done so for 19 years. I do not want to allow her to make it to 20.
Recently, I sat both of my parents down and explained what I've been feeling for the past 19 years. I gave my mother an ultimatum: Change, or I will never speak to you again, and you will never have the privilege of meeting your grandchildren. I told her she is not the kind of person who I want around my children, and the best thing I could do as a mother is to ensure my children never feel a day of the terror, depression, nonsensical rage, and agony I endured. Her reaction has convinced me that I need to follow through on my ultimatum.
Her reaction has been to gaslight, manipulate, diminish, and lie. She laughed at me during the initial confrontation. It has been weeks since I poured out my heart to my parents. She has tried to use my recent ADHD diagnosis against me, essentially telling my father I need to be medicated. She didn't tell him I was diagnosed with ADHD, just that I was crazy and delusional. It has been weeks, and she has not attempted to apologize at all. She has not tried to make amends. She mostly just either ignores me or nags me about stupid, irrelevant things.
My father sat me down and asked me to calm down and think things through before cutting them off. He recognized she is manipulative, abusive, etc. He mentioned my mother has been crying a lot, which quite frankly, I do not care about. I cried for 19 years and no one gave a shit. While it is validating he agrees she is abusive, I am disgusted that he never tried to defend me, comfort me, or change her treatment of me. He is also incredibly absent. I have never had a real conversation with him. He never showed up to support me, inside and out of the house—no ballet recitals, no violin competitions, no awards ceremonies, etc. He is unmistakably emotionally neglectful, physically abusive, and emotionally abusive.
In the fallout from my conversation with my parents, I have engaged in some painful introspection. I think I have become fundamentally a worse, angrier, and meaner person as a result of the narcissistic abuse I experienced (to be clear, I do not have NPD). I think I have some pronounced narcisisstic traits and have spent a lot of time worrying about the negative impact I've had on others. I've hurt a lot of people, and I want to be a better, healthier, kinder person.
The abuse I experienced got the best of me for years, and as an adult, I'm taking responsibility and growing. I'm reading self-help books, in therapy, and am trying to make amends. However, I view my parents as a major impediment to my becoming a better person. I cannot heal and grow if I am constantly subject to their warped reality and hostility. I seriously believe I need to cut them off in order to have a shot at being a good person, even if it means going through financial instability, being homeless, etc. I don't care what hardship I have to overcome if it means I'll be free of their abuse.
I am trying to map out what this estrangement will look like. I don't know how to tackle this problem at all. I'm 19 and have no idea what the future will look like for me. I am terrified. Please give me guidance on the following:
1) Should I even cut them off? Am I being rational/mentally healthy/responsible in this decision?
2) What are some tips for a 19-year-old college student cutting off their parents?
3) Should I maintain some form of limited contact with my father in case they need to contact me?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I'm sorry for the long post, but thank you for reading. I want to emphasize I don't think either of my parents are evil. My mother lost her mother when she was 14, and my father lost his father when he was in his late teens/early twenties. My parents fundamentally should never have had children, and I just want to make sure I don't repeat their mistakes.

I had a rough childhood. I experienced Bullying, Verbal abuse, Parents Divorce, Etc. I have always struggled with anxiety (and possibly autism) since I could remember. This all contributed to me starting to develop depression around 3rd grade. In the middle of fifth grade I started self-harming for the first time. I developed Anorexia in 6th, which was also quarantine. At the 3rd-to-last day of 6th grade my parents saw my self-harm scars during my volleyball game. They took me to a hospital to get them checked out and on May 29 2021 I was admitted to a mental hospital. Thankfully, It was only a 72-hour-hold. But this started a chain reaction that will effect me forever.
After I returned home from the hold I immediately started self-harming again. I also started to become actively Suicidal. I distanced myself away from my family and stayed in my room all day playing video games. On September 19 2021 I decided I had had enough. So I took about 45 Pills from the medicine cabinet and went to bed. I woke up in excruciating pain and was throwing up water. My dad heard me and asked what was wrong. I ended up fainting from the pain and waking up a few seconds later. My dad was very concerned and for some reason I had told him what I did. He immediately drove me to the same hospital as before. I stayed overnight to receive treatment. Later that day I was sent to another mental hospital. This one I would stay in for 19 days. Meaning I would miss my dads birthday. This was also the first time I managed to self-harm in a hospital setting. Soon after I was released I started to refuse to take my medication. My dad took me back to the same mental hospital but they didn’t have any more beds open. He then drove me to a different mental hospital and I was admitted on November 4th 2021. This hospital was different from the last two.
I would end up staying for 27 days. Meaning I missed Thanksgiving. They also decided to have me enroll in a partial hospitalization program. I was only in this program for two days before being readmitted at the same hospital. I would be there for 25 days, Missing Christmas. This was also the first time I got restrained and forcibly medicated. It was utterly and completely traumatizing as a 12 year old. After this they forced me to go into my first residential treatment. I would only end up being their for 8 days, also spending New years 2021-2022 there. The reason it was so short was because I tried to end my life in the bathroom there. They moved me to a new mental hospital. This is where I would have my first physical fight. I would be there for 17 days. I was supposed to go back to the residential but it ended up having no more beds. So I went home, making this the longest time I was away from home. The weird thing is, I miss it so much.
On February 23 2022, I decided to try again to end my life. I didn’t work(obviously). I woke up in a different hospital with 9 stitches where I had tried to end my life. This was the same hospital as my 3rd and 4th hospitalization. I thankfully was only there for 14 days. They then sent me to a troubled teen program, called Midwest Center. This was a residential but I ended up only being here for 19 days because I was doing very good mentally. Then I returned home on March 25 2022 and everything was going good.
That was until the 1-year mark of me trying to overdose came. I decided I wanted to finish what I stated a year ago. When nobody was home I took a rope and went to the forrest in my back yard and tried to end my life but the rope broke. I feel a good 10 feet and was just generally spooked. I decided to call 911. Then came and brought me to a mental hospital and I was admitted on September 18 2022. I was there for 31 days and returned home, Missing my dads birthday, again. Things were good over the holiday season. It felt different though. Because this was the first year, I would actually be spending it at home instead of in the mental hospital.
Then again, on February 6, 2023 my school called the police on me because they were very worried about my safety. they took me to the same hospital as I previously was at. I was there for 40 long days. That was my most recent hospitalization.
it’s been almost 3 months. I have been doing pretty good up until the last few days. I just miss the hospitals for some reason. Even though I hated them. I don’t know why I want to go back, but I just miss the comfort, safety, and support of the staff I got there. I don’t get any of that where I live. I don’t know what to do anymore with myself. Should I go back to the hospital or continue recovery. I just felt so safe there, but I don’t want to go back into that lifestyle, plus my dad will be disappointed in me. Help

