Pure milky way hair

(Minor) I’m just gonna start off by saying that I’m in the high overweight category. I would recover if I were at least in the low normal or underweight but I’m not, and I feel like if I told people I had ana they wouldn’t believe me because I’d still be fat and I would’ve always been fat. I wish I were at least a normal weight so I could at least try semi-recovery without feeling like I’m faking this and just trying another diet. Idk what to do, I’ve had this disorder for about 6 months and I don’t want to have it anymore, I don’t want to lose my period or anything (I’ve already started losing some hair..) but I also don’t want to halt my weight loss because it’s the only thing keeping me going rn. I just wish there were a different way for me to lose weight without feeling really badly for eating over a certain (unhealthy) amount. Please just help me I want to be taken seriously my therapist didn’t believe me when I tried to tell her I just don’t know what to do anymore… if anyone has any advice let me know pls

Dear Lily,
Our relationship was short and although it’s been two years since you broke up with me and then just disappeared a few months later. I have come to grips with that you were not my person. Whatever the circumstances were you made your choices and I was not to be a part of your life anymore. Talking to your “sister” the last time we spoke. To one time claiming you were a “cheater” which I thought was in reference to something else and tried to ease your mind because I loved you and didn’t judge you for your past. Everyone told me for months and months to let you go that you didn’t love me and never wanted to speak to me. Which must be true. But as it approaches the official two year mark of our breakup. I just want to say… you knew I had potential but was a mess… you never even got to see know how much of a mess I was. But over those two years I have become a more rounded person. I’ve been sober for over a year minus some relapses which I factor into the sober time. So I have gotten a hold on my drinking. I’m pursuing music as a hobby instead of just talking about maybe doing it. I am writing a story that may be a novel. I am writing songs and learning guitar and piano. But I do it in spite of you. Not for you like how I wanted or planned initially.
So this is me saying I’m gonna be everything I ever thought I could or wanted to be. And you can take your fake love that seemed so innocent and pure and something worthwhile and just shove it wherever you want.
To the woman who is in my life now:
I don’t know if you will read this any time soon. But I want you to know I love you very much. You are a beautiful and intelligent woman. That encourages me and sticks with methrough all the ups and downs. You can stand the rain so to speak 😊… I am wanting you to know that I am thinking about you and that you push me to be better. Because you see my value and value me. And I want you to know that you are valued by me. If you read this… know that I am trying to make something of myself. In whatever way I can. I hope one day to traverse the miles and spend time with you… in person… so that you can see how my eyes light up and my smile shines when we meet.
All my heart ❤️ is yours babe.
Signed, Shane

Play Santa Claus Adventures
Every time at the end of the year a gray-haired old man Santa Claus arrives to Earth to give obedient children New Year's gifts. It would have happened this time, but the old man on the way was robbed by unknown monsters and took away gift bags with

The first episode has solidified my love for Jeff that started last season with "There's no book club?" He's so pure and innocent in some ways that it's honestly endearing. I love the dynamic between Melanie & Warren on screen, and now that a lot of the secret tension is subsided between Jeff & Shauna (so you think), there’s a lot more honest dialogue from them that is so powerful in detailing their characters. (Melanie is kicking ass btw! TLOU and Yellowjackets both.) Also, the heart-wrenching detail the writers, film team, and Sophie put into young Shauna's grieving of Jackie's passing was amazing (I know that Jasmin Savoy Brown teased at this saying “Sophie Nélisse will be nominated for an Emmy this year”, and she was SPOT ON!!) I wanted to look away, but the reality of her situation was displayed in such a morbidly raw and honest way. It was so chilling! They have perfected the use of intimate close-ups and tragically heartfelt moments to show 10x more than they speak directly. This translates into Misty's plotline so well, too. I empathize with the pain she has experienced more and more as we get a better look into her need for acceptance and friendship. She's a badass citizen detective too. Both Christina and Samantha really do an astounding job articulating adult Misty into a fully dimensional character. I'm never disappointed. It’s entrancing how well Christina pulls you into Misty’s escapades like you’re blurting someone’s private info as blackmail right alongside her.
Of course, Natalie (Juliette and Sophie) is my favorite. Both actresses give Natalie's character such a down-to-earth, level-headed, and take-no-shit quality that's absolutely magnetic. I really love the young Natalie-Coach Ben and adult Natalie-Misty dynamics most. Both of them give so much insight into Natalie as a whole. I love that she spits fire by nature but knows when and where to do it, even when kidnapped haha. Juliette adds such a witty and toughened side to Natalie that just increases the badass-ity. Taissa's still a bit of a mystery for me. I can't navigate her present-day motives, but I just know that there's something fishy she has planned (still RIP Biscuit 🙏🏻). It's strange to see her be so manipulative and apathetic, but I think it just emphasizes the side of her that we got a peek at during the news briefing scene last season when she announced that she was staying in the race. Very impressive character building all around!
And the new cast members feel like a part of the puzzle that was always there, just yet to be seen. It's rare when new cast members can be introduced for an established character and hit the ground running from the very start, but Yellowjackets has perfected it. I think that jumping around Lottie's background a little to start things off baited the hook so well. Darn you! The first episode has solidified a lot of these things and so much more. The wait was more than worth it ❤️.

