12/3/22
Tonight was grocery night. My wife started in on me with the kids in the car about all the problems in our marriage. She says I blame her for the last year, that I no longer look at or tough her. Which is strange since she told me she is resentful of me and I remind her of her grandfather. Why would I initiate with someone who doesnt show me they love me or have any desire for me. I tried but I no longer love her and I don't desire her any longer. She commented on my weight loss, asking her how much more I wanted to lose, I told her another 20 pounds maybe. Then she said that I would look sick if I lost that much weight. She asked if there were any particular reason I wanted to lose weight. She also stated that I must despise her because she has no desire to lose weight. Then stated she had recently lost 13 pounds. She started to complain that I only talked about my boss, which is true because she is really the only person I speak to at work, besides Byron, but he is new. She doesn't seem to understand how isolated I am at work. She then started in on me about not helping around the house, which is funny because she has commented many times on how much I do, yet she always seems to forget it within a week or 2. She kept telling me how I never speak to her and I told her I cant because if I do I will just get in trouble because of my memory, then she proved me right by bitching at me because I ask questions about things she has told me. She also threw out a lot of excuses because she has been stressed and busy with college. She then asked if we could start over and I said yes. Why can't she ever start this shit when we are without the kids.
12/4/22
Today we went to church, then got some Little Caesars pizza. After lunch my wife went to the school to do some things. It is 9:00 pm as I write this and she has been gone for 8 hours. I bathed the kids, did the dishes, cooked the kids supper, and I did my laundry and put up 4 loads of laundry, 2 of which she had done but as usual she will not put up. I put up the childrens clothes from their luggage from Thanksgiving, one week later. I put up all the laundry except for my wifes. She still has clothes lying in the chair from over a month ago, and clothes lying in 2 piles on the bedroom floor that have been there for 3 months. I did some digging and found a conversation between my wife and MIL and SIL. My wife swept the hallway in Oct, the 1st time in a very long time, and posted the picture to a facebook messenger group the 3 of them are on. As usual MIL chimed in with why don't I help. My wife said because that would interfere with sitting on my but and playing video games. MIL then said its ridiculous because my wife works twice as hard as I do and I should help. My wife is lying to her MIL and either lying to herself or actually believes I don't do anything. She will find out eventually how much I do and dont do when she actually has to do all this shit herself. Also, I spent an hour or 2 outside trimming the trees away from the house, dead limbs, And then stacking them for bulk pickup. My wife just got home, I have the kids in bed and she gets mad because she now has to clean her desk because I am working from home tomorrow and she doesn't want me to touch her things. She then raised her voice at the state of the house because she is the only one that actually sees it, only one that cleans it, and the only one that doesn't have time to clean it. I haven't spent more than an hour today not working and she just belittled everything I did today.
12/7/22
Today didn't start out great. I am working from home today due to meetings and a dr appointment. I told my wife earlier in the week but she forgot and was upset that I didn't tell her. I had my dr appointment and then my meeting I couldn't miss. Afterwards, I started on dishes and supper. Wife and kids came home while I was doing that and the only person to come greet me was my ychild. My wife never came to say hello or see what I was doing, she didn't say thank you for cooking supper or what a great meal it was. In fact one of the first things she said to me was after I couldn't find the bbq sauce. She came into the kitchen, looked in the back at the top of the fridge and found it. I asked her where it was and she just looked at me and said somewhere I would have never found it. It was so dejecting and spiteful. After supper I finished the dishes and took out the trash while they were gone for church. Speaking of trash, every week i pick up the trash from my ochilds room. The vast majority of the trash is fast food drinks that my wife left on the side table when she sleeps there every night.
12/17/22
We have inlaws coming in for Christmas later this week. We had to pick-up groceries today and we are meeting up with SIL and BIL to look at Christmas lights, so I didn't have much time today to prepare. While my wife was gone to shop with her church friends I cleaned off the back porch and swept the front yard into a large pile for the kids to play in. I worked late doing so and barely managed to finish before she got back home before we left for the SIl’s. We were gone late and got back around midnight.
12/18/22
Had church this morning and ate lunch in town while running errands. After we got back my wife spent the rest of the day picking up and cleaning ychilds room. She ended up throwing away 3 garbage bags full of clothes and 5 large toys that were destroyed. While she was doing this I picked up the living room, did laundry, and put up 5 loads of laundry. Once again I refused to put up her laundry so instead I just moved it from there where it has been folded on the chairs since I folded then and put them there 4 months ago. I put them in her computer chair. Now she has those clothes plus the clothes in the laundry baskets on the bedroom floor that have been there for 8 months in a pile unfolded. I heard her enter the bedroom and make a comment about being happy that the chairs were clear until she realized I hadn't actually put up her laundry and just moved them. I then cooked supper but had to put up some groceries that she had gotten earlier and placed on the stove.
12/19/22
I woke up this morning to a question from my wife about a bag of treats that she said I put up from the kitchen table. I told her I hadn't seen them. She told me I shouldn't have put up the groceries the previous night and how I didn't put anything up from the table, just the groceries that were on the stove. She began to say she misspoke and meant the stove. She got angry and started to mock my answers. She was still angry and we got ready to leave for work. She started to walk past me out the door and I made kissy noises for a goodbye kiss. She got mad at me for that. We left for work and I got back in time to thaw something for supper. Around 5:50 she called me to tell me she was on the way home, which I thought was a little late but she had to stop at the store. I cooked sloppy joes for supper and the kids ate well. After supper I played a little bit on the computer with my ochild. I heard her looking for the kids special Christmas PJ’s for polar express day the next day at school. She was frantically looking for them and getting angry at me because I did the laundry last (haha like she has done it in a while) and didn't know where they were. I heard her in my ochilds room digging through his closet. I heard her ask him where they were and he said he didn't know daddy did the laundry last. She then said she knows “that's why shit gets lost.” It was very hurtful, disrespectful, and derogatory to say something like that, especially in front of my child and have him participate in the conversation. I helped look for them and found them under my ochilds pillows on his bed. There was no apology or any thankfulness when I found them. Later after I got the kids to bed my wife came and sat on her side of the couch using her phone and laptop. She muttered something about ‘that sounds about right.” I asked if she was talking to me and before I could finish “or was she talking to herself about a text” she answered me with a very angry look on her face and a very hurtful tone that “not everything is about you.” I was obviously very hurt by this so I got up to fill up on water and went to bed. She started to tell me it was a text from her mom about her dad but stopped talking when I was checking locks. She got irritated and refused to elaborate. I went to bed and refused to kiss her or tell her goodnight. This was not a very good day.
12/24/22
Christmas Eve. Wife and MIl went to town today for many hours, leaving me and my FIL home alone. I asked if he would be interested in 1883 since he had heard of it from one of his hands. He said yes and we started watching it. We were probably on episode 5-6 when they returned. I had checked several time if he wanted to keep watching it and he said yes. Wife and MIL returned around episode 6-7. SIL and BIl some over at about episode 7-8 and SIL asked him if he liked it. I didn't hear him but I was told he said it was fine, had a lot of action but sometimes felt like watching paint dry. After several more times of asking if he was ok watching the show he replied we went this far might as well watch it. MIL made several biting comments about wanting to watch something else. I find this funny because she never complains when he controls the TV at his house unless it is behind his back. She doesn't have the same limitations with me. I respected his wishes and continued to the end. After the show ended MIL cornered me in the hallway berating me for watching that show and trapping him all day watching it, saying that he didn't want to watch that show. I returned to the living room and asked him if he liked the show or was bothered by finishing the season. He said no and asked me why I asked. I said I just wanted to make sure.
12/25/22
Christmas day. After yesterday I was eager to finish this weekend but I am glad the kids had such a good time.
12/27/22
Today I had my 1st meeting with my new therapist. We went over some reasons why I was seeking a divorce and what/when to tell the kids. He did encourage me to speak to my wife about separating rather than filing prior like my lawyer suggested.
12/29/22
Tonight my wife confronted me about the use of towels to clean myself off after taking care of myself when I sleep alone. She mentioned how we hadn't had sex in 13 months. Which is hard to do when you are never alone together. I mentioned this and she talked about one time we had 4 days sleeping alone together when we took the kids to the inlaws a few months ago. I told her she didn't try anything either and I was tired of asking after being rejected for the past 7 years. We argued some more and eventually she got angry and started to leave. I then suggested that maybe we should discuss separating. She returned and asked me if that is what I wanted. I said yes and she got very angry and started yelling at me. She eventually left and went to sit on the couch for about 30 min. She eventually returned and we had a heart to heart. I told her all of the things that I was resentful about and she argued with me on every point. She seemed incredulous about splitting custody with the kids. Exclaiming how I wouldn't be able to afford living alone while paying child support. I asked for 50/50 saying did she just want me to become a weekend dad and she was upset at having to switch the kids every week. Eventually the kids woke up and came into the bedroom. She started talking in terms that my son could understand saying that everything is going to change and not for the good. My son can be very emotional and he started to cry. We couldn't get the kids to bed and eventually she lost it and started hitting herself in the head with a brush and then went to the bedroom door and started shaking it violently and I am not sure if she hit herself in the head with it. She left the room and I layed down with the kids to calm them. She eventually returned and we spoke amicably and she asked me to give us a chance and attend couples counseling. I agreed and she went to lay down with the kids.
I am so thankful I recorded it.
12/30/22
Today my wife spent the day with her sister and our kids at the zoo. She didn't get back until almost midnight and we didn't get a chance to talk. She went to sleep with the kids.
12/31/22
This morning my wife and I had a discussion. She admitted to almost everything that I said to her the other night. Saying that she was sorry and that she is going to try and not yell at me anymore or criticize me when I do the housework and it is not up to her standards. I am still skeptical but I am willing to see how things go.
Next Entry Jan 2023

I’ve been with my GF almost 1 year and we spent a whole ton of it attached by the hip, lots of sleepovers and weekends spent together. Most euphoric I’ve ever felt in a relationship.
Due to my mental illness, I fixate on individuals, have harsh mood swings, irritability, and trouble regulating my emotions. My girlfriend has been the recipient of a lot of this stuff, and she’s been pretty forgiving of the fact that I’ve caused most of our arguments, yelled at her, etc. I try to be an otherwise good partner outside of these moments, I’m very delivered and loving to her.
Right now: We are in a foreign country studying for a month with a group. We’re staying in a room together at a family’s house. It’s day 4. Lately I feel like she’s not the loving and attentive girlfriend she used to be. With me she seems drowned out, bored, etc. She doesn’t show affection much. Conversely, she gets with the group and is immediately all smiles and laughs. And she doesn’t pay me much attention with them even though in the past we were the type of couple to constantly look back towards each other. I’ve been feeling terrible about this and made some mean comments, saying she was “obsessed” with making friends because she kept following people around and these were people she knew for months before and I know they’re not the kinda people she’d click with that well—they’d never talk outside of the trip.
I told her my perspective, that I was feeling a bit ignored, and she told me she saw it differently, that she’s not a romantic person (she 100% can be, I’ve experienced it), etc. This made me feel even worse. She gives so much of her energy to the group and so little to me. But I know my behavior is shitty. I gifted her a camera for the trip, and today when I was telling her I started medication for my mental health she paid attention for 2 seconds then went to lie on the bed and watch all the videos she had taken of other people speaking, vlog style. I asked her why she was so obsessed and told her I found it weird she was lying there looking back at them. After I took my pill she asked me if I was done being mean.
I deeply miss the relationship we used to have. There are two beds in the room, and although we normally sleep together, tonight we’re in separate beds. No one’s said anything about it. We have a whole room to ourselves and there’s no flirting, speaking, or anything going on. Our day starts at 7am and ends at 10pm so I understand if she’s tired, but not like this ):

I'm noticing that I'm so focused on anger and being hurt, and what she's done/doing, that I'm losing sight of myself and my own attributions and I feel like it's hindering my healing process.
I'm so focused on her still; "what's she doing?", "what's her story today?", "Has she posted anything?", "Does she miss me?", "Does she even feel remorse at all?! She's terrible", "Why does she lie like that, how can she do that?". It's like I'm avoiding taking a look at myself or focusing on myself. I'm sick of this focus on her - this needs to change.
I should start to learn to not care for the "she's", and focus on the "me's". I should start to look at what I did wrong and would like to change about myself. I should focus on how I let myself get into this mess? Do I need to work on my boundaries? List all the things I learned? I need to focus on moving on for me and understand that the questions about her will never get an answer through my daily overthinking - it will just raise more questions, or repeat the ones I already have and make them louder. I need to ask myself the hard questions of who am I? What do I want? Who do I want to be? It's time to find out and decide that for myself because I'm not the same as I was before all this, I need to get to know me again.
This is what she's chosen to be, and nothing I do will be able to change that. I can't know what's going through her head, and I don't think she even understands it herself. So why focus on what I can't control, when I can choose to focus on what I can control?: My own actions and attitude. Logic and emotions don't work together as they tend to invalidate eachother, but at one point letting these same emotions overwhelm and keeping me in the same cycle needs to stop and I need to grow.
I should remind myself: "Who cares what she thinks or does?", Whenever hard moments or thoughts of her come through. It's the way I think I'll be able to move forward and into the next stage; acceptance. I realise I haven't accepted any of this just yet. I'm not even hundred percent sure of what the reality is...
That doesn't mean I should invalidate my emotions when they arise, on the contrary. I should still take my time to write her letters that I'll never send filled with these emotions. I need to apply short meaningful exposure to them, but give them their designated 15-30 minutes a day as my therapist told me. Practise the CBT exercise to reframe negative thoughts, and allow time to slowly heal. Be present in the process.