(I am just venting about a unique situation I suppose. I was wondering if anyone else feels the way I do. FOR CONTEXT: I grew up in a low socioeconomic and rural town that primarily specialized in deep fried southern food and cotton fields. This meant that, in typical manner of small town America, no one ever really leaves. My mom, dad, aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents all attended the same high school as me. One of my childhood friend’s grandmother was the person who signed off on my parents’ marriage license. (I did not know that fact until my mom showed me their old marriage certificate several years later and I saw the familiar looking last name of said friend.) Most townsfolk married someone from their high school class, my parents being no exception. Some even had the same teachers or principals as me. The demographics of my version of small town America was composed mostly of what my teenage self would refer to as “hick rednecks'' and “military jackasses.” (I was mostly referring to the two sides of my family: dad’s side being hick rednecks and mom’s side being military jackasses.) Overall, my hometown was an interesting mix of people ranging from God-fearing Baptists and self-proclaimed “country bumpkins”. There were lots of speeches about hell and brimstone during my childhood.
I’m not sure how to sum up my experience growing up Chinese American. Up until I was an adult, I rarely bothered to share the truth about my adoption. Mostly due to feeling exhausted from having to repeat the same stories to people again and again:
“China had an overpopulation problem in the 1900s. As a knee jerk reaction, the deeply conventional and patriarchal government implemented the One Child Policy. Basically, if parents had more than one kid, they would be heavily taxed and ostracized. Now, if said second child was a girl, they’d be in some hot shit. In Chinese culture, usually it is the son that takes care of their elderly parents while the daughter is married off and becomes part of her new family of in-laws. Being born a girl was seen as an inconvenience as their culture historically coveted males. This often led to Chinese baby girls to be left for dead in trash cans, taken by the government, or even killed. Having a second daughter was seen as a betrayal to the Chinese regime and for some reason warranted infanticide. Well, I’m obviously a girl who survived what essentially was a mass slaughter. Probably the second born daughter which was extra hot shit for my biological parents. They wanted better for me (maybe), so I was put up for adoption. I hung out in a Chinese orphanage for about half a year until two random white people decided to adopt me. They brought me back to America, and the rest is history. No, I have no memories as I was a literal baby. No, I do not know who my birth parents are since adoption was conducted anonymously since putting a child up for adoption was also considered treason. And personally, just my opinion, it’s a little fucked that the government is slightly more approving of murdering babies for something completely out of their control instead of putting them up for adoption.” Or something along those lines…
I was adopted by my mom and dad, but primarily raised by a single mom for most of my childhood. I guess my peers just assumed when they saw my mom, that my dad happened to be Asian which is where I must have gotten my “exotic” genes. My childhood was also very abusive (from all sides of my family). Although I do have love for my family somewhere buried under the deep-seeded resentment, I no longer have a relationship with any of them besides of few of my distant cousins. This is mostly for my own safety/peace of mind because my relatives tend to influence me very negatively.
My earliest childhood memories involved a lot of weird and invasive questions I would hear from adults and peers alike regarding my ethnicity. Well that, and a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach that I would later identify as “survivor’s guilt” as an adult. Logically speaking, I have no reason to feel guilty for being alive, but I do. It would occur any time some adult friend of my parents would gush about how “lucky” I was to be adopted. I suppose luck had some part in my survival, but I didn’t expect people to be tone deaf enough to tell that to a little kid already struggling to come to grips with her cultural identity.
The snarky part of my brain would parody their comments:
“Oh, how these two altruistic white saviors decided to welcome a child as their own despite having no blood ties whatsoever.” Which, in part, is true. My parents did a very selfless thing. They were not able to conceive a baby of their own and they chose me out of the millions of parentless babies in the world. I think the damaging part is the underlying implications about how these nice people could have had any child and yet they settled for a baby no one wanted. My family would refer to my miracle of survival as “God’s plan.” They would talk about how God perfectly orchestrated my early life tragedies so I could be rescued from an awful life with those “evil communists.” I have nothing personal against religion nor people who truly believe in the G man upstairs. My beef comes from how this perspective is very centered on the adopters instead of the adoptees. Yes, it is BOTH our stories, but I often feel like adoptees' voices and feelings of uncertainty are often drowned out by a chorus of “you’re so lucky” and “why do you feel like that? You’re so ungrateful.” Also, I was a healthy baby girl born with no neurological or physical deficiencies. I definitely had much better odds than other babies at being adopted during the One Child Reign. Hearing these implications from people who do not understand nor want to understand the complexity of the adoptee’s experience fed into my survivor guilt and feelings of inadequacy. The adoption progress does involve a loss for the adoptee: a loss of culture, identity, and familial ties. I feel like adoption, specifically international adoption, is highly idealized and romanticized. Although I never told my mom, there was a part of me deep down that felt like a second-rate baby. Mostly because I knew how it would make her sad to know that somewhere in my little kid brain, I didn’t think that I would truly be wanted if my mom’s fertility situation went differently.
I would often describe the state of Texas as “that really annoying, overly-friendly hick cousin that comes to every holiday and gets completely sloshed out of their mind and drunkenly brags about their mediocre accomplishments” to people who would ask me to describe Texas. But for all the Texan pride and arrogance about our current Lone Star State, I suppose I could see its appeal. Living in rural Texas is a familiar, humble, and stable experience. My hometown was relatively safe. I could walk to my childhood friends’ houses after school just a few blocks away from my own house without much fear. Most people waved and smiled at each other in passing. (Looking back through adult lenses, I’m not sure how much of it was genuine.) Most townsfolk could fill their relatively uneventful lives with the downtown gossip of families going through some type of soap opera behind closed doors. And despite living in a small town, the schools were large enough to where we could participate in varsity sports seasonally. The rare minority of people who actually did have the courage to leave eventually moved back to start a family because “there’s no place like good ole home!”
The monotony is what partially induced my pubescent angst and desire to someday escape the only place I’ve ever known. That, and the fact that the things you could do for entertainment in small town USA was close to none. The drawback of only living in one town your entire life is limited world experiences. The safety net of someone’s childhood confinements has the potential to induce complacency confused with comfort. How could you ever expand your worldview when you’re hanging out with the same people with the same ideals again and again?
The Asian population in my hometown was close to nonexistent as well. In my high school graduating class, there was one other Asian kid that attended school as me. When my school’s standardized testing scores would be released, the performance metrics were broken down by how well each ethnic group of students did. Since there were only two Asian kids in my grade level, it would be pretty obvious if one of us failed. (Luckily, neither one of us did.) And of course, my peers encouraged both of us to date since “we’d be, like, SO perfect for each other! We’d get married and have little genius Asian babies!”
The feeling of being “othered” or “different” had always been present throughout my childhood. As a kid, the complexity of prejudices eluded me in my naivety, but the uncomfortable feeling of my peers hyperfocusing on my almond-shaped eyes, my flat nose, my stick straight black hair, and any other features felt like they were screaming, “ASIAN!” very loudly. A part of me felt some sort of unspoken alliance between me and my Hispanic friends. It was as if to some degree, they understood what it was like to have your whole personhood categorized by the color of your skin. Sadly, a large portion of my family was uncomfortable with the presence of anyone of Hispanic descent, and I'd often be forced to come up with excuses for my friends of color to not come over in fear of my traditionally southern family making an off-the-cuff comment about how "Mexicans are dirty, poor, and thuggy criminals." Their political diatribes, usually involving immigration, were the popular conversation starters during family get-togethers. My family was very much the type of people that would preach out being a good, godly man/woman while snickering about non-White people's "oddities." Talking about how Jesus loves all and then whispers sanctimoniously about a low-income Hispanic family on the opposite side of the room.
"Oh, GOD BLESS their hearts!"
I doubt those families needed my family's pity.
My mom's sister once texted me after I returned a stray dog to their rightful owner,
"I need to know their race so I can determine their education levels. If they're Mexican, it makes sense why they didn't pay you for rescuing their dog. Mexicans are always looking for the cheap way out."
They were Hispanic, and they were very thankful for the return of their dog. I didn't understand why a decent deed automatically required me to be compensated nor how their racial background tied into their obligation to compensate me.
I snarky replied, "What does their ethnic background have anything to do with how they should act?"
To which she responded, "Calm down. I can practically hear you getting huffy with me from your text. Don't get mad at me! I told you that those Mexicans are always coming to our country and expecting us to learn THEIR language while they refuse to learn English! Plus, when you're my age and all your tax dollars go into keeping lazy illegals afloat, you'll understand why I'm not willing to let some freeloading Mexicans take advantage of my niece."
I no longer talk to that aunt.
My dad's (now current) wife also got very sloshed at the last Christmas event I attended and ranted very loudly about how "the Bible said that evil yellow people like (me) would bring the end of the world and second coming of Jesus to end our sinful tyranny" in front of my entire family with my dad awkwardly ignoring her xenophobic remarks.
It also did not help that in elementary school, some of my classmates would see me and bow to me while one boy would pretend to bang a gong as soon as I entered the classroom and snicker while singing, “CHING, CHONG, CHINKY!” Or how during snack breaks, my peers would pop up to ask me questions like, “do you know karate,” or, “can you speak Chinese to me, " or “ew, don’t tell me you’re gonna eat my dog. He’s a really cute puppy!”
As evasive and uncomfortable these comments could get, I felt like they were fairly innocuous and were asked out of a mix of childhood ignorance and genuine curiosity. I think the part that bothered me the most was having some of my classmates point out how “weird” my eyes looked while placing their fingers at the corners of their eyes and stretching them outwards and loudly proclaiming, “LOOK, NOW I’M CHINESE TOO!!! I LOOK JUST LIKE YOU!” But the absolute worst feeling would be when someone would mention how I look nothing like my very obviously white mom or dad.
“How could they be your parents when you don’t even look like them?”
To which I had a carefully crafted answer my mom would help me rehearse beforehand: “Oh, yeah, I’m adopted from China. Not all families look the same.”
And the retort back would usually be, “Do you miss your real parents?”
Do I?
I ponder that question to this day.
It feels uncomfortable to have people refer to my sperm and egg donors as my “real parents.” My adoptive parents felt very real to me because they were all I knew.
I don’t think I fit the concept of the model minority. I did not come out of the womb as one of those “wiz kids” playing the piano like Mozart, doing linear algebra before I was verbal, and eating dogs for breakfast. My experience as being an Asian American and labeled as the “good minority” has been a weird space to be in. As much as I partially appreciated being known as the “successful, smart, culturally assimilated” race of people, a part of me felt bitter at the notion that all my successes in life might be attributed to my ethnicity. When I would express my discontent with these labels, I would often get reprimanded as ungrateful.
“Don’t you want to be smart?”
“What’s so bad about being Asian? It’s a compliment!”
“Are you embarrassed to be Asian?”
“And you’re basically guaranteed a spot in medical school to become a doctor.”
“The guys are obsessed with you because of your exotic genes!”
(Pro tip for anyone, but especially for my fellow marginalized members: if someone calls you “exotic,” run.)
The answers to these questions usually go, “yes, nothing, no, what, and ew.”
Yes, I do want to be smart. I hope that my cognitive abilities will help me contribute something positive to society one day.
Nothing is wrong with being Asian or whatever you are. It just feels very uncomfortable to hear about an entire group of people as if they’re all the same.
No. I have never and will never be embarrassed of what I am.
What? Why do you assume I automatically want to become a doctor?
Ew, exotic? I don’t even want to reply to that comment.
I wish that I had the vocabulary at the time to respond like that. Instead, I would awkwardly laugh at their comment and say something along the lines of, “haaaa, I don’t know any other Asians. If you run into them, you’ll have to ask them.”
When you would hear about brilliant minds in history such as Albert Einstein or Stephen Hawking, most wouldn't say, “Oh well, it’s because they’re white. All those white genetics are what keep them so hard-working and successful.” Instead, as a demographic that is adequately represented in society, Einstein and Hawking and so many other white men had their accomplishments acknowledged as their own individualistic brilliance. An experience I so desperately wanted. So what if I was good or bad at math? I want to be called smart because I am smart. Not because I have some God-given wiz genes that have prophesied my successes from my first primordial cell. Or what if I was terrible at math? I don’t want to be labeled as a “bad” or “fake” Asian. I don’t want to be categorized as one of those “innocent, submissive Asian girls that would make a proper wife one day.” I just want to exist in my own space as my own person. Whoever I ended up becoming.
(Does anyone have negative experiences from adoption? I would love to know because the rare fellow adoptees I have met have very different (positive) experiences than myself.)

