Ceedee lamb week 5

I've had chronic insomnia for many years. I recently heard about Lexapro being used off-label to treat insomnia and ended up getting a prescription.
I'm super sensitive to all substances I've ever tried and have never taken any medication affecting brain function before and so wanted to start off literally as slowly as I possibly could. I requested the liquid form in the standard 5 mg / mL concentration and just started a week ago with a 0.25 mL daily dose. Yes, barely a few drops of it. I'm just absurdly cautious and careful and that seemed like a good place to start (my doctor did not give any specific advice on ramping up).
I've been taking that 0.25 mL dose daily for a week now and within the last few days I have started feeling... super weird. I feel physically and emotionally exhausted and drained for most of the day. Not numb, not like I can't feel anything, but actually significantly worse than I felt before. I feel constantly on edge, and it feels hard or impossible to have any sort of positive emotion anymore. I don't know what depression feels like, but I could imagine that this could be it. What's very tricky is that my chronic insomnia also tends to make me feel crappy, moody, low-energy, etc. so it's really hard for me to disentangle that from any new effects that might be from the med, but this definitely feels new or at least worse than anything I've felt before.
Regardless, I'm pretty confused. Honestly I didn't think I would feel anything at all from such a low dose, or so soon. I was just hoping to get my body acclimated and slowly ramp it up, and my assumption was I wouldn't actually notice any effect for weeks or months. It seems almost impossible that a week after taking such a low dose that it could be having such a strong effect on me. But at the same time, I really don't know what else it could possibly be, other than some kind of psychosomatic or placebo type effect.
Curious if anyone else has had an experience like this?

Almost 5 years ago now I lost my mum to cancer when I was just 13. She had been diagnosed when I was 12 and told she had 5 years. Fast forward a year later she got an infection and went into hospital for a few weeks, then got moved into the hospice. The whole time I was told my mum was going to come out.
I put myself down a lot over it because I never realised how quick she was deteriorating until I look back on it. Even in her worst state she was still cooking and cleaning, I didn’t help her with the chores and was still being the typical 13 year old.. I was only 13, I tell myself- but why didn’t I understand? Why didn’t I bother to help?
In the hospice, the night before she passed- everyone else seemed to know it would be the last time and was saying their goodbyes. (I still thought she might have a chance at getting better. I was praying every night). She was in a coma, I was too embarrassed, stupid and immature to say goodbye and I love you infront of a room full of people to someone in a coma. I thought she wouldn’t hear me so what’s the point? I hate myself for that every single day. I just wish I said goodbye that night.
I’m posting on here because I feel like I need consolation from people who may have experienced something similar. It’s been 5 years but it still feels like it happened yesterday. Ever since it happened I’ve had a really hard time processing it. I miss her so so much and live every day hoping I’m making her proud.

So, I have an 11 year old rescue kitty. She found us when she was about three months old (friends had just purchased kittens at three months old kittens and she was developmentally and size-wise the same). Something had broken her nose and left scars when it healed, and chomped her tail (an inch ended up falling off when she was about five months old but healed beautifully). She has been our darling girl and sweet love for the last 11 years. Her vet of five years diagnosed her with fear based anxiety and aggression, and we give her gabapentin every day which allows her to relax and be comfortable.
It took her 10 years to let my parents be in the same room without running away, although when she broke the ice, she broke it. She ate treats out of my dad’s hand and scent marked my mom like the sweetie she is. When I was pregnant with our daughter she snuggled on my bump, and now she acts like she has silk mittens on and is extraordinarily sweet to our 16 month old. (To clarify, we know to still be cautious with her and our LO, we very tragically have to re-home our 6.5 yo neurotic and also medicated pup to a loving home because she displayed active aggression to our LO this week, and my husband and I both work in fields where we have seen the damage animal attacks can have on children).
So, her vet made it known to us that after reaching 10, kitty needs annual blood work for her prescription. Okay, fine. Super expensive, but whatever kitty needs. However, they had us give her 3x her dose of meds so they could do the blood draw. It didn’t work. She screamed from the back room for well over an hour before they told my husband she needed to be anesthetized. Our kitty weighs only 8 Lbs (just under), her growth was stunted as a little one and she remained small. As always, her blood work was perfect… however… they gave her too much ketamine for one thing. It took her about 12 hours to rest with her mouth closed after arriving home. She couldn’t blink correctly. And, worst of all, she urinated and defecated on herself when they anesthetized her, and they did the freaking blood draws on the same freaking side and hip where she sat in her mess.
When my husband picked her up from the vet 2.5 hours later they simply mentioned that she had peed while with them. I smelled/saw/felt her fur the second she got home, but it was too painful to clean for over 24 hours. She was depressed and despondent at her smell. We are moving for my husbands work for a one-year timespan and need them to write her note for her future vet in about 1.5 months time from now so that she does not require further blood work and trauma in her new city to get her medication, but I am freaking PO’d and want to report them the second I can. I have no reason to believe they didn’t abuse he further and handle her roughly. know she gave them a very hard time and can lash out, but THEY diagnosed her with fear based aggression and violence, they should KNOW this.
Who leaves an animal, a fastidious cat no less, in their own filth for hours and then sends them home that way. Wth. We bathed her tonight and expected the worst, but she responded with being wildly uncomfortable and trying to get out of the tub of course, but mostly love and affection as we cooed at her and cleaned her. She knew we were taking care of her. We cleaned all her pillows and dens, and her collar, but omg the color of the water that came out of her fur… no. I don’t know how to move forward but I cannot in good conscience just leave this be. They abused my cat. What do we do? I apologize for any formatting or grammar errors, this is a very stressful time and I’m on my phone typing this. Also, her spunk is now rapidly returning, because she’s an absolute champ of a survivor.
If this is the wrong thread to post this, please direct me in the right way. Kitty says thank you, and so do I!! Long live the catnip farmers!!