Life is wild… it’s crazy how slow but fast time flies. The lessons you learn along the way seem to make things even that much more confusing. But it’s a beautiful ride… and I’m looking for that person I can navigate life with. I want to make someone’s journey that much more pleasant. I’m just an old fashions guy looking for my person.
ABOUT ME: I’m 5’10, brown hair, brown eyes. My background is in film & TV but I’m working on a few passion projects right now. In a conventional sense, you can say I’m fit but I’m definitely not a body builder. I pride myself in my heart of gold and nurturing qualities. I’m kind, considerate, and always willing to go on an adventure. I hate to say it… especially in this new age of dating but I am a hopeless romantic. It’s tough to navigate through the internet/app dating scene but here to change that!
ABOUT YOU: I’m looking for someone to vibe with. Simple as that! Good morning greetings, fun afternoon chats, and introspective nightly discussions. I have no idea who’s out there so I don’t want to set all these limits. Just be polite, kind, and confident in what you’re looking for.
If you want to know more about me, please send me a message with a little about you and what you’re looking for. A photo would be good and I’ll definitely send a few photos back… we all know mutual attraction is important. I can’t wait to connect with you!

I want to share some of my thoughts post break up with people who are dating those with depression to recognise and stop yourself from doing these things that I did and learnt the hard way to not do : ( Sorry for the rants in between!)
A week ago I broke up with my depressed partner because we mutually agreed that we had fallen out of love with each other... It's probably been forever since we communicated our deepest feelings and thoughts ( My partner isn't as introspective as I am idk whether it was depression or just their personality at this point or maybe they just didn't tell me ). I did consistently though, I asked them questions and told them what I felt but the one sided communication didn't matter. Somehow I think it just signalled that we weren't really compatible anymore especially with us being long distance for over a year which is a pretty hard thing to pull off even with no depression involved. I also recently experienced some breakthroughs in my own self discovery and self love journey, which helped me realise that I just have to stop trying so hard. Atleast I can't be the only one trying you know? Depressed or not both the people have to put in enough effort to make the relationship work. But before that I can tell you I put my heart and soul into this relationship. We started out as best friends and for the first 1.5-2 years they did not have depression, and I remember it as one of the happiest times of my life. We had some differences as people but it wasn't something any other relationship wouldn't have had. I can tell you that around this time I also thought that the worst thing in the world was to be all alone so when the depression started in my partner, I somehow took it as my responsibility to do everything for them look for therapy, make them go to therapy, ask constantly about meds , help them asses their inner state.. they did improve on their own too and they did want to get better. But what I didn't realise then and wouldn't realise for a year or more into the future is that you just can't do the inner work for someone , no matter how much you wish it and pray for it and no matter how pure of a place in your heart it comes from , the another human being's inner work has to be from their end.You can help someone on a bad day , and accomodate your partner and do things for them when the lows get really bad but always always ask yourself if you are turning into a Martyr. You really need to draw the line between caring and becoming a martyr . I didn't have proper boundaries with anyone, let alone my partner who I considered the person closest to me and this ended up with me suppressing and ignoring my feelings, wants and needs a LOT just to accomodate them. Because nothing mattered more than us collectively being happy. The relationship was " the greater good". I strongly suspect my partner had alexythymia also ( inability to recognise and communicate their innermost feelings) because I did a LOT of the emotional weightlifting, always solving the problems, communicating and resolving fights we had because they would withdraw into themselves. I know all of these arent specific to every depressed person ever but establish some communication groundrules. It could be non verbal or as small texts whenever they are ready if they don't want to talk but they should know that any relationship gets as good as it's partners' communication skills.
With time I'm also realising more things that went wrong overall but for now I just wanted to tell everyone here to please care for yourself as much as you care and love your depressed partner first. Because that is probably a measure everyone can identify with.I feel like boundaries are especially hard to establish when you are with someone who actually needs to be cared for on their bad days , but ask yourself if you are getting the care you need too ? Are they taking care of you in small ways when they are better ? Are you first of all taking care of yourself ? Boundaries needs to be healthy. We as a group tend to have more loose boundaries than really firm ones but both are bad. They need to cater to your needs. And when you feel lonely/ need someone when your partner can't be there for you , be that person for yourself. Love yourself and see yourself as a 5 year old child and soon you'll start to question every self sabotaging behaviour you've ever done - would you let a 5 year old kid overwork with less sleep or food ? Or binge watch something when you should be sleeping ? Self love and validation is hard but it needs to be firmly set in place before you can care for another person.
If not , you are just expecting everything to be perfect one fine day when all your martyring will pay off and you can live happily ever after with your perfectly cured partner. There is no happily ever after in the future , there is only now - so just make the most of it ! Right now I'm a mix of sad , a bit lonely, some resentment (because I'm only human but mostly acknowledge that we have just changed as people and I know they are a good human at heart ) but mostly relieved because I didn't put all my time and energy into someone else's we'll being. If you read till here , then thank you, hope you have a wonderful day ❤️‍🩹❣️🌞

Life is wild… it’s crazy how slow but fast time flies. The lessons you learn along the way seem to make things even that much more confusing. But it’s a beautiful ride… and I’m looking for that person I can navigate life with. I want to make someone’s journey that much more pleasant. I’m just an old fashions guy looking for my person.
ABOUT ME: I’m 5’10, brown hair, brown eyes. My background is in film & TV but I’m working on a few passion projects right now. In a conventional sense, you can say I’m fit but I’m definitely not a body builder. I pride myself in my heart of gold and nurturing qualities. I’m kind, considerate, and always willing to go on an adventure. I hate to say it… especially in this new age of dating but I am a hopeless romantic. It’s tough to navigate through the internet/app dating scene but here to change that!
ABOUT YOU: I’m looking for someone to vibe with. Simple as that! Good morning greetings, fun afternoon chats, and introspective nightly discussions. I have no idea who’s out there so I don’t want to set all these limits. Just be polite, kind, and confident in what you’re looking for.
If you want to know more about me, please send me a message with a little about you and what you’re looking for. A photo would be good and I’ll definitely send a few photos back… we all know mutual attraction is important. I can’t wait to connect with you!