In 2020, I moved over 6 hours away from my hometown in Southern Ontario to attend University up north. I moved into my down with my best friend from high school whom I had known for years. In this building, it is important to note that it has been around since the school was first built however it is frequently renovated and worked on because it more often than normal, catches fire (more details later).
So, to set the scene: it's 2020, mid-pandemic and I had just been discharged from the army. My best friend and I had applied for the same university major and had decided that if we got in that we would live together. Well, sure enough, we got in and the only dorm that could accommodate our room request (i.e. moving into the same apartment with separate bedrooms) was situated directly across from a hospice. and for those that don't know a hospice is a medical facility where people go when they are close to death to live out the end of their lives in as much comfort as possible. This hospice was the only view out of our small windows and was the only one in our area.
Now, as I mentioned earlier, the building frequently caught fire, but what was odd and worth mentioning about it, was that it only caught fire in apartment #5 on any given floor. My best friend and I lived on the 5th floor in the 5th apartment for 2 years even throughout the summer and fortunately, we never had a fire, but frequently found ourselves having to accommodate firefighters and other workers entering our rooms due to the smoke and water damage from various different fires from random floors directly above us. Along with my BFF, I had two other roommates who were very vocal about when they were home or not (we had a group chat), and for all these experiences they were never home. or even in the city for that matter. My BFF and I both got jobs working at a Lvl 1 Trauma Center as nightshift security and thus paranormal stuff didn't scare us as we frequently were forced to work in the morgue and even witness people die on a daily basis, with whole bunch of other things happening (maybe stories for another time).
The main experience that happened early on was when my BFF and I both awoke to hear someone going through our cupboards and garbage in the kitchen, which was right against my bedroom wall, thus making it super loud. it was about 1pm and because we were on night shift, it was our version of 1am. So, thinking my best friend had gotten up oddly early I went to talk to her, but when I opened my door there was no one. I woke her up quietly and we searched the entire apartment and hallways with whatever we could use as weapons. There was no one but everything was open, our fridge, the oven, drawers, and cabinets. As well, our garbage had been thrown across the room. All the breakers in our apartment had been switched off as well, which we didn't discover at first. It is important to mention that the only entry into our apartment, that being the front door, automatically locked when closed so it was most definitely locked 24/7. I called building security and no one had been seen on camera entering our dorm except for my BFF and me around 8am after we had gotten off work at the hospital. there was no explanation for who had done this but still, they took our statements and said they'd do patrols, they never found more information.
Over 3 months later, it was summer and my BFF and I had been 2 of 11 people left in the building over the summer, with the rest being mostly just international students who could afford to do quarantine protocols again in September as it took 2 weeks. We were the only ones on our floor but regularly heard stomping outside in the hall but neither of us never saw anyone through our peephole or even when we often heard knocks on the front door, however when we checked, no one every time. So aside from the knocking and stomping, super quiet summer except for one morning. I'll never forget it it shook us to the bone.
It was 10am and my roommate and I were asleep after work. I never locked my bedroom door as my bff loved to come in and hang all the time but for some reason, I locked it that entire week. and good thing too because I awoke to frantic and I mean FRANTIC knocking- no pounding on my bedroom door. I was obviously super disoriented as I had just finished a 12 hour shift a few hours earlier, but I saw two dark shadows under the door resembling feet. I figured my bff needed something and woke up but I called out before getting up because I was annoyed to be awake this early. The feet stayed unmoving but the knocking stopped. with a heavy sigh, I got up threw on a sweater and checked the time (it was around 10am), and went to open the door, with the shadows still there I assumed it was my bff. When I put my hand on the handle to unlock it, I heard a thud, and then, worried if my bff had fallen, I threw the door open to see my front door closing as if someone was just leaving. I ran over and saw a completely black figure turn the corner. I followed (my security guard instincts kicking in) but when I turned the corner, nothing. I went back and my roommate asked why I was knocking on the walls like that, she heard it from inside my room on an adjoining shared wall to both our bedrooms. we again called security but only I was seen chasing after nothing on the cameras. After my boyfriend, a firefighter started sleeping over frequently because were both spooked, the fires stopped, and most other things did too. We never had another incident on this level. We moved out after 2 years there and beyond hearing the usual bang, no other issues.
edit: also important detail I forgot to add is that we had an anti-break-in security stick against our front door while we slept, and they were conveniently moved into the living room or against the wall after these events. we also tested the stick to see if it actually worked and trust me even my firefighter boyfriend and his bff couldn't force their way in

In 2020, I moved over 6 hours away from my hometown in Southern Ontario to attend University up north. I moved into my down with my best friend from high school whom I had known for years. In this building, it is important to note that it has been around since the school was first built however it is frequently renovated and worked on because it more often than normal, catches fire (more details later).
So, to set the scene: it's 2020, mid-pandemic and I had just been discharged from the army. My best friend and I had applied for the same university major and had decided that if we got in that we would live together. Well, sure enough, we got in and the only dorm that could accommodate our room request (i.e. moving into the same apartment with separate bedrooms) was situated directly across from a hospice. and for those that don't know a hospice is a medical facility where people go when they are close to death to live out the end of their lives in as much comfort as possible. This hospice was the only view out of our small windows and was the only one in our area.
Now, as I mentioned earlier, the building frequently caught fire, but what was odd and worth mentioning about it, was that it only caught fire in apartment #5 on any given floor. My best friend and I lived on the 5th floor in the 5th apartment for 2 years even throughout the summer and fortunately, we never had a fire, but frequently found ourselves having to accommodate firefighters and other workers entering our rooms due to the smoke and water damage from various different fires from random floors directly above us. Along with my BFF, I had two other roommates who were very vocal about when they were home or not (we had a group chat), and for all these experiences they were never home. or even in the city for that matter. My BFF and I both got jobs working at a Lvl 1 Trauma Center as nightshift security and thus paranormal stuff didn't scare us as we frequently were forced to work in the morgue and even witness people die on a daily basis, with whole bunch of other things happening (maybe stories for another time).
The main experience that happened early on was when my BFF and I both awoke to hear someone going through our cupboards and garbage in the kitchen, which was right against my bedroom wall, thus making it super loud. it was about 1pm and because we were on night shift, it was our version of 1am. So, thinking my best friend had gotten up oddly early I went to talk to her, but when I opened my door there was no one. I woke her up quietly and we searched the entire apartment and hallways with whatever we could use as weapons. There was no one but everything was open, our fridge, the oven, drawers, and cabinets. As well, our garbage had been thrown across the room. All the breakers in our apartment had been switched off as well, which we didn't discover at first. It is important to mention that the only entry into our apartment, that being the front door, automatically locked when closed so it was most definitely locked 24/7. I called building security and no one had been seen on camera entering our dorm except for my BFF and me around 8am after we had gotten off work at the hospital. there was no explanation for who had done this but still, they took our statements and said they'd do patrols, they never found more information.
Over 3 months later, it was summer and my BFF and I had been 2 of 11 people left in the building over the summer, with the rest being mostly just international students who could afford to do quarantine protocols again in September as it took 2 weeks. We were the only ones on our floor but regularly heard stomping outside in the hall but neither of us never saw anyone through our peephole or even when we often heard knocks on the front door, however when we checked, no one every time. So aside from the knocking and stomping, super quiet summer except for one morning. I'll never forget it it shook us to the bone.
It was 10am and my roommate and I were asleep after work. I never locked my bedroom door as my bff loved to come in and hang all the time but for some reason, I locked it that entire week. and good thing too because I awoke to frantic and I mean FRANTIC knocking- no pounding on my bedroom door. I was obviously super disoriented as I had just finished a 12 hour shift a few hours earlier, but I saw two dark shadows under the door resembling feet. I figured my bff needed something and woke up but I called out before getting up because I was annoyed to be awake this early. The feet stayed unmoving but the knocking stopped. with a heavy sigh, I got up threw on a sweater and checked the time (it was around 10am), and went to open the door, with the shadows still there I assumed it was my bff. When I put my hand on the handle to unlock it, I heard a thud, and then, worried if my bff had fallen, I threw the door open to see my front door closing as if someone was just leaving. I ran over and saw a completely black figure turn the corner. I followed (my security guard instincts kicking in) but when I turned the corner, nothing. I went back and my roommate asked why I was knocking on the walls like that, she heard it from inside my room on an adjoining shared wall to both our bedrooms. we again called security but only I was seen chasing after nothing on the cameras. After my boyfriend, a firefighter started sleeping over frequently because were both spooked, the fires stopped, and most other things did too. We never had another incident on this level. We moved out after 2 years there and beyond hearing the usual bang, no other issues.

edit: also important detail I forgot to add is that we had an anti-break-in security stick against our front door while we slept, and they were conveniently moved into the living room or against the wall after these events. we also tested the stick to see if it actually worked and trust me even my firefighter boyfriend and his bff couldn't force their way in

Okay so excuse me if I do this poorly I'm new to reddit. I (25f) am married to a wonderful man (28m). We have an 11m old son who is the center of our world. When he was born I chose to breastfeed him for several reasons. For the first few weeks my husband got up with me at night to feed because I was still trying to figure out nursing, and also to help change his diaper, swaddle him and put him back to sleep. After I got more comfortable at night I told my husband not to bother waking up with me anymore unless I specifically wake him up because I'm having a hard time or something. I told him specifically that if I wasn't going to be rested I at least wanted one of us to be well rested, and he agreed that was a good idea. Our son doesn't sleep well, probably due to some medication he has to take. At 11m he's up 4-6 times on average still. So I don't sleep much, but I nurse my son back to sleep and he falls asleep quickly for me whereas he fights my husband and screams until he can nurse. It became a habit to nurse back to sleep as a way to survive the many wakeups (at least 6 a night at some point). He also has to eat every 4-5 hours at the latest due to his medicine, so nursing at night also does that for us. Here's the issue. Instead of taking advantage of his ability to sleep, my husband has very often been playing games on his Playstation at night even on nights we both work the next day and get up at 4:45am. On those nights he's up until 10/10:30pm, while the nights where he doesn't work the next day he's sometimes up until 1am, but 11:30pm is probably average. And it INFURIATES ME. I'm doing him this favor by taking on the entire night time load so he can rest, and instead he plays games. AITAH for being pissed my husband isn't sleeping or should I let him dictate what he does with that time without being angry?