Several disclaimers

• This will obviously not work for everyone. I am just sharing what worked for me.
• I suffered from anorexia 5 years ago and recovered. But I relapsed 4 months ago worse than ever. I started binging every other day in March after very heavy restriction. We all know too well that after a binge, we restrict some more, which leads to binging, and so on.
• This advice is not to encourage restricting or give tips on how to better restrict, although I am not delusional and I know many will use this advice that way. My intention however is to help with the binging part because it leaves me feeling like crap, and I do more damage with restricting afterwards.
• I'm not sure if this applies to people who suffer directly from BED--likely not.
• I do not have access nor the resources to professional help. I am recovering all on my own.

My strategies

1. Reduce added sugar intake as much as possible for 1 week if you binge on sugary things. Sugar is addictive, and I find if I eat something with a bit of sugar, I crave more. While sugar does not cause binges, it does not help me fight against binges. Reducing sugar just makes it easier for my brain to fight. I came to this conclusion as I kickstarted my March month of binging after tasting 1 piece of Lindt chocolate. After that 1 piece, I couldn't stop thinking about chocolate, and it lead to me eating 2-3 whole bars of chocolate every other day.
2. Eat at or close to maintenance every other day for 1 week. Yes, the restrictive ED voice will yell but it helped stabilize my mind and body so I am not so deprived.
3. If you have a food that you tend to binge over, avoid only that food and let yourself eat other things. Mine are specifically Dairymilk Hazelnut chocolate bars. Those things are part of all of my binges because my body just craves the nutty flavour, the sugar, and the fat. So for the past few binges, I allow myself to have anything BUT those. It has been 2 weeks since I've had a bar, and I honestly have forgotten what they taste like and I no longer crave it. It is no longer a trigger for a binge anymore and I slowly tapered off.
4. End every meal off with something repulsive for 1 week. I end all my lunches and dinners with a quarter cup of plain greek yogurt. It tastes rancid with no toppings or flavourings, but it curbs my appetite for food for a good few hours.

TL;DR - My husband makes WAY more money than me while working from home, he pays all of the bills minus my car note, and he essentially thinks he shouldn't have to do anything around the house. I'm not sure what to do at this point, I'm tired of just holding it in and "dealing with it"
Should I have to do all of the housework because our income/ job "intensity" is different?
To start, I (24F) and my husband (28M) have VERY different jobs.
My husband works from home and makes around 115K yearly, not including bonuses (which are pretty substantial).
I work in merchandising, maybe pulling in around 23K yearly, MAYBE one bonus a year, about/around 500$
Doing the math, he makes ALMOST 5x more than me in a month.
I don't know how mentally taxing his work is (coding), but depending on the day he could be on the computer in meetings all day 8:30-5 (minus a lunch and a few small breaks) OR He is on the couch the majority of the day taking naps and watching youtube between calls.
I work around 3-4 Hours a day (depending on the day, sometimes more), 4 days a week.
The bills are by no means split evenly, he pays everything (rent, utilities, his car note, phone, his credit cards, etc.), and he still has money to buy/do basically anything he wants on top.
I pay MY car note/gas, and anything "extra" that I want on the side.
I DO send him a couple hundred every month to try and "help" "pull my weight."
I have pretty bad depression, and a lot of the time am exhaused even though I work so little, accompanied with executive disfunction and just kinda feeling like a glorified maid with benefits, a lot of the time chores pile up.
My husband has basically made it clear to me that he thinks, since he pays all the bills and "works more than me", even though he spends a lot of idle time just sitting around at home, that I should be the one doing the majority of the house work.
He doesn't cook at all, we mostly eat microwave meals for lunches or get fast food, I TRY to cook dinner every night.
The only "chore" I "make" him do is clean the litter box, (which goes uncleaned until our whole house reeks of cat piss, then he finally drags his feet to clean it.)
OCCASIONALLY he will do the dishes if they piled up enough and they start to smell or bother him, MAYBE once monthly.
He does sweep/vaccuum occasionally when he thinks it's neccesary.
We've had discussions about this and they get no further than me just ending the conversation in tears with nothing solved. He "helps" for a week or so and then goes back to his old ways.