This past month, I had two conflicts arise at work (both with security staff--one blew up at my boss because I asked him to respect a boundary. A second one gave me unsolicited/ incorrect feedback on how I should have handled a visitor who screamed at me because I wouldn't break a policy). My boss wasn't at work when the second incident occurred last week.
Yesterday, I noticed that my boss had put a surprise 1-on-1 meeting on my schedule for today. I went into a full-on panic. I immediately started tell myself that she was mad at me for the conflicts with security (even though she backed me up on the first incident). I began having a flashback.
For one the first times in my memory, I was able to walk myself through it. In addition to some grounding activities, I decided to try to experience empathy towards myself by imagining someone else in my shoes. I wrote a summary of the most recent incident in the third person, and imagined being the boss in the scenario. I was shocked my how much my perspective changed. If I put myself in the mindset of my boss, I couldn't imagine being mad an employee for being mistreated by a visitor and a colleague. I used some thought-correcting mantras from Pete Walker's CPTSD book, and focused on doing calming activities.
I was still super nervous about the meeting, but I kept reminding myself that I have the right to have healthy boundaries, and the right to be upset with colleagues who mistreat me. Turns out, my boss just wanted to talk to me about a project she wants me to take on. She didn't even bring up the incident with the security officer!
This feels like a victory to me. I knew that my brain was panicking and lying to me, so I did what I could to counter those messages and face my fear. It ended up being a way better situation than I expected. My boss was not mad at me at all for having healthy boundaries; in fact, she demonstrated that she trusted me to take on a major new project. While it wasn't a perfect process, I'm really proud of the steps I took to address my catastrophic thinking (and I'm equally glad that I was wrong about the meeting was about).

https://i.postimg.cc/JtwKWfGQ/Screenshot-20230531-174952-2.png
It was a total accident. I was looking at this picture on a sub. I was clicking around to get out of it and it went into this split screen view. The top half just shows the picture as usual, but the bottom half is a zoomed-in version that lets me pan around L-R and T-B.
I finally exited out of it, but if I want to get that split view on another image, I have no idea what I did to get it.

I’ve (19yo) been with my GF almost 1 year and we spent a whole ton of it attached by the hip, lots of sleepovers and weekends spent together. Most euphoric I’ve ever felt in a relationship.
Due to my mental illness, I fixate on individuals, have harsh mood swings, irritability, and trouble regulating my emotions. My girlfriend has been the recipient of a lot of this stuff, and she’s been pretty forgiving of the fact that I’ve caused most of our arguments, yelled at her, etc. I try to be an otherwise good partner outside of these moments, I’m very delivered and loving to her.
Right now: We are in a foreign country studying for a month with a group. We’re staying in a room together at a family’s house. It’s day 4. Lately I feel like she’s not the loving and attentive girlfriend she used to be. With me she seems drowned out, bored, etc. She doesn’t show affection much. Conversely, she gets with the group and is immediately all smiles and laughs. And she doesn’t pay me much attention with them even though in the past we were the type of couple to constantly look back towards each other. I’ve been feeling terrible about this and made some mean comments, saying she was “obsessed” with making friends because she kept following people around and these were people she knew for months before and I know they’re not the kinda people she’d click with that well—they’d never talk outside of the trip.
I told her my perspective, that I was feeling a bit ignored, and she told me she saw it differently, that she’s not a romantic person (she 100% can be, I’ve experienced it), etc. This made me feel even worse. She gives so much of her energy to the group and so little to me. But I know my behavior is shitty. I gifted her a camera for the trip, and today when I was telling her I started medication for my mental health she paid attention for 2 seconds then went to lie on the bed and watch all the videos she had taken of other people speaking, vlog style. I asked her why she was so obsessed and told her I found it weird she was lying there looking back at them. After I took my pill she asked me if I was done being mean.
I deeply miss the relationship we used to have. There are two beds in the room, and although we normally sleep together, tonight we’re in separate beds. No one’s said anything about it. We have a whole room to ourselves and there’s no flirting, speaking, or anything going on. Our day starts at 7am and ends at 10pm so I understand if she’s tired, but not like this ):

Hi all, looking for some thoughts and input about my situation. My partner and I both had dogs of our own when we met. Hers is now 11, mini-dachshund, poorly trained with high anxiety and a quite reactive personality; we’ll call her Spot. Mine is now 10, shih tzu, very well tempered and trained, we’ll call him Buzz.
Spot was never fully house trained and mostly goes outside or on pads but has a fair amount of accidents inside (ranging from 0-4+ accidents a day indoors not on pads, usually 1-3). She also bites, especially if you try to pick her up or move her or take something away. Her play style is aggressive where she wants you to try to take her toy and then snaps at you/the toy when you reach for it.
When she and Buzz first met, we were out at a park then brought them back to my fiancé’s apartment, which I’ve since learned was a huge mistake. Spot became very territorial and terrorized Buzz for hours while we were over, never biting him but chasing him into corners and snapping in his general direction. Buzz is non-aggressive and showed submission by looking away, sitting down, avoiding her, etc., but she never really calmed down. After that encounter they always met at my place, where they pretty much ignored each other. Spot ate his food frequently and tries to take away any toy he’s playing with. We now live together and they’re mostly fine but have to be separated when we leave mainly because she will pee on his bed or the couch, but she doesn’t ever hurt him, only growls if he gets too close or he’s in her way.
To get to the recent issue, a few weeks ago Spot’s back suddenly gave out and she needed emergency surgery for a ruptured disc. She also was found to have a large inguinal hernia at that time, which we were previously told was a fatty cyst by other vets. Now she is recovering from one surgery and can’t pee and is having pain from the hernia so will need another surgery next week. During the healing process she’s been more aggressive, biting and growling pretty much anytime I go near her and biting my fiancé whenever she moves her for her physical therapy. We have ordered a muzzle for her because she’s broken skin more than once. She is in her crate probably 20-22 hours a day, then out for meds and physical therapy by my fiancé and feeding for maybe an hour a day, and the other couple hours she lies on a pee pad with a toy and sleeps or tries to play but is too aggressive for us to engage much with her. She’s starting to regain some strength in her back legs but it’s slow going.
These surgeries together will cost nearly $20,000, and my thought is, when is enough enough? At what point do you decide the quality of life of the dog is just not there? The emergency vet said she thinks Spot will regain the ability to walk but may always be a little weak, no timeline for when that may happen. She may possibly never regain full bladdebowel control though, and has been confined to a crate while healing and for who knows how long beyond that. After the hernia surgery there may be even lower chance of full bladdebowel recovery (waiting for a call back from the vet to discuss risks/benefits). She’s a highly anxious dog and to me has very little quality of life facing down a months-long and very expensive recovery, if she ever does get back to some semblance of normal.
So how do people decide? How do you have that discussion? We’re saving for a wedding and a house and a huge chunk of our savings is now going to this unhappy dog’s care when who knows how long she’ll even live after this. It’s not that I don’t value this dog’s part in our lives, but I don’t think she has much quality of life anymore and I’m not sure when or if she will.
Tl;dr: our reactive dog is miserable and needs expensive surgeries and therapies. How do you decide when a dog’s time has come due to lack of quality of life and or cost factors, and how do you broach the subject when it wasn’t your dog originally?
Thanks for reading, if anyone got to the end you’re amazing. Any input would be greatly appreciated.

I’ve (19yo) been with my GF almost 1 year and we spent a whole ton of it attached by the hip, lots of sleepovers and weekends spent together. Most euphoric I’ve ever felt in a relationship.
Due to my mental illness, I fixate on individuals, have harsh mood swings, irritability, and trouble regulating my emotions. My girlfriend has been the recipient of a lot of this stuff, and she’s been pretty forgiving of the fact that I’ve caused most of our arguments, yelled at her, etc. I try to be an otherwise good partner outside of these moments, I’m very delivered and loving to her.
Right now: We are in a foreign country studying for a month with a group. We’re staying in a room together at a family’s house. It’s day 4. Lately I feel like she’s not the loving and attentive girlfriend she used to be. With me she seems drowned out, bored, etc. She doesn’t show affection as much. Conversely, she gets with the group and is immediately all smiles and laughs. And she doesn’t pay me much attention with them even though in the past we were the type of couple to constantly look back towards each other. I’ve been feeling terrible about this and made some mean comments, saying she was “obsessed” with making friends because she kept following people around and these were people she knew for months before and I know they’re not the kinda people she’d click with that well—they’d never talk outside of the trip.
I told her my perspective, that I was feeling a bit ignored, and she told me she saw it differently, that she’s not a romantic person (she 100% can be, I’ve experienced it), etc. This made me feel even worse. She gives so much of her energy to the group and so little to me. But I know my behavior is shitty. I gifted her a camera for the trip, and today when I was telling her I started medication for my mental health she paid attention for 2 seconds then went to lie on the bed and watch all the videos she had taken of other people speaking, vlog style. I asked her why she was so obsessed and told her I found it weird she was lying there looking back at them. After I took my pill she asked me if I was done being mean.
I deeply miss the relationship we used to have. There are two beds in the room, and although we normally sleep together, tonight we’re in separate beds. No one’s said anything about it. We have a whole room to ourselves and there’s no flirting, speaking, or anything going on. Our day starts at 7am and ends at 10pm so I understand if she’s tired, but not like this ):

***APOLOGIES TO EVERYONE*** Reddit destroyed the formatting of this post after I posted it. Actively trying to fix it.
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The draft is less than a month away. After the combine, we've seen a shift in prospects. The following is my completely unqualified and unprofessional opinion of the current power rankings. This is not in general, but keeping the Jazz in mind completely and basing it off their needs and fit. So here ya go...
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1) Victor Wembanyama (8'7" 105lbs Unicorn - Deltron 750)
Victor wouldn't drop to 9 even if it cured cancer.
2) Scoot Henderson (6'3" PG - G-League Ignite)
Hoping that Scoot falls to 9 is like hoping the Celtics come back to take their series against the Heat in game 8 of the ECF
3) Brandon Miller (6'9" SF - Alabama)
Yeah I wish...