A major hazard to eyesight, age-related macular degeneration (AMD) affects millions of people worldwide. The macula, which is in charge of central vision, can degrade with age, resulting in visual impairment and a lower quality of life. In this extensive blog post, we will go deeper into the causes, kinds, risk factors, symptoms, diagnosis, prevention, and treatment options for AMD in this extensive blog post. People can actively protect their eyesight and advance eye health as they age by being aware of this issue and the resources that are accessible.

Educating Oneself About Age-Related Macular Degeneration

The macula produces clear and precise central vision, a little area of the retina close to its center. Age-related macular degeneration happens when the macula is harmed, resulting in distorted or blurred central vision. Wet AMD and dry AMD are the two main kinds of AMD. Wet AMD involves the development of aberrant blood vessels beneath the macula, whereas dry AMD is characterized by the accumulation of tiny yellow deposits called drusen in the macula. While wet AMD can result in a quick and severe visual loss if untreated, dry AMD advances slowly.

Knowing the Risk Factors

AMD is a risk factor for several conditions. The most important risk factor is aging, with AMD becoming increasingly common in people over 60. Given that AMD frequently runs in families, genetic factors also have an impact. Other risk factors include eating a diet poor in fruits, vegetables, and omega-3 fatty acids, smoking, which doubles the chance of getting AMD, high blood pressure, and obesity. People who have fair skin, light eyes, and a history of extensive sun exposure may also be at a higher risk. Individuals can make wise lifestyle decisions and take precautions to protect their vision by being aware of these risk factors.

Finding a diagnosis and Recognizing Symptoms

Regular eye exams are essential, especially for people who are at risk for AMD because early-stage symptoms may be slight or nonexistent. Common signs of AMD progression may include central vision distortion, reading challenges, a reduction in color perception, an increase in glare sensitivity, and dark or empty patches in the visual field. It is vital to get immediate medical attention from a qualified eye care practitioner if any of these symptoms are observed. AMD can be diagnosed and monitored with the help of dilated eye exams, visual acuity tests, and imaging exams like optical coherence tomography (OCT).

AMD Prevention Techniques

Even though it might not be feasible to completely prevent AMD, establishing good lifestyle choices can lower the risk or postpone its start. One of the most important strategies is to stop smoking, as this greatly raises the risk of AMD. Including dark leafy greens, fruits, seafood, and nuts in your diet will help you get the vitamins, minerals, and antioxidants you need for good eye health. Outdoors, wearing caps and sunglasses to shield the eyes from damaging ultraviolet (UV) radiation is also crucial. Overall eye health is influenced by regular exercise, eating a balanced diet, reducing blood pressure and cholesterol levels, and managing long-term illnesses like diabetes.

Options for Treatment and Management

Although AMD cannot be cured, numerous treatments can be used to control the condition and halt its development. It may be advised to take over-the-counter vitamins and minerals, including vitamins C and E, zinc, copper, and lutein, in cases of dry AMD. These vitamins may help some people lower their chance of developing advanced AMD, according to research. Additionally, certain experimental therapies are being studied and may hold promise, including stem cell-based therapies and gene therapies.

Conclusion

Age-related macular degeneration is a common and difficult eye condition that has to be understood, treated and prevented. People can actively participate in protecting their eyesight and keeping their quality of life by recognizing the risk factors, comprehending the signs and symptoms, getting a prompt diagnosis, and putting preventive measures in place. A balanced diet rich in eye-protective nutrients, a healthy lifestyle, and routine eye exams can all greatly lower the risk of AMD or slow its progression.
Current AMD therapies are geared toward managing the condition and maintaining vision, but ongoing research and improvements in medical technology raise the prospect of future discoveries. Clinical trials investigating cutting-edge medicines, like stem cell and gene-based therapies, appear to hold promise for creating more specialized and efficient interventions for AMD.
In the end, raising awareness of AMD and promoting early detection and intervention can significantly improve the lives of those who are impacted by this ailment. Prioritizing eye health enables people to enjoy their older years with clear, vibrant vision, allowing them to stay active and independent throughout their golden years. Keep in mind that your vision is priceless; cultivate it, safeguard it, and appreciate the beauty that appears before your eyes.

Hi everyone. I've decided get an assessment for ADHD and autism and I've narrowed it down to Embrace Autism or Sachs Center. I think I might go with Sachs Center actually as I think it'll be easier (ish) to get ADHD medication if I get diagnosed. As I'm in NY and EA is based in Canada; I know they have a physician that signs of a letter but that seems a bit complicated to me.
I'm also suspecting I might have alexithymia and maybe depression. Has anyone that has gotten their diagnosis through Sachs Center also gotten diagnosed with co-occurring conditions?
Thanks :)

“Hollywood fight coordinator...To steal from someone who’s recovering from a brain injury ... you’re the one in charge of all their finances and you’re pilfering under their nose — that’s disgusting...Hudson was left depressed, angry, easily distracted and isolated...He’s had multiple surgeries on his back and neck and recently had a metal plate put in his left arm; he will need surgery on his left ankle and a metal plate put in his right arm...2013, Hudson said that he wanted to terminate the conservatorship...breach of oral contract and theft...full forensic audit of how the money was spent.” https://www.latimes.com/entertainment-arts/business/story/2021-10-12/hollywood-fight-sequencer-survived-a-brutal-accident-only-to-endure-a-painful-conservatorship

India, "Court clarified that “under Section 20(2), the employer has a duty—in view of the principle of reasonable accommodation—to post a person suffering from disability at a place closer to home." https://www.scobserver.in/journal/a-tale-of-empowerment-of-people-with-mental-disability-part-2/

"world-renowned voice hearer, Eleanor Longden, by then, a long-established Lived Experience Expert...speeches, which included a TED stint, were an excellent way to exorcise her demons." https://www.counterpunch.org/2023/06/05/my-short-lived-life-as-an-lee/

"When it comes to mental health, patients have their own expertise." - Dr. Ken Duckworth https://www.modernhealthcare.com/opinion/mental-illness-providers-patients-expertise-recovery-model-ken-duckworth

"Russian activist...forced to take drugs that affected his cognitive abilities as part of his punishment for staging illegal protests." https://www.rferl.org/a/russia-punitive-psychiatry-ukraine-wa32445574.html

"New Jersey-based psychiatry practice has agreed to pay $30,000 to settle a complaint about violations of the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act Privacy Rule...Manasa Health Center, LLC allegedly disclosed multiple patients’ protected health information while responding to negative online patient reviews." https://www.hhs.gov/about/news/2023/06/05/hhs-office-civil-rights-reaches-agreement-health-care-provider-new-jersey-disclosed-phi-response-negative-online-reviews.html

"Sodium valproate...can cause birth defects in around one in ten babies born to those taking it while pregnant, and developmental problems in 30-40% of children...Commission also advised that men under the age of 55 should also be offered the opportunity to have their treatment reviewed." https://www.pulsetoday.co.uk/news/clinical-areas/womens-health/new-decision-tool-for-sodium-valproate-prescribing-for-bipolar-disorde

"Does Schizophrenia Exist?
A Deflationary Perspective...paying philosophical attention to the way we go about
asking and answering questions concerning the existence of psychiatric disorders does have
a point." http://philsci-archive.pitt.edu/22191/

"What Psychiatric Comorbidities Are Associated With Migraine?...Anxiety...Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder...Depression...Panic Disorder...Bipolar...Insomnia." https://www.clinicaladvisor.com/home/topics/neurology-information-centewhat-psychiatric-comorbidities-are-associated-with-migraine/

california, "Assembly Bill 421 would virtually destroy the right to referendum...no matter how outrageous the legislative statute...tools to control indolent or corrupt politicians. The rights of direct democracy — initiative, referendum, and recall." https://www.tahoedailytribune.com/news/when-will-progressives-stop-attacking-the-direct-democracy-rights-opinion/

"included studies indicate potential effects of dog-assisted interventions for adults diagnosed with schizophrenia and related disorders, mostly beneficial." https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyt.2023.1192075/abstract