About Me: 31yrs, together 8, engaged 3, wedding in September 2023.
Read: NMMNG
Reading: TWofSM, NMMNG (to compete breaking free activities)
Physical: 5’10”, 192lbs, 5x a week gym to cut weight (running, calisthenics, boxing, yoga - all the faggotry that doesn’t include Lift)
Context: I found MRP 3 weeks ago and haven’t been this deep in a rabbit hole since I YouTube’d TuPac and Biggie conspiracy theories 7 years ago. Immediately the ideas resonated with me. I remember before meeting my fiancé how I would approach random women and lightly game every encounter. I was a man who knew what he wanted, had direction, and led his loved ones. I kept this up with my fiancé (gf at the time) and not sure how, or when, I became a drunk-blue-pill-guzzling-bitch-captain.
MRP has helped me recognize this, frustrated me in accepting this, but also provided ideas to apply, which I’ve done so successfully (minor Rambo). I traveled for work the week I found AskMRP and gamed the waitress at the restaurant. Got her number, invited her to my hotel after, she met me in the lobby and we went for a walk and I K-Closed. The following week I gamed the receptionist at the hotel lobby in passing all day in a different city and at the end of her shift I fingered her in the parking lot and K-Closed.
Now, as my shovel digs the rabbit hole deeper I realize that these two events were self-validating. Definitely the second one. But also, digging deeper has allowed me to start gaming my fiancé again, has improved my stale sex life with her, and I’ve noticed a shift in the dynamic at home. I’m leading more and she is following more. I’m also recognizing shit tests, and working on not DEERing by maintaining frame.
I did have a successful non-DEERing experience via text in which she wanted me to further explain a text which made her angry, but as I kept negging and refusing to DEER, she diffused her own emotions and realized I was being sarcastic. This was an Ah-ha! moment in my MRP experience in regards to applying what I’m learning.
I fully understand I’m still a Retard and have a lot of work to do to reap the benefits of this community. Take this Field Report as a beginners value-add.

I am nearly at week 5 of commencing fluoxetine. I started on 20mg and two weeks in increased to 40mg. I’m 2.5 weeks post increase. My anxiety increased immensely at the beginning, which I presumed to be starting the medication. I’m now at week 5 and I genuinely don’t think I can do this anymore. I am desperately trying to numb myself at all times. I feel hopeless, helpless, scared and I don’t trust myself in any decision making. Im scared to eat because I don’t want to gain weight because I’m also stuck at home. I eat enough to keep the hunger at bay. I’ll find I’ll have one tolerable day to multiple really bad days.
My dad and Dr are pushing me to continue through to week 6 to see if it works, but I genuinely feel like my life is falling apart. Im a psychiatric nurse and I don’t know how I’m meant to return to work in this mental state. Has anyone had this happen before? I feel like I’m losing my mind.
Part of me thinks I should cease the fluoxetine because I don’t recall it being this difficult with any other anti depressant. I was previously on paroxetine which was effective to a degree, after trying sertraline and duloxetine with no real help.
Id really appreciate a response because I’m scared. Im scared I’ll be like this forever.

I've got a Common Paper Wasp (polistes exclamans) nest being built on my apartment patio. As of right now, it's just the foundress queen, the cells aren't even fully constructed (she got slowed down by a coldfront), and I don't think any eggs have been laid yet, though I think she'll lay them soon. I should have 6 weeks, probably more, before there are any other adults hatched from the nest. The conundrum is that I'm moving to a new apartment in 5 weeks. This is a second generation nest; there was a nest on the patio all last year, and I'm all but certain that this is a baby from last year's nest all grown up and with a colony of her own. I don't want her to get killed by the new renters or the apartment employees, and I've grown emotionally attached, so I kind of want to move her to the new apartment. Anyone here done anything like this before? My plan, at the moment, is to build a wooden housing that I can attach the nest to, and then mount the housing at the new location. I was curious if anyone knew if she would be likely to stick with the nest in the event of a move that dramatic. There should be larva in the nest by that point, I assume she wouldn't abandon them.