1. Amen Thompson (6'7" PG/SG - Overtime Elite)
   1. Amen falling to 9 is about the same odds as me getting a girlfriend in the next 6 months. Basically zero.
2. Ausar Thompson (6'7" SG/SF - Overtime Elite)
   1. Wishful thinking to get him at #9 but not impossible. He's an amazing athlete that seems to have a well-polished game with star potential. Some scouts are claiming he's better than his brother Amen, but only time will tell.
3. Taylor Hendricks (6'8" PF - UCF)
   1. The guy is rocketing up the board and at this point, grabbing him at 9 might end up being a stretch. Great 3 point shooter, scorer, and hyper-athletic big. The guy at one point seemed to be a sleeper hit, but is now getting good attention and is climbing fast.
4. Anthony Black (6'5" PG/SG - Arkansas)
   1. Admittedly I am still a little hesitant on Black, but I'm coming around to him. There's a good chance he'll be available at #9. He's a great defensive combo guard that needs to polish his shooting. Seems like a good locker room guy and he has good size.
5. Cason Wallace (6'2" PG - Kentucky)
   1. Probably my favorite player in the draft. He has less star potential than the players listed above, but seems to be one of the lowest-risk players in the draft. I get a Marcus smart/mike conley vibe from him, though he likely won't reach the peak that Conley did. Love the lockdown defense and potential to become a great playmaker in the future.
6. Jarace Walker (6'9" PF - Houston)
7. Arguably the best big in the draft after Wembanyama. He's developing a 3 point shot to have him help stretch the floor. Place this guy next to Walker Kessler and we could have an extremely young and unstoppable 4-5 combo down in the paint. I just have him lower because he is slightly derivative of Kessler. But still worth taking at 9 if he's available.
8. Cam Whitmore (6'5" SF - Villanova)
9. The more time goes on, the more worried I get about Whitmore. We've seen players similar to him that rely on athleticism and natural talent that ended up bombing in the NBA. Guys like Michael Kidd-Gilchrist, Anthony Bennett, Josh Jackson just to name a few. Not saying that's guaranteed, but the guy just doesn't have a knack for the game that others above in this list do. I genuinely hope he does well for whoever he ends up with though.
10. Gradey Dick (6'6" SG/SF - Kansas)
11. I'm not rock solid on Dick at #9. His ability to score is impressive and his ability to fit right up into a tight system and satisfy his teammates is worth noting. He is going to have to soak for a little bit before we know how big he can be long-term. He is also known to work long and hard to make sure he does his part. But he also comes across as one that can only do so much long-term, sometimes you want something with a little bit more of a natural feel.
12. Leonard Miller (6'9" PF - G-League Ignite)
13. He's a long guy with some raw talent that's climbing up the board fast. One of the most intriguing things about Miller was his jump from last year to this year. Last year looking lost, this year he's looking like he could be the real deal. Good amount of potential here that could fit as a good stretch 4 in Utah's system. Rumors have it that the Jazz are pretty high on him and my prediction is that if he's available at 16 we'll take him.
14. Kobe Bufkin (6'4" PG/SG - Michigan)
15. Another player who has been climbing quickly and has gone from a mid-to-high twenties player up to the late lottery. He shows a lot of promise to develop into a good player in today's NBA being a good scorer with quickness and agility to get the ball to the hoop. He's my guy at 16 if we go for a big guy at 9 and if he's available which is no longer a guarantee.
16. Keyonte George (6'4" SG - Baylor)
17. A player who was starting to fall before having a good showing at the combine. Seems to have a pretty solid shot and ability to score. He's a decent 2-way guard that seems like a more built and less explosive Jordan Clarkson.
18. Nick Smith Jr. (6'5" PG/SG - Arkansas)
19. Another big question mark. Seemed to be one of the most hyped prospects going into college and due to injury had a shortened and unimpressive season with Arkansas. Seems to have the body and mindset for the NBA, but talent just hasn't been proven yet.
20. GG (Gregory) Jackson (6'9" PF - South Carolina)
21. A very intriguing pick at 16. He has some growing up to do mentally but he also impressed at the combine and in his first and only season with South Carolina. Seems to be a prospect that will either shine and be a steal or sink and be a bust with little in between. He's an incredible offensive talent with the ability to hold his own on the defensive end. Comparable to Taylor Hendricks but he's also a higher risk than Hendricks.
22. Brice Sensabaugh (6'6" SG/SF - Ohio State)
23. Comes across as a guy that needs the right coach to develop well. Immaculate offensive game with some major concerns on the defensive end. If a coach can help him on D, he could be an absolute steal. But it's important to understand that his defense needs some work if he wants to stay in the league.
24. Jett Howard (6'7" SG/SF - Michigan)
25. Good strength an shot maker who because of his upbringing has always been around NBA minds (His dad is Juwan Howard, one time all star and 18 year NBA player). He doesn't seem to be a shoe-in fantastic player but has the work ethic and the mindset to succeed in the NBA. Needs to work on consistency on the offensive end if he wants to be a difference maker in the league.
26. Jordan Hawkins (6'5" SG - Uconn)
27. I'm not 100% sold on Hawkins at 16. He's a solid player with good intangibles but does give some pretty strong Jalen Suggs vibes. Good enough player, but also not quite built for the NBA. He has the heart and effort to make it in the league, but there are definitely higher upside players available at 16.
28. Jalen Hood-Schifino (6'6" PG/SG - Indiana)
29. Solid guard with some hype and some naysayers. Seems to be somewhat decisive. He absolutely has the heart and size to compete, but consistency on the offensive end is a problem. Some games he's looking incredible, and other games he looks like a benchwarmer. It's hard to predict how he's going to pan out. (Also the latest ESPN mock draft have the Jazz taking him at 9??? Horrible take in my book, I think there are better players available at 16)
30. Kris Murray (6'8" SF/PF - Iowa)
31. One of my favorite players in this year's draft, though one that I have to admit probably isn't a great pick at 16. He has a higher floor but lower ceiling than a lot of other guys around this point in the draft making him a safe but probably not earth shattering pick. All around solid player that could be a valuable bench piece on a good team.
32. Sidy Cissoko (6'7" SF - G-League Ignite)
33. A possible sleeper who was outshined by his teammate Scoot Henderson who's a guaranteed top 3 pick. He's a solid sized wing who can also play a small ball power forward. His effort on defense makes him likely to get playing time early on. Athleticism isn't fantastic and tends to use his size to get what he wants on the court. A risk at 16, a no-brainer at 28. Hard to predict where he'll land.
34. Noah Clowney (6'10 PF/C - Alabama)
35. Likely not an immediate impact in the NBA but has the potential to be really good down the road. He's primarily a stretch 4 who can also play center if he puts on some weight. He moves well and has a raw game that's worth taking a chance on. Unfortunately he's too high risk for 16 but probably won't fall to 28 either.
36. Maxwell Lewis (6'7" SG/SF - Pepperdine)
37. A possible sleeper pick. He's a solid 3&D player with good length that needs to add a little more weight. Not an elite athlete, but he's still able to score by making smart plays getting to the basket. His 3 point shot is looking solid, and if it translates to the NBA he could be an impact player off the bench pretty quick. Another one that likely won't be there at 28 but also may not be worth taking at 16.
38. Dariq Whitehead (6'4" SG/SF - Duke)
39. Poor guy has had bad luck. Talent of a top 10 pick, but 2 foot surgeries have set him back from reaching his potential. Has a knack for the game and is a good perimeter defender, but recent play shows that he may just end up being a 3&D type guy. But injury history and questions regarding how he'll recover from existing injuries put him back on the list.
40. Dereck Lively II (7'1" C - Duke)
41. This is one that is higher than 26 on regular power rankings, but for the Jazz he just doesn't make a ton of sense unless he somehow falls to 28 which likely won't happen.
42. Bilal Coulibaly (6'8" SF - France)
43. One of the bigger question marks in this draft. Taking him at 16 is a definite stretch but at 28 might be worth it. He's long but skinny and has consistency issues making him the question mark he is. It's really hard to know if his game will translate to the league or not.
44. Brandin Podziemski (6'5" SG - Santa Clara)
45. I really like the idea of taking a risk on Podziemski at 28. He's another player that won big time at the combine. After his first year in the NCAA he was thought to be a nobody before transferring to Santa Clara where he dominated. He's far from athletic, but has good Basketball IQ and is a deadly scorer. He's a slight risk at 28, but one I think worth taking if he's available at 28. Could be a Kyle Korver type player in the future.
46. Trayce Jackson-Davis (6'9" PF - Indiana)
47. One of the most physically gifted athletes in this draft, 6-9 with a 7-2 wingspan weighing in at 240, this guy is ready for the NBA in that way. In terms of play, probably not as much. His play style is traditional center, but he's a little undersized and that style of play is on its way out. He seems to be highly competitive and wants to be successful which will help him in the next level, just needs to start developing a shot if he wants to be a long term piece in the league. But if he does that, he could be a steal at 28)
48. Colby Jones (6'6" SG/SF - Xavier)
49. A safer pick at 28 if he's available. His play style has been compared to Josh Hart as the type of player that does a little bit of everything without being incredible at any one thing. A safe bet if we're looking for a role player off the bench at 28.
50. Olivier-Maxence Prosper (6'8" PF - Marquette)
51. One of the biggest winners from the combine. He was thought to be a mid-to-late second rounder that has blasted into late first discussions. He played extremely well against his peers and is now looking to be more polished than once thought. High energy and great size contributes make him worth seriously considering if available at 28.
52. Julian Phillips (6'7" SG/SF - Tennessee)
53. Phillips is slowly working his way up the draft ladder, once thought to be a mid second rounder is now cracking the late 1st. He has good length but needs to put on some weight if he wants to stay healthy. He's not a good 3 point shooter and would really need to develop on that end to get playing time, but the athleticism and explosiveness make him really intriguing at 28.
54. Jamie Jaquez Jr. (6'7" SF - UCLA)
55. The last on the list here that I would be okay with the Jazz taking a chance on at 28. He's an all-around solid player that proved to be one of the best with UCLA over the last 4 years. He has good size and seems to be fairly polished. Reason he's this low is potential ceiling doesn't seem to be very high. Could be a good bench piece for us, but also doesn't seem to be one that has the potential to be a long-term player for any team in the league.
56. Bobi Klintman (6'10" PF - Wake Forest)
57. High risk, high reward type player. There are others I like better at 28, but Bobi wouldn't be a waste. He's a 6-10 stretch four with a great 3 point shot but does not quite seem to be NBA ready. With the right development staff he could turn out to be solid, but I expect him to spend some time in the G-league for his first year or two.
58. Rayan Rupert (6'7" SG/SF - New Zealand)
59. I do not understand the hype behind Rupert. He's athletic, has a great wingspan and he's young. On the other hand, he played backup minutes in New Zealand averaging barely over 6 points a game. That on top of injuries and I don't see why he's projected to go as high as our 16th pick.
60. James Nnaji (6'10" C - Barcelona)
61. I like Nnaji, but I'm not sold on him for our 28th pick. He gives me Azibukie vibes but with more potential. He he has great athleticism and size, but would need a lot of time to develop. I feel like we would be better off finding a backup center in free agency.
62. Andre Jackson Jr. (6'6" SF - UConn)
63. A definite project player that was a good piece in UConn's national championship run. He would be worth investing in if we had a second round pick, but he's just not quite NBA ready yet.

Hi everybody. I want to make this as short as possible.
In 2020 someone who I had dated in 2019 was stalking me. We broke up in aug 2019 and the stalking continued even though we both started dating other people. Constant harassment and threats, strange presents being sent in the mail, fake accounts, apologies and then personal attacks, etc. I felt so unsafe I confided in my close friends about this and hung up a note on my wall with his info on it in case anything ever happened to me . I was sure he was going to escalate. He lived in another town two hours away from me so I never saw him in person but he relentlessly harassed me through mail and text.
Fast forward until may 2020. I’m still being stalked and the note is still hanging up. When I get a call from his supposed best friend asking why he was coming to your town. I freaked out and say no you don’t understand! Don’t let him come up here I’m afraid of him. Then his friend proceeds to tell me that he was on his way to my town (that he had no other connections with) at 3am when he suddenly got out of his car and was hit by a large truck. He died instantly
So right before he passed away, he had called me multiple times, which I did not answer because he was blocked. I heard from his family initially as they saw this on his phone and was looking for answers and they were understanding enough to agree to not contact me when I told them a very very light version of our relationship sparing them the details as their son had just died tragically .
Now fast forward to today three years later almost I am getting calls and texts from apparent family members and “legal counsel” saying that they need me to answer some questions or they’ll be forced to subpoena me and I can answer in a deposition or in court?? I know nothing about legal stuff but Apparently his family is suing the dump truck company of the driver that hit him and they are needing information from me regarding his death to move forward. Am I really obligated to do this?? I had no knowledge of his journey to “see me” (I had no idea he was coming we hadn’t seen each other in person since we broke up and he was blocked on everything) I am getting semi veiled threats from this legal advisor or lawyer saying that I will be court ordered if I don’t give info!!!!!! I just want to move on and be done with it, I feel horrible for the family but I am just done. What can I do? Is this all a lie?
THANK YOU. TLDR; ex got hit by truck stalking me and his family wants to sue the truck company but says I need to participate

Okay I need to vent this out because I feel my anger getting so much worse.
My sisters boyfriend is HORRIBLE. They have been together for about 5 years now. He has a crippling cocaine addiction, I mean crippling. He has lost 4 jobs this year (it is June). She pays all the bills and pays for his addiction. He has gone to rehab for 10 days and was supposed to go for 3 months. He tells her he will get clean and never does. Lies to her consistently where she has to question everything he does. He would even get up in the middle of the night to go use.
Now I know addiction is a disease. I really wanted him to get better for himself and my sister. Let me say that, I don't have all these issues solely because he is an addict. I feel like it almost gives me more sympathy. However, he has been a garbage person since I met him. But, I believe there is a time where you need to let go and not enable any further. There is a point where it isn't doing any of them any good.
Anyways, he mentally abuses her and has broken her down. She doesn't respect herself, enables his addiction and stands up for him. He has been an addict for a very long time and they were both addicts together. My sister we will call her, Jenna. Jenna is an alcoholic and has been sober for 3 years. He blamed her addiction for his. He blamed her weight for being the reason he didn't want to take her out. When our other 22 year old sister died of COVID she flew down here for the funeral, he accused her of cheating on him and proceeded to go on a bender for 2 days without talking to her. He has blamed Jenna up and down for the issues in their relationship. Her thinking was "I am going to do everything he says and if he still has a problem I will leave." She started waking up at 7 am to go to the gym, started eating healthy, got on medication, got a higher paying job than him and he still continued to blame her. She has made every excuse for him when I am trying to tell her to leave but will call me to tell me about their fights and give me details on horrible he is. I want to explain to someone who has dealt with someone like him I don't know if he is a psychopath or what because he stems from hate and makes choices on hate. I have never been around such a dark person and I don't know what to call it.
I don't want her to feel judged or feel like this is her blame. I have been in an abusive relationship as well and I know just how hard it is to leave. But I need to start saying something or I will regret it.
I am a pansexual and I am dating a non-binary person. I have had this guy on Facebook for years and I have always posted about LGBTQ+ rights and some out of pocket shit, he has usually ignored this. The last 6 months or so he has commented on EVERY trans, drag or LGTBQ+ post. Saying trans people are cross dressers with perversions. I tried to laugh it off and fuck with him but I lost it today. I told him he needs to stop trolling me (he told me once he trolls people on Facebook he doesn't like to make them mad) and we won't see eye to eye so leave it alone. He then blocked me. I told her about it and she said "Oh it is fine, he just is passionate about it you should hear his take." This guy has a Trans son who wants nothing to do with him and now I can see why. He has made way more comments to me in person that have boiled my blood but I have kept it to myself not to start shit. But I can't anymore. I am TERRIFIED of having a talk with Jenna about this and it resulting to her withdrawing from me completely. But I can't be around him. This has been 5 years coming.
One more story cause he thinks he is so smart and I think this story is so funny and makes me feel better. One time I was visiting them in LA, and I got stung by a sting ray. I had no idea what it was but I assumed he would. He took over an hour to get me to a gas station/CVS and when we finally get there I tell him please just get me some water and a sock to cover the wound. This man thought this was a brilliant idea; he brought out Vaseline (holds in the sting ray venom) and FLAVORED SPARKLING WATER. He claims to be one of the smartest people alive (not joking).
I swear he knows what he is doing and loves to make me mad. I have tried not to let him win but he got me today. I don't want to stay silent but I am scared if I speak up I will lose my sister. I also don't want him to continue to get a rise out of me but GOD DAMN IT IS SO HARD.