"Failure to Take Patient Off Medication Results in Malpractice Lawsuit...first expert found that Ms W’s care had fallen below the acceptable standard in monitoring liver function in a patient on medications that have the potential for liver toxicity, such as divalproex sodium (valproate) and duloxetine (cymbalta)...risks from the combination...life-threatening, and she required a liver transplant...settled prior to trial for a confidential payment." https://www.empr.com/home/features/failure-to-take-patient-off-medication-results-in-malpractice-lawsuit/

closed source "Health app in iOS 17 and iPadOS 17 and the Meditation app in watchOS 10 provide users with intuitive ways to review their mental state. Users can scroll through attractive multi-dimensional shapes. and choose what level of self-esteem From very satisfied to very dissatisfied, they can then choose the relationship that has the greatest impact on how they feel. such as traveling or family and describes his own feelings such as being grateful or worried." https://www.archyde.com/apple-introduces-revolutionary-mental-health-and-eye-health-features-in-ios-17-ipados-17-and-watchos-10-including-health-app-now-available-on-ipad/

"Domestic violence shelters move out of hiding: ‘It felt like being in prison’" https://siouxcityjournal.com/news/domestic-violence-shelters-move-out-of-hiding-it-felt-like-being-in-prison/article_6ad6921e-925a-5899-adfc-d9fb9a131007.html

-50 degrees Canadian Arctic Air season 1 episode 4 All the Vital Things, "The stress. Everybody's stressed...I don't want to have to take pills...It's humiliating I feel like a little old lady." He would lose his pilot's license. Trailer: https://youtu.be/AUfGkhgt7ms

Accused (2023) season 1 episode 11 Jiro's Story "car accident that left Sam with a traumatic brain injury...paranoid fantasy... that Sam is being abused in his new group home." https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=DTqNsZKP9w0&pp=ygUUSmlybydzIFN0b3J5IEFjY3VzZWQ%3D

June 5 mother slandered me as having "diseased" judgment, supporting Canada and state constitutional amendment to restore executions for 1st degree murderers.

CMM.World & CMMTheology.org
The Great Harvest is here. Christ's Mandate for Missions and CMMTheology build strong, organic relationships globally as we worship, grow and equip together. Like Joshua and Caleb and the Apostle Paul, we see with faith what He sees in each person (to help each reach fullness), group (many streams and backgrounds in unity) and nations (sheep vs. goat nations). Our passion is to love, connect, equip and send with the simplicity, fullness, and power of the Gospel.
The Uncompromising Blissful Extravagance of His Presence! Inbox
By CMM.World CMMTheology.org - November 10, 2022
Dear Mighty One,
I see the Lord's eye upon us we discover by revelation the 'new thing' He is doing in our lives and of those of us who, beyond the present darkness, gaze into His eyes. The 'tuning fork' of Yahweh is orchestrating the sons and daughters of our living God in growing holy remnant unity to withstand as we stand with Him fearlessly in the boldness of the faith of God in this hour. Egypt is behind us, and the covenantal promises and prophetic words we have received (1 Tim. 1:18) empower us by His Holy Spirit to advance in warfare, humbly growing in the spirit of wisdom and revelation.

Yesterday as I encouraged some friends, I said, 'stay in the blissful extravagance of His presence.' Today I saw in Psalm 34 His eyes are upon us in vs. 8 & 9 and v:15 about the 'uncompromisingly righteous.' We are to be holy as He is holy. That leaves no room for any more compromise or seeking to please man or the traditions of men, being free of the fear of man, the religious spirit, and any demonic activity. We are seated in heavenly places with Christ Jesus. Lord, help us understand by revelation to walk in all the authority we have been given by Jesus Christ.
Psalm 34:8-9 'O taste and see that the Lord [our God] is good! Blessed (happy, fortunate, to be envied) is the man who trusts and takes refuge in Him. O fear the Lord, you His saints [revere and worship Him]! For there is no want to those who truly revere and worship Him with godly fear.'
v. 15 'The eyes of the Lord are toward the [uncompromisingly] righteous and His ears are open to their cry.'
Chuck Pierce shared this amazing word from Penny Jackson that is right on for this season: https://christsmandate.blogspot.com/2022/11/chuck-pierce-shares-powerful-word-from.html
May YOUR November be full of Thanksgiving and Praise for you and yours as YOU enjoy The Uncompromising Blissful Extravagance of His Presence!
Thank you for praying for CMM and all your fellow CMM Global Family worldwide. Pray for all the missionaries, schools, and students in CMM College of Theology in the US, Ecuador, Canada, Cuba, Myanmar, Nigeria, and Thailand.
Pray for the new wells and the living water and safe water recently drilled or soon to be drilled in Tanzania, India, Malawi, and Pakistan.
Pray for our upcoming Christmas gift campaigns to bless children and youth in many nations. Many of them are precious, beautiful children (orphans). As the Lord leads, pray about giving any amount to bless dear CMM children this Christmas. https://cmmworld.kindful.com/
Pray for each other, dear friends. We all know we each need prayers going up to Heaven for all those on the front lines. We each are on the front lines!
Please pray for me as I speak tomorrow online to a crusade with 8,000 expected to attend in Pakistan. In December, I will speak at conferences in Liberia and Kenya with fellow CMM Ordained ministers Robert Bimba (Liberia), Tom Omukhobero, and Daniel and Christine Oyoko (Kenya).
We are working on plans and trips for 2023. If you would like to have some of our awesome CMM family speakers for a conference in your area or would like to join or lead a missions trip, we would love to hook you up with dear friends in many nations.
Please join me in welcoming Dr. Louis Blom of Judea Harvest as Associate Director of Missions at CMM. This strategic alliance multiplies the efforts and impact in building the Kingdom of our God, for His glory. https://youtu.be/HXfP8tCySRc