HI !
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I will start and say I'm not a big smoker.
I smoke 1G in 5 days? but Ill smoke everyday small joints. and it gets me very high! enough to really enjoy it.
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after 3-4 weeks of smoking like that everyday ill get periods when I just depressed. when I will think about my EX or just about anything that is bad.
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when I clean myself from weed like 2-3 everything goes back to normal. AND THIS ONLY HAPPENS when I smoke for 3-4 weeks straight..
none of my friends experincing it only me and I'm the only who smoke only like 1G in 5 days they smoke much much more. probably 1-2g a day.
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does anyone know what I'm talking about?

I’ve done surprisingly well so far with my current minimum wage job. I make pizzas and I’m on my feet anywhere from 4-8 hours, 5 days a week. I drink like 3 energy drinks to get through it each day, even though it’s not healthy I can’t do it without it lol my teeth aren’t thanking me either.
Now that the sun is coming out more I feel like I’m getting more fatigued again. Anything help ya’ll?

Hey regards, I understand the hate for people that make money in thus sub is insane so i know what im getting into. I recentlt got into options and ive made really easy profit consistently. I started with 3k took it to 10k then withdrew it all to 3k again then took it to 16k and again withdrew it to make sure I dont blow up my account theb again 3k to 12k. This week so far im up 2k too. 90% with 0DTE SPY contrancts 5% with earning calls and the other % with oveundervalued stocks. Is there a chance im just talented? Ive seen the losses in this sub and its the majority so am I one of the chosen ones?

I thrift clothing to resell on eBay. So I do about 2-3x the laundry a normal person does.
I've read into Speed Queen. Not sure if I should go TC5 (Classic Clean, more clean), or TR5/7 (Perfect Wash, more gentle).
I don't personally get oily or dirty like with a mechanic job. Just sweaty gym clothes that go in the wash directly after I get home the gym (preventing odor). My personal clothes tend to be on the more expensive side and I try to preserve them as much as possible. I don't use the drying machine at all and instead use a flat lay drying rack (for reducing pilling and stretching).
My thrift store clothes that will be cleaned and sold on eBay. I don't pick up stuff that have heavy odors (cigarette, heavy mildew wet dog smells, or heavy perfumes). But many items have subtle perfume odors, and many items have subtle odors that I can't smell because I'm in a thrift store 5 days a week and my nose is acclimated to it.
Gentle cleaning is important to me for both personal and reselling. But so is getting stuff clean.
I'm coming from a 10 year old side loading Frigidaire that has a small leak and makes a large thud sometimes (balance?). The barrel is jam packed when doing my duvet, or a load of towels. Maybe the top loading Speed Queens have less capacity issues?

Me (24) and my boyfriend (25) communicate in very different ways. We are still only bf & gf but have been together for almost 5 years.
Today we spoke on the phone and to keep things short, we both realized we have been arguing much more than ideal for our standards. Ever since we sort of moved in together. I stay at his apartment the majority of the week, and go home for a few days, repeat.
But, even with this, he told me on the phone today that he really does want to spend his life with me. And he wants us to overcome our differences (which I’m happy about bc I’ve been scared that it’s been pushing him away😞). Right now, we’re spending a few days away from each other. Not in a negative way, just to take some space away and think about how to move forward best for both of us.
Have any of you had differences in communication with your spouse that you were able to overcome?
An example would be him making a statement that he doesn’t intend to have implications (wants his sentence to be taken word for word and not questioned), but I’ll find implications in the context that he’s saying it (i.e we were just talking about something that I think he’s referring to..)
Some of the time he will say to me “OP you often think I am saying something with a hidden meaning but I just mean what I’m saying.”
Something else that may illustrate an example is earlier we were on the phone, and he asked me a question about me doing something (that I said I would do). He said, are you sure you can do x?
I said, are you asking because you think there is a possibility that I am not capable of following through?
And he said of course not, I really was just asking.
Today it was not an argument, but these little interactions can lead to bigger ones and make us butt heads sometimes, we are both stubborn by nature but trying to work on it.
Not sure if that makes sense, but I hope it does. If anyone can share stories I’m sure I can think of more examples.
I mean to ask as well, did you have to change your mindset to help communication?

I have been in Corporate America for a few years (sorry, I do not have any experience with companies in other countries, so my post is going to be exclusively about Corporate America). My unique position allowed me to see what goes on behind the scenes. If you do end up getting a job after going through the recruiting hell, remember that it's all about appearance and not essence.