Welcome back, on todays episode [heres the first part], my mom who hasn't been talking to me the past 2 weeks said that I should apologize for saying mean things to her (when she started the argument and yelling) quickly dismissed her which led to the argument of dismissing my anxiety and that "i am perfectly healthy" Do you think not being able to sleep, eat or drink because of overwhelming anxiety is healthy? And when you see me not eating you yell at me to east as if I dont get triggered by food when I see it.
She brought up the idea of seeking help for my anxiety and how dare I tell my "therapist" shes the cause of it (which I had to cancel my appointment i have tomorrow despite how hard it is to get an appointment). Apparently shes heard of stories of girls who meet men online or irl and runaway with them. Shes only about only heard 2 or 3 cases happening but to be realistic my anxiety is too strong to be doing this kind of thing which I explained to my mom and then she tells me that its the anxious and depressed people that engage in these types of behaviors. I have no energy to be going around chasing a man let alone men that dont want me.
Me staying up playing games at 3am-4am according to my mom means i am a whore because only whores engage in activities that late at night ( I play with friends in a different time zones and i vibe out) Meanwhile my dads on the couch on his phone cheating on my mom chatting with women and sending them money but IM THE WHORE makes sense. I cant play in the mornings or the day because my moms like a hawk surveillances my every move and she goes "people ask what I do at home all day, i cant tell them she plays games" okay then lie? why not? women lie about their daughters all the time as if i dont see what they do on their private stories. She suggested i befriend my 15 year old cousin which I do not want to, I am close to being 30 what is a 30 year old and a 15 year old gonna be close for? The reason im in this mess is because of my moms side of the family and you want me to befriend them?
My mom the other day got mad at me for not letting my 16 year old cousin get my whatsapp number because she just came to the states and for me to help her with english. HELL FUCKING NO. WHY IS MY MOM MAKING PPLS LIVES SO CONVIENENT PLUS SHES YOUNG ENOUGH TO GO TO SCHOOL. I am not responsible for other peoples kids let alone my cousins. My moms favorite hobby is gaslighting me and controlling me since her life is falling apart and need some control in her life

C.J. Stroud working with the first team? Derek Stingley looking stronger than ever? Tank Dell & Nico Collins making big plays? Dalton Schultz on site for voluntary workouts? Sounds like things are proceeding as planned in Houston #WeAreTexans📷
Not going to lie…CJ looked very good today…And Davis stepped up…
DeMeco Ryans says it was very "eye-opening" how "on-it" C.J. Stroud was today in making the calls and having a handle on the offense this week.
CJ Stroud just went 3/4 on 7-v-7, hit Nico Collins on a 30+ pass down the left sideline on Cobi Francis.
Cameras down and it’s early but quick update. CJ Stroud is pushing the ball down the field on 7 on 7.
Texans OTA observations. • Rookie QB CJ Stroud ran with the 1s today. • Stroud Had a few deep completions during team and 7 on 7 to WR Nico Collins. Had a 40 yard bomb to Nico during 7 on 7. • during 2 min drill, Stroud drove the O into FG range and Fairbairn nailed it.
1 play in 7 on 7 by Stroud that moved me was He threw a wheel to Pierce but i think that was his second read as I think his eyes were set on another WR who ran an in breaking route but quickly saw he was double by the S and CB moved off it and floated it to DP. good processing
And lastly an update from Nashville:
Will Levis had an underwhelming day at Titans📷 OTAs: Inaccurate throws, bad decision throwing into double coverage, dropped a snap under center

A couple of days ago I got a text reminder for a doctor's appointment at a clinic that I have never been to. I believe the listed clinic location is a different branch from the one I usually go to. I decided to ignore it, but I got a call today from what seems to be the actual clinics number (I checked their website) and they told me that the appointment was for a check-up because I was apparently in a car accident. I told them that I never made an appointment and have never been in a car accident. They then apologized and told me to ignore any other appointment messages. What is even weirder, is that my brother has been receiving emails about me, asking me to make a patient account for the clinic. I'm confused on who made this appointment and how did they got my brother's email. I'm worried this could be someone trying to steal my identity and go to the doctors as me.
Does anyone have any theories, insights, or advice on what I should do? Should I even be worried?

They started last year on Instagram she has a fan page I clicked it and she started follow me we hit it off or cause that's who I'm fun she asked me what I do for a living I said I'm trying to get my job back at the janitor he said to me until I get it back this lady is very smart she taught me to Bible we FaceTime four times can we call each other three times I should never erase the conversation a I got this lady on video very nice at first and think I it got to a point she said she has a charity Foundation do you help me within us I don't got no money sorry and then she said $5 $10 fine I'll give it $10 a $5 and I went up to 20 30 50 100 150 another 150 $60 enough is enough I told her she said to me I'm crying because you don't want to be my friend no more she calls me call husband husband she said she wants to name the kids Erica and the boy Eric 2 soft hold on I love to take you out to the movies and drink coffee and walk around Manhattan okay was writing and she text me saying she cannot go she has to go to Ohio something about election day she never did that's okay when we do it at that time about Christmas she said fine she coming to my house and Christmas she's going to stay with me so she said to me I'm leaving to Washington d.c. I said how about a date she said can athletes Washington DC they're going to transfer me and she was right about that and I seen her want you to be seen doing her thing so I asked the web to your mom she said her mother died in the car crash her father it was bad so huh and I looked in the Google I see your mother's day and new pictures with you and your mom why you have to lie to me she said I didn't mean it like that I said my aunt died this is not good anyway that's okay forget about it so she called me last time when she send me I have a life insurance problem I still cannot help you with that I'll give it too much already Amazon gift cards too much apple $100 she said has $700,000 if you help me take this out the briefcase will go straight to your apartment so buddy will bring it over there he will keep $50,000 she's already talked to my lawyer mr. Beth and Greg I'll tell you my husband that's a really nice house okay I got up at 6 in the morning to brushing you and then I'll pay them can the lady from Western Union saying this looks like a scam you should never done this I said I know the lady of course I know the lady is FaceTime just lady we talked in the phone the man that lady was writing but she knew name I'll pay $485 I went home I'll show the picture of the receipt and everything my ID picture she said you going to get your money sweetie I promise you two days later she text me back how do you pick up how you pick it up so she call me FaceTime me she said to me play we got scammed I said by who she said about this man I'll talk with my lawyer mr. Branson Gray she say this lawyers a black guy he was scanning us how she really she said don't worry about it you with your money don't worry about it you want some money now say yes give me $485 right now she's have to go to work I'll call you back later and she called me back like nothing happened like nothing happened she said to me to give me a gift, and I'll set you crazy I don't got no money $485 + with my $50,000 he promised me that's how I'm going to the carnival Samba call to talk don't talk to me no more so and then she text me she said don't do that please my lawyer is here if the Bronx and Greg are you show me pictures of him I was talking to him texting back and forth which I got your money here on I want to know stuff about you awesome 43 years old open New York City I'm married to this lady I want to do the best thing for her he said good okay that was kind of funny the one you have been catching this lady she wake me up at 6 in the morning 6 in the morning 5 in the morning she's a reporter Hershey Kiss out but that man Mr Baston gray we was just texting that sounds just like her that text me that man doesn't sound very professional it sounded like huh trying to be a lawyer by profession I told her stop doing this I know this is you you going to hurt your family going to hurt your friends you going to get yourself fired from a call the cops in that yard on you he said to me I'm sorry so why are you doing this you shall forget about it forget it I'm sorry I said one more 50,000 she show me pictures of the money and a briefcase lots of pictures of fake waste my money she's not dropping my dick come down she told me videos some guy open a briefcase that was fate I reported to Fox fine she said she text me back she said to me you reported to Foxfire yes a yes I did and just the beginning and then she said don't do that please imma get your money today's date she still texting me she thinks it's a joke Yoshi has different emails seen using different faces of the people and she said it's a lot of hackers out there hacking us not me you the ones doing this to me I'm entitled to that money I want my money my paycheck was $3.67 okay from Chase I don't have no job I was my life savings I told him before Thanksgiving I can have no turkey this lady down the hallway she did my mom turkey I was so embarrassed me but thank you God thank you for that lady this lady doesn't care this lady he's going to pay for this he's going to jail for this she's always calling me sugar plum sugar plum somebody called me last week saying stop calling me stop calling me I said to the lady I'm not calling you she said hell yes you are you loser that got to be one of my friends but I'm going to get them back I got a big surprise ball New York on talk talking to the Washington cops hopefully FBI will be part of this because this is happening worldwide this smell funny if you think about it what's going on these days it's a lot of sick people out there that's my story you don't got a camera so I could show you pictures

im worrying myself i accidently bit myself the inside of my cheek which hurt so i bought some bonjela, it says to use 1cm no more than once every three hours, i'm quite sure i used at least 2 or 3cm as i couldnt get it to apply, and i did it maybe twice, been having a headache today. im a bit worried about salicylate overdosing! which is the potential harmful bit inside bonjela esp for kids, (also found in asprin) so the ingreidents in bonjela show salicylate (8.7 %w/w) i've found out that equates to 87 mg/g (8.7 %w/w), ive also double checked and there;s about 1.3 g of salicylate in a 15g bottle of bonjela, that also makes sense 87*15 = 1300 roughly i've read doses of 100 - 150 + mg/kg are considered moderate overdose, can i just check the math, so even if i took the entire bottle 1.3g i.e. 1300mg i weigh 80kg so thats 16.25/kg, i can't be anywhere near overosing, even if i tok then entire 15g tube which i didnt of course
i read about people overdosing on asprin (120 tablets u/330mg) they literally took 40k mg of asprin, that equates to 500mg/kg which is of couse fatal (assuming my body weight) so really ive done nothing less than 10mg/kg surely im ok?
Does this math check out? I hope i haven't overdosed, but reading worrying things online

This story takes place a few years ago, back when I had just graduated from high school, in the summer months that separated my juvenile years from the coming dawn of (semi)-adulthood.
I was naive then, still a child without a care in the world, save for my life ahead of me and spending the rest of my ‘youthful days’ with my friends.
So we decided to go on a trip around the world to sightsee, to be close before we were inevitably forced apart. We journeyed off into the lands of the British, to the towers of France, and even to the deep jungles of South America.
It was all very fun until we decided to head over to a little known island by the name of Bandai Landang somewhere in the Java Sea. If you look for the island now it barely shows anything save for a few internet forum adventures gone bad and Bandai Namco, the entertainment company.
I think our friend Canopy was the one who found out about it. He was always into the weirder side of things.
The island can be considered a micronation, but the countries nearby all claim it’s part of theirs. Indonesia, Malaysia, and even China have it listed as some other name. No, I’m not going to share the ‘official’ name of the island- I don’t want anymore unfortunate wanderers.
Anyway, Canopy said the island promised exquisite beaches, awesome views, and untouched air and a sense of peace.
“I’ve never heard of this,” I pointed out. “Is it really a thing?”
He patted my shoulder. “It’ll be fun! My cousin’s been there and she said it was AWESOME!”
So we decided to venture onto the island. We were nearby anyway, and after asking around, Canopy managed to find us a ferry that would take us there.
This is where things go wrong. This is where we had to split up.
“I’m sorry,” the old man running the boat said, “the ferry's full.” And so our group of six was split into three.
Canopy, Myra, and Al went on first, and the rest of us- me, Quincy, and Jan would have to stay over the next day. Now it was only too late when we found out that there were no ferries crossing the next day.
“It was perfectly fine yesterday?” I snapped, confused. “The weather hasn’t even changed!”
The old man who’d ferried our friends shook his head. “Today is… festival,” he pronounced. “Water no good- there are things in the water. Evil things.”
“What festival?” Quincy demanded. But the old man had walked away, leaving us on a very empty dock. “What-” he sighed.
“It’s okay,” Jan assured. “There’s things to do here.”
I nodded, and we started to walk back to our hotel when a burly man appeared. He was white, not local, and had an air of gusto to him. “You three really believe that crap about the festival?”
I looked at him, perplexed, and shook my head. “No. We just want to get too the island.”
He took my hand and shook it. “Name’s Captain Murrow,” he told. “And I can take you to the island.”
This was great news. So I shook it and we settled on a deal. He charged double the price, being as that he was the only one willing to take us. And being naive kids, we decided it was a fair trade.
We just wanted to see our friends.
Besides us and the Captain there were two others on board- a rich couple that seemed to avoid us with their dog, a fancy chihuahua of some sort that barked at everything.
“Enjoy yourselves,” Murrow suggested. “It’ll be an hour.”
An hour wasn’t that bad, considering the flights we’d traveled and the hikes we’d been on. So me and my friends made small talk, and we chatted about colleges, journeys, romance, all the little things that made up life.
The fog rolled in an hour later, when we were supposed to have arrived.
“Excuse me, friends,” Captain Murrow announced. “We seem to have drifted…” there was a certain confusion to how he was saying his words, “...off course?”
Me and Quincy ran up on deck while Jan slept. We found the rich, pretentious looking couple bickering with the captain. “I can’t wait any longer with this riff-raff on board,” she hissed, dog barking in hand. “We’re going to be late for the auction!”
“Is this some sort of tourist trap?” her husband snarled. “I’ll pay you all you need to set us back on course!”
Murrow’s brow furrowed. “I don’t know what exactly is going on,” he told. “This hasn’t happened before.”
Quincy spoke up. “Maybe the legends are true and we never should’ve gone.” I giggled at that. “OoooOo!” he joked. I think Murrow found it a little funny, cause he smiled.
The couple most certainly did not. “Kids like you will never understand what it means to be on time,” the woman hissed. “Always late.”
Her husband looked out into the mist and pointed. “Look- there are-” he squinted his eyes, “boats!”
Jan came out, wondering why we hadn’t arrived. I told her we didn’t know, and the three of us- and Murrow walked over to the edge.
There was nothing out there, much to the man’s confusion. But the more we drifted, and the more Murrow tried to set us back on course the more it seemed there was something out there.
A sense of- dread? Fear? Excitement- filled my veins. It was all very new and interesting. A youthful adventure- a group lost at sea, ready to be rescued!
“Boats!” the husband shouted. “Look!”
This was when they came into view. First it was one or two, little wooden rafts that drifted in the distance against the ferry- despite the wind blowing the opposite direction.
And then more started to come, and closer they came. They were tattered wooden things, ripped by wind and cut-like marks.
That’s when we saw what was on them. “What the hell?” Jan whispered. “Are those-”
They were almost like dolls, burnt and faceless, strung against the boats, strapped downwards with odd multicolored ropes that stood out against the graying mist. “They must be dolls, right?” I asked.
Quincy sniffed the air and withdrew in fear. “I don’t think so.” I smelt it too as the wind blew, now harsh.
It smelled of decay. Burned flesh and the sickly stench of burnt hair. “Is this the festival?” the woman pleaded, asking Murrow. She folded her arms in disbelief. “Some trick.”
“I’ve heard of these,” Murrow murmured, now serious. “I didn’t think they’d be true.”
Jan asked him what they were as more drifted nearer and nearer. The answer was just as foreboding.
“Corpse boats,” he told. It was said an unprepared traveler wandering the seas at night would find themselves met with the rafts. They would smell the decay at first, and the burnt hair.
Then they would see the burnt, paper-wrapped bodies, strapped to the boat. It was said that once a year a couple traveling out those would kids would meet them- and that they would vanish forever.
And there was something else to them, too- staring at them for too long would-
The husband gasped before Murrow could finish. “Alice, look!” he shouted. “It’s- it’s Marissa!”
The woman looked blankly at the ocean, seeing nothing. “What the hell are you talking about?” she spat. “Of course you’re thinking about your ex at a time like this!” And then she turned to the captain. “Get us out of here. This trip is over.”
“No, look- it’s-” and then he stopped. And then across the boat, floating in parallel with us was one of the corpse boats, closer than ever.
The raft was different. Three sharp, pointed sticks raised upwards, and the foul smelling corpse-doll (what were they?) was impaled. A stick through the head made it look upwards.
“She’s calling my name,” he stammered, walking away back. He screamed and put his hands around his ears. He screamed and screamed, backing away, terrified. We started to back away, shocked by his actions.
And then he did the impossible. He ran and flung himself off the ship, whispering the name “Marissa!” as he fell.
There was no splash. Just an empty nothing. “What the hell!” I yelped. It wasn’t even a question, it was just- shock.
Hesitantly, the three of us looked downwards. No strung up impaled corpse was there. No husband to be seen. Just the fog, the sea, and the corpse boats in the distance passing us by.
“Don’t look at them!” Murrow snapped, finishing his story. “Don’t look at them or they’ll take you!”
We instantly avoided our gaze, returning to the center of deck, staring at the ground instead. The boat suddenly hit something, and it flung us to a side.
I picked myself up and-
It was in front of me. Impossibly, an impaled, foul smelling corpse covered paper, arms strung almost trying to reach me. For a second it wasn’t a corpse but the dead body of my high school sweetheart and I almost reached to meet it.
But I avoided my gaze and shut my eyes.
Then my hair began to be brushed, to be braided, they same way she would do it before she’d been killed in a car accident. I heard whispers in my ear, whispers I couldn’t make out that sounded all too familiar.
“Come with me,” I heard. “Float away…”
And then I heard screaming, and the feeling of the thing near me evaporated. I opened my eyes to see the rich woman tugging at Captain Murrow. “Look!” she cried, pointing to the ocean.
“I don’t-” he was tugged, “-want to!”
“It’s my husband!” she snarled. “How’d he get on one of those?!” she slapped Murrow across the cheek. “Get him back here.”
In the sea I saw a corpse, impaled and stretched out to reach out to her. The woman started back lovingly. “Don’t worry- I’ll get you!” And then she, with Murrow in hand stepped over the barrier and, with her free hand, clasped the corpse’s hand in hers.
And then she screamed. The body pulled her dowards with such force her arm was ripped clean off.
She screamed and fell over the edge- taking Murrow with her- but Quincy and Jan leapt to action, seizing him just before our captain was lost forever.
Like before, there was no splash. Nothing to tell us she’d ever been there but for a confused chihuahua and blood on deck.
We spent the next hour below deck, avoiding the rest of the corpse-boats. And just as it had all begun the boat seemed to right itself on course. The sun shone brightly, and Murrow ferried us to the docks.
I texted my friends, the three who'd come before- but they didn’t respond.
I asked around where they’d gone, and after a while, a visitor to the island told me they jumped off after looking into the ocean for far too long. I asked further, to the locals who had been on the boat the day before.
So many had vanished on the journey. They were only three more.
I researched this phenomenon as the years passed by, wondering if they would ever be found. This event isn’t local to the journey to Bandai Landang, though. No, Corpse Boats have been sighted throughout history and in international waters.
Be careful when you travel by ferry. Don’t look at the corpse boats or you’ll end up like many of the missing at sea.

*TW/CW - Coke, Suicide
I've been slowly developing a pretty severe coke addiction over the last few years but got where I'm at a year ago for sure. Followed the expensive college to strip club pipeline and I've been using everyday for almost a year. Not a single person knows in my life, which truthfully was what kept me going.
I really don't know how no one has caught on, I'm a pretty manic and energetic person but sadly I think that's just been the coke the last year. I also scares me how good I am at hiding and how quickly I was okay with it. But it's been getting scary, I do about an 8 ball every 2-3 days, I don't really eat, am losing weight when I don't have any I should be losing anyways, falling behind on freelance work.
Weirdly I was not ready to ask for help at all (well, not ready to stop) but had the urge to call Theo Von's podcast hotline last night and left a message (he's was a coke addict/is an addict? I don't even know how to do this). Just asking how he took that first step and how do you help yourself when your addiction is winning and nobody knows.
But today out of nowhere I felt ready to ask my mom (my step-mom that is, my real mom told me I was weak when I called for help finding a therapist because I was extremely suicidal). She doesn't know what I want to talk about. I probably scared the shit out of her but told her I wasn't ready to talk yet. But just telling her I need help and knowing she'll be there for me feels good. I invited my sister too.
But how do I look them in the eyes and tell them I've been around them & lying to them for at least a year? Or how bad it is? I don't want to make them responsible for me and I did give them a heads up it'll be an difficult and emotional conversation if they have the space.
The hardest part is going to be that I deeply fell in love this last year. He doesn't use and doesn't know because I've been really good at making it look casual and hiding it. He was honestly the one thing that's kept me grounded it'll break my heart to tell him the real extent of things. Hoping I can talk about that with my mom & sis tonight.
I guess I really don't even know how to do this. And am pretty bummed it means I'm either done or gonna turn into an even better liar. Hmmph. Any advice or trash talk is welcomed.

I have a question, from what I understand; everytime one does mortal sin there is temporal punishment. As of late I tried hard but I fell today and I knew that I would fall into mortal sin. I also having alot of stress as me and my mother argue every day. My mother has low patience, we threaten each other with running away. This has particularly being going on for the last year and a half quite aggressively, it would happen previously but it would be more occasional. We are both adults but my mother has great ideas but is quite isolated.
My mother and I have been harassed by our landlord for things which we never have done or said, alot of lies and my mother unlike myself cannot handle harassments it makes her very irritable and unnerved high stress and low patience, very low patience anything the slight can set her off.
In return I feel her stress and the past month besides the sins I have yet to confess; my daily prayers have been the worse then they have been for months mostly due to where we live and without going into details other tenants caused a major issue with pests and our landlord she wasn't really going to do anything about it, so therefore I had to do something and her solution was not a solution.
My mother was harassed out of her parking spot the list goes on. We want to move but my mother doesn't want to pay some of the prices for rent so we continue to stay for more abuse where we live. My mother recent solution is to just live out of her car and drive wherever but her health and her feet are not great, and whether very hot or cold she cannot take it so I really don't know how she or we would manage; I worry we would fight to the extreme outside.
I really hate falling into the same mortal sin every so often, it's a sin I go to but it never helps; never calms me down, nothing. I've fought it at times, other times I fail. And besides the other sins some possible only venial from my understanding, it's the mortal which I hate as much as God hates it and I offend him greatly. Sure I know, God forgives when I confess but what still hangs on my soul, in other words; what temporal punishment will I have to face ?
Anger is another which always arises when me and my mother argue, I try to control it, hitting a wall without causing damage or a counter top etc. I know I have to work on this, although anger is wrong I feel if I control it as I have to objects that may hurt my hand more then what I'm hitting atleast I'm not damaging anything or hitting anyone.
In the past few months before May 2023 which was a terrible month in my opinion as I mentioned, I was praying quite well, but my mother would say all sorts of things to me; praying is not helping you, you should stop, God is not listening to you cause you still show anger etc, the Eucharist is not helping you etc. Although I continued on and didn't listen to her it was only May that things went wonky.
The vibe where we live is very uncomfortable, the other tenants etc sometimes I feel it's demonic; my mom feels as if we are trapped her but I've told her, we are not, everyone moves eventually. So her solution is to just drive away in a car and she has mentioned even if she dies outside, who cares !
I don't know what to do, at this point I'm glad May is over. Wait for confession, and start fresh in June. As I know God may hear my prayers but the connection with God is broken for a short while due to my sins.
Otherwise, I can confess my sins and do prayers but what about what is happening between me and my mother ?

Last Thursday I made a post where I showed the unlabeled timelines of each Documental season, and wrote that I planning to release all my data showing the entire breakdown of every card given in the first 10 seasons (and the shelved S8).
That time has come.
Reddit posts are limited to 40k characters, so I can't fit all the seasons in one post. However, I was planning to cap off the data post with a post reviewing every season, where I'd divide Documental into three eras (1-4, 5-7, shelved 8 - 10) and try to rank them. Instead, I'll combine the timeline, data, and review into three posts, one for each era. The reviews will go in a comment to save space.
Welcome to the Classic Era (alternatively, the Cookie-Fujimoto Era) of Documental. Introduction and methodology in the comments to save space.
ドキュメンタル。。。スタート！

Season 1

U! S! A!
Documental Season 1 Card Timeline
Winner: None (three-way tie, unofficial winner Anthony)

Contestant	Duo Name	Catchphrase*	Points**	Final Rank
Miyagawa Daisuke (宮川大輔)	(solo)	１、２を争うゲラ (Quick To Laugh)	N/A	7th (Tie)

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Time	Card	Primary Culprit(s)	Secondary Culprit(s)	Description	Category
5:20:25	Yellow	(self), Jimmy		Thwaps Jimmy with a rubber band in his bald spot. Twists the rubber band around his mouth immediately after, he claims he was "trying to make a funny face" but Matsumoto says he was using it to hold back a laugh and "that's wrong".	Boke, Self-Destruct
3:31:49	Orange	kukky		kukky comes out with the Tenga Egg on his head that he inflates.	Immediate, Absurd
2:59:31	Red	kukky, Fujimoto	(self)	["Double elimination"]: Fujimoto initiates cleaning Daisuke's ass of the toilet paper, the killing blow comes when kukky comes and sprays something (perfume)? Both Daisuke and Saito get reds.	Coup de grace, Absurd, Lost Endurance

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Ohchi Yosuke (大地洋輔)	Dienoji (ダイノジ)	エアギター世界王者 (Air Guitar World Champion)	N/A	9th

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5:47:52	Yellow	Jimmy		"Yoshimoto's Al Capone": Ohchi is laughing pretty much throughout the group's conversation about Hachimitsu's shirt (and Fujimoto's "giant wife", per Kubota) but Jimmy coming out with his "mother and child" lamb gets him to laugh, chided for hiding behind cigarette.	Boke, Absurd, Passive, Warning
5:26:26	Safe!	Anthony		Examined during the Saito orange, Ohchi accused of laughing but holding it in during Anthony's "move" which consists of him squeezing his head through the opponent's arm and saying Hello.	Absurd
4:28:33	Red	kukky		Laughs at kukky's joke about his jacket hood being full of tofu, specifically just the joke and the word "tofu", as he even reinacts it "It's soaked in sweat." "Yeah, it's wet." "That's not sweat. There's tofu in there.". He explains that kukky uses tofu as a joke for everything.	Immediate, Boke, ???, Personal, Unfunny

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Kubota Kazunobu (久保田和靖)	"Torosa-mon" [sic.] (とろサーモン)	サイコパス的な。。。(Psychopathic...)	N/A	Survived*** (would have placed 2nd on points)

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1:06:33	Yellow	Anthony		Loses the rock-paper-scissors against Fujimon and has to look at the photo of Anthony's dad (same photo where he blends into background that Kawahara laughs at) first. His voice trembles with a laugh.	Traditional, Strict

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Fujimoto Toshifumi (藤本敏史)	"Fujiwara" (FUJIWARA)	嫁への依存心でハングリーになれるか？ (Can He Be Hungry Dependent On His Wife?)	N/A	4th

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5:33:48	Yellow	Jimmy, Daisuke		["They calm me"]: Jimmy and Daisuke line up to play rock-paper-scissors, Daisuke tells Jimmy to put the sheep away and he says they calm them, then Jimmy bursts into laughter. Saito and Fujimoto also caught smiling (albeit Fujimoto smiles in a way that he will always do in the later seasons).	Strict, Warning
2:14:53	Orange	Anthony		A talk starting from Fujimon not needing 10M, name a comedian still popular in their 50s, Ishizuka... Anthony mentions "But I heard that when he does those gourmet reports, he leaves a lot of food." and Fujimoto goes "Hmph!".	Strict, Personal
18:50	Red	Kawahara, (self)		Kawahara goes out with his boxing glove punch strainer dip routine. Fujimoto joins in taking the strainer, and Kawahara hits him in the face with the boxing glove at the end. Fujimoto laughs. "When you get punched that much, you can't help but laugh. I thought, 'What the hell am I doing?'".	Rolling, Absurd, Coup de grace

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kukky (くっきー)	"Yaseibakuden" (野性爆弾)	ドリ客 (Can-ghter)	N/A	5th

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4:34:08	Yellow	Hachimitsu		Laughs at Hachimitsu's black-and-yellow lucha libre mask. Contemporary with Ohchi's orange for laughing throughout. No time given, so I'm going off of the 4:33:18 seen when Ohchi's laughs minus 50 seconds of broadcast time to the start.	Traditional
4:07:16	Orange	Daisuke		["Analympics"]: Daisuke demonstrates the game he used to play in dressing rooms: Analympics, strips underwear and shows anus very fast. Kukky laughs because he had toilet paper crumbs left ("looked like termites"), Hachimitsu and Saito also examined, Saito marked safe but other two get orange.	Vulgar, Immediate, Unexpected
2:19:00	Red	Kubota		Kubota performs an unfunny version of Pikotaro. "B... oo... boobs!" It's not even remotely funny, so kukky laughs. Time not shown so going off starting time.	Unfunny

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Saito Tsukasa (斎藤司)	"Trendy Angel" (トレンディエンジェル)	ハケごときで (His Baldness Is Lame)	N/A	7th (Tie)

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5:33:48	Yellow	Jimmy, Daisuke		Jimmy and Daisuke line up to play rock-paper-scissors, Daisuke tells Jimmy to put the sheep away and he says they calm them, then he bursts into laughter. Saito and Fujimoto also caught smiling.	Boke
5:26:26	Orange	Jimmy		"First orange": After Jimmy gives him his hair, he goes to wash his head. Jimmy "makes a funny face" and Saito laughs. The group insists Jimmy was laughing and hiding his face in the sink but Matsumoto doesn't check up on it. Ohchi also examined and not carded. Since Saito was attacking he gets an orange, which is explained as the last step before red.	Boke
4:07:16	Safe!	Daisuke		["Analympics"]	Vulgar, Immediate

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Kawahara Katsumi (川原克己	"Tenjikunezumi" (天竺鼠)	板尾創路の系譜 (The "Itsuji Itao Type")	N/A	Survived*** (would have placed 3rd on points)

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2:09:52	Yellow	(self)		"That's quite manly of you...": Nobody's ever seen Kawahara laugh, so he decides to show them. He hides his face and uncovers it to indeed reveal him laughing. "I thought he wouldn't make a face at all. But he gave us a full on laugh. It was so unlike him.". His goal was that everybody would laugh in response. Fujimoto does laugh, but after the siren.	!!!
1:12:11	Orange	Anthony		Laughs at Anthony's second photo of his American dad Viktor (a night photo where his dad is barely visible due to his dark skin color).	Traditional

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Hachimitsu Jiro (ハチミツ二郎)	"Tokyo Dynamite" (東京ダイナマイト)	地肩が強い (Mr. Highly Proficient)	N/A	6th

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5:59:17	Safe!	(self)		["First siren on Documental"]: pretty much everyone is laughing, but specifically Jiro's smile as he introduces himself to Jimmy and Jimmy's "stretched mouth" after Kawahara introduces himself as "Kyojin from All Hanshin" get called out.	Lost Concentration, Fun
5:00:25	Yellow	Jimmy		Jimmy eats the bun with the wasabi clearly on it, there's still one more, Hachimitsu laughs as he says "It should be okay...".	Lost Concentration
4:07:16	Orange	Daisuke		["Analympics"]	Vulgar, Immediate
2:50:51	Red	Fujimon	(self)	Earlier on, as Hachimitsu shows off the lucha libre masks, he stands on a chair and breaks it, and Ohchi swings a broken part of the chair around like a tonfa. Later, Kawahara is doing a running joke where he takes credit for other things, and replicated Ohchi's joke. Hachimitsu remarks that he made that and Fujimon says "You didn't make it". They repeat this exchange and Hachimitsu smiles. Fujimoto is stunned as Hachimitsu smiled at the simplest possible tsukkomi response: "What else should I say? You didn't make it." In the interview after, Hachimitsu talks about how he lost his focus, and couldn't understand why Fujimoto was so persistent about something so trivial, as "When you think about it, I made that prop".	Tsukkomi, Lost Concentration

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Anthony (アントニー	"Matenrou" (マテンロウ)	毛色が違う (A Horse of a Different Color)	N/A	Survived*** (would have placed 1st on points)

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3:21:16	Yellow	(self)	kukky	Anthony puts on kukky's Tenga Egg and enjoys it, saying "This is fun" but smiling as he does.	Lost Concentration, Fun
1:16:37	Orange	(self)		Laughs "like at a normal dinner" while showing Fujimon his kindergarten photo.	Lost Concentration, Fun

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Jimmy Onishi (ジミー大西)	(solo)	化物 (Monster)	N/A	10th

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5:59:17	Safe!	Kawahara		["First siren on documental"]	Traditional
5:33:48	Yellow	(self), Daisuke		["They calm me"]	Boke
5:26:26	Safe!	(self)		["First orange"]	Boke
4:56:08	Red	Fujimon	(self)	Hachimitsu says Fujimon is close to laughing and Fujimon complains about Jimmy: "But he keeps drinking!" (after they agreed using bottles to hide a laugh is a foul). Jimmy laughs and gets mad at Fujimon, saying he was only drinking because the wasabi was still hot and he kept tricking Jimmy into laughing.	???

FINAL WORDS:

Anthony: You act like you're the best, but you're hopeless. ([小僧?]一番出来る感じ出して、なんてないっす。）
Kubota: Hm?
(silence)

Season 2

The legendary 657 seconds. A true fight to the death. This is Documental.
Documental Season 2 Card Timeline
Winner: Kotouge (2 remaining, won 3-0 on points)

Contestant	Duo Name	Catchphrase*	Points	Final Rank	Likelihood To Win**
Yoshimura Takashi (吉村崇)	Heisei Nobushikobushi (平成ノブシコブシ)	破天荒芸人 (The Wild Cannon Comedian)	1	3rd	5th

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Time	Card	Primary Culprit(s)	Secondary Culprit(s)	Description	Category
4:28:29	Yellow	Jimmy		["Reshuffled"]: Jimmy gets his balls sucked in the vaccuum and reacts to the pain: "Look at my balls, they've been reshuffled (互い違い)". Matsumoto says everyone could be called out but Yoshimura and Tsuda were clear outs, giving everyone a yellow as a coincidence. The two assert that at first they had no idea what Jimmy meant, but his balls had indeed moved "not just up and down, there was a lateral transfer too".	Boke, Verbal, Vulgar, Physical
20:25	Orange	Fujimoto		As Fujimoto undresses, Joyman falls out. Turns out Fujimoto had stuck Joyman inside his underwear, and it even stuck to his butt for a moment.	Unexpected, Trap
10:56	Red	Kotouge		Kotouge spits water onto the photo of Tsuda's mother and yells "old hag!". Almost all of it richochets onto Yoshimura.	Unexpected, Physical

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Miyagawa Daisuke (宮川大輔)	(solo)	楽屋での密室芸 (The Closed-Door Backstage Artist)	0	10th	2nd

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5:28:02	Safe!	Jimmy		["Yam-jelly"]: Jimmy "quits priesthood" and strips, uncovering his smelly yam-jelly dick (konnyaku) covering. Himura laughs, says Daisuke laughed as he looks down but Matsumoto rules it as after the red siren.	Absurd, Boke
5:20:39	Yellow	Jimmy, Himura, (self)		["Atsui/Itai"]: Daisuke shoots a rubber band at Jimmy's ass, Jimmy responds with "Atsui!" (It's hot!). Himura starts to tsukkomi Jimmy saying that's not right, he should say "Itai!" (It hurts!) instead. Miyagawa all along is holding it in, eventually hissing out a laugh (Matsumoto-san! Matsumoto-san!), and says Himura was laughing too but Matsumoto says the cameras didn't catch Himura.	Boke, Lost Endurance
4:17:38	Red	Jimmy, (self)		Jimmy washes his head and is soaking wet, Daisuke offers Jimmy a towel, Jimmy says No thanks, Daisuke chuckles as he responds "Why? It's just..." (... a towel.). Asked why he laughed he repeats this story over and over. He was just talking with Jimmy as he normally would and lost his concentration.	???, Boke, Lost concentration

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Oshima Miyuki (大島美幸)	Morisantyu (森三中)	女芸人登場 (The First Female Competitor)	1	8th	9th

​

5:42:01	Yellow	(self)		Hands her panties to Jimmy, then they get examined by the group: "Do you play baseball in them or something?".	Self-destruct
4:58:21	Orange	Kotouge, Kojima	Fujimon	As the group rags on Kojima being unfunny with his wooden drum, Fujimon points out there's a "wooden drum right next to him" (Kotouge) and Kojima gets spurred to play him. Kojima thwacks Kotouge on the head with his mallet a bit too hard and Kotouge reacts in pain.	Physical
3:29:16	Red	(self), Jimmy		"A poorly written mystery:" Oshima makes Jimmy ramen. He eats it and complains it's sweet. "You put sugar in it, didn't you? Oshimaaa!" She can't hold it in. After the red card she reveals she made Jimmy's ramen half-filled with orange juice - Jimmy's still angry as she leaves.	Self-destruct, Boke, Trap

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Himura Yuki (日村勇紀)	Bananaman (バナナマン)	笑いの有段者 (The Black Belt Comedian)	0	5th

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5:28:02	Yellow	Jimmy		["Yam-jelly"]	Absurd, Boke, Passive
5:20:39	Safe	Jimmy, (self), Daisuke		["Atsui/Itai"]	Boke, Passive
2:01:01	Orange	Kotouge	(self), Fujimoto, Yoshimura, Saito	Fujimoto starts a sketch with his screaming mouth mask. Yoshimura joins in with his beer liker cap mask. Saito comes in with the titty cap as if it was really funny, and that turns off the pressure. Then Kotouge comes out with absolutely nothing (he wanted to join, but they already ended), and Himura laughs as he realizes Kotouge doesn't have anything.	Passive, Unexpected
1:27:56	Red	Kotouge		Kotouge does Akira 100% while getting his balls slurped by the vaccuum. On the suggestion that he do it standing on the tray, he slips and impales himself on the trunk behind him. Himura laughs when he sees the bruise that Kotouge has from it.	Physical, Passive

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Kojima Kazuya (児嶋一哉)	Unjash (アンジャッシュ）	木偶の坊 (The Dunce)	0	9th	7th

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4:37:54	Yellow	Jimmy, Yoshimura		["Under the konnyaku"]: Jimmy brings in the vaccuum cleaner, Yoshimura says "What if we try under the konnyaku?" and sucks up his genitals, Jimmy reacts in pain as expected. Matsumoto comes for Kojima but group says Kotouge was who they all saw, both get yellows.	Physical
4:08:07	Orange	Kotouge		Kotouge comes out wearing a chainmail helmet and proclaims "If you hit me (again), it wouldn't hurt at all". Kojima hits him again and it hurts - it didn't work at all. Matsumoto checks to see whether to give an orange (warning) or another yellow (which would mean a red), but gives him orange because he was attacking.	Physical, Rolling
3:46:45	Red	Fujimon, Kotouge	Saito	"An incredible stutter": Saito attempts a titty gag but nobody laughs and the group around the porthole point out that's all he's been trying. Kotouge gives an "unclear stutter" as he says "You only brought titties to thish sh-show..." ("お前今日、おっぱいしか（？？？）じゃない、この番組。。。” and Fujimon reacts with a "Hm?". Discussion as to whether it counts as Kotouge's point, Kojima says he laughed at Fujimon's "Hm?" reaction. Saito says he set it up but Matsumoto says it wasn't even remotely funny.	Tsukkomi, Unexpected

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Fujimoto Toshifumi (藤本敏史)	Fujiwara (FUJIWARA）	ムードメーカー (The Moodmaker)	4	4th	6th

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4:42:40	Yellow	Tsuda		Tsuda brings in the photo of his mom at 14 hula hooping, tells the story of her bad-smelling farts, and reveals that she was a javelin thrower. The group locks on to Fujimon and makes him look at the photo. "Textbook comedy".	Traditional
59:52	Orange	(self)	Saito	"Are 200 watts funny?": trying to do his nose hair remover and heating it up in the microwave, it isn't working. Fujimon insists it will work. Saito: Doesn't that say 200 watts? Fujimon: It only has 200 watts. Saito: 500 watts before. Fujimon: Well, this won't work... it's broken. He chuckles casually while saying that last phrase for some reason. After the card, the group repeats 200 watts to try to make Fujimoto laugh.	???, Lost Concentration
16:16	Red	Yoshimura		"Revenge of the Joyman": During the seltzer-chug challenge, Yoshimura puts Joyman on the bottom of the water bottle, getting revenge for his own orange from Fujimon.	Traditional

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Saito Shinji (斉藤慎二)	Jungle Pocket (ジャングルポケット）	唯一無二の個性 (A Unique Character)	0	2nd (Survived, lost on points)	10th

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4:49:37	Yellow	Jimmy		During Kojima's skit, the microwave beeps. What did you heat? Jimmy answers Strawberry candy (earlier, during Fujimon's "Cat's Eye, Dog Nose... add one more" associated word exchange with Kotouge, Jimmy answered with the complete non-sequitur Strawberry Candy). The group thought Jimmy laughed but Saito is called out for suspiciously eating bread right after that statement.	Absurd, Boke

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Tsuda Atsuhiro (津田篤宏	Daian (ダイアン)	ナニワが抜けてない (He Still Reeks Of Old-Style Osaka)	1	6th	8th

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4:28:29	Yellow	Jimmy		["Reshuffled"]	Boke, Verbal, Vulgar, Physical
4:00:37	Orange	(Yoshimura or Fujimon, whoever brought Joyman and laid the trap)		As Tsuda shows the picture of his silver-capped-tooth mother, he turns around and sees a trap: somebody placed Joyman's Takagi on the hula hoop. He goes "Heh!" and Matsumoto lets him off with a "any mistake and you're done, this orange card is virtually a yellow"***.	Trap, Strict
3:01:00	Red	(self), Fujimon		Laughs throughout his Masayuki Suzuki impression (Chigau, chiiii-gau, sou jya na-iii...), final laugh after Fujimon's "See you in Yoyogi" (5 o' clo...).	Self-destruct, Tsukkomi

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Kotouge Eiji (小峠英二)	Viking (バイきんぐ)	怒り芸 (The Anger Artist)	3	1st (Survived, won on points)	4th

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4:37:54	Yellow	Jimmy, Yoshimura		["Under the konnyaku"]	Physical, Boke
1:13:24	Orange	Fujimon	Saito	Saito tries inhaling the helium that he brought but it doesn't work for him. Fujimon shows him how it's done and says "Hello". Kotouge has a slight smirk, the group defends him (We don't want to see him expelled just for that...) and he gets an orange.	Strict, Traditional

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Jimmy Onishi (ジミー大西)	(solo)	異星からの贈り物 (A Gift From Outer Space)	9	7th	3rd

​

5:56:42	Orange***	(self)		Laughs casually as he's distributing his "crackers for friendship".	Lost Concentration
5:42:01	Yellow***	Oshima		Oshima hands her panties to Jimmy, then they get examined by the group: "Do you play baseball in them or something?". Oshima laughs but Jimmy gets caught too.	Traditional
3:21:27	Red	Fujimon		Fujimoto randomly does the Ice Bucket Challenge (after Saito spits on Kotouge's head to wash off his "hair").	Unexpected, Absurd, Immediate

FINAL WORDS:
What will we do? Thirty seconds... time for one more. It has to be... (rubber chicken sque-eak).
(Followed after final bell by 'Wait wait wait, please..." "It's over").

Season 3

Squeee... squeee squeee squeee... (Toos! Haah!)
Documental Season 3 Card Timeline
Winner: Yamamoto (2 remaining, won 1-0 on points)

Contestant	Duo Name	Catchphrase	Points	Final Rank
Kendo Kobayashi (ケンドーコバヤシ)	(solo)	無冠の嘘帝王 (An Emperor Without A Crown) / 不惑のTHEエロス (A Merciless Pervert)	2	4th

​

Time	Card	Primary Culprit(s)	Secondary Culprit(s)	Description	Category
3:40:40	Yellow	Kasuga		["Kasuga after the bell"]: They look at Kasuga's dick during the bell, but immediately after: "Can you show us again?". Kendo looks down but RG goes "bu-bu". Matsumoto comes for Kendo first "but what's the story with RG?". No time given but after the bell is 3h4040s, so I'll go with that.	Physical, Vulgar, Joins in
3:31:36	Orange	Kasuga, Goto		["Curry rice"]: Immediately after Kendo's previous card, Goto asks to try putting the curry rice in there. Kasuga does and it comes at slowly - the speed at which it's served makes him laugh, but Kasuga is said to be smiling during it as well, though I don't see it.	Physical, Vulgar
1:25:45	Red	kukky (zombie)	Date (zombie)	["Teddy Bear-chan enters"]: Date as the daddy brings out kukky's Teddy Bear-chan for the first time. Kasuga and Kendo get reds.	Absurd, Immediate, Routine

​

Goto Terumoto (後藤輝基)	Footballhour (フットボールアワー)	ツッコミスナイパー: "Comedy Sniper"	2	7th

​

5:01:01	Yellow	kukky		Laughs at kukky's "ghost photo" of Master Daisuke, particularly the green head one - "you have no respect for these veterans, it's downright rude".	Traditional, Absurd, Coup de grace, Prepared, Prop
3:47:48	Orange	(self), Iwahashi, Kasuga		"A remarkable coincidence": Kasuga shows off his pubic area and Goto calls his skin smooth (tsuru-tsuru: つるつる), and Iwahashi says "Brings back memories, right?" as he at the same time was making a paper crane (tsuru: 鶴). Goto laughs all-out but he's spared, as "I have never seen such a coincidence in my life.".	???, !!!, Unexpected
2:46:35	Red	Kendo, (self)		Kendo comes out as Yuriko Koike. Goto asks him: "Are you moving the markets to Toyosu?" the response: "Not anymore. Changed it again. Jakuzure." Goto laughs at the response: "Why would you build a fish market there?".	Impersonation, Quip

​

Akiyama Ryuji (秋山竜次)	Robert (ロバート)	千のキャラを持つ男: "The Man of a Thousand Characters"	1	5th

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3:41:23	Yellow	Kasuga, (self)	Goto, Kendo	Kasuga shows off his privates and his impressive foreskin as Goto eats a sausage. "How can you eat while seeing that?" Goto is tasked to eat while face-to-face with Kasuga's foreskin. Kendo sits down next to him. Akiyama jumps in too but laughs - "I don't usually laugh at things like that. But his foreskin was even more impressive than I imagined". Matsmoto only gives him a yellow as "He jumped into that by himself. I take such efforts into consideration.".	Jumps In, Vulgar, Physical
3:22:47	Orange	Kasuga, Goto		Kasuga puts the mini eel bento eraser out of his foreskin. "Almost all of you were laughing. But if we go down there, there will be no end. So the guy who stood out the most is out. Akiyama." Akiyama: "I held on the whole time, but then he started clenching his body. Nobody guessed it wouldn't come out. Then he tried to push it out with while whole body, and an eel bento popped out.".	Vulgar, Physical
1:39:46	Red	Yamamoto	Kendo	During Kendo's conversation with Yamamoto about why the latter "went away", Yamamoto reveals he's been sucking on Iwahashi's pills from before, still, without chewing. 1h41m09s shown earlier. Final time.	Traditional, Unexpected

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Kinoshita Takayuki (木下隆行)	TKO (TKO)	本気芝居入道 (True Bald Actor)	0	[2nd (Survived, lost on points)

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2:15:21	Yellow	Iwahashi, (self)		Makes Iwahashi play his "Can do it or Can't do it?" game. The first card is Chomi from Chomi-Choko and Iwahashi insists he could "do her".	Counter, Boke
44:37	Orange	Akiyama (zombie), Kendo (zombie)		"The sweat laugh": One of the most memorable endurance trials in Documental history, the sweat laugh. Akiyama and Kendo's VIP service routine, where Akiyama is a Chinese masseuse who massages Kendo with oil and continuously offers 30-minute extensions, lymph node massages, and the "Double Dip Course", involving massaging his groin. Kendo says he's "about to blow", and Akiyama says he has to finish himself in the shower. You can hear Kendo shower in the changing room as Akiyama sings something in Chinese. All along, Kinoshita is sitting there trying to endure without laughing, to the point where he has a physical reaction and sweat pours down his face. After Akiyama starts singing, he breaks and laughs out loud.	Passive, Explosive, Lost Endurance, Vulgar, Routine

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Kasuga Toshiaki (春日俊彰)	Audrey (オードリー)	奇怪なる節約魔獣 (A Bizarre Thrifty Monster)	6	3rd

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3:31:36	Yellow	Kasuga, Goto		["Curry rice"]	Self-destruct, Strict
2:39:28	Orange	Akiyama		Akiyama comes out with the panty mask and the penis enlarger stretching device he got from a magazine he writes for.	Vulgar, Prepared, Prop, Absurd, Immediate
1:25:45	Red	kukky (zombie)	Date (zombie)	["Teddy Bear-chan enters"]	Absurd, Immediate, Routine

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kukky (くっきー)	Yaseibakudan (野性爆弾)	綱渡り放送コード (Walking The Tightrope Of The Broadcast Laws) / 正真正銘最終兵器 (The Ultimate Weapon)	4	10th

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5:15:39	Yellow	Goto	Yamamoto, Kasuga, Kinoshita	The massage tappers brought by Kinoshita keep getting held by Yamamoto after Kasuga's sixpad performance. Eventually they try it on a shirtless Goto holding the "guitar" (violin), and Cookie laughs after he joins in a bit saying "bi-bi-bi".	Join in, Absurd
4:05:07	Red	Goto	(self)	Earlier Cookie gave Goto the pull tab with the mini sushi eraser (that Goto brought). Goto returned the favor by giving a pull tab with a mini curry inside. Cookie laughs full-on and gets a red.	Trap

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RG	Razor Ramon (レイザーラモン)	進撃のあるあるシンガー (The Attack of the Observational Humor Singer) / 日本のアイアンハート (The Iron Heart of Japan)	0	8th

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4:36:45	Yellow	(self), Cookie		RG writes UFO backwards on his forehead accidentally (because he did it in a mirror), Cookie asks "Why is ON written on your forehead" (note that UFO backwards (O=	U) sort of looks like ON).
4:34:34	Orange	Kendo?, (self)	Yamamoto	Immediately after RG's previous card, they get watermelon rinds to eat, and somebody (sounds like Kendo?) asks "Can you eat like Shimura?". RG smiles	Lost Concentration
3:40:40	Red	Kasuga		["Kasuga after the bell"]:They look at Kasuga's dick during the bell, but immediately after: "Can you show us again?". Kendo looks down but RG goes "bu-bu". Matsumoto comes for Kendo first "but what's the story with RG?". No time given but after the bell is 3h4040s, so I'll go with that.	Physical, Vulgar, Passive

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Date Mikio (伊達みきお)	Sandwichman (サンドウィッチマン)	金髪ブタおしゃべり野郎 (Blond Chatty Pig)	0	9th

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4:57:27	Orange	kukky		Laughs at kukky's "ghost photo" of Master Daisuke, particularly a shrunken head one. Given an orange because he laughs out loud (after saying "I can't take this" - Master Daisuke's head gets smaller and smaller).	Prop, Lost Endurance, Explosive
3:54:33	Red	(self), Kinoshita		Who broke Kinoshita's mirror. Date - you are a girl. Proof - show us your breasts. He shows his stomach - one level higher. Date smiles twice - once while showing one breast, the second time for the other. All I did was show a nipple and go "hmmph".	Self-destruct, ???, Strict

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Iwahashi Yoshimasa (岩橋良昌)	Plus Minus (プラス・マイナス)	やってはいけない症候群 (Compulsive Behavior)	1	6th

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4:36:45	Safe	RG, Cookie		RG writes UFO backwards on his forehead accidentally (because he did it in a mirror), Cookie asks "Why is ON written on your forehead"?. Iwahashi not carded but Matsumoto accuses him of using his condition as an excuse.	Warning
2:35:07	Orange	Kendo	(self), Yamamoto	Laughed in the middle of a normal conversation: Iwahashi says he needs to shave the side of his head but his wife can't do it. Kendo: "You have a wife?" Iwahashi: "I have a wife. And two kids." Kendo: "She must be crazy.". Iwahashi laughs because he was so relieved Yamamoto took the razor that he relaxed like in a salon.	Lost Concentration, Fun
1:50:50	Red	Kasuga	(self)	Iwahashi bring the "Strange Supplement" supposed to make you lose taste, and demonstrates it. Kasuga tries it with condensed milk, tabasco that makes him cough (though he insists it's not spicy), and mustard. The mustard also makes him cough, and Iwahashi cracks up (putting on the glasses and buck teeth), because "It was funny watching him pretend he's okay. He kept pretending. In the end he couldn't pretend". Kasuga was pretending all along.	Lost Endurance, Boke, Explosive

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Yamamoto Keiichi (山本圭壱)	Gokuraku Tombo (極楽とんぼ)	蘇る金豚 (Resurrection of the Golden Pig)	1	1st (survived, won on points)

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5:49:25	Yellow	(self)	(room), Iwahashi, Kinoshita	According to Matsumoto, Yamamoto was just constantly smiling for the first ten minutes due to the mood in the room: happy to be there.	Fun, Lost Concentration, Warning
5:04:03	Orange	kukky		Laughs at kukky's "ghost photo" of Master Daisuke, particularly the shrunken head one. Unusually, no time shown after so time is based on shot during Yamamoto's rampage after.	Prop

FINAL WORDS:
A series of squeaks and sighs.

Season 4

In the space between you and the sky / Today, too, a golden rain falls...
Documental Season 4 Card Timeline
Winner: kukky (4 remaining, won 4-2-1-1 on points)

Contestant	Duo Name	Catchphrase	Points	Final Rank
Nobu (ノブ)	Chidori (千鳥)	ツッコミ界のクセ強者 (The Tricky Straight Man)	0	10th

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Time	Card	Primary Culprit(s)	Secondary Culprit(s)	Description	Category
5:40:25	Safe	Daigo, Kurochan		["Stick to your mustache"]: Kurochan drinks milk, when told by Daigo "It'll stick to your mustache" he drinks it in one gulp and it doesn't stick to his mustache. Daigo laughs first, Nobu judged safe.	Boke
5:02:50	Yellow	(self)	Fujimoto	Daigo and Nobu accidentally get into a pose that Nobu explains looks like they're "young actors doing a photoshoot". He poses with Fujimon, who shrugs him off. Nobu laughs as everyone looks at him, just from setting up the joke.	Self-destruct
3:51:53	Orange	kukky		The famous "Kaan!" laugh. kukky hands out collectible photos of Master Daisuke with obscene phrases. Nobu tries to hold it in, making goofy faces as he does, but the normal phrase "I'm gonna buy some Yomeishu" hits him "like a body blow", and he lets out a laugh with a "Kaan!" sound.	Explosive, Lost Endurance, Coup de grace, Prop
2:59:42	Red	Iio, Fujimoto		Iio pulls out his oogiri responses, and it turns into an oogiri game with Fujimoto playing support, revealing the Nishizawa's phone case of Master Sakata, "say a word for this photo" (写真で一言). After a series of attacks where Nobu gets weaker, Iio comes up with new responses (normal oogiri), the one that gets Nobu to crack is "I love you." (好きだ！).	Personal, Prop, Lost Endurance

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Itoda Jun (井戸田潤)	Speed Wagon (スピードワゴン)	同情するなら笑いくれ (If You Feel Sorry For Me, Laugh)	0	7th

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1:54:03	Yellow	Daigo	Miyasako	["The Nose"]: Miyasako makes everyone perform a gag to eat his steak. Daigo puts netting around his face with a hole cutout for the nose. "I'm here to play The Nose". Itoda and kukky checked, kukky is safe and Itoda gets a yellow for "defending himself too much like that".	Traditional, Absurd
29:56	Red	Nobu (zombie), Daigo (zombie), Miyasako		["Oh, I ended up pissing"]: Chidori performs their "ika nikan!?" standup (as Matsumoto points out, the exact same skit they performed the day before, at Lumine, at which Matsumoto's daughter laughed) naked, after which they talk about how Daigo was unable to get hard and in the end he wore a condom. Miyasako says he was afraid Daigo would end up pissing with the condom on, and Daigo says he can't piss either. As Miyasako turns away and holds in his laugher, Nobu begins pissing. Miyasako turns back around to see it and laughs hard - Itoda get caught up laughing too.	Vulgar, Unexpected

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Fujimoto Toshifumi (藤本敏史)	Fujiwara (FUJIWARA)	ガヤ永久機関 (The Perennial Supporting Commedian)	2	5th

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4:41:44	Yellow	Kurochan	(self)	Iio starts measuring in bananas, Kurochan starts performing various gags with bananas. Fujimoto eggs him on. Kurochan does a "Nipple beams, they point outwards, heart!" gag, and Fujimoto laughs because "he said outwards, but they're pointing sideways!".	Boke, Verbal
3:49	Red	Iio (zombie), Nobu (zombie)	Itoda (zombie), Miyasako (zombie)	The four zombies come in and do the fighting geezer factions skit (from 24-Hour No Laughing?), involving blowing air into Iio and Nobu's anuses. Fujimon laughs because of a combination of Iio farting (how could he do soemthing like that? after all these years (he's 48) as a pro?) and Nobu being unable to fart (if he can piss, why can't he fart?).	Vulgar, Unexpected, Absurd