Many blessings and shalom from us all here at the home office and around the world.
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I hunted monsters for an international anomaly research center
Part 2
I decided instead of telling you about the next monster I’d planned I will tell you all what I did last week. I’d heard about this anomaly before, but that was because it was contained. Not by our organization but by one we work closely with. They’d been keeping it well in their Puerto Rico containment facility, but it managed to escape during a power outage. They’d insisted on trying to capture it themselves for a couple of days before they finally let me come in. Normally I’d be mad that they couldn’t catch it, but the Scape Ore Swamp Lizard Man is no walk in the park.
Standing 10 feet long, 8 feet tall, and pure muscle this thing is practically a walking tank. It has an almost inch-thick hide of small black snake-like scales. It stands on two legs but can switch to four when needed. It has a large head with a long muzzle full of sharp venomous teeth. Its face is always contorted into a scowl adding to its frightful appearance. Its back is covered in large spiked scutes which start at the head to the tip of the tail. On its two large four-fingered hands are two-inch-long nasty claws.
They deployed me the same way as always, and I landed with a light thud on the jungle floor after I was unlatched from the parachute and harness. I looked out at the darkening jungle around me. My search would be far from easy. I knew that, as I needed more information about where it was. However, after getting my sniper railgun ready I began my pursuit.
My pursuit was aimless and tiring. I had no direction, and the heat was slowly burning me alive. The jungle was full of loud squawking birds. At one point I looked up and saw in the evening light a small group of bats flying overhead.
I walked slowly and steadily scanning the quickly darkening ground for something, but as I suspected there was nothing in sight. No sigh from the lizardman. I walked on and on until finally, I found something. They were large three-toed tracks that almost looked like ones a T-rex would’ve made. My heart leaped in joy and excitement and I began following the footprints. They were easy to follow as the heavy feet had sunk deep into the wet muddy ground of the jungle. They followed no path and almost walked the way I had been walking aimlessly. Until like me, it seemed to have found something to follow.
Its path led in an almost perfect straight line, having trampled almost anything that wasn’t a tree out of its way. I noticed as I followed its tracks large claw marks in the trees. There were three and they were long and deep.
I followed for a good long while still tired but my determination had increased 10 fold now that there was a path to follow. As I walked along I began to hear something off in the distance. It was so faint it was hard to discern. At first, I thought it might be some sort of birdcall, but then it clicked in my head. It screamed. I started running as fast as I could through the jungle tripping at one point but pulling myself back up.
Eventually, I found myself running into a field. What I saw in that field I’ll never forget. I don’t know what it is, but I’ve never been bothered by dead humans before. In my youth when I’d go to funerals seeing the body never disturbed me. I’d be sure but the body itself never made me uncomfortable. And after I got this job I got completely desensitized, but something about dead animals. I could never handle seeing a dead animal. I don’t know exactly why. I guess it’s because it brought me back to my childhood.
My dad was born in Mexico in 1979, but he and his family moved to Puerto Rico 3 years later. My dad lived in Puerto Rico during the horrifying but short reign of the Chupacabra. When I was little he would tell me stories about it. Fields of livestock just on the ground dead wholly drained of blood. Those stories actually started me down the route of where I am today, but I don’t think I ever really comprehended what that looked like until I saw the massacre in the field I was now in.
It almost seemed as though a sheet of blood and muscle and meat had fallen over the field. It was absolutely everywhere and dispersed throughout this massacre I could see small bits of bones. Vertebrae there, or a rib over there. It almost looked like they’d all exploded from the inside at the same time, but I know that is not what happened. I saw the footprints in the ground, I saw the claw marks in the bones. I knew the only thing that could’ve done this was the horrible beast I was hunting.
I walked around through the massacre for a while in a sort of shock. Then I finally snapped out of it and looked around again. I saw a house separated only by a now broken wood fence to the field. I instantly knew where the screams had come from and what had likely happened. I ran toward the house and a story began to unfold as I got closer. The father or man of the house must’ve come outside to defend his family because I found his body ripped apart just outside the front door.
I stepped over the body and walked into the tiny house. It was absolutely destroyed. The walls were torn apart, furniture was left shattered on the ground, and there was lots of blood. I looked over and saw a partial body on the living room floor. I grimaced when I realized the poor thing had once been a big dog. Now it was nothing but torn meat and bones. One step at a time I made my way to the back of the house down a cramped hallway. In the bedrooms were the destroyed bodies of a woman and three children. The only peace I had was that these people died quickly. I noticed at the end of the hall was a shattered glass backdoor. I stepped through it, almost slipping on the shards of glass still on the floor, and walked into the backyard. It was a tiny cleared area surrounded by trees. The ground was littered with small dog toys and in the corner was a chicken coop. The roof of it had been ripped off and shattered. I peeked in through the hole and saw lots of blood-covered eggs. It looked like, unlike the other animals, the lizardman had actually stopped eating all the chickens. Maybe all of that butchering worked up an appetite. I thought.
After calling in for the investigation crew I continued on my trail. The sun had completely set and navigated the dense jungle even with my bright headlight showing the way. Not long into it rain began pouring which completely covered the tracks. In frustration, I turned around and made my way back to the farm.
Suddenly I heard something from the treetops. It sounded almost like a faint growl and before I could do anything else the large figure of the Lizardman jumped from the trees right in front of me. It immediately slashed at my chest and left arm tearing them open causing blood to start pouring through. I let out a scream of agony and fell to the ground.
With my good right arm, I reached for a gadget on my belt and pressed it. It instantly began spraying a strong wonderful smell of flowers into the air. If there’s one thing the lizardman cannot tolerate it is sweet solid smells. It roared in anger and then sprinted in the other direction. I lay there blood seeping from my wounds wondering if I was about to die. I’m not old, only 26, but for my line of work, I’m ancient; about half the guys die on their first or second mission. If you survive the first two you will probably last much longer, but even then people die within two years meanwhile I’ve been here for 5 years.
I lay there with my eyes slowly growing heavier and heavier and then they closed and I was consumed by the darkness.
I woke up in a bright white room. The light was so blinding I kept blinking but still could hardly see anything. I noticed a woman standing in the room who was like the room wearing all white.
“Am I dead?” I sputtered out in my half-dazed confusion.
The woman let out a slight chuckle: “No you’re not dead. You’re in the medical wing of our Puerto Rican location.” She explained.
As she was talking everything seemed to clear around me. It was a small hospital room and the woman was short in a doctor's coat with dark hair tied in a bun.
“Who’s we?” I asked.
“USDAC,” She said, busy with something at her table.
I knew USDAC they were the United States Department of Anomaly Containment. They were the ones the Lizardman had escaped from.
“Where’s my organization? Why didn’t they send the team out to get me?” I asked angrily.
“I’m not quite sure. They never even told us you went down. Our investigation team was looking around the jungle when they found you.” She said with a genuinely confused look on her face.
I scanned the room again and saw on a chair next to my bed all my gear laid out nicely. I reached for my walkie, grabbed it, and pulled it off of my belt.
“This is Trigger to dispatch, do you copy?” I asked through the device.
“We copy, you aren’t dead?” The receiver asked, obviously very confused.
“Not yet. Why didn’t you send the team out to get me?” I asked more confused than angry at this point.
“They said you were gone. They said the lizardman had got you.” He said.
“Well, he hasn’t got me yet,” I said defiantly then hung up.
“Mam, I’m going to go finish what I started, but I am going to need a few things.”
I suppose a few things were a bit of an understatement. I had them get the best tracker they could find out here, which they quickly got to do. I got a whole new set of equipment more specialized for the task at hand I filed a hasty but fierce resignation letter to my organization siting leaving me for dead as the primary cause. They never even got back to me and needless to say, I was pissed. I knew the moment USDAC found out I was no longer part of the organization they’d send me away, so I decided I’d better be quick with this operation.
I pulled the small Uhaul full of supplies down the dirt road. Next to me sat Santiago, an older Native American man with a long black salt and pepper braided ponytail. He’d worked with both my organization and USDAC for a number of years and had much experience in tracking beasties like this one.
“So, where exactly are we going?” I asked looking at him.
“Well we’re going to the most recent attack and I’m hoping to get there by noon so if you could step on it that would be lovely.” He said sounding rather harsh.
I nodded and pushed slightly more on the accelerator. I would’ve started flying down this road but this truck was not built for dirt roads so I had to do my best.
As I drove Santiago busied himself with a map. I watched out of the corner of my eye as he put small red x’s on certain spots. I assumed those were the previous attacks. Occasionally he would look up from his work to make sure I was still going in the right direction and finally, after he directed me to turn onto a smaller more unkept dirt road we arrived at the farm.
It was eerily similar to the other. The house was destroyed and the field was full of massacred goats. Although the main difference was this one was swarming with USDAC investigation teams. Four big black vans were parked in front of the home, almost blocking my view. I stopped the truck and me and Santiago both stepped out. We walked over to the house and one of the investigators met us at the door.
He was tall with a weathered face and a strong chin that made him look like an actor. He had nicely done silver hair, stubble, and hazel eyes. A slight grin appeared on his face when he saw us.
“You two must be the hunters, I’m Detective Slade.” He greeted, sticking his hand out for a shake.
I took his hand first. “Hello Slade, I’m Agent Biel,” I said shaking his hand with Santiago quickly doing the same.
After we finished with formalities Slade led us around the house and into the field behind it. It felt like deja vu looking at the field. It told almost the exact same story mine did. Dozens of torn-apart goats and a small now empty chicken coop. I looked at all of it in disgust. The animals had no time to defend themselves they were just destroyed.
Santiago began scanning the mess on the ground looking for tracks to follow. Meanwhile, I stood talking with Slade.
“This is the eighth attack in four days, it looks like it’s making two attacks every night.” Slade explained, “So far it has killed 37 people, 650 goats, 242 cows, and has eaten almost 300 chickens.”
“Have you noticed a pattern?” I asked.
“Besides attacking at night not really. It usually attacks the fields first, but even that isn’t always the case.”
“I found something.” Santiago interrupted.
He stood by the edge of the field that met the jungle. I saw the large tracks of the beast leading into the jungle.

**Me and Santiago lugged the heavy equipment through the jungle we were tired and hot, but we continued knowing that the lizardman was likely close by. The sun had begun to sink low in the sky as we marched on. I was surprised at the path of the lizardman it had literally walked a straight line for miles upon miles. Only ever turning for a large tree or a hill. We were hoping we would get to the things nest before it went on its next night excursion but we weren’t extremely hopeful. I could only hope that the wretched thing was still wherever it rests.** **Suddenly their hike was interrupted by a loud call. I looked above to see a large tropical bird eyeing me from a branch. It was brightly colored vaguely reminding me of a parrot. Oddly I gave the bird a nod and then caught up to Santiago who’d ignored the bird and kept walking.** **Eventually, the sun set and we both had to turn our lights on. My body was beginning to grow heavy and I could tell it was the same for Santiago, but right as we seemed to the point of giving up we arrived at the edge of a lake. It was small and had short sandy beaches separating it from the jungle. Perfectly outlined in the sand were the feet of the lizardman. It had clear as day walked straight into the lake. We both looked at each other. He was clearly as unsure about the situation as I was. We stood there contemplating when I noticed something.** **The lake had a few logs floating in it but one didn’t look like the other. It was far too symmetrical. I scanned my light over it and realized the texture I’d thought of as bark was actually scaled. Then suddenly my light scanned over to the head and its bright red eyes opened wide. It let out a roar and started swimming toward us. I dropped my bag and hurriedly put my remaining gear on. Santiago dropped his and took aim with his rifle.** **BANG! The shot echoed through the quiet air and I saw it clearly hit the thing right in the center of the forehead. The bullet tinked off like it had hit thick steel. The Lizardman swam closer and as the water got shallower it transitioned from swimming to sprinting. The second it took a step on shore I struck. I slammed one of my gauntlet-bearing fists into the thing's face. There was a loud audible crack as it fell over. It quickly stood back up and slashed at my thick steel armor. It did nothing but scrape off some paint and I pulled my fist back and punched it again. It stumbled again and before it could recover I punched it again and again.** **Immediately after the punch it lunged forward its jaws latching on to either side of my helmet. I heard the sounds of it and felt the metal beginning to bend in on itself. I kicked the thing where I knew it would hurt. It unlatched from my face and I uppercut it right in the lower jaw. It fell into the water letting out a whimper-type noise as it did.** **I stood over the beast having misjudged it as defeated. In a second wind, it grabbed me by the leg and threw me into a tree. I heard my suit crack and crunch having been badly damaged. The lizardman started over at me threateningly and in a quick burst of speed it charged over to me.** **BANG! BANG! BANG! His first shot struck the side of its head getting its attention, and as it turned the second bullet struck it directly in its left eye. The third and final bullet struck its nose harmlessly. It roar in pain and charged towards Santiago, but I jumped up and grabbed it by the tail. I held it still for a moment before it did something that caught me off, guard. It turned around and bit off its own tail. It then continued charging toward Santiago. His bullets struck it again and again but its hide was far too strong. Quickly I dropped the tail and pulled out a canister pulling the pin and throwing it. A wonderful smell erupted from it as it soared through the air and landed right in front of Santiago.** **The Lizardman backed away from him dizzy from the overpowering smell. I pulled myself off the ground and charged towards it. I jumped on top of the thing pinning it to the ground.** **“Meds!” I yelled to him as the Lizardman was already struggling.** **Santiago reached into its mouth that I held open and shoved the tranquilizer down its throat. After another minute of shaking and struggling it finally blacked out. I pulled out my walkie and called in dispatch.** **“The lizard is down,” I said simply.** **Within minutes they had a dozen helicopters out there and had the creature properly restrained.** **I walked over to the man who appeared to be in charge. He was average height with blonde hair combed to the side, aviator glasses, and a nice gray suit. “I’d recommend you step up the security on that thing,” I suggested.** **He turned around and looked at me for a moment, almost studying me.**

“We will be.” He said finally. “I am personally seeing that it is brought to our most secure location.”
“Good, good, I don’t want to ever deal with that thing again.” I chuckled.
He looked closer at me after I said that and it seemed to click in his head who I was.
“Agent Biel, I’m very happy to see you. I got word of your resignation at UARF.” He said sounding oddly sad.
I prepared for the worst as I was technically not supposed to be here.
“Yeah, I wasn’t exactly happy with being left for dead,” I grumbled.
“Well sir I promise if you take my offer you won’t be left for dead,” He said smiling now.
I paused for a moment unsure what he meant. Then it seemed to click he was hiring me and I took his hand and shook it vigorously.
“I do accept your offer, sir,” I yelled excitedly.
“You can call me Dr.Barclay,” He said politely shaking my hand back.
So that is how I was hired here at USDAC and I’ve already discovered that they do things quite differently here but that is a story for another day. Biel out.