How do I tell my biological father that I no longer want to speak or have a relationship with him without causing issues with my other siblings?
I didn't grow up with or knowing who my biological father was nor any siblings from that side. He and my late mother had a short lived relationship which resulted in me being born and then she for some reason breaking it off and leaving. I won't go into details of what I know on that as I've decided that things happened, people make bad decisions which don't necessarily sum them up as people.. and to leave it at that, I wasn't around to witness. I had no contact with that side until I was 20 y/o, but being I was a brown skinned kid in a white family I caught on at a very early age and began asking questions. I took the information I had and began searching as I wanted to find my siblings, I just wanted to know who they are, what they look like, if we were alike. Deep down, knowing my father was cool, but that was never what I cared about. I posted the info I had on a lost family/friend type forum like 14/15 years ago. Within 6 months, one of my sisters(40?f) stumbled upon it by merely searching for family member names while purely bored like we all have done and the posted info was eerily close. She searched my name, found me on Myspace and saw I looked EXACTLY like our brother(40?m) and messaged me. The rest is history. ---- Since finding them, I've had a decent but not so much a movie style happy ending type relationship with them. I'm totally fine with that, it's still... awkward, even after 14 years. I've physically met them no more than 3/4 times max(some only once), don't really talk or keep close to any of them aside from one sister(38?f(let's call her SIS)). SIS and I have grown fairly close, she's told me of their life and about folks in moderate detail good/bad... SIS has had a ROUGH life and still talks with me at least a few times a month. One thing to note is they all are mostly on the opposite side of the country with the closest being 16ish hours away. So visiting has always been extreme and only I have ever gone to them.
Also, it's important to note that not a single soul on that side knew anything about my existence before the miraculous discovery that day, although my father claims to have spent years trying to find me. I don't know if it's true, but if that was the case, somebody would know, right? Nobody did and they all were shocked, all 100+ relatives on that family.
Over the years, I have kept in touch with my bio father fairly well. Multiple times per year we'd have LONG 2/3 hour conversations, catching up, discussing family, funny/eery similarities, etc. There have been a few times that we had gotten into disagreements for various reasons. Once he tried to check me in a manner that I should respect him because he "is my fatheelder", because I said a cuss word, not at him at all or anybody, just something I was rambling on. I quickly/sternly shut that down, because in my eyes that dynamic doesn't exist. He called me "young man", to which I told him I raised myself practically from a masculinity perspective, figuring life out & to back the hell up.
I also started to pick up on manipulative tendencies from him over the years. Kind of in a way where if he didn't get his way or if I didn't fully agree with him on something he'd start to get a bit of an attitude, talking over me or even not considering a single point on I'd debate on. At least a few times if I hadn't been able to return his missed call for, let's say, half a day or two, he would proceed to blow mine and my wife's phone up with calls, voicemails and texts, kind of like a clingy/desperate EX. It didn't matter if I would text back and let him know I would or that, "Hey I'm super busy". If it wasn't when he wanted it, he would start up. Overtime, this gradually was more frequent even when we actually spoke more often during any given time period.
Years back, I did send him some cash as he needed it for a bit of food/small bills once or twice. January 2022, I did again, this time a few hundred. I then quit(unwisely) my job in March and was unemployed for about a month before I landed a new much better role and paying job. I was super happy and did boast just a bit to a few family members as well as my bio father because I felt really accomplished and excited to be able to do more for my family. In April, I found out SIS was in jail. Due to health concerns with her, and no help from ANY family member on that side after asking, I paid her bail, just shy of a grand. It was tough at the time due to recovering from unemployment, but I didn't want her in there any longer. But, SIS has tried to pay me back recently (last month)but I've asked her to use it for her kids instead, have some fun as well as get the help she needs, anything. She still mailed me a check for a portion cause she felt guilty, but I legit didn't care or even cash it, I'll live. She has been seriously trying and is really doing much better so that's another reason I'm ok with it and that I can trust her. Her kids are adorable and it's all her doing, she's a great mother.... Sometimes people make mistakes.
At the end of May, my father asked again for money. This time it was about $500 for a tax bill. Once again, still recovering from that period and helping SIS but I had it. I specifically told him I could help him. However, I genuinely and kindly requested that he check if anybody else was able and willing to help him and that if nobody could, I would do it 100%. In my opinion, that's totally reasonable and if the roles were reversed, I would be very happy to ask around, because I know I could fall back to him.
This is when he sent a long winded text to me. He stated that others have been doing what they can to "do their part" and that "you said you're making all that money and that you can help". Then said "nevermind, I'll figure it out, not going to rob a bank or nothing but forget about it". The tone of this text was clearly argumentive and in hindsight quite manipulative. He never asked anybody.
Don't know why but I proceeded to help him out, I think out of pure annoyance. He gave the info to login to the county so I could pay directly instead of giving him cash, so at least that wasn't a lie. Going forward, I tried to forget about it but couldn't. Then I spoke to SIS about it a few months later. She specifically told me that there were times that other family members had given him money to help buy HIS children stuff like clothes and school supplies. He would spend it on alcohol and even drugs to the point where the family would take the kids themselves to get what they needed which still wasn't enough but they tried. They couldn't trust him. I also recall another sibling saying something somewhat cryptic 10ish years back about not giving money to him and I didn't quite compute that entirely. I also know directly from him that he spent time in prison on drug charges. But it all clicked when SIS told me that last year, finally.
Since about October, I really just have no desire to speak with him. I haven't answered anything from him, he blows our phones up, just last week he called us 20 times in a few hours.
At this point, I have decided I just don't have the mental energy or care to speak with my father, because to me, what I've put together is more than just a mistake, it tells me he isn't the good guy he makes himself out to be. I've reached a point in my life that I don't have time for sources of negativity. Even on my mother's side, they committed an atrocious act by secretly burying her ashes against her final wishes with our grandmother (my mom died years before but we let Grandma keep the urn before we spread the ashes until she passed). She DID NOT WANT TO BE IN A COFFIN, she told me that, nearly with tears in her eyes before. They didn't tell us, we found out when the preacher said our grandmother was being lowered into the ground and that our mother was with her, right then! My brothers and I have totally cut them off.
I've been through alot myself, busted my fucking ass to get to where I am in unimaginable ways in order to provide everything for my wife and kids. I've shown people my resume and shared a bit of my life and almost everyone is shocked. I don't have the energy for much more than my wife/kids and they are all I care about and are all I WANT to care about. I am mentally exhausted, dealt with depression, physically roughed up. Sources of negativity need to be gone so I can focus on bettering myself and being a good example for my children and a good husband.
So, I'm just done with speaking to my Father, I don't care about him, like I couldn't shed a tear. Any emotions I express here are not because of him, it's because I want the negativity gone. Manipulation gone. Tantrums gone, my kids do enough of that, but they are children, they have an excuse. I don't know how to tell my father, don't know if I should call or even text, or if I should be 100% polite. Not sure at all how to proceed here and close this chapter and any advice or even criticism is appreciated. I know I'm not always right but I know what I want. One thing for sure is I don't want to cause collateral damage with my other siblings, I still would like to be siblings with them. I don't know how they'll take it and I'm sure that he will make it a sob story either way I try to do it. I can't make everyone happy though.
Sorry for over explaining everything, just felt necessary to fully describe the dilemma I am in... And also a bit of venting. Let me know your thoughts of how I should proceed. Thank you.
TL:DR: I don't want to speak to my biological father anymore due to manipulation, I don't have the energy for it anymore. But I don't know how to break it off with minimal collateral damage to other relationships with my siblings from that side.

I'm transfem and I feel like I have to give up on the idea of ever passing before having even started HRT. I feel that even if I get on HRT, get the FFS, do intense voice training and get bottom surgery, I'll never get anything close to passing. At best, I feel that I would look like a crossdressing joke from a mid 2000s comedy movie.
I look like shit, not even in a "oh, dysphoria is making me think I'm ugly", but in a very real way. If you saw what I looked like, you would almost surely gag. I'm fat, around 250 lbs, and no diet seems to work. It always comes back twice as fast and I'm getting tired of looking like a pregnant man with no neck. Speaking of necks, I also have pretty terrible kyphosis, which makes me look like I'm from an anti-cellphone satirical comic your aunt would share on Facebook. The worst thing about my appearance is that I've been balding since 16, and despite having gotten on Finasteride as fast as possible, I have not regrown any hair after almost 4 years. I can't afford to get hair transplant and it's not covered by my country's healthcare (Canada). Some people have said that HRT can help, but I highly doubt that.
I'm starting to feel like I should give up on transitioning and would be better off drenching myself in gasoline and lighting a match. I haven't been able to leave my apartment this week because I keep thinking about how fucking awful I look. I think I'm actually going to lose my mind if I have to look at myself in the mirror one more time.

(No one has permission to use this in a click-bait blog article of bullshit sensationalism, for the record)
This is going to sound like a crazy problem to have, but I need some bromo wisdom to help me wrap my head around this new .. phase? chapter? of my life. I am NOT complaining. I just need to figure out how to let myself accept and ... I guess enjoy (?) having the chance to slow down and ease out of a lifetime of survival mode. This got long, so feel free to skip to the juicier parts.
In short? I feel crushing guilt when I don't justify my day's activities/projects etc to my husband, because he's actually working and I'm "just" a SAHM (MY words, not his, I swear). Yes. I hear the misogyny in my language and it makes me feel crazy. He is not tasking me with anything - this is 100% coming from me. He fully supports me not reporting my daily activites to him for approval, wants me to try being "lazy" while he's at work (I would probably stop breathing in panic), and says I put way too much pressure on myself to be a "good enough". He tells me that he sees enormous value in everything I do for our family, and I believe him? Kind of? I guess I trust him more than I believe him, but my own baggage and anxiety gets in the way of actually changing my mindset.
Here's why:
TL;DR: Most of my life I've been in one-sided power dynamics where I had to "earn my keep". My previous two long term relationships minimized any contributions I made to our family, and I had to account for every minute of every day since I "did nothing", even when I was working. They were both abusive and did a lot to cement the "be useful or be discarded" ideology I'd experienced in my teen years. Now I'm in a GREAT marriage with an amazing supportive and healthy partner, and he's encouraging me to make time for me and stop pressuring myself so much to overachieve. I have major anxiety about this, and it isn't healthy, but I can't figure out how to think about it differently to NOT feel guilty.
Background:
- My parents died before I was a teen so I grew up alone in foster care (multiple single family and group homes, at least 11 foster parents if I'm remembering all of them), and the mindset was 100% "if you can lean you can clean" and "never make waves". They were convinced we were monsters in the making, even though my only "crime" was not having extended family. No one cared. THEY had earned their place in life, and we were lucky to even gaze upon them. We were paid pennies for HARD farm labor after school and on weekends/breaks from age 12+, and we had to use our own money on clothes, cleaning, personal care supplies etc. 3x I came home to CWs literally waiting in the driveway to move again. No goodbyes, no explanation, no therapy, nothing. Just my 2 trash bags of stuff in the back and off I go to convince the next "family" to let me pretend to be part of their world until I became an inconvenience. The day I graduated high school I had to pack and leave, because the state wouldn't pay a dime after that so why would anyone keep me?
It was rough, and I learned fast to make myself useful so people might attribute SOME value to having me around. People pleasing was an understatement.
I immediately married a guy with an IQ of a wet doorknob, who cannonballed into the Y2K PreppeFundamentalist deep end (kinda TradLife before TradLife was a thing) and waving around his Man Of The House patriarchy in between seasonal construction jobs that couldn't keep food on the table. We barely existed on the cusp of abject poverty and homelessness, which was encouraged as being challenged by God via our fundamentalist Baptist church, hellbent on the self-loathing puritanical mindset of "noble suffering". It was a very dysfunctional marriage that didn't last long after he turned his explosive rage onto one of our kids instead of me.
Got out of that, stumbled onto an amazing therapist, did some great work (but not nearly enough) and hopped into another bad relationship, this time with a guy I'd been in foster care with years before. Take a guess how well that went. After the love-bombing , he was an emotionally torturous spend-a-holic with a hair trigger temper who spoiled himself with the latest/greatest while guilting me for needing more than one pair shoes or inching towards any shred of dignity or self respect. Bills were paid from what I hid from him after my "grocery allowance", even though he made 70k/year. I left him when I learned he'd been grooming and hurting our kids, and he is now in prison.
Spent a long time as a single mom, LOADS of trauma therapy for myself and kids, and let myself fall in love with being single, empowered, badass etc. Eventually learned that it was okay to end a relationship that didn't work for me, even without it being abusive (!groundbreaking), and had some healthy dating experiences that ended positively. It was a breath of fresh air, and FINALLY I had the confidence to actually find a partner who matched me vs competed with me.
Met and married the most amazing guy. He's a widow, his story is in my post history if it's relevant, and without a doubt he is my person. We're a military family stationed overseas and we have a big family of his/mine/ours. Several are grown and flown and our youngest (tweens and up) are still with us. When I'm not working I do a ton of volunteering and (somewhat neurotic )projects while keeping him informed constantly of what I'm doing, which ... he doesn't ask of me at all.
But I can't stomach NOT trying to report what all I do, much less let him pitch in, because it feels like I didn't do "my job" good enough if I don't detail it and make sure he's okay with it (Hint, he always is and he feels weird that I do this). And if he has to pick up my slack I feel like I've failed and I fall apart. At the same time though I resent him making time to work out, read, enjoy hobbies, because I won't let myself carve out time to do the same (which, if I let him do his part, I'd have more time for myself..I do see that it's just not that easy emotionally?). Everyone complains that their husbands won't "help" but I have panic attacks when I "catch" him sneakily cleaning our room or doing laundry... not because he's "doing it wrong" (he was an adult long before I showed up, he's fine lol) but because it feels like I've let him down and I'm failing to contribute to the household. Yes, I'm on anxiety meds :)
See the pattern?
Adding on:
Overseas employment is HARD to land, so I haven't been able to earn a paycheck since we left the states several years ago. We are comfortable, so me working is a personal choice not a need, if that makes sense. We have excellent insurance and the kids' college is paid for thanks to his vet status, so that isn't anything to worry about anymore either. This is something I've REALLY struggled with, even though financially we are FINE. I've used my volunteer experience to build a pretty impressive resume and apply for every job I could even possibly qualify for. I never get selected, and I end up crushed. This happens every few months and it is emotionally EXHAUSTING on me, him, everything.
My husband has gently and lovingly suggested that mayyyybe I could consider pursuing some self-care for a change, instead of constantly taking care of everyone else in and out of our home. He's suggested that mayyyybe I don't HAVE to overachieve in every facet of my life, and mayyyyybe I could let myself enjoy things that I haven't had space for in a long time. It bothers him that I feel guilty about not contributing, and he's always saying how much he appreciates what I do because it's such a balance to what he is able to do, and we make a good team.
And he's right... I haven't stopped to read a book, learn something for fun, nothing, in... years? Ever? Or at least since before I had kids. I garden but only for food production/storage/canning, never flowers or anything that isn't useful. I won't even turn the TV on when I'm home alone because that feels ...frivolous I guess? Like I'm wasting time and resources? He wants me to give myself some time to just BE, for a few months, maybe even a year, and then see how I feel. He sees my need to compulsively "earn my keep" as exacerbating my anxiety, and has very lovingly suggested I practice accepting that this (us) is a permanent thing and he's never going to change his mind or turn into a monster. Yet I flat out start spiraling at the idea of him "catching" me doing nothing, and this is based on NOTHING this man has done EVER in the history of our decade-long relationship.
If I'm frank, I've spent my entire life compulsively finding ways to be useful/necessary (even when I'm not getting paid my hours are well over 40/week), and when I'm home I feel like I have to be productive/useful or I'm taking advantage of having a home and it won't last.
If you got this far, how do I take him up on this (obviously sane and rational) suggestion that I take a breather and self care for longer than a hot minute? Even thinking about it, my jaw clenches and my brain starts telling me to clean the closets and go check the laundry and (and, and and, there's always another and). I need to think about this differently somehow, so I can give this whole "settle down and relax" thing a try.

Hi all,
I got a lvl 16 bladeforged pure sorc with 3 past lives for opening elite/reaper (had a btc+5 heart so I thought id try this) and I want to take him all the way to 32 and park him there to farm tokens and gear for my main which does mainly racial TRs.
Im going air sorc for the wind dance and two elements. What gear should I try to get? All Isle of dread or should I watch out for something else? My main doesnt use Isle of dread since she spends no time at cap.

Here’s the first part in case you missed it: https://www.reddit.com/yandere/comments/11zcy7o/journal_part1_someone_broke_into_our_house_today/
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October 10th, 2014: It’s been two days since someone broke into our house. After checking every nook and cranny in my room, I can say for sure that nothing was taken. Still, I thought that was a sign the week was going to be rough, but after today it’s looking up.
It started like every other day. I got up, put on my clothes, and went downstairs to eat. When I walked into the dining room, I saw my dad hunched over at the table and noticed there were a few more gray hairs today. He was pushing glasses up to his eyes, sipping coffee out of a mug, and reading something on a laptop. His morning routine.
I leaned over his shoulder, “Doing some research, old man?”
“I’m a journalist, Sam. I’m always doing research,” he sighed.
“What are looking up now?”
My dad leaned back and shooed me away.
“I’ll tell you, but go and grab your plate. I don’t want you to be late for school.”
I nodded and turned to leave. My dad put a hand on my shoulder before I took a step.
“Get my plate too. I’m going to be here for a while.” He leaned over his laptop and started where he left off.
“Okay, Dad,” I chuckled.
My plate was on the kitchen counter, next to the stove. My mom left me a fruit smile gummy next to the plate. No note that said “I love you,” or “have a good day,” just a smiley face gummy. I love her, but that woman is too goofy for me sometimes. Anyways, I got me and dads plates and sat down at the table.
“I see you’re changing your brown hair color, can’t say gray looks much better,” I teased.
“Just you wait, one day you’re going to be in my shoes. Then I’ll be the one laughing.”
“I’ll just shave my head and then you’ll never see a strand of gray.”
My dad laughed a little bit, “That’ll be the day!”
We sat there and ate for a while. Mom made bacon and eggs. She hasn’t been able to eat with us since her schedule changed. I kind of miss seeing her in the morning. It always helped me mentally prepare for school. I looked up and saw my dad munching on bacon as he looked at his laptop. He had tired eyes. The kind you get after receiving bad news. I figured whatever they had him researching must have been messed up, even for him. He’s been a journalist for over a decade. He started working at a local paper, small time stuff. Now, he’s a freelance journalist with a lot of connections. One thing you learn in the making of news is that the grotesque catches people’s eyes. That’s the kind of stuff he looked for when he was worming his way up in the journalism world. Doing that exposes you to a lot of things, you grow numb overtime, but there were a few things that would always rattle dad. I guess you just can’t grow a tolerance to everything.
“So what are you doing?” I said as I dug into my eggs.
My dad took a sip from his mug and set back down. He tapped the bridge of his glasses. I always assumed he did this because he’d still be trying to piece the story together by the time I asked him.
“The Goodwill press asked me to do a job for them. A family has asked them to write an article about their son. He passed away a few years ago in 2008.” I looked up from my plate, “How’d he die?”
“He was murdered. The worst case this town ever had. They found him on the side of a backroad, west of here. His body was mutilated, unrecognizable.”
Dad took off his glasses and pressed his temple.
“Poor boy was only eight years old. Would have been fourteen now. Your age.”
“What was his name?” I asked.
“Marcus Thatcher.”
“Thatcher? There’s someone named Kyle Thatcher that goes to our school. I think he’s a sophomore.”
I took a bite out of some bacon, “Who killed him?”
My dad shrugged, “Who knows? They never found enough substantial evidence to even place a suspect. It’s a cold case now. We may never know. I don’t want to even imagine how his parents must feel.”
He tapped the table and pointed at my plate, “Finish your food and get out of here. It’s almost time for you to leave.”
Nothing much happened in school, not until the end. Fourth period ended and I was going to my locker. Unfortunately, and this was the downer of the day, I saw Derek. The big oaf locked eyes with me and I knew I was fucked. Derek got taller this year, bigger too. Even being far away didn’t stop him from towering over me. He still had the same stupid, curly, haircut and so many freckles. He stood on the opposite end of the hall, the side I had to get to. As soon as he saw me, Derek walked in my direction. I want to say that I didn’t get scared. That I stood in place and eyed him down, but I didn’t. My heart sank and I went to the left side of the hallway. Lockers lined the walls. I looked at the locker numbers, hoping that Derek would just leave me alone. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I held my chest. My asthma can get triggered by stress and fear so it was instinct. We were about to pass one another and I thought he was going to let me be. Then he lunged at me and slammed his fist against the locker, the boom from its impact echoed through the halls. I jumped. He grabbed my collar, not letting me have the time to react, and pulled me right in his face. He stared at me, his eyes always looked bloodshot. My chest felt tight and I couldn’t get enough air in. First there was a wheeze and then I started to cough. It was only then he let me go, with a shit-eating grin. He pushed me against the locker and walked away. He loved making me have an asthma attack, although this wasn’t his favorite way. No, he only does that when he has a bad day. I suppose today must have been a good one.
I walked to my locker, coughing. It felt like a cloud was filling my lungs. I didn’t want to run and make it worse, but now I needed to get to my locker because my inhaler was in there. When I got there I twisted and turned the dial lock. It seems dumb to put an inhaler inside a locked container, but guess what happens if I don’t? Derek or his friends steal it. Either by taking it when I’m not looking or by just shoving their hands in my pockets. I’ve learned to not do anything about it. I used to when he first started bullying me, but he would just get suspended and come back super pissed. He and his friends would jump me. After that happened for the third time, I got the gist. The teachers wouldn’t help. I've tried to get used to it, but I can't. I let it happen or run if I can, but I want it to stop so much. Although, I know I could never make it stop. When I opened my locker, I cursed at myself and this day. It was another reminder of how I was Derek’s bitch. I pulled the door open and got my inhaler. I breathed in its air and while I waited for myself to calm down, I saw something. Inside my locker was a heart. Not a literal heart, but a piece of paper cut into the shape of one. Nothing was written on it and I didn’t find anything else inside. I turned the paper over and saw whoever made it glued glitter and plastic jewels to the other side. It wasn’t put on haphazardly either. It was packed together until it was like a broken mirror, sparkling in the fluorescent light.
“Who did this?” I said to myself as I moved the paper and watched it sparkle.
At first I thought it could’ve been Derek or his friends, but I never open my locker when I even think they could be around. I always make sure the hallway is empty. Sure, they could have picked the lock, but in all of the years of harassment, never once did they mess with my locker. I don’t think they know what my locker number is. Whatever they would steal from me was on my person or near my vicinity. They wanted to see my face while they fucked with me, messing with my locker wouldn’t accomplish that. Then I wondered if a teacher or one of my classmates put it in my locker. Maybe they saw how I was being treated and were trying to show some support. It’s probably far from that, but whoever put this here was at least trying to give me a positive gesture.
“Maybe it was a girl”—I smiled and put the paper in my pocket— “as if.”
On the walk home, I would take out the heart and look at it. It helped relieve the stress whenever I thought of Derek. Even now it helps. While I lay on my bed, I can’t help but take it out and admire it. It doesn’t beat having an actual friend, but it’s nice to have someone who is friendly with me. I wonder if they’ll put more in. Should I respond? I think that if they do, I’ll say thank you. I’ll write again if anything interesting happens or if I get more of those hearts.

• Samuel Lake

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(Hey, this is Thomas Sealock. I’m just here to say thank you for reading. I also ask for any criticism to be left in the comments. I appreciate any feedback on my story; good or bad. It took a while to write this one. I don’t know why because it was just two and a half pages long. Fun fact, I changed the date on the last post because October 10th is on a Friday and so I put it as the 8th so this post could be the 10th and I just realized I could have just put this post on the 13th and it would’ve been fine. I didn’t need to change the date on the last one. Oh my god…. Fuck it. I’m keeping the change out of spite! I’ll continue to try and make new posts that update the story on a daily basis. I have finals in May and I don’t know how long this will take to complete so I 'll see. Well, I’ll either change my post schedule (I guess that’s what we’ll call it “post schedule”) because of school or if I find that trying to make a new post everyday hurts the overall quality of the story and I need to take more time to plan out the next couple of posts. Thank you for reading this and have a good day.)

There are 3 significant things I would like to talk about regarding Orochimaru and his knowledge prior to the beginning of Naruto.

1. First, I'd like to discuss his ultimate goal.
2. Second, There is the first vessel we knew about, Kimimaro Kaguya.
3. Finally, I'd like to dive into the significance of the Curse Mark and it's similarities to the Karma Seal

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So let's start.
First, Since OG Naruto, we've know Orochimaru's goal was to learn every jutsu created and not yet created (all the worlds secrets). He realized his time on earth wouldn't be enough so he found a way to prolong his life via body transfers using someone called a "Vessel"
At first glance, It appears as though he just wanted to obtain the Sharingan to make his job of learning jutsu easier from either Itachi or Sasuke. But, we know he had Sharingan's from Shin Uchiha so it wasn't necessarily just to obtain the Sharingan but more so to obtain Uchiha DNA.
We also know he had Senju (Hashirama specifically) DNA from Kabuto, as Kabuto merged it with Madara during the 4th Great Ninja War.
Orochimaru's real goal was to obtain immortality so he could learn/know all jutsu's in the world. During OG Naruto there was a time the Rinnegan was just a rumor and it was believed to be the most power Dojutsu derived from the Sage of 6 Paths. There were many rumors about the Rinnegan and both eye dojutsu's (sharingan and byakugan) was rumored to have been a watered down verison of it at the time. Orochimaru must have wanted to try to recreate it.
With Orochimaru being as cunning as he is, I don't believe its far-fetched to think he found out that by mixing Uchiha DNA with Senju DNA you can unlock a Rinnegan similar to how Madara Uchiha did before he died the first time.
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Second, lets talk about the first vessel we got introduced to, Kimimaro. From his flashbacks, it appears as though Orochimaru just stumbled upon him and decided to make him his student after discovering his abilities.
Knowing everything we know about Orochimaru now, I can say that's quite BS. I believe Orochimaru went specifically looking for the "Last Kaguya Clan Survivor" or Kaguya Clan DNA specifically for Edo Tensei (as we know at that time Orochimaru had a beta type version of it not yet perfected like Kabuto's). Because we all know Orochimaru just doesn't select random people, all of them had a kekkei Genkai or something that made them special or unique.
It wouldn't be hard since they got genocided trying to attack the Village Hidden in the Mist, right around where he found Kimimaro.
What we know about the Kaguya Clan is actually quite alarming as well. They was a Barbaric-type clan that was obsessed with war because of the power they possessed. They acknowledged their strength came from a powerful ancestor who had bone manipulation abilities.
When a "chosen one" was born with said kekkei genkai, they was sealed in a cage until time came for them to be used. Not necessarily because they cherished there ability either, it was purely out of fear of said individual and the kekkei genkai.
I wouldn't doubt Orochimaru obtained that knowledge and was looking for a vessel with not only the kekkei genkai but the ancestry lineage as well. Orochimaru still preferred Kimimaro over Sasuke but due to his illness, had no choice but to stick with Sasuke.
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Third, we can get into the Curse Mark in OG Naruto. Originally, it was a technique created by Orochimaru to slowly replace one's own chakra with Orochimaru's Chakra as they use the seal thus preparing them for the body vessel transfer.
Sounds similar to another Mark we just got introduced to 7 years ago? That's exactly how the Karma Seal works but instead of replacing the Chakra, it replaces the actual DNA. But the question is, How did he develop such a technique and where did he get the inspiration from?
We know the Uchiha Tablets did fall into Orochimaru and Kabuto's possession and they were able to make an accurate hypothesis based on years of research but there was never an Uchiha using a body transfer jutsu. Now the problem Orochimaru has is once the vessel transfer is complete, The new body will start to reject him after a while. (Probably because he was re-writing the Chakra instead of re-writing the DNA) I think he purposely chose Chakra instead of DNA because he wanted to keep the Host DNA and Manipulate it to obtain a Rinnegan so it was purposely flawed.
Orochimaru was a scientist and historian and I think he knew about the history of the Otsutsuki's. He must have thought the So6P was a real person and could be walking the earth today using their Karma.
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This only leads to one thing, Orochimaru made his Curse Seal upon learning about the Karma Seal and his real goal was to become an Otsutsuki by absorbing the Akatsuki's Gedo Statue after they gathered all the tailed beast for him. He simply wanted to live long enough to learn everything including all jutsu's created and not yet created.
I think he wanted to get Sasuke's body to evolve his Sharingan into (EMS and then) a Rinnegan. He wanted to become an Otsutsuki and probably found out he needed a Rinnegan and 10 tails but changed his mind after he seen what happen to Kabuto, Madara and Kaguya.
Now we know this because it's the same tablet Madara had read and that's what he tried to do and ended up turning into Kaguya.
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But Kabuto broke the grounds for Orochimaru with his inorganic Reanimation jutsu (isn't Mitsuki made of inorganic material?) breathing life into nonliving things. What if Mitsuki is a product of the Sage Art: Inorganic Reanimation Jutsu? With Orochimaru's new knowledge he created Mitsuki using his own DNA probably mixed with others. He's probably still in a Zetsu body which probably increased his lifespan by about another 100 years so he can still do much work by then.
When you think about it, Orochimaru was the first Shiba lol. He been on that path to enlightenment for decades. I think everything ties back to him and he is going to be a person that helps Boruto in the future.

I have 2 best friends who tell their boyfriends basically about all of my guy stories and other things that I tell them.
I’m single so I don’t know if this is just something that naturally happens when you’re in a relationship, but honestly sometimes a VERY small part of me is a little annoyed… because the boyfriends will act like they know me, and it’s honestly kind of weird and awkward when I’m hanging out with them and I find out what they know about me.
I don’t know if this is just something that happens when you’re in a relationship but a part of me feels like I wouldn’t tell my boyfriend about my best friends’ business like this because he would never know them the way that I do. So what’s the deal with this?
It constantly happens to me that I’ll be out with either of my best friends and their boyfriends and I have an awkward moment where I find out that the boyfriend knows stuff about me that I didn’t know they knew. Itll sometimes be about my dating life, but it’ll also be about small things too which makes it weird. For example, one day one of my friend’s boyfriends brought up hair tensions and then looked at me and my best friend just covered her mouth and blurted out to me “I am SO sorry”… as if she knew it was weird that he knew that about me. I felt so confused and uncomfortable. It sounds small but I honestly sometimes feel like I’m being studied by my two best friends and their boyfriends.
We are all best friends in every other aspect and share deep and meaningful friendships so again, I want to know if I’m overreacting, honestly.
Am I over exaggerating?
I’m 23, one of my best friends is 23, and the other is turning 26. We’ve been friends for years and I feel like these are deep friendships, so I want to course-correct myself if I am overthinking.