​

kukky (くっきー)	Yaseibakudan (野性爆弾)	芸人殺し芸人 (The Comedian Killer)	[4	1st (survived, won on points)

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5:23:42	Yellow	Fujimoto	(self)	During the group conversation on souvenirs, talking about edible chili oil. "Pengin Shokudo started it off." Cookie tries to go on the offensive by responding "Who "ur" that?" (ペンギン食堂？なんなら？). Fujimoto goes up to him and asks remember "throwable dumplings"? ("投げるシューマイって覚えてる？”), a completely made-up thing in response to the edible chili oil. Cookie laughs at the imagery.	Verbal, Unexpected, Absurd
1:54:03	Safe	Daigo	Miyasako	["The Nose"]	Traditional, Absurd

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Kurosawa Kazuko (黒沢かずこ)	Morisantyu (森三中)	歌って踊れる肉塊 (She Sings, She Dances, And She's Chubby)	1	4th (survived, lost on points)

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4:57:36	Yellow	(self), Nishizawa		Kurosawa goes around and feeds people pickled cucumbers, giving Nishizawa a "big load". He spits it out and Kurosawa laughs because it came out bigger then she expected, as he chewed it and it comes out mashed.	Self-destruct, Physical
4:51:19	Orange	(self)		"I want to pick up a man"... picks Itoda for her skit where comes home drunk and she plays the wife, but she smiles during the beginning of the skit (maybe too in character).	Self-destruct

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Daigo (大悟)	Chidori (千鳥)	荒くれハニカミ坊主 (The Bashful Ruffian)	2	9th

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5:40:25	Yellow	(self), Kurochan		["Stick to your mustache"]	Counter, Unexpected, ???
5:14:33	Orange	Miyasako		Miyasako brings out one squeaking rubber chicken, then brings out many and squeezes them all at the same time.	Prop, Absurd, Traditional
1:19:52	Red	kukky!, Kurosawa, Fujimoto, Mishizawa		The legendary foursome: Kurosawa sings, Fujimoto dances unwillingly with the gold leotard and the tattoo of his partner, Mishizawa joins in with his student looking for Puma wallet character, and finally kukky comes out as the Teddy Bear-chan, in his I <3 2 PARTY leotard. Matsumoto: "To be honest, he was laughing for a while." Daigo: "I made that face that said "What's so funny aobut this?" and kept that character.	Lost Endurance, Absurd, Passive, Warning

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Iio Kazuki (飯尾和樹)	Zun (ずん)	関根流 正統系統者 (The Legitimate Successor of the Sekine Style)	1	8th

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4:18:21	Yellow	Kurosawa		Kurosawa's Mao Daichi "Straddle Time!" ("あ！あ！お跨ぎさ！") skit, riding the rope. She continues singing it into the locker room, and the siren goes off. The contestants conclude Kurosawa laughed, but Matsumoto says it was Iio who was holding it in and could no longer. Iio says "it was the vibration on the rope when she rubbed it that got me".	Routine, Lost Endurance
2:23:22	Orange	(self)	Fujimoto, Kurosawa	Fujimoto places an (apricot pit?), Iio adds tabasco, Kurosawa picks it up with her mouth. What follows is a cycle of many members sucking it up and spitting it down. Iio sucks it up and is caught laughing, explaining "It was so slimy, I nearly vomited.".	Physical, Join in
1:04:54	Red	Miyasako		Miyasako comes out with a hard-on: "Who left this porn magazine here? In the middle of a serious battle?" The ability to get a hard-on in this situation impresses everyone, but Iio is the one whose face laughs.	Vulgar, Physical, Routine

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Nishizawa Yusuke (西澤裕介)	Daian	不可思議ポーカーフェイス (The Mysterious Poker Face)	1	3rd (survived, lost on points)

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3:42:57	Yellow	Miyasako	(self)	Nishizawa gives out phone cases with Yoshimoto masters, one of which is Master Osamu. Miyasako tells the story of how Master Osamu has an elevator in his house that's super slow. Have you ever been there? Goes like this... and imitates it. "Most natural laugh yet".	Personal

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Kurochan (クロちゃん)	Yausda Dai Circus (安田大サーカス)	ドッキリ日本記録保持者 (The Most-Pranked Comedian in Japan)	2	2nd (survived, lost on points)

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56:44	Yellow	kukky	Itoda, (self)	kukky is cleaning up Itoda's piss (after the members try to figure out what Kurochan's weak at and he replies with dirty jokes, like touching somebody's balls, and Itoda pisses after the stimulation of Miyasako touching his balls (and Fujimon beginning a chorus of Sora to kimi to no aida). Cookie cleans it up and Kurochan hands him one sheet of a paper towel. Cookie complains "Don't just hand me one sheet! If you hand me just one sheet I'll get piss on my hand" and Kurochan smiles as he thinks "Yeah, he'll get piss on him".	Lost Concentration, Tsukkomi, Verbal, ???

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Miyasako Hiroyuki (宮迫博之)	Ameagari (ダイアン)	決死のオフホワイト芸人 (The Not-So-Faithful Do-Or-Die Comedian)	3	6

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2:12:20	Yellow	kukky	Daigo	kukky puts on his Shinya Yamamoto makeup. Starts playing with Daigo, "the distance between Sigourney Weaver and the alien". kukky's skit involves acting slowly, playing with his dentures, putting them in Daigo's mouth, putting on sunglasses, pulling out a banana, putting the dentures in Daigo's mouth... the room is tense, but Miyasako is the first to break when kukky nibbles the tip of the banana but it comes out intact: "He didn't even get one bite!".	Lost Endurance, Coup de grace, Absurd, Passive
29:56	Red	Nobu (zombie), Daigo (zombie), Miyasako		["Oh, I ended up pissing"]	Vulgar, Unexpected, Explosive

​
FINAL WORDS:
COOKIE: "Is it really your anus?" （本当肛門に入れてる？） KUROCHAN: He mimicked me. (何か真似した。。。)

Male, 33 years old
Hello! The past six months have been an absolute nightmare. Every doctor I’ve seen says I have anxiety. My chiropractor says I have pinched nerves - (diagnosed with an x-ray, lol). I used to work out six days a week. My whole life has been turned upside down.

1. Left side facial numbness, occasional - seems to happen when I’m in certain positions. Lying on my back, sitting hunched over, etc. Feels like trigeminal nerve.
   
2. Occasionally will hear a “pew pew” sound in left ear. Tip of ear goes numb. Nerve or blood vessels on top of and around ear will twitch and jump.
   
3. HR shoots up, BP goes up despite being put on BP meds by a doc at an Urgent Care (amlodipine).
   
4. Massaging left trap/shouldeneck area sometimes helps.
   
5. Pressure in head, feels like I’m not getting enough oxygen. Very tired. Lethargic. Don’t want to leave the house. Left work early today feeling like I wanted to go to the hospital.
   
6. Nerves or blood vessels in scalp on back of head twitch and jump.
   
7. Can feel BP in back of head on occasion.
   

… The list goes on and on. I’m like, do I have a blood clot in my neck? Trapped nerve or damaged blood vessel in my shouldeneck area? Multiple sclerosis? Trigeminal neuralgia?
My PCP thinks I’m insane and my chiropractor basically deemed me beyond help once he milked the $1,100.00 out of me.
I’m so sad and miss going to the gym. I take tiny little pieces of suboxone these days for body discomfort cause I know it helps with nerve damage (I used to work with people on MAT). I am not prescribed. I am not proud. I’m just at a loss. Suboxone helps a lot! Buspar helps. I’m just tired of walking around feeling like I’m going to have a stroke. I need HELP so bad. May go to the hospital in the morning.

This is a repost of my own post from a few days ago, with an addendum added, spelling/ grammar fixed and a lot of double spaces removed.
TL;DR: I spent way too long testing damage against a red lynel and accidentally discovered that the Biggoron sword actually does 2 more damage than specified. Also the second test was miscounted due to tiredness.
In botw, a red lynel has 2000 hp.
In totk, I killed a red lynel using solely the Biggoron sword (which does 36 damage per hit) and it took 53 hits exactly (all done in flurry rushes) totalling 1908 damage.
I also separately tested when climbing on its back using the Biggoron sword and a zonaite bow with the "quick shot" modifier to stun it for mounting - 60 damage per headshot.
It took 10 headshots and 32 hits on its back, totalling 1752 damage.
However, the previous test suggested a lower limit on hp of 1872, 120 more damage than it took to kill it when mounting - which means that either the lynel has varied health, headshots do more than double damage, my armour was somehow affecting something or there is a slight damage increase from hitting a lynel on its back.
None of my shots with the bow weren't headshots, and every hit in the second test was either a headshot or a mounted attack. My shield was having no effect, as it was a royal shield with nothing attached and the durability up + modifier.
My armour was as follows - Hylian hood with the hood down, Champion's Leathers, Hylian trousers.
So I went back and tried both tests with no armour:
Flurry rushes - still 53 hits, again totalling 1908 damage
Shooting - 11 headshots and 36 mounted attacks, totalling 1956 damage
The last hit in the second test was mounted, meaning it should have done 36 damage, putting it at 1920 damage taken before recieving the last hit, above the upper limit established by the flurry rush tests, so clearly something is going on.
I don't think it is varied health - the consistency in the flurry rush tests disproves that theory
It seems the armour had some kind of effect, either on the bow or on the mounted attacks
It also seems that either headshots or mounted attacks have some shenanigans making them not do the expected damage
So I went back and did the armoured tests again, finding the same consistent result in flurry rushing, but requiring 11 headshots and 36 mounted attacks, just like the unarmoured test.
So unless I miscounted the first time, it seems there is some inconsistency in how much damage either headshots or mounted attacks do to a lynel, and they clearly don't do how much damage I thought they'd do. The lynel used is the first lynel in the floating coliseum, no armour was upgraded at all and it is past 11pm so i think I've had enough science for today. Thank you for reading.
Addendum with further testing when I wasn't tired:
I did some more testing, using the>! scimitar of the seven!< with a blue horriblin horn attached, totalling 50 damage per hit (because of strong fusion) and a rusty broadsword with a white-maned lynel saber horn attached, totalling 49 damage exactly (it had no modifier or inherent effect)
Outside of flurry rushes:

• 40 hits with 50 damage per hit was enough to kill (totalling 2000 hp, with a lower limit of 1961)
• 39 hits with 50 damage per hit + 1 hit with 49 damage, totalling 1999 damage, was not enough to kill it. Throwing an apple finished him off from that.

With flurry rushes:

• 40 hits with 50 damage per hit to kill again, same as before.
• 39 hits with 50 damage + 1 with 49 still left him low enough to die from an apple. All damage except the apple was done within flurry rushes

I guess I was just tired when making the original post, and counting the hits. Or the Biggoron sword does more damage than advertised. No armour, shield or bow was equipped in these tests, eliminating any potential error from that, and I had no buffs active.
This time, after some consideration, I have deduced that the>! Zonaite!< bow may have caused some issues, as it has a charge move that increases range. I have tested if this affects damage, by shooting a>! flux construct III!< in bullet time:

• Uncharged - 5mm off its healthbar (by gently pressing a 15cm ruler against my screen
• Charged for 1 battery's worth - still 5mm
• Charged for 4 battery's worth - still 5mm

It seems charge time has no (or negligible) effect on damage for the zonaite bow. Construct used was at thunderhead isles.
I have now tested damage with the bow on the lynel when using just headshots and no bullet time - used a mighty zonaite shield with durability up + to open him up for easy headshots, and it took 34 headshots - 2040 damage, with a minimum of 1981 hp. This agrees with with the pure melee attacks, so it's time for the mounted part.
9 headshots, totalling 540 damage from those. 30 mounted attacks, totalling 1500 from those, for an overall damage of 2040 damage. With the last hit being melee, that puts him at a minimum of 1991 - this matches up with what we saw previously.
I have eliminated armour, mounted attacks, headshots, the bow I'm using and flurry rushes as potential sources of error. The only remaining variables are the Biggoron sword and my tiredness during the original test.
That leaves only one thing - test again with the Biggoron sword now that I am not tired.
Pure, unmodified, unfused Biggoron sword, supposedly doing 36 damage per hit, took exactly:

• 53 hits to kill using flurry rushes
• 53 hits to kill outside of flurry rushes

...
Well, I guess we eliminated my tiredness from it, as those are the same as I got using it during the original test, both totalling 1908 damage (supposedly).
So, what we found out from this is that the Biggoron sword does more damage than it says on the pause screen, instead doing approximately 38 damage per hit (2000/53 = 37.7 and 38 X 52 = 1976, below the hp of the lynel).
Time to test it with a fusion!
I have now fused it with a frox fang, to get it to 50 damage, as stated on the pause screen. Upon testing, by getting attempting to get 39 hits followed by 1 hit with a 49 damage weapon, as seen at the start of this comment. This should leave it with 1 hp remaining, so that it dies from an apple.
It died on the 39th hit with the Biggoron sword. This should have been 1950 damage. Not quite enough to kill. But, if we multiply 52 (2 more than what is stated, and how much it would do if its base damage were 38) by 39, we get 2028, over our threshold and low enough that one less hit would not kill it.
I will now test with a different fuse material, Hinox horn. This should result in a damage of 48 per hit, but we know by now that isn't the case. After 39 hits, it still lives. 1 hit with the 49 damage sword from before after that, it still lives. 1 apple after that, it dies.
The Biggoron sword does 2 more damage than displayed in the pause menu. Everything in this post and comment can be recreated fairly easily yourself to prove/disprove it, but I know for certain that the game does not correctly display damage, at least not for this one weapon.