Hi! I've been a longtime lurker here. But now I'm anticipating to participate regularly as I navigate attending being a first time college student at an ADN program at age 25. I'm looking for some advice from you lovelies, so any input you have is much appreciated!
--
Some background: I graduated high school in 2016. I did online school so I have no experience with traditional, in-person classes. Went to a (unbeknownst to me) shitty online "career college"... I studied medical coding/billing and medical assisting and got certified as a CCA through the AAPC and CCMA through the NHA. I never found work in either field, though, because the college offered zero assistance or resources with finding a job and (also unbeknownst to me) both fields are notoriously hard to get into without having a lot of prior experience.
I've managed to have a few, unrelated healthcare jobs over the years, though. I worked as a newborn hearing screener on a L&D/MB floor and, most recently, as a mental health tech in the admissions/triage area of a psych hospital. Still, I've always had the desire be a nurse (especially after observing and talking to them at work) but always felt like it was out of my reach because I wasn't "smart" enough.
Been working on my self-confidence a lot this year and I feel like... I might be ready to try.
--
So this is my unofficial plan as of right now:

Finish enrolling in my local community college and sign up for the fall semester
Start an unrelated full-time temp job in 2 weeks to save up money and work it until late August when I have a planned surgery (and will need to end the job assignment)
Recovery will be less than a week at best, 2 weeks at worst. During this time, I plan to take two corequisites classes: A&P (which I have taken before) and Psychology (at this CC, you can take them in the first semester of nursing school, so they aren't required for admission but taking them beforehand increases your overall competitive score to get admitted)
Take a $925 4-week CNA course and if all goes well, take the state cert test and (hopefully) pass. After that, I'll continue with classes and try to find a job working in a hospital as a CNA, patient care tech, unit secretary, etc to try and get some hands-on exp
Apply to the February application cycle for the Fall 2024 class and hope that I get in... if I do, depending on how I adjust to school/classes/clinicals, I'll continue working/find a new job working part time/PRN on the weekends or whatever.

--
All of this sounds like a great plan inside of my head lol but I would like some input for those of you who are/were in school and have a firm grasp on how the workload is. Again, I have zero experience with how classes and college works, so forgive me if I'm being totally naive.
One big question I have about my plan is, would I be able to do the CNA course while taking the upcoming fall classes? I used the class search thing and the CC offers online lectures where you only come to campus for lab (in the case of A&P anyway) but there is no times or location listed for it yet. But it says the "date range" is from August - December. So does that mean I have between August and December to take the class and complete it? Or is that how long the class lasts for?
Another alternative is for me to find out if I can take at least one class through an online college. I saw this website in a Reddit comment called Westcott Courses, where you purchase and complete a common pre-req class at your own pace and then take the proctored final either online or at a local testing center. If that's the case, I can sign up for the class sooner than August, get it over and done with (especially while I'm recovering) and have them transfer the credits to when I submit college transcripts for the app in February. Then from there, I can just take whatever else I need to boost through the actual CC for Fall 2024.
What do you all think?
Thank you so much in advance for helping me out!!

I hunted monsters for an international anomaly research center
Part 2
I decided instead of telling you about the next monster I’d planned I will tell you all what I did last week. I’d heard about this anomaly before, but that was because it was contained. Not by our organization but by one we work closely with. They’d been keeping it well in their Puerto Rico containment facility, but it managed to escape during a power outage. They’d insisted on trying to capture it themselves for a couple of days before they finally let me come in. Normally I’d be mad that they couldn’t catch it, but the Scape Ore Swamp Lizard Man is no walk in the park.
Standing 10 feet long, 8 feet tall, and pure muscle this thing is practically a walking tank. It has an almost inch-thick hide of small black snake-like scales. It stands on two legs but can switch to four when needed. It has a large head with a long muzzle full of sharp venomous teeth. Its face is always contorted into a scowl adding to its frightful appearance. Its back is covered in large spiked scutes which start at the head to the tip of the tail. On its two large four-fingered hands are two-inch-long nasty claws.
They deployed me the same way as always, and I landed with a light thud on the jungle floor after I was unlatched from the parachute and harness. I looked out at the darkening jungle around me. My search would be far from easy. I knew that, as I needed more information about where it was. However, after getting my sniper railgun ready I began my pursuit.
My pursuit was aimless and tiring. I had no direction, and the heat was slowly burning me alive. The jungle was full of loud squawking birds. At one point I looked up and saw in the evening light a small group of bats flying overhead.
I walked slowly and steadily scanning the quickly darkening ground for something, but as I suspected there was nothing in sight. No sigh from the lizardman. I walked on and on until finally, I found something. They were large three-toed tracks that almost looked like ones a T-rex would’ve made. My heart leaped in joy and excitement and I began following the footprints. They were easy to follow as the heavy feet had sunk deep into the wet muddy ground of the jungle. They followed no path and almost walked the way I had been walking aimlessly. Until like me, it seemed to have found something to follow.
Its path led in an almost perfect straight line, having trampled almost anything that wasn’t a tree out of its way. I noticed as I followed its tracks large claw marks in the trees. There were three and they were long and deep.
I followed for a good long while still tired but my determination had increased 10 fold now that there was a path to follow. As I walked along I began to hear something off in the distance. It was so faint it was hard to discern. At first, I thought it might be some sort of birdcall, but then it clicked in my head. It screamed. I started running as fast as I could through the jungle tripping at one point but pulling myself back up.
Eventually, I found myself running into a field. What I saw in that field I’ll never forget. I don’t know what it is, but I’ve never been bothered by dead humans before. In my youth when I’d go to funerals seeing the body never disturbed me. I’d be sure but the body itself never made me uncomfortable. And after I got this job I got completely desensitized, but something about dead animals. I could never handle seeing a dead animal. I don’t know exactly why. I guess it’s because it brought me back to my childhood.
My dad was born in Mexico in 1979, but he and his family moved to Puerto Rico 3 years later. My dad lived in Puerto Rico during the horrifying but short reign of the Chupacabra. When I was little he would tell me stories about it. Fields of livestock just on the ground dead wholly drained of blood. Those stories actually started me down the route of where I am today, but I don’t think I ever really comprehended what that looked like until I saw the massacre in the field I was now in.
It almost seemed as though a sheet of blood and muscle and meat had fallen over the field. It was absolutely everywhere and dispersed throughout this massacre I could see small bits of bones. Vertebrae there, or a rib over there. It almost looked like they’d all exploded from the inside at the same time, but I know that is not what happened. I saw the footprints in the ground, I saw the claw marks in the bones. I knew the only thing that could’ve done this was the horrible beast I was hunting.
I walked around through the massacre for a while in a sort of shock. Then I finally snapped out of it and looked around again. I saw a house separated only by a now broken wood fence to the field. I instantly knew where the screams had come from and what had likely happened. I ran toward the house and a story began to unfold as I got closer. The father or man of the house must’ve come outside to defend his family because I found his body ripped apart just outside the front door.
I stepped over the body and walked into the tiny house. It was absolutely destroyed. The walls were torn apart, furniture was left shattered on the ground, and there was lots of blood. I looked over and saw a partial body on the living room floor. I grimaced when I realized the poor thing had once been a big dog. Now it was nothing but torn meat and bones. One step at a time I made my way to the back of the house down a cramped hallway. In the bedrooms were the destroyed bodies of a woman and three children. The only peace I had was that these people died quickly. I noticed at the end of the hall was a shattered glass backdoor. I stepped through it, almost slipping on the shards of glass still on the floor, and walked into the backyard. It was a tiny cleared area surrounded by trees. The ground was littered with small dog toys and in the corner was a chicken coop. The roof of it had been ripped off and shattered. I peeked in through the hole and saw lots of blood-covered eggs. It looked like, unlike the other animals, the lizardman had actually stopped eating all the chickens. Maybe all of that butchering worked up an appetite. I thought.
After calling in for the investigation crew I continued on my trail. The sun had completely set and navigated the dense jungle even with my bright headlight showing the way. Not long into it rain began pouring which completely covered the tracks. In frustration, I turned around and made my way back to the farm.
Suddenly I heard something from the treetops. It sounded almost like a faint growl and before I could do anything else the large figure of the Lizardman jumped from the trees right in front of me. It immediately slashed at my chest and left arm tearing them open causing blood to start pouring through. I let out a scream of agony and fell to the ground.
With my good right arm, I reached for a gadget on my belt and pressed it. It instantly began spraying a strong wonderful smell of flowers into the air. If there’s one thing the lizardman cannot tolerate it is sweet solid smells. It roared in anger and then sprinted in the other direction. I lay there blood seeping from my wounds wondering if I was about to die. I’m not old, only 26, but for my line of work, I’m ancient; about half the guys die on their first or second mission. If you survive the first two you will probably last much longer, but even then people die within two years meanwhile I’ve been here for 5 years.
I lay there with my eyes slowly growing heavier and heavier and then they closed and I was consumed by the darkness.
I woke up in a bright white room. The light was so blinding I kept blinking but still could hardly see anything. I noticed a woman standing in the room who was like the room wearing all white.
“Am I dead?” I sputtered out in my half-dazed confusion.
The woman let out a slight chuckle: “No you’re not dead. You’re in the medical wing of our Puerto Rican location.” She explained.
As she was talking everything seemed to clear around me. It was a small hospital room and the woman was short in a doctor's coat with dark hair tied in a bun.
“Who’s we?” I asked.
“USDAC,” She said, busy with something at her table.
I knew USDAC they were the United States Department of Anomaly Containment. They were the ones the Lizardman had escaped from.
“Where’s my organization? Why didn’t they send the team out to get me?” I asked angrily.
“I’m not quite sure. They never even told us you went down. Our investigation team was looking around the jungle when they found you.” She said with a genuinely confused look on her face.
I scanned the room again and saw on a chair next to my bed all my gear laid out nicely. I reached for my walkie, grabbed it, and pulled it off of my belt.
“This is Trigger to dispatch, do you copy?” I asked through the device.
“We copy, you aren’t dead?” The receiver asked, obviously very confused.
“Not yet. Why didn’t you send the team out to get me?” I asked more confused than angry at this point.
“They said you were gone. They said the lizardman had got you.” He said.
“Well, he hasn’t got me yet,” I said defiantly then hung up.
“Mam, I’m going to go finish what I started, but I am going to need a few things.”
I suppose a few things were a bit of an understatement. I had them get the best tracker they could find out here, which they quickly got to do. I got a whole new set of equipment more specialized for the task at hand I filed a hasty but fierce resignation letter to my organization siting leaving me for dead as the primary cause. They never even got back to me and needless to say, I was pissed. I knew the moment USDAC found out I was no longer part of the organization they’d send me away, so I decided I’d better be quick with this operation.
I pulled the small Uhaul full of supplies down the dirt road. Next to me sat Santiago, an older Native American man with a long black salt and pepper braided ponytail. He’d worked with both my organization and USDAC for a number of years and had much experience in tracking beasties like this one.
“So, where exactly are we going?” I asked looking at him.
“Well we’re going to the most recent attack and I’m hoping to get there by noon so if you could step on it that would be lovely.” He said sounding rather harsh.
I nodded and pushed slightly more on the accelerator. I would’ve started flying down this road but this truck was not built for dirt roads so I had to do my best.
As I drove Santiago busied himself with a map. I watched out of the corner of my eye as he put small red x’s on certain spots. I assumed those were the previous attacks. Occasionally he would look up from his work to make sure I was still going in the right direction and finally, after he directed me to turn onto a smaller more unkept dirt road we arrived at the farm.
It was eerily similar to the other. The house was destroyed and the field was full of massacred goats. Although the main difference was this one was swarming with USDAC investigation teams. Four big black vans were parked in front of the home, almost blocking my view. I stopped the truck and me and Santiago both stepped out. We walked over to the house and one of the investigators met us at the door.
He was tall with a weathered face and a strong chin that made him look like an actor. He had nicely done silver hair, stubble, and hazel eyes. A slight grin appeared on his face when he saw us.
“You two must be the hunters, I’m Detective Slade.” He greeted, sticking his hand out for a shake.
I took his hand first. “Hello Slade, I’m Agent Biel,” I said shaking his hand with Santiago quickly doing the same.
After we finished with formalities Slade led us around the house and into the field behind it. It felt like deja vu looking at the field. It told almost the exact same story mine did. Dozens of torn-apart goats and a small now empty chicken coop. I looked at all of it in disgust. The animals had no time to defend themselves they were just destroyed.
Santiago began scanning the mess on the ground looking for tracks to follow. Meanwhile, I stood talking with Slade.
“This is the eighth attack in four days, it looks like it’s making two attacks every night.” Slade explained, “So far it has killed 37 people, 650 goats, 242 cows, and has eaten almost 300 chickens.”
“Have you noticed a pattern?” I asked.
“Besides attacking at night not really. It usually attacks the fields first, but even that isn’t always the case.”
“I found something.” Santiago interrupted.
He stood by the edge of the field that met the jungle. I saw the large tracks of the beast leading into the jungle.
Me and Santiago lugged the heavy equipment through the jungle we were tired and hot, but we continued knowing that the lizardman was likely close by. The sun had begun to sink low in the sky as we marched on. I was surprised at the path of the lizardman it had literally walked a straight line for miles upon miles. Only ever turning for a large tree or a hill. We were hoping we would get to the things nest before it went on its next night excursion but we weren’t extremely hopeful. I could only hope that the wretched thing was still wherever it rests.
Suddenly their hike was interrupted by a loud call. I looked above to see a large tropical bird eyeing me from a branch. It was brightly colored vaguely reminding me of a parrot. Oddly I gave the bird a nod and then caught up to Santiago who’d ignored the bird and kept walking.
Eventually, the sun set and we both had to turn our lights on. My body was beginning to grow heavy and I could tell it was the same for Santiago, but right as we seemed to the point of giving up we arrived at the edge of a lake. It was small and had short sandy beaches separating it from the jungle. Perfectly outlined in the sand were the feet of the lizardman. It had clear as day walked straight into the lake. We both looked at each other. He was clearly as unsure about the situation as I was. We stood there contemplating when I noticed something.
The lake had a few logs floating in it but one didn’t look like the other. It was far too symmetrical. I scanned my light over it and realized the texture I’d thought of as bark was actually scaled. Then suddenly my light scanned over to the head and its bright red eyes opened wide. It let out a roar and started swimming toward us. I dropped my bag and hurriedly put my remaining gear on. Santiago dropped his and took aim with his rifle.
BANG! The shot echoed through the quiet air and I saw it clearly hit the thing right in the center of the forehead. The bullet tinked off like it had hit thick steel. The Lizardman swam closer and as the water got shallower it transitioned from swimming to sprinting. The second it took a step on shore I struck. I slammed one of my gauntlet-bearing fists into the thing's face. There was a loud audible crack as it fell over. It quickly stood back up and slashed at my thick steel armor. It did nothing but scrape off some paint and I pulled my fist back and punched it again. It stumbled again and before it could recover I punched it again and again.
Immediately after the punch it lunged forward its jaws latching on to either side of my helmet. I heard the sounds of it and felt the metal beginning to bend in on itself. I kicked the thing where I knew it would hurt. It unlatched from my face and I uppercut it right in the lower jaw. It fell into the water letting out a whimper-type noise as it did.
I stood over the beast having misjudged it as defeated. In a second wind, it grabbed me by the leg and threw me into a tree. I heard my suit crack and crunch having been badly damaged. The lizardman started over at me threateningly and in a quick burst of speed it charged over to me.
BANG! BANG! BANG! His first shot struck the side of its head getting its attention, and as it turned the second bullet struck it directly in its left eye. The third and final bullet struck its nose harmlessly. It roar in pain and charged towards Santiago, but I jumped up and grabbed it by the tail. I held it still for a moment before it did something that caught me off, guard. It turned around and bit off its own tail. It then continued charging toward Santiago. His bullets struck it again and again but its hide was far too strong. Quickly I dropped the tail and pulled out a canister pulling the pin and throwing it. A wonderful smell erupted from it as it soared through the air and landed right in front of Santiago.
The Lizardman backed away from him dizzy from the overpowering smell. I pulled myself off the ground and charged towards it. I jumped on top of the thing pinning it to the ground.
“Meds!” I yelled to him as the Lizardman was already struggling.
Santiago reached into its mouth that I held open and shoved the tranquilizer down its throat. After another minute of shaking and struggling it finally blacked out. I pulled out my walkie and called in dispatch.
“The lizard is down,” I said simply.
Within minutes they had a dozen helicopters out there and had the creature properly restrained.
I walked over to the man who appeared to be in charge. He was average height with blonde hair combed to the side, aviator glasses, and a nice gray suit. “I’d recommend you step up the security on that thing,” I suggested.
He turned around and looked at me for a moment, almost studying me.
“We will be.” He said finally. “I am personally seeing that it is brought to our most secure location.”
“Good, good, I don’t want to ever deal with that thing again.” I chuckled.
He looked closer at me after I said that and it seemed to click in his head who I was.
“Agent Biel, I’m very happy to see you. I got word of your resignation at UARF.” He said sounding oddly sad.
I prepared for the worst as I was technically not supposed to be here.
“Yeah, I wasn’t exactly happy with being left for dead,” I grumbled.
“Well sir I promise if you take my offer you won’t be left for dead,” He said smiling now.
I paused for a moment unsure what he meant. Then it seemed to click he was hiring me and I took his hand and shook it vigorously.
“I do accept your offer, sir,” I yelled excitedly.
“You can call me Dr.Barclay,” He said politely shaking my hand back.
So that is how I was hired here at USDAC and I’ve already discovered that they do things quite differently here but that is a story for another day. Biel out.