• You can work 70 hours per week, you can give them your soul and your blood, be loyal, be passionate, be enthusiastic, they don't give a shit. When it's time to outsource or cut, they will kick you to the curb. Do not listen to your boomer relatives who convinced you that loyalty and hard work pay off. No, there is no such thing. It's all about appearance. You do not need to work hard. You need to give the appearance of working hard. If you do work hard but someone above you thinks you are not working hard, you'll be phased out. In Corporate America, appearance is way more important than essence.
• People become lobotomized. At least, most of the managers and supervisors. They all use the same buzzwords, the same concepts, and the same trite analogies. They are all about efficiency, efficiency, efficiency. Efficiency for what? If you do become more efficient and faster, they will complain that you are not logging enough hours. Or they will make your position redundant. Do not dig your own grave. Fuck efficiency. What are you gonna do in your spare time?
• Always have a Google sheet or Excel sheet that details the hours you spend each working day and on which tasks. You will be questioned when you least expect it. Have they told you, "no, we do not do that! We do not micromanage." Bullshit. It's a lie. Be ready to explain yourself.
• If you do work hard, they will say you are not efficient. "Work smarter, not harder" is one of the many slogans. Certain roles require an immense amount of meticulousness. However, your managers (who are most likely stupid) will think that you are spending too much time on a project because you are not efficient.
• Managers and those in a position of power are pretty clueless. They will use corporate buzz words as a smoke screen. They look at things at a "high level" (meaning with a lack of granularity), and they will hastily make stupid comments. They have no idea what you do, even though they want you to believe that they know everything you do.
• Most people do not read. I have seen managers reading the first three words of an email and then giving a totally irrelevant response. I had to call them out, and let me tell you, I fucking loved it. Oh my god, I loved it so much.
• Try to avoid jokes. People always get in trouble when they get too relaxed and joke.
• You are not there to make friends. A coworker will invite you over for Thanksgiving dinner and tell you that he/she loves you and that you are his/her best friend. The same coworker will throw you under the bus the day after. If I sound cynical, it's because I have just seen too much. I have read internal communications. I was shocked. Things that have turned me into a misanthrope. People literally taking trips together and then ripping each other apart or backstabbing each other. Before anybody says that there are good people out there, I am sure there are, but why take a risk?
• Managers and those in a position of power like power trips. They will go months without asking anything about your job duties, they will completely neglect you for long periods of time... then, all of a sudden, they will wake up and ask something stupid or unrealistic or scold you for not doing things a certain way. It's a power trip. Years ago, a manager told me to spend less time on projects that needed my laser-focused attention. So, what did I do? I tried to be faster. And then he asked me how come the hours I was logging were less. You can't make this shit up.
• Be selfish. They don't care if you have 5 kids and a mortgage. If they need to fire you, even over something stupid, they will. So, if you do find a better job, don't even give them a 2-week notice.
• Again, do not dig your own grave. I have seen so many people digging their own graves. They will give you a project pretending you need to come up with ideas on how you can increase efficiency. And then, you will be working on giving them reasons to fire you or hire someone cheaper. Or if they ask you to train a new employee with the same role as yours. Be careful.

Okay, enough. I will be accused of being bitter and jaded. I am. I just want to find a way to generate passive income without having to deal with these idiots, and their BS, and their recruiting hells

I am a hobbyist inventor, who came up with an idea for a cooking robot that can cook any dish, yet it only occupies the space of 2 household fridges. The development / investment focus will be 5% physical design; 95% AI / software development. Patentability looks promising, with the PCT preliminary examination having been completed. I was planning to use my own funds to build the machine and then to recruit investment for the software development. I figured people would be more interested if they can see the completed machine preforming a few elementary tasks (as opposed to just looking at the current CAD models).
However, an ex-colleague of mine told me that he and his friend are interested to invest in the project now – even before the build has started. We plan to meet early next week. I have no idea how much money they have in mind, but even if it’s a small amount, it would take some pressure off me. The tricky question for me is – what do I offer them in return? Whatever I offer them will be diluted once we attract more investment. I should also bear in mind that they will expect to be rewarded for getting involved at such an early stage. Lastly, I should think about myself. If the patents are granted, I will be the legal owner of the IP. I should be entitled to a share in the project which cannot be diluted through further investment. But I need to know what are reasonable percentages, and what legal structures should be put in place to make all of this possible. I am a South African citizen, but I live in China, having a Chinese wife. (I mention this, in case it is relevant on where the legal entities should be set up, etc.) Any comments or suggestions